


Matters of Survival

by VenomousAbyss5



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Banishment, Blood and Gore, Eren is too naive, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Minor Hange Zoë/Petra Ral, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Petra is Mom, Psychological Trauma, Rebellion, Rescue team, Slippery tub, The Underground, Torture, harsh enviroment, where did that come from??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:38:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 108,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9581318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenomousAbyss5/pseuds/VenomousAbyss5
Summary: When sixteen-year-old Eren Jaeger is banished from inside the walls, a place he had known his whole life, he is forced to learn to survive in what they call "The Underground". Even the name was considered somewhat of a taboo inside the walls, so Eren Jaeger had almost no clue as to what he was getting himself into. That much is obvious when he is on the verge of death in the middle of the desert, only to be saved by a short, crude man who went by the name Levi Ackerman. After being brought back to Levi's camp, Eren slowly begins to realize the strong feelings that he has developed for his savior.How will Eren deal with these sudden emotions? And why does there seem to be something strange stirring beneath the surface of the camp?





	1. Banished

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I've been planning this work for a while and I'm so excited to finally start posting. I'm still playing with some ideas for future chapters but we'll see where that goes. It's so nice to be writing again and I seriously hope that everyone will be able to enjoy this series as much as I have been able to while writing it so far.
> 
> I won't ramble too much so other than that I'd just like to say please enjoy chapter one!

The heavy shackles jingled around my arms and legs but the sound was being muffled by the earsplitting cheers that came from the bloodthirsty crowd standing in the stadium. I was at the center of attention, arms and legs chained down with cold metal and my head through a stockade. The splintered wood was harshly digging into my skin, my head bent at an awkward angle that forced me to look up at where the judge would be sitting only a few yards away.

The crowd was yelling taunts at me, most telling me to die and that I did this to myself. I put on a brave face but on the inside I was terrified. Maybe my shaking limbs showed that I was truly afraid, but I doubt anyone cared anyways. I was a criminal in their eyes and the only thing they wanted was me dead.

Charged under the crimes of mass murder, my fate was moments away from being decided. A cool breeze made goosebumps raise on my skin though the fact that I was cold could barely be considered much of a problem at this point. I let the harsh glares of the hateful crowd warm me, I let their words light a fire inside me. That was the only thing keeping me going by now. But what was the point? I was a dead man anyways.

My cheeks were wet with what I was assuming tears but my body was too numb to tell. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. Maybe it was for all of those innocent people and their families. Or from the memories of the gruesome scene that I had witnessed only moments prior to being arrested.

Maybe the tears were because I already knew that I would be sentenced to death in some sort of excruciatingly painful way and that’s how I would spend my last breathing moments, holding onto life for as long as I could. Or maybe it was the helplessness of knowing that I wasn’t guilty but having absolutely no one that would believe me.

The crowd was slowly growing quiet as an old man, a man who radiated with pure power, began making his way towards the bench. Anyone in the crowd who may have still been speaking under their breath were silenced as the man hit a gavel against the wooden block, the sound resonating around us until it’s soft yet threatening echo faded away. He shuffled a few old, torn looking papers, glancing at me a couple of times as he skimmed through the information in front of him.

“Eren Jaeger?” His loud voice demanded, leaving no room for me to do anything other than look him directly in the eyes and nod my head the best that I could with the way I was being restrained. The wood clamping around my neck limited most motions but the man seemed to understand as he continued speaking, “Do you understand that you’re currently being charged under the crimes of committing mass murder in the town of Shiganshina?”

I cringed as I nodded again, hearing those words just made this situation even more real. I was about to be lynched, or possibly beheaded by the guillotine, or maybe even thrown in jail to rot away for the rest of my short life if I was lucky. All because I was caught up in a crime that I didn’t commit, but had no way to prove that was true. How would a sixteen-year-old boy even be able to commit mass murder? Did these people lack all common sense?

“Do you have anything to say in your defense?” He asked, sitting back to properly eye me. Though with the way those two eagle eyes were boring into me I could tell that the verdict had already been decided and nothing I had to say would change his mind.

“No sir,” I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut and feeling more cold tears roll down my cheek and drip off my chin. I waited apprehensively to hear the words that would mark the end of my time. 

“Then, has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?” The judge turned his sharp gaze towards the jury, watching as the foreperson stepped forward from the stands.

“Yes, your honor,” the man said. The crowd watched with silent anticipation as the foreperson brought the verdict to the clerk who stood closely to the Judge’s bench. The clerk nodded his head, clearing his throat to read the verdict quietly to the Judge.

The Judge turned back to me with a serious gleam in his eye, “Under the power of the court and the ruling of the jury, I hereby declare you guilty of the murders of the people of Shiganshina,” My stomach sank, the back of my eyes burning with more tears that I struggled to hold back, throat stinging with the cries that I forced to stay down inside of me.

“You are sentenced to be hung at noon,” He drawled on as if this were an everyday occurrence, shuffling the stack of papers back into a neat pile.

Before he could stand up though the clerk spoke up once again. There was a firm smirk carved into his wrinkly face, as if this were all a game to him. “Sir, if I may?” The judge sat back and nodded. “I know it’s not my place, but I think sentencing a young boy to be hung for a crime that we’re not even completely sure he committed is a bit… much.”

“Get on with it commander Pixis, what are you thinking?” The judged asked, I could almost see the way his eyes twitched with aggravation.

“This crime, of course, cannot just go unpunished. So I was thinking that instead of sending him straight to death… we banish him and send him outside the walls.”

A collective gasp traveled through the crowd at his words. Being sent outside the walls, or as it had been nicknamed; the Underground, was practically a death sentence, nobody survived out there. These walls were created to protect us from the threats of the world, to keep us safe from the dangers that lurked on the other side. The world beyond was a barren wasteland, even if I wasn’t being hung right away I knew I’d still be dead in no time.

The Judge seemed to thoughtfully consider his words, stroking the thinning grey hair that covered his chin. “Pixis you may take a seat,” he said as he came to a conclusion and Pixis nodded, following his orders. The judge then turned to address me again, “Eren Jaeger, this is now your decision. You may be hung at noon or… we will banish you to the Underground with only a single bag of your stuff. Think carefully.”

I stared up at him and then glanced around at the crowd as if searching for an answer that I knew I’d never find. I had spent my entire life living in the safety of these walls but now it had gotten to the point where I wasn’t even safe here. I had always wondered what was beyond the cage that I’ve been confined to since birth. What was out there other than impending death?

I looked down, nodding slightly. “I’ll do it,” I said quietly before looking back up at the judge with pure determination coursing through my body at the speed of light. An adrenaline rush washed over me as I shouted, “I’ll be banished to the outside world!”

The crowd erupted in shouts and cheers at this, the entire stadium turning into total chaos in the matter of seconds. I glanced over at commander Pixis who had already been looking directly at me. He nodded his head with a please smirk before taking a long sip out of a metal flask. A loud banging, gavel against wood, hushed the crowd again.

The judge stood up and cleared his throat looking down at me from the bench, “You’ve made your choice Eren Jaeger. For your sake, you better hope it was the right one. The jury is thanked and excused. Court is adjourned,” He left me with that, black gown flowing behind him as he left the stadium.

Then hands were all over me, guards forcing me out of the stockade and releasing the shackles around my wrist and ankles from where they had been attached to the wood. The crowd was chaos again, shouting and cheering and chanting, a horrifying song that sentenced my unyielding demise. As the guards dragged me into one of the tunnels that led out of the stadium, I took one final glance back. My eyes met with Pixis’s again, he stood completely still; tall, proud, and smirking as if he knew something that no one else did.

And then I was met with the total darkness of the damp tunnel I was forced into; I could hear water dripping off the cold stone walls. Torches that lined the walls gave off a dim light that kept my eyes in a constant struggle to focus. I was shown down many halls and pathways that winded in multiple directions, splitting off and creating even more routes the further in that we went. We passed many people who were still being kept in cells as either already convicted criminals or those awaiting their own trials.

Finally, we reached a large wooden door that was chipped and stained with musty water and mold, showing off its old age. One of the guards pulled out his key ring, slipping a key into the door to unlock it. He pushed it open with great force, the door’s moaning and creaking echoing off the halls of the tunnel in an eerie sort of whine. I was shoved through the doorway and met with a large room that held only one man. He sat at a table in the middle, hands clasped together and resting in front of him on top of the table.

The guards shut the door behind me, forcing me forward so that I was standing in front of the old man. I awkwardly shifted from foot to foot, waiting for him to explain what was going on. My eyes refused to meet his own, glancing at anything in the room besides the man who sat only two feet away.

He cleared his throat, that unpleasant smile still spread across his old face. The sight of it was beginning to make me feel sick to my stomach. “Hello Eren Jaeger, my name is Commander Pixis. After we visit your house and gather your bag, we will be riding to the gate together. Is there any special request you wish to make before we leave?”

“No sir,” I mumbled, still refusing to meet his eyes.

He stood up, telling the guards that he could handle me from here. The guards took the shackles off my arms and ankles, finally giving the skin a break from all of the tight friction they had been creating. I rubbed my sore wrists, gently as to not irritate them any further.

Pixis led me up a long staircase at the end of the room, behind where he had previously been sitting. The steps creaked and groaned beneath our feet which was the only sound other than the loud thumping of my racing heart. I could only hope that Pixis couldn’t hear how nervous I had suddenly become as reality began to seep into my mind and body.

The man laughed as he showed me out of the large building we had been in, bringing me to the horse and carriage that would take me home and then ultimately to where I would be banished. “You don’t have to look so terrified, I don’t bite.”

“No sir, it’s not that…” I told him as I climbed into the carriage, Pixis following closely behind. “I’m grateful that you’re the one bringing me but… I’m still afraid of the outside world. I have no clue what is out there and how I am supposed to survive.”

Pixis hummed in agreement, “Well, Jaeger, there’s a reason I suggested you be banished instead of hung. I can tell you’re a strong kid and I know you will be able to survive out there. And, if I were to be honest, I’d say that you are completely innocent. But, my opinion holds no power over that of a Judge.”

I sighed, hoping that what he told me was true and I had even the slightest chance of surviving out there. At the very least it was comforting to know that someone believed me. There was no way I was capable of murdering anyone, especially people who had been close to me for many years. But, the scene made me look guilty and that is all that the court saw.

It wasn’t long before we made it to my house, it looked lonely and empty. Different from how I had last seen it and yet it was still the same pace that I had lived my whole life in. We climbed out of the carriage, pushing open the front door to find that everything was exactly where I remember it being.

The only thing that was missing was my family and friends, both of which I had seen just before being arrested. After I had been thrown in a damp cell to wait for my trial, I waited and waited for them to visit but to me surprise they didn’t even bother coming once.

Pixis handed me a backpack, helping me first pick out the essentials I would need to survive such as: a large flask filled with water, nonperishable food items, a change of clothes, rope, my father’s pocket knife that he kept for emergencies, gloves, and a small box of matches. Even if I had needed anything else, I wouldn’t have enough room to carry it. Pixis forced me to put on a hat, telling me that I’d be thankful once I was under the scorching rays of the sun.

As we left, I quickly grabbed a picture of my family off the shelf, folding it up and shoving it into my pocket. With one last silent goodbye, I left my home and returned to the carriage to make the short trip to the gate. The closer we grew to the gate, the faster and faster my heart began to jump around in my chest. It smashed itself against my ribcage as if begging for me to let it escape before I was thrown out into the unknown.

The carriage came to a quick stop; the door being flung open and guards dragging me out before I could say any sort of goodbye or thank you to Pixis. I held my bag close to my chest, my knuckles turning white from the death grip that I had on the fabric. The guard led me down a long hall, a door at the end that would probably lead to the Underground.

I forced myself to strike up one final conversation before I would be sent outside to spend who knows how long struggling to survive on my own. “Hey… why do they call it the Underground when it’s more open than inside the walls is?”

The man laughed, his deep voice responding in a low grumble, “Because once you step out there, underground is exactly where you’re going to wind up.”

He laughed even harder at the way my expression fell, obviously finding too much joy in his own joke. Or at least I hoped it was a joke, for all I knew he could have been telling the truth. Maybe I was going to die out there only to wind up being buried by a pile of dirt and then never seen or heard from again.

We eventually came face to face with the door at the end of the hall, the guard reaching in front of me to open it. As the door swung open I was met with the sight of a vast sea of sand hills; they seemed to go on and on in never ending waves. I felt a hand on my back pushing me out the door, forcing me to step out into the barren wasteland that was laid out in front of me.

I gasped and whipped around as the door slammed shut and locked behind me, a muffled voice coming from the other side, “Good luck out there, kid.”

I took a few steps back, looking up to the top of the tall walls before me. I could see the tiny forms of soldiers walking along the edges, some standing in groups and having casual conversations while others were staring back down at me. I turned back around, looking in all directions to see if I could find something, anything that would indicate a safe place to stay. But all I saw was endless piles of the light orange sand stretching on for miles.

With a sigh, I decided to walk straight. At least this way it would be easy enough to turn back around if I needed to, not that I’d be allowed back inside the walls anyways. The sand was easier to walk on than I would have thought, some spots weaker than others but for the most part it was all fairly stable ground.

I couldn’t tell how long I had walked for before I began to grow tired. The sun constantly beating down on me was wearing my body down a lot faster than it usually would have. I was running out of stamina and I could feel the way sweat was beginning to drip down my skin. I was thankful at this point for the hat that kept my face shaded. I found a spot at the bottom of a sand pile to rest at, trying to stay in the shade as much as I possibly could.

I was extremely thirsty, my fingers itching to grab the water flask from the bag that rested beside me. But I had to do my best to preserve as much water as possible since I didn’t know when the next time I would find a usable water source would be. I listened to the sound of the light wind howling around me, a wind that I barely felt until I was sitting motionless in the shade. It felt nice to have the cool breeze brush over my boiling skin.

The heat out here was sweltering and I knew that if I didn’t find shelter soon that I’d be a goner. I could already feel the way my body was beginning to go weak, my limbs refusing to move even as I continued to urge them to stand up. My mind felt fuzzy and my eyes struggled to focus on anything that wasn’t a foot in front of me. In my head, I knew that I needed to doing something about this but my limbs had grown so heavy that they had become impossible to use.

My head drawled to the side; I was unable to hold it up for any longer. My eyelids began to droop shut even as I willed myself to stay conscious. My body was shaking and chills ran down my spine but I couldn’t have been cold with the sun still high above me. I tried my best to keep my breathing steady but even that was becoming difficult.

“Hey, kid… Hey, are you okay?” Oh, great, and now I was hearing voices. Deep, sexy voices might I add; but that was not the point. What next, was I going to start imagining that I saw people too?

Just as I thought that a person came into view, startling me back into consciousness. I yelped, falling to the side to get away from the possible danger that I was suddenly encountering. But from what I could see, which was only a pair of eyes peeking through a thin cloth that was almost the same shade as the sand, the person was not impressed.

“I’m not going to hurt you so you can calm down. What the hell are you doing out here?” The person slipped the mask off their face, revealing sharp features that my attention was instantly drawn to. Pale skin so light that it practically glowed, a sharp jaw and raven black hair that was neatly trimmed into an undercut. Hawk-like eyes that were a strange, metallic grey; that were currently glaring at me so hard that I was sure I was going to melt.

“Hello? Anyone in there? Has your useless brain already been fried? I asked your dumb ass a question,” He spoke again, not even trying to hide his annoyance at my lack of an answer.

“Well…” I started, not completely sure on how to describe exactly why I was there. I mean, ‘Oh yeah, I was convicted of mass murder, charged as guilty, almost hung but instead banished from inside the walls’ didn’t really sound all that welcoming for a first introduction.

I tried again, this time my thoughts more composed, “I was banished from inside the walls just today. I’ve been wandering around but I haven’t been able to find anything or anyone. Other than you that is.”

The man snorted, “You barely found me. And be glad that it was me and not someone who would have come up and slit your throat without thinking twice about it.”

My eyes grew wide at the thought of someone killing me in that dazed state. Was I that unguarded just then? It didn’t surprise me, considering that I thought this man was just a hallucination. Though I didn’t expect to run into anyone this early on, I was glad nonetheless.

“Here,” The man held out a bottle that he unclipped from the brown belt that rested at his waist, “Drink this, you’re dehydrated.” 

“I… I can’t just drink that,” I told him, trying to push the bottle away.

This only aggravated the man further. He shoved the bottle towards me with much more force, slamming it against my chest and holding it there until I took it from him and began cautiously unscrewing the cap. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he grumbled, “It’s not poisoned or whatever stupid shit you might be thinking. If I wanted to kill you I would have done so already. Plus, that’s my water bottle, why would I poison myself?”

Fair enough, I thought as I took a large swig, the cold water relieving the burn of my parched throat. I took several large gulps of the water, some of it running down my chin and dripping onto my chest. I wiped my chin as I handed the bottle back to him, feeling the almost instant relief start to sooth my body.

“Better?” He asked and I nodded, thankful for the drink. “Good, then let’s go.”

“Go where?” I asked, grabbing my back pack and pulling it over my shoulders before standing up. I swayed a few times before catching my balance then jogged forward to catch up with the man who had already begun walking.

“To my camp, I’m sure there’s room for you somewhere. We have plenty of housing, food, and water. As long as you agree to help out, then it’s fine if you stay.

“We?” I questioned, curious as to who he lived with. 

“It’s a fairly large camp, we’ve been collecting wanderers such as yourself and offering them shelter in exchange for their help,” he told me before wrapping his face back up with the cloth. That was probably a cue that he was done talking but I still had so much more that I wanted to ask him. Beginning with why was he so damn short but I kept quiet about that one, assuming that it’d probably piss him off.

“What’s up with this sand?” I asked curiously, it was different from the soft sand I was used to seeing inside the walls. “It’s a lot sturdier than I would have thought.”

The man sighed, pulling down the cloth so that his mouth was uncovered, “That’s because it’s not sand, it’s called Saprolite. Or, if you can’t remember that, most people call it Rotten Rock.” He paused in his steps, leaning down to pick up a chunk of the rock and then crumbled it in his hand, shaking off its remnants after as if it were tainting him, “As you can see its sturdy but easily crumbles, perfect for walking and building on. I guess that’s one thing to be grateful for.”

I followed next to him as he continued walking, staring at the ground while I took in the new information he had just told me. But my silence didn’t last for long when a sudden thought popped into my head, “You never told me your name.”

“Aren’t you a perceptive one,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, won’t you tell me it?” I asked, hoping that I’d be able to become friends with at least one person out here. One person to keep me company and stop me from going insane was all that I needed. Though this guy seemed a bit more reluctant, or maybe he just couldn’t care less about me. The latter was beginning to seem more likely, even if he had technically saved my life.

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

I pouted, glancing away from him as the wheels in my head turned. Suddenly I spoke up again with just as much enthusiasm as before, “Well, my names Eren, it’s nice to meet you.” I gave what I was hoping to be a kind smile that the man all but ignored.

“I didn’t ask for your name,” he snapped, shaking his head. He turned away from me, his voice so low that I had to strain my ears to listen, “The name’s Levi.”

“Levi,” I happily repeated, this time the grin on my face coming more natural, “I like it, it suits you!”

“It’s just a name,” he mumbled, but I could see the way the tips of his ears turned pink and felt an odd sort of satisfaction wash over me.

I looked over Levi as we walked, his clothing was strange compared to those inside the walls. While was used to seeing bright, flashy colors, Levi was instead wearing muted and dull cloths. His pants were a light tan, a few stains here and there. He had a brown belt with different things hanging on it along with an orange long-sleeved shirt that was about the same color as the cloth on his head. He had worn out brown boots with Rotten Rock covering most of them.

It was a strange mix of colors but somehow it suited him. The earthy colors looked pleasant contrasting against his light skin. They blended well with the desert surrounding us, which was probably useful out here.

It wasn’t much longer until we reached Levi’s camp, large tents built with old wood and ragged cloths forming a small community. I could see people of all ages wandering the premises, children laughing and shouting as they ran around with each other. The place looked peaceful, almost homely even, considering that it was out in the middle of the Underground.

Levi led me through the tents, people staring as I passed; intrigued by the presence of someone who was obviously a newcomer. He brought me to the middle of town where there was a large well along with a few benches and flower beds that were growing different sorts of crops. There was a pit for a fire towards the center, a few dented metal pots hanging over the unlit fire-pit.

There was a large tent just passed the well, one that was much bigger than the rest and had a tall green flag in front of it. On the flag was a blue and white symbol that looked like a pair of wings, though I didn’t have much time to observe it before Levi was pulling me into the tent.

He pushed passed the cloth doorway, holding it back until I also made it through. Inside was a long table with benches lining the sides. There was a board at the very end with scribbles on it that I couldn’t make out the meaning of. At the end of the table was a small girl with light ginger hair, staring down at the papers spread out in front of her.

“Petra,” Levi called out, startling the small woman. She glanced up, wide doe-eyes looking surprised to see Levi but even more taken aback when she glanced over at me.

“Levi, who’s this,” Petra asked, getting up from the table to join us by the door. She was a bit shorter than Levi, her voice delicate and sweet. She took in my appearance and by the look on her face it as obvious to her that I was new here. She wore the same tan pants as Levi along with a brown belt and a cloth to cover the bottom half of her face which she had pulled down to speak to us.

“Some kid I found while I was out looking for supplies. Where’s Erwin?” Levi simply told her. I was kind of offended that he didn’t even bother telling her my name but I was big enough to introduce myself so I didn’t let it get to me.

“Hi,” I cut in, holding my hand out to the woman and giving her a pleasant smile. “My names Eren.”

Petra took my hand in her own, giving it a strong shake, “I’m Petra Ral, I hope you find a comfortable place to stay here and do your best to provide for the community.”

Levi cleared his throat, I could almost feel the way his eye twitched, “That’s great, you introduced yourselves. Now where’s Erwin?”

Before Petra had the chance to answer a robust voice came from behind us, “You called?” We all turned to see a large man duck through the entrance, a charming grin plastered onto his face. “I was actually looking for you Levi since you were taking such a long time to return. I was about to go out and search for you but as I can see you’ve found more than just supplies.”

Levi rolled his eyes, “The kid was about to die of dehydration, if I didn’t help him then he would’ve been a goner.”

“But Levi,” the man named Erwin began in a reprimanding tone, almost as if he were scolding a child. A very short, angry, and attractive – wait what– child. “As you know, we are running out of space. I’ve told you all to avoid recruiting people at the moment.”

“If I didn’t help him than he would have died, Erwin,” Levi snapped in a what-part-of-this-are-you-not-understanding sort of tone.

The atmosphere had suddenly gone thick with tension, the two men glaring daggers at one another. I shifted from foot to foot, speaking up to break he thick silence. “Um, it’s alright… I don’t need to stay. Maybe just a bottle of water and then I can be on my way-,”.

“No!” The two men snapped at the same time, effectively shutting me up.

“Look,” Erwin started, his voice sounding much calmer than it had before. “You knew that if you brought him here then he would have no place to stay, but you took him with you anyways. Because of that the only thing I can do is put him with someone else and since it was your choice to begin with, then he’s going to have to stay with you for the time being.”

Levi sneered as if the thought of staying with me repulsed him, “There is no way that’s happening.”

“It’s the only way,” Erwin told him, holding Levi’s gaze.

Levi turned away, pushing passed the cloth in the doorway and mumbling as he walked away, “The one time I do something for someone else and this is what happens t…” His voice slowly faded away, signaling that he was gone.

“Petra, can you show Eren to Levi’s tent when you get the chance? Maybe after he’s had some time to cool down?” Erwin turned to the smaller woman to ask her politely.

“Of course Erwin, I’ll have him help me for the time being,” She smiled kindly, grabbing my wrist to pull me out of the tent. “Let’s go, Eren. You can help me fill up water bottles to give to the citizens for now.”

I followed her over to the well where a crate of the metal water bottles had been left sitting. She grabbed the rope that was wrapped around the wooden beam of the well, pulling up a bucket full of water. She tied the rope again and reached in to pull the bucket out and place it on the ground. She grabbed a bottle, unscrewing the cap and dunking it into the water to fill it up.

“Hey Eren, notice how that crate is labeled B?” Petra asked and I nodded my head. “Well that is one of the areas of the community, which is split into six different sections. The first three are A, B, and C which house people according to their jobs that they hold in town. The next area is T where the soldiers are housed and trained. After that there’s the W area where all of the workplaces and the dining hall are located. The last area is S where all of the people who hold an official position, such as Erwin, Levi, and myself live. That’s the smallest area and it’s also the closest to the center of town.”

“So I’ll be staying in area S with Levi?” I asked just to clarify. I crouched down, grabbing one of the bottles to fill it up with water before placing it to the side where Petra had placed all of the bottles that she had already filled.

Petra nodded her head, “That’s right. Since this well only holds a small amount of water at a time, we have to be careful how we distribute it. I’m in charge of that but it’s always nice to have some help. Whenever an area is in need of water, they send their crate here and I’ll fill up as much as I can without drying out the well.”

“Is that why you live in the S area,” I asked offhandedly, still trying to get a grasp on how their community worked.

Petra giggled, waving a small hand in front of her face. “No, no. I was put in charge of this because Erwin trusts me to get it done. Other than that, I help train soldiers, go out to search for supplies, and help Erwin with food distribution plans.”

“Wow, you do a lot for this place,” I stared at her in awe. I already knew that she would be a trustworthy person and that if I ever had a problem then I could bring it to her. She would probably gladly help me, it’s just the kind of person that Petra Ral seemed to be.

“Well, I’ve been here ever since it first started. This place has really grown, I’m proud,” She smiled kindly and I couldn’t help but smile back.

It isn’t long before we finished filling the water bottles and can deliver them to the B area. Since we finished that, Petra told me that she would show me the S area and where I would be living for the time being. The S area is located just passed the center of town, behind the tents that Petra says are used for the storage of all sorts of things.

She led me to a small tent, most of the rips in its fabric had been patched up neatly unlike most of the other places. The S area is far quieter than most of the other areas that I had seen, though I guess that was to be expected. The only sounds I could hear was rustling coming from inside the nearby tents along with distant chatter.

Petra stopped in front of Levi’s tent, pulling back the curtain just a bit to peek inside, “Levi, honey, it’s me Petra. Is it okay if Eren comes in?”

“Yeah, whatever. Are you staying? Or do you still have to do your rounds?” I heard Levi’s voice from inside the tent.

“I still have some stuff to get done but I’ll see you later in the dining hall?” I didn’t hear Levi say anything but I assumed he responded with some sort of gestor when Petra turned to me. “You’re good to go sweetheart, don’t let him push you around too much,” She said with a playful wink as she passed me.

I carefully pull back the cloth door, stepping inside the tent to find Levi sitting on the edge of his bed in a white tank top and pants. The cloth that covered his face along with the shirt and boots he had been wearing were all carefully placed at the end of the bed. His muscular arms that supported him as he leaned back were left completely bare along with his sharp collar bones at the base of a thin neck. It trailed up to his face, which was currently smirking at me in the most delicious way and – oh man I had been caught staring.

I had to tear my eyes away, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I looked around the tent instead, not that there was very much to see. A cloth serving as a carpet covered the ground, a beaten-up dresser along with a small side table where the only furniture other than the bed. A bed which seemed like it was definitely not made for two people to be sleeping in, yet here we were.

“Are you just going to stand there? Or do you want to take a seat?” Levi asked, patting a spot on the bed next to him.

“Huh? Oh… yeah… a seat,” I sputtered out dumbly, feeling my face heat up even further. Why was I so nervous? Other than the fact that I was alone with a really hot guy –I’m not afraid to admit that he’s attractive– in his room with nothing to do other than talk, probably.

I wearily sat down next to him, sitting as far away as I could to allow him to have his personal space. “Everything is so neat in here,” I commented.

“And you better keep it that way,” he warned me, though it sounded more like a threat than anything else. I took a gulp, glancing towards the man next to me only to find that he was already looking. When his eyes met my own he suddenly seemed to grow interested.

“What the fuck is wrong with your eyes?” He asked in that eloquent manner of his.

“What do you mean?!” I asked defensively before shooting back a retort, “I could ask you the same thing! Why the hell are your eyes grey?”

Levi snorted, “My eyes are perfectly normal, and for your information shit head, they’re blue not grey.”

“They look pretty damn grey to me,” I muttered, though the longer I looked the more I could see that his eyes really were a pale shade of blue. They had a silver shine that caused them to seem grey if you didn’t look hard enough, they were quite deceiving. What a beautifully peculiar color.

“Whatever kid, but I’m serious. I mean your eyes are a strange color to begin with but why does the right one have a section of gold? It’s weird,” Levi leaned closer to get a better look though I do my best to lean away without offending him.

“How am I supposed to know? It’s always been like that,” I told him with a shrug.

Levi stayed there for a few more moments before he leaned forward and began to put his boots back on. “Well try to make yourself at home, though don’t make a mess. I have to go talk to Erwin so I’ll probably be gone for a while. I’ll be back to come get you for dinner, try not to do anything stupid before then.”

“Whatever,” I grunted, watching as Levi put his shirt back on and then wrapped his head with the cloth once more. With a small wave of his hand, he exits the tent and leaves me to sit alone.

I laid back on the bed, my hat falling off and landing besides me. I stared up at the cloth that the sunlight was just barely passing through, turning it a bright shade of orange and brown in the areas with patches. All I could do at that point was ponder over just what exactly I had gotten myself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I can't even tell you how excited I am for this! Anyways, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to post either every week or every other week depending on how busy I get but don't expect anything just yet. Also it's rated teen and up for now but that will definitely change in future chapters.
> 
> Well, thank you all so much for reading and I hope you stick with me through this fanfic!


	2. Late Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't actually plan on posting this today but then I got editing and finished early so why not??
> 
> Not as exciting as chapter one but fun to write nonetheless... anyways please enjoy chapter two!!

Just as he had warned me earlier, Levi was gone for work for quite a long time. Since I was too afraid to leave the tent, not wanting to wander off and get lost somewhere in the large camp, all I could do was sit and wait for the small man to return. I went through his dresser, trying my best not to move anything too much. All that I found in the top two draws was clothes and other everyday necessities, the bottom two draws left empty.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying in his tent for so I didn’t bother unpacking my bag; though that also may have been due to the fear of him chopping my arms off if I made a mess. So instead, I left my bag underneath the side table along with the hat that I didn’t bother wearing while I was in the tent. 

The bed was surprisingly much more comfortable than I would have assumed. The single blanket on top of an old, creaking mattress which was placed on the ground with no frame to support it, was much softer than to be expected. I wasn’t sure where they washed their clothes, or their bodies for that matter. Just the thought of going for more than a couple of days without bathing sent shivers down my spine.

I never really thought about how lucky I was to be living inside the wall. But that was mostly due to the fact that people didn’t talk about how unfortunate people who lived in the Underground were. Since the time I was a kid all that I had been told was that it was a dangerous place and there was no point in going out there or even thinking about it.

My conclusion was that there was a reason that people avoided going outside the wall, instead they were willing to do almost anything to live a comfortable life on the inside. I was curious of course, but I kept my mouth shut because that’s what was expected of me. The subject seemed to be some sort of taboo that I never understood; the moment an adult heard you say ‘Underground’ their eyes would grow three times in size and they would immediately scorn you.

As the tent began to grow dimmer while the night drawled on and I aimlessly waited for Levi’s return, I started to think that maybe he wasn’t planning on coming back. That was until I heard light footsteps slowly heading in the direction of the tent. Only a few moments later a very exhausted looking Levi was pushing his way through the curtains. He almost looked surprised when he saw me sitting on the bed, just about where he had left me.

He pulled the cloth covering his mouth down so that he could speak, “The bell should be ringing for dinner soon. Let’s head over to the dining hall now.”

I slipped off the bed, following him out the door as he led me towards the dining hall. “That’s in the… W area?”

Levi only nodded his head, pushing past stray cloth that was still attached to ragged tents. The wind blew the torn cloth into our path, making it even more confusing as Levi weaved towards our destination. I noted that we had to pass the center of the community, walking straight across and past one of the storage tents where we found a sign that was labeled ‘Area W’.

From what I could tell, the community was arranged like a compass. If area S was North, then area W was South. That left areas A, B, and C as East and area T as West. It was still confusing but for now that would be the best way for me to find the center if I ever got lost. Other than asking one of the citizens that is; I’m sure I could find someone nice enough to show me the correct direction.

The dining hall was the largest tent that I had seen yet, it was at least four times the size of the one I had first met Erwin in. People were already gathering inside at the long rows of tables as a bell began to ring somewhere in the distance. Small families, children that smiled and laughed, gathered together to wait for their dinner. There seemed to be assigned tables for each area and even though I technically wasn’t an official, Levi told me that I would be sitting with him for the time being.

He showed me to a smaller table in the back where Petra and another person where already sitting. We sat across from the two, Petra quickly saying a kind hello to the both of us. Before I could respond though, the person next to Petra began to excitedly introduce themselves.

“Hi there! This mus’ be Eren? Petra already told me ‘bout ya! Yer even cuter than I w’s expectin!” She leaned across the table, holding a hand out for me to shake. I wearily took hold of it, and for good reason because as soon as I did she immediately began to violently shake it as if she was trying to tear my arm off.

“That’s enough Hanji, you’re going to scare him away,” Levi warned her, and he wasn’t entirely wrong either. I was definitely reluctant to stay close to this person.

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologized though her laugh was telling me that she didn’t really mean it. “Names Hanji Zoë, it’s a pleasure ta meet’cha!” It was almost hard to understand her with that strange dialect; she must have developed it from somewhere in the Underground since it wasn’t something that I recognized hearing inside the wall.

“Ah,” I rubbed the back of my neck, trying my best not to seem as uncomfortable as I was currently feeling. I never knew how to act around people such as Hanji, her personality was so bright that it was almost blinding. “It’s nice to meet you too, Hanji.”

Hanji cackled, dropping her head on the table while roughly banging her fist against the wood, I could only stare in confusion while the others just brushed her off. The table shook each time she hit it, her laughter muffled by her other arm which her forehead rested on.

When the laughter subsided she looked up from her hunched over position, her cheeks a bright red, “He’s too much! Levi how could ya complain ‘bout such a cutie? Did ya see how polite he was ta me?”

“I told you he was a sweetheart,” Petra remarked, smiling down at Hanji. She then turned to me, a worried look filling her soft eyes, “It’s nothing against you, Levi’s complaining that is. He just prefers to be left alone to do his own thing.”

“Can we not talk about me like I’m not here?” Levi mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest like a child might just before they throw a tantrum.

Before anyone else could comment further, more people began joining the table. I recognized Erwin sitting only a few seats away on the opposite side of the table, who smiled kindly at me before returning to the conversation he was having with a few men. Not too long after that, they began to serve dinner which was a portion of soup and a small piece of bread. I couldn’t complain, even if it wasn’t much, since they had some fairly good chefs working here. Plus, I hadn’t eaten since the morning so just about anything would taste good at this point.

After dinner was over, the bell rang again to signal its conclusion. As soon as the noise began to echo throughout the hall, everyone besides the people at the table for the S area began cleaning up their dishes and leaving. I glanced around, confused, watching as everyone went on as if this were business as usual. Somehow they were able to keep this many people organized and moving throughout the day; it was almost amazing to watch.

“When the bell rings after dinner, everyone has to go back to their tents for the night unless told otherwise. The officials usually stay for a bit longer to discuss plans, issues, community matters and such. Though we finished all of that in our meeting today so we decided to stay and have a few drinks together,” Petra told me, noticing my confusion at the sudden mass clearing of people.

She was right, in only a few minutes the only people that were left in the dining hall were the officials. Someone had come by with an old, dilapidated cart that groaned and screeched to wheel away our leftover dishes. I awkwardly sat there, glancing behind me while I tried to figure out whether I should leave or not. They probably wouldn’t want me to bother them, but would it be impolite to just suddenly leave without saying anything?

“Are ya gonna be drinkin’ with us, Eren?” Hanji asked, all eyes suddenly on me at that question. I glanced around, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

“Isn’t he too young?” Petra asked like a concerned mother might after hearing such a question.

“Yer like what, eighteen?” Hanji asked and I could see the way Levi casually glanced towards me while waiting to see what my answer was. I tried to ignore him, doing my best to hold eye contact with Hanji who for some reason seemed safer to look at.

“Sixteen,” I corrected.

“Close enough,” Levi cut in with a flippant shrug. “Does it really matter anyways? We won’t let him drink too much.” Petra didn’t look very convinced but seemed to give in as drinks were placed in front of each of us on the table.

I cautiously took hold of the metal tankard that was sitting in front of me, the golden liquid splashing over the side and dripping down my hand. I looked around, watching as everyone else took large swigs from their own mugs. Slowly, I brought the drink up to my lips, letting some of the bitter liquid trickle past and slide down my throat. I tried my best not to gag as the taste began to settle on my tongue, ignoring the way my eyes had teared up as I gently placed the mug back on the table.

“It’s not for everyone,” Petra smiled at me, her drink held delicately between two small hands. “Don’t feel like you have to drink it.”

I shook my head, returning her smile, “It’s alright, just a little bitter is all.”

“They’re doin’ it all wrong, tha’s why,” Hanji commented, “But the chefs won’t let me help ‘em!”

“That’s because they don’t trust you enough to know that you won’t make anything dangerous,” Levi snickered from behind his drink.

“By the way… What does Hanji do?” I questioned, trying to come off as inoffensive as possible. She had a difficult personality to handle; that would be troublesome to deal with in many jobs.

“She helps train the soldiers, like all officials. She’s also in charge of our medical department along with the research and lab department,” Petra informed me. I was beginning to think that she knew almost everything about this place; she did mention that she had been here since the community was first established.

After a couple more rounds of drinks and the table becoming much rowdier, we decided to call it a night. I was tired anyways after such a long day; I mean I was almost hung, thrown out into the Underground and came close to dying of dehydration, walked who knows how far to get here, helped Petra with distributing water in the B area, and now this. I didn’t even finish my drink, not that anyone expected me to.

Though as we began to clean up our dishes I realized that maybe I should have chugged the rest of it down. Levi and I would be heading back to the tent soon enough where we would be spending the night together in a bed that was made for no more than one person. Just that thought alone put my nerves on end, every little movement making me twitch and jump.

As Levi led me back to the tent, I decided to stay about four steps behind him the whole way. I’d keep the distance between us as large as I could for as long as possible. This also gave me a chance to calm down before I was forced into the bed of a model; okay maybe I was exaggerating just a bit. But to be fair the only person I had ever slept with outside of my family was with a friend who _was_ practically family to me already.

But sleeping next to this man would be completely different. What if I did something stupid like drool or rip a huge fart while deep asleep? I wouldn’t be able to face him after doing such shameful things, even if his reaction would be humorous.

We arrived at the tent much faster than I was hoping for, Levi immediately taking off his shoes and the cloth on his face. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching the way his muscles shifted as he neatly put his cloths away. It was dusky in the tent, almost making it difficult to see and yet I still was able to watch the way his silhouette shifted with fluid motions.

It was clear enough in the tent for me to realize that Levi was taking his pants off, leaving him in only an undershirt and boxers. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t look away. As he turned around and caught my eye I was frozen in place, forced to stare back at his icy, metallic gaze.

“Aren’t you going to undress? You don’t plan on sleeping in your clothes do you?” I quickly shook my head in response so Levi continued, “Well you can put anything you want in the bottom two draws, those are yours. As long as you don’t touch anything in the top two then we’ll be golden.”

My stomach dropped when I remembered the way I had peeked in the top two draws earlier. But all of that was forgotten when I realized that he said the other draws were _mine_. Did that mean that he was accepting the fact that I was living with him now?

I didn’t want to think too far into such a tiny gestor and I was sure that he would kick me out the moment he had the chance. But even knowing all of that, I couldn’t help the warmth that spread in my chest as I unpacked my bag and put everything in the bottom two draws.

After putting all of my stuff in the dresser and getting undressed, I joined Levi on the edge of the bed. It was discomfiting, sitting next to him in nothing but a pair of boxers, but he didn’t seem to mind. He actually seemed at peace as we sat in silence, listening to the rustling from people moving about other nearby tents and the soft flap of the fabric blowing in the wind just outside.

It was still surprisingly warm out, to the point where it was more comfortable wearing next to nothing even if that was just a bit embarrassing. The breeze that just barely passed through the tiny, unseen holes in the tent felt like heaven as it brushed up against my steaming skin. I allowed myself to bask in the temporary comfort, closing my eyes with a quiet sigh.

As I listened to the soft sounds coming from outside, a thought popped into my mind. “Hey, Levi?” I questioned, my voice low as if I were telling him a secret; maybe I really was afraid that others would hear.

“What is it?” he asked, his deep voice staying just as quiet.

“Why didn’t you question why they banished me from inside the wall?” I finally let my curiosity get the best of me; this was a question that I’d been wanting to ask ever since he saved me this morning.

“When you’re out here, whatever happened behind those walls doesn’t really matter anymore,” he shrugged. “There’s no reason for me to worry, unless you’re some sort of psychopathic murder that is.”

I unintentionally let out a stale laugh at that, which caused Levi to look over at me with worry, his eyebrows furrowing. “That’s the thing,” I started, unsure if I really wanted to tell him this or not. This could ruin my chances of living here but for some reason I couldn’t stop myself from speaking “I was banished because they thought I really did commit murder, mass murder to be more specific.”

“But you insist that you’re innocent?” he pondered, seemingly unfazed by the fact that I was charged with murder. What a strange man, most people would have at the very least stepped away from me by now.

“Of course I am! They didn’t even have any evidence against me; I was just the most convenient person for them to put all of the blame on,” I rolled my eyes. Now that I escaped nearly being hung, I had the chance to get enraged over how messed up this whole situation was.

“I believe you,” Levi answered my rant with a shrug. “I don’t think you’re capable of needless murder; you didn’t even realize that you were about to die from a lack of water this morning.”

I laughed at that last part, even though I was grateful that he believed me. It felt indescribably nice to know that someone was on your side when the rest of the world seemed to be going against you. I was beginning to realize that under that tough shell of his, Levi really was a great person. I could only hope that I’d be seeing more of that person underneath.

“Do you think that you could… keep the reason for my banishment a secret for now? I don’t want to start losing people’s trust over a crime that I didn’t commit,” my hands were clasped together tightly in my lap. The stress of this spreading around was already starting to eat me alive and it was only my first day here.

“I won’t say a thing; whoever finds out about that is up to you,” he told me, those reassuring words causing all the tension to instantly seep out of my body. “You know that you’re going to have to start helping out around here soon, right?”

“Yeah, I’m just not sure where exactly I’d be able to help,” I confessed, already knowing that I wouldn’t be able to do much.

He snorted, “Well tomorrow someone will probably give you a tour of the different jobs so that you can get a feel for them. After that, whatever you chose is up to you. We need help in almost all areas so I’m sure that no matter what you choose to do, they’ll be grateful for the help.”

Levi seemed to talk a whole lot more at night, maybe it was the alcohol getting to him. He seemed more talkative when we were alone in general but at night it was as if he were a completely different person. He didn’t even look annoyed that I’ve asked so much up to this point. Maybe I should have stopped there instead of pushing my luck, but there was so much more that I wanted to know.

“You know… I was wondering why the camp needs so many soldiers when you’re in such an empty area. What are they used for and why do all the officials have to help train them?” I pondered, hoping that I wasn’t pushing him.

Levi responded quickly with no signs of annoyance, “Even if the area is empty and it doesn’t look like there’s much around, it’s still dangerous. There’s bandit troops that constantly try to raid our camp since it’s large and we have found a way to prosper out here. The more civilians that we have, the more people that will need to be protected. And as training goes, we work in shifts because each official has at least two other jobs so no one is able to devote all their time to training.”

“Wow,” I said breathlessly, it seems like they had all of these seamless systems that kept the community properly functioning. “It’s really amazing that you’re able to do all of that out here.”

“Well it took us a long time before we were able to become stable. We lost a lot of good people in the process,” Levi seemed to drift off to somewhere else at that. He sat quietly, staring off at the dresser in front of us like it had suddenly grabbed all of his attention.

I noticed the way his eyes had gone dull as he fell into thought and did my best to change the topic. “One of your jobs is gathering supplies, I believe I heard Erwin say. What kind of job is that?”

“It’s dangerous,” he told me bluntly, “I don’t suggest choosing it. Most people go out in pairs or alone, though occasionally there are groups of three. Out there, it’s easy to get lost if you don’t know the area. You quickly learn that it’s not safe to trust anybody and that the best thing to do is find whatever supplies you can and return as fast as possible.”

“It’s that brutal out there?” That was almost hard to believe after seeing the way this small community was ran so perfectly, almost effortlessly to the point that it looked rehearsed. 

“It’s more than brutal; anything goes. Every time you leave camp you have to be prepared to fight, to take on people and being willing to kill them without thinking twice about it. Trust me, you’d be much better off choosing a kinder job,” Levi glanced at me, his eyes completely serious.

“Sounds rough,” I muttered though all I could think about was Levi being forced to kill someone in the middle of the desert. Their blood spilling onto the rotten rock and seeping into the ground, their lifeless body left behind to rot or be picked apart by whatever animal found it first. All I could imagine was his indifferent face as he walked away from the fight unharmed and unfazed. How many people had he killed up to this point?

“Are you afraid of me?” I heard Levi’s voice close to my ear, his breath cascading over my neck and causing a sharp shiver to run up my spine.

I spun my head towards him in alarm, coming face to face with those beautiful pale blue eyes of his. He was smirking at me, amused that I might actually fear him. I cleared my throat, “Uh, not really. I know you won’t hurt me but… I can’t imagine having to take someone’s life like it’s nothing.”

“That’s why I said you wouldn’t be fit for the job,” he sat back, “I don’t like taking lives without reason either. I do my best to knock someone out but sometimes there’s no way of getting around it; it’s kill or be killed.”

It was relieving to hear that he was at least averse to killing without reason, though didn’t that mean that I could do the job just as well as he did? I wouldn’t question him on that but I would still consider the job as an option. If I could find my way around the desert, then maybe I could help gather supplies and also keep myself from feeling trapped in this camp at the same time.

The tent had grown much darker by now and I was struggling to see. The camp had gone almost completely silent other than the howl of the wind and the flap of ripped fabric. I could hear Levi’s breathing besides me; the noise was surprisingly calming and I could feel the way it slowed my racing heartbeat. Having someone here with me, even though I knew he would rather I be somewhere else, was reassuring.

It had been a long day and I should have been exhausted but sitting here next to Levi, it felt like we could sit and talk all night. Even if he came off as rude and a bit too blunt, he was a kind person and interesting to talk to. Maybe he didn’t enjoy my company but I knew that I would be making the most of it for the time being.

“Levi?” I called for him quietly, watching the way his formed shifted when he heard his name.

“Hmm?” his voice vibrated in his chest and if that didn’t stir something inside of me.

“What do you guys do around here when you’re not busy?” I asked, realizing how boring it must be if you’re stuck in the camp all day with nothing to do.

“Well, I just find some other work to help with; that’s how most of the officials are. Other than that, there’s not much to do and it’s dangerous to leave even if you go out there regularly. Most people make friends, find cheap hobbies, drink whenever they can, and fuck when they feel like it. Did you notice how many kids were running around?”

“Yeah…” I mumbled, thinking about the large amount of children I saw while walking in and then in the dining hall. So people were comfortable enough in this community to have their own children?

“Well,” he snickered, “As you can probably tell, there’s not much else to do out here.”

A thought suddenly hit me, it was like a sharp slap to the face; if I was right then everything would make perfect sense. “Wait, so then where’s your girlfriend? Is that why you didn’t want me staying here with you? If that’s the problem then I can probably find somewhere else to stay during the night i–“

“No, you dipshit,” Levi cut me off with an irritated sigh. “I didn’t want you staying here because _I like being alone_. I don’t even have a girlfriend for fucks sake.”

“Oh,” I let out a breath, slightly relieved. “So why don’t you have a girlfriend then? What, is it the typical ‘that would be too much of a burden, especially since my job is so dangerous’ type of honorable thing?”

I could practically feel the way his eyes were trying to burn a hole into the side of my head. I could tell that for whatever reason, this subject was really pissing him off. I almost wanted to take it further to find out why but I also figured that would be a bad idea since I did have to sleep next to this man.

“Something like that,” he mumbled. There was an awkward silence left between us for a few moments before Levi spoke up again, this time sounding more curious than angry, “And what about you? Got some girl waiting for you back at home?”

I laughed at that, even if I did have a girlfriend, I doubt she’d be waiting for me to come back since I was banished after being charged with murder and all. If anything she would’ve been in the crowd cheering for my death sentence. “Not really, I’ve never actually been in a relationship.”

“That’s not hard to believe,” Levi commented and I almost felt offended until he added on, “I wouldn’t want to date an idiot who forgets that they need water to survive either.”

Well two could play at that game. I let out a fake gasp, clutching my chest with my right hand, “Well I wouldn’t want to date someone as rude as you anyways!” 

“I’d never give you the chance to even if you wanted to,” he snickered and I slouched, pouting like a child while mumbling under my breath.

I couldn’t tell why those words would make me feel so disappointed, other than the fact that he basically said that it’s not surprising I’m single. Maybe there was an image that I was trying to uphold in front of Levi, or maybe there was something else bugging me. 

The fact that he said he would never date me? That couldn’t be it, even if I considered him attractive I knew that I didn’t like men. I doubt someone as alluring as he was would date men anyways; I’m sure he could get any woman’s attention in the blink of an eye. Even if he was super short, it wouldn’t be hard to look past such a small detail, literally, especially when those sparkling eyes were staring you down.

Something about that gaze of his was so unnaturally intense that I was almost afraid to hold it for too long. Yet at the same time I wanted to stare at his face for as long as possible, his prominent, defined features were so unique and fascinating. It was hard not to stare but every time I caught that gaze I was driven to back down and look away.

“We should probably go to bed soon, you’re going to have a long day tomorrow,” Levi interrupted my thoughts.

“You know, if you want I can sleep on the floor,” I tried to reason with him, moving my feet to feel the hard ground underneath the fabric of the makeshift floor mat.

“Why the hell would you do that? You’ll be in pain tomorrow, just sleep in the bed,” Levi said in annoyance.

He shifted backwards, laying down on his side and facing the wall of the tent. With him laying down there was still a surprising amount of room left. I also laid down though I kept my back towards him, facing the inside of the tent towards the dresser.

I could tell that there was barely any space left between the two of us. Every small move, each tiny shift, would cause our backs to brush against one another. Each time the fabric of his shirt swept across my bare skin, my entire body would stiffen. I tried my best to sit still, staying as close to the edge as I possibly could. 

For a while, we both just sat there in the silence. When I thought that Levi had finally fallen asleep, I let out a sigh of relief, feeling my body finally relax.

Though that didn’t last long, the body next to my own shifting until he was on his other side. I could feel Levi’s eyes on the back of my head but didn’t dare turn around to face him. Our faces would be left with only a few inches in between; I wasn’t sure if I could handle that even if it _was_ pitch black.

“Do I really make you that uncomfortable?” I heard his rough voice ask blearily from behind me.

“N-no, it’s not that…” I stuttered out, feeling my heart sped up in my chest. The nervousness was coursing through my veins but I would be damned if I let it show.

“Then turn around so that I don’t have to talk to the back of your head,” the man ordered, leaving no room for argument. I slowly turned so that we were facing each other and I could only hope that Levi couldn’t hear the way my heart had begun to hammer against my ribcage.

It was only faint, but if I looked hard enough I swore that I could see the glimmer of silver in his eyes. That’s what I focused on instead of how close we had become or the fact that I could feel ever little steady breath that he let out.

“Why do you always seem so nervous around me? Did I do something to scare you?” He asked, his warm breath washing over my face with each word.

“It’s not you that I’m nervous around. It’s just, this is all so new to me and I don’t know how to handle it,” I told him truthfully.

He hummed, not seeming to fully believe me. As far as I knew, that was the reason for my uneasiness, if he had any other ideas than I’d gladly listen. But this really was an entirely new experience to me, anyone would be tense.

Not only that but I was going through all of this with only a man that I had just met today to support me. My mind was running on high speed, all of the events catching up with me. At this point it was a fight between my busy mind trying to keep me awake and my exhausted body trying to pull me into unconsciousness. Thankfully it looked like the exhaustion was winning and I’d actually be able to get some sleep tonight.

At this point I was so tired that I barely recognized the fact that there was another body in front of me. Instead, I let my heavy eyelids slam shut, head unintentionally falling forward to rest against the hard chest before me. I didn’t even register that it was Levi I was laying against until I heard him suck in a gasp of surprise.

After a few moments of him holding his breath and me not being able to find the energy to move, he finally relaxed. I felt a hand run through my hair, my body practically melting against the mattress at that soothing touch. The hand carded through my hair a couple times, the touch reminding me of the same sort of comfort I would feel when I was home. Levi’s touch was cozy and welcoming.

When the hand moved away I almost whimpered but I couldn’t find it in me to argue. I was far too close to falling asleep to complain about the loss of contact.

“Goodnight, Eren,” a deep voice whispered and it was the last sound I heard before completely losing consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I just love Hanji and her dialect (which I was iffy about so sorry if it's annoying but I still think it's great). Late night conversations are fun and no that last part wasn't at all necessary but I added it anyways.
> 
> I'm not too sure about an update schedule yet because of how busy I am but i looks like 1-2 weeks or whenever i have time. If anyone actually cares, I thought I'd just warn you because I know it was a week between chapters one and two but it wont always be like that.
> 
> Anyways! Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and also all types of feedback are always greatly appreciated!


	3. The Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late (though I'm surprised that I've even been able to keep a weekly schedule up to this point). This chapter is longer than it was supposed to be, oops. It totally took forever to edit so I'm super sorry for any mistakes because I'm sure I missed a bunch. Anywayyyys..
> 
> I hope you enjoy chapter three (In which Eren almost dies while taking a piss and probably some other important stuff)

There was a bright light shining through the tent when I woke up the next morning, I had to hold a hand over my eyes to keep from being blinded by it. I glanced around groggily as my eyes adjusted, stopping to focus on the man sitting at the end of the bed with his back towards me.

“Levi?” my tired voice croaked out as I sat up to greet the man.

He turned towards me, the circles under his eyes more prominent than I had remembered them being. “Get up,” he commanded, turning back around to continue lacing up his boots, “We’re going to go have breakfast and then the rest of your day will be spent helping with a few jobs. Eventually you’ll have to choose one.”

I got up without complaint, stretching my arms far above my head until I heard my back crack with a satisfying pop. Sauntering towards the dresser, I took out the extra pair of clothes I had packed. After pulling those on along with my hat, I grabbed my bag which still had everything besides my clothes in it. I wasn’t sure if I’d even need anything in there but it was better to be safe than sorry.

When I turned around once again Levi was already standing by the door, watching me impatiently. He walked out once he assumed that I was ready to go and I was left stumbling out the cloth door after him. He set a quick pace towards the cafeteria which we reached in no time.

It was much less crowded than it had been during dinner last night though I presumed that was because many families were still asleep. Only a few moments after we had finished eating, the same loud bell rung throughout the camp. When I looked over at Levi he brushed it off as merely just a ‘Morning Alarm’.

We were forced to push past people to leave the tent, making our way to the center where we found Petra waiting on a bench. There were two small children talking to her, smiling brightly and laughing. Though when she noticed us approaching she kindly shooed the two children away, telling them that they’d better hurry to breakfast.

She stood from the bench and I noticed that she had a similar outfit to yesterdays on; tan pants, brown belt and boots, and a light orange shirt. She pulled us both into quick hugs as a greeting though Levi seemed resistant to be touched by her.

Levi quickly cleared his throat, smoothing his hands over his cloths to rid any wrinkles that the small woman may have caused. “Would you be able to bring Eren to a few jobs today?”

Petra thought with a slight frown for a moment before responding, “Well I have to train the soldiers today so I can have him come with me to observe. After that I just have a meeting with Erwin but I can drop him off with Mike who can show him around the local jobs.”

Levi hummed, “That’s fine as long as he gets enough options, even if what he chooses is temporary.”

The small woman nodded in agreement before turning to me. “Are you okay with that, Eren?” She asked to confirm.

I shrugged, showing her a gentle smile, “I don’t have anything else to do.”

“Well then,” Levi cut in, “I have to go speak with Erwin but I’ll be out making a run today. Afterwards I have to train the soldiers so I’ll be busy all day. If you have any issues go to Mike, you’ll meet him later.”

This would be the first time since he found me that Levi would be a fair distance away which made me more nervous than it probably should have. But since Levi has so much trust placed in these people I was sure that I’d be fine. 

I ignored the way my chest had gone tight, nodding and giving my farewell, “Be safe, Levi.”

He rolled his eyes with a seemingly annoyed huff, “You don’t have to worry about me I’ve done this a hundred times. Focus on yourself and what you plan on doing.”

With that he jogged away, not bothering to wait for an answer or wave good bye. I already had an idea of what I wanted to do though I was still glad that I was getting to see my options. Maybe it’d be better to change my mind before I’m set on the particular job anyways, since I’m sure that Levi would be opposed to it.

“I know this might be an awkward question, but do you have to use the bathroom? I should probably show you where that is,” Petra asked, smiling gently.

“I guess it would be good to at least know where it is,” I mumbled, looking away.

Petra giggled, showing me through the center of town and towards the meeting tent. “They’re just passed here. I’ll warn you now, it’s really disgusting in there but it’s better than nothing. One of the jobs here is a janitor, who has many roles including waste disposal.”

I nodded, staring at the row of small tents in front of us. Petra gestured for me to go in and I wearily took a few steps forward, knocking on the wood of one of the tents. When no voice inside responded I pushed back the cloth, the horrid smell that instantly hit causing me to stumble back in a coughing fit. I gasped for air, begging to be rid of that sickening stench.

“I know it’s really bad but there isn’t much else we can do,” Petra waved a hand in front of her face as if trying to shoo the smell away.

I braced myself the second time, holding an arm over my face as I entered to prevent myself from having to smell the odor of the ‘bathroom’ again the best that I could. There was a deep hole in the ground, which I didn’t dare look into. Instead, I quickly did my business, washing my hands in the bucket of water that rested by the door before pushing my way back out into the fresh air.

“Well now you know where that is and one job option, though I’m sure you won’t want to do that. We have to hurry over now before the soldiers get back from breakfast,” Petra, who had already begun walking past the small tents, waved for me to follow. 

I staggered to catch up to her, almost toppling over my own feet. Once I passed the tent, I realized that the soldier’s area was a lot more open than it had initially seemed. There were five rows of tents where they slept that surrounded in open area that was in the shape of square. On one side there were soldiers practicing hand to hand combat while on the other they seemed to be focused on technique.

Petra spoke up from besides me, “There are four different groups of soldiers that we train. The first is the general soldier who is just starting out and hasn’t chosen a division yet. What you see out here now are all general soldiers, which I do a lot of the training for. But, once you’re considered ‘ready’ you are allowed to move on to one of the three specialized areas.

The first are the town guards who are the only specialized division that are not permitted to leave camp. That is solely because their job is to protect the community and they train solely for that. You might see them wandering around the middle occasionally but they typically monitor the border. They also have the strangest schedules since we need their support all hours of the day.

The next division is the protection unit which is one of the smallest. Their job is to go out in small groups and monitor the outside areas for possible threats. They’re like an invisible wall. Though, some of them chose to go out with a supplier or two and serve to protect them. Either way, they play a huge role in keeping this community safe.

And finally, the last division are what we call minute men. That’s because they have to be ready to fight at any minute. They train for large battles such as raids that the protection unit is unable to stop. They’re the fastest and most efficient when it comes to getting ready and out there to battle though they usually call for support from the protection unit.

Though, that’s just the basics. Any questions?”

I shook my head, watching as one of the soldiers flipped the other onto their back, “No, I think I’m good for now.”

“Good!” She said happily, “You’re welcome to just observe and talk to anyone in the area. Or, if you feel comfortable you can come join. I won’t go too hard on you,” she said with a playful wink. “Right now they’re warming up but I have to go start their training.”

She jogged out to the training area and I was surprise to watch the soldiers scatter to line up as she called for their attention. She barked out orders that I couldn’t understand to different sections. The soldiers were quick to listen and got right to work on their given assignments.

For a while I sat, watching the simple training and the way that Petra closely monitored them. She was quick to spot and correct any mistake she saw. It was surprising to see how much authority she had over all of these soldiers though that respect probably came from somewhere. I’m sure someone tried to challenge her before realizing that she was training them for a reason.

Eventually Petra strolled over to where I was sitting, offering a hand to help me to my feet. I took it gratefully, stretching out my sore legs before grabbing my bag that I had places besides me. Rotten Rock wasn’t the most comfortable thing to be sitting on for long periods of time but it was better than most other surfaces.

“Care to challenge me?” Petra asked with an innocent smile, tilting her head to the side while batting those big doe eyes.

“You’d take me down in two seconds or less,” I said bluntly which caused her to giggle cutely.

“Ah, most people fall for that but I guess you’re too wise. Do you have any fighting experience?”

“Nothing serious, I’m sure I could protect myself but that’s it,” I shrugged, watching the way the soldiers fought with careful movements until one slipped up and was taken down.

“Well, you can try going against one of the soldiers, what do you say?” She asked excitedly. I shrugged again which I guess she took as an affirmative answer. She called one of the soldiers over, explaining that I was going to fight him and to ‘go easy because he doesn’t have any training’.

Petra took my bag from me, throwing it over her own shoulder, so that I could stretch out my muscles. I definitely wasn’t in top fighting condition after only a day and a half of being out here, but isn’t that what it was always like for a soldier? They don’t get to choose when they are prepared to fight.

Only a few moments later, we stood face to face, fists raised to protect our bodies from each other’s attacks. I could already spot a few unguarded areas but didn’t let on, instead separating my arms a bit to leave an obvious opening for him.

His eyes darted down, seeming to fall for the trick. He took a short step towards me, swinging as hard as he could towards the vulnerable area of my chest.

By now, people had begun gathering around, watching excitedly to see who would win. I could hear their mutters and out of the corner of my eye saw Petra standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a smirk resting on her lips. I could feel the breeze of the light wind combined with all of the unnecessary motions the man in front of me was making.

Right before his knuckled collided with my chest, I raised my left arm up to block his swing. As that happened, my right elbow jammed itself in his unprotected ribcage, causing him to curl in on himself, wincing in pain. Before he had the chance to move, I swung my leg out, knocking his feet out from under him so that he landed heavily face down.

A cloud of dust formed around him the second his body hit the hard ground and I could almost hear the gasps and mutters that were traveling through the crowd. Some people were shuffling closer, trying to get a closer look at the man hidden in the dust.

He coughed and shook for a few seconds, trying his best to lift himself up with shaky arms and preserve at least a small amount of whatever pride he may have left. Before he was able to go far, I was sitting on his back, bending his arms back at an awkward, painful angle. I stayed there as he struggled, holding his arms tighter until he was wincing in pain and breathing heavily through his teeth.

“Alright, that’s enough,” I heard Petra call from behind us and the crowd quickly began to disperse, avoiding the wrath of their trainer. Though, she had a pleased smile on her face as she approached us.

I let go of the form underneath me, standing before helping the other man up. He patted me roughly on the back, muttering something about not underestimating you opponent as he shuffled away. I was about to ask what he meant by that but Petra drew my attention away before I had the chance.

“That was pretty good for no formal training, though the trick was obvious to begin with. I’m sure you’d be out of general training in no time! Do you think this is something that you’d be interested in?” Petra asked curiously.

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the sweat that had begun to form while I had been fighting, “Well, I’d still like to look around but I’m sure this is something I could do.”

“Good! Hopefully you seriously consider it!” She patted me on the back so hard that my shoulders jerked forward. She handed my bag back before speaking again, “Anyways, Mike should be here soon so I can wait with you.”

We stood off to the side, Petra commenting on the soldiers and who would be able to advance soon. Occasionally she would call out to correct them or to keep them on track. From what I could tell, the training here was fairly intense though I supposed it had to be when their job was to fight and protect.

The sun had risen high in the sky now, the rays beating down on my exposed skin seemed to light it on fire. It wasn’t the heat so much as the sun that was so debilitating and I could tell that standing out here for long periods of time could be fatal. Thankfully, it wasn’t much longer before Mike, a tall man with similar clothes to Petra and blond hair, arrived to get me.

Petra quickly ran over to him the moment he walked around the corner, dragging him towards me so that she could introduce us. “Eren, this is the man we told you about, Mike. Mike, this is the boy Levi found, Eren.”

The man turned to me, reaching out a hand which I grabbed and gave a firm shake. He leaned in before I let go, seeming to sniff me, but was standing straight up before I knew it. I looked around, slightly confused at what had happened but no one else seemed to notice.

“Mike will be showing you a few more jobs as well as getting you some necessary items. Once you’re done, Mike can show you back to Levi’s tent. Good luck you two!” Petra hopped off cheerfully, back towards the soldiers where she began calling out more orders.

“Well,” the man started, “I’m not sure what you’re interested in but we should head over to area W first, most of the other jobs are over there.”

I nodded, following the man through the tents and towards the business areas. I could tell when we finally reached it, the paths crowded by workers running from place to place while other civilians wandered towards their own destination. We passed a mother dragging her children, their clothes ragged and dirty. 

The difference between a regular civilian and an official or soldier was huge. There were obviously more advantages to being an official or soldier though they also had to risk their lives day in and day out. Not everyone was fit for such a job so they choose a lifestyle that would better suite them.

We stopped in front of a small wooden building, which was surprising to see surrounded by all of these tents. The wood was old and cracking, some in serious danger of snapping off with just a small gust of wind. Mike pushed back the cloth blocking the entryway, holding it so that I could step in first.

Inside was a man sitting in a small wooden chair, his legs crossed and a small flask resting in his hand. There were boxes lining the walls, some stacked all the way to the broken ceiling. A pile of cloth rested in the corner, each looking about the same color as the outfits I had seen all of the officials wearing.

“Gunther,” Mike called in greeting, “This is the boy Levi found, I’m sure Erwin has mentioned him?”

The man named Gunter stood up, walking over to look me up and down. “And Levi is actually letting him stay in his tent, that’s different.” He held out a hand, “Gunther Schultz, nice to meet you!”

I took his hand, “My names Eren Jaeger, it’s a pleasure.”

Gunther took a step back, “Well I’m in charge of managing the businesses, but I’m assuming he’s here for new clothes since those won’t do much good for long.” He continued when Mike nodded, “The tailor is currently out, which is why I’m here, but I’m sure we can find you something.”

He started rifling through the boxes, pulling out a few articles of clothing when he found them satisfactory. He handed the pile to me, telling me to try them on to see if they fit. I quickly changed into the clothes, checking my pockets to make sure they were empty before dropping my own clothes.

The fabric was awkwardly itchy against my skin but at the same time they felt so much lighter than what I had been wearing. I finished off the outfit with a belt and the boots Gunther hac found while I was changing.

Gunther took a step back, admiring his choices, “It all seems to fit fine and it’ll last much longer than your insider clothes.”

“Insider clothes?” I questioned as Gunther took a step closer.

He had another cloth in his hands which he began to wrap around my head, “Yeah, you know, like what you’d wear inside the walls? Anyways keep this on when you go outside, this will protect you better than that hat.”

“Gunther you can keep his old clothes,” Mike cut in, “Give them to one of the civilians if possible, I’m sure there’s a lot of people that could use them.”

“Sure thing,” Gunther nodded, “By the way, Mike, did you know Erwin was looking for you earlier?”

“For what?” He questioned leaning against the wall.

“Not sure but he came by asking if I had seen you anywhere. He said to send you to the meeting tent if I saw you.”

“Doesn’t he know that I’m in charge of Eren?”

Gunther grabbed my shoulder, “Leave him with me, I know my way around here better than anyone else anyways,” he said with a proud grin.

Mike shook his head, seemingly irritated, “That’s fine as long as he gets a look around. I’ll go find Erwin,” he slipped out of the door with a nod.

“Guess it’s just you and me then, kid!” Guther patted my back, “Come on, I’ll show you a few more jobs though nothing around here is all that interesting. You ever work with clothes?”

I shook my head, “That was all done by my Mom.”

He laughed, leading me out of the door and towards more of the businesses. “You didn’t look fit to be a tailor.”

The shops in the area, like he had mentioned, weren’t anything that I was all that interested in or even thought that I could do. Nonetheless, I let him show me a few options and explain what I’d be doing. I couldn’t see myself sitting in a small tent all day, waiting for work to come my way. Even if it were dangerous, I’d rather be going out and actually doing something, not that I’d tell Gunther that.

He showed me the community baths, telling me that each area was permitted to use them twice a week. They were really just two tents with large metal tubs filled with old water, though I couldn’t complain since they were at least providing a way to bathe. They even provided bars of soap which I had to guess wasn’t very common in the Underground.

By the time we had made it through area W, the lunch bell began to ring. It was a short walk to the dining tent where they had already begun serving lunch. Gunther told me to go ahead on my own because he was waiting for someone else.

I sat down at the officials table in the back, pulling the cloth on my head down and letting it rest on my shoulders. I watched as people filed in through the doorway, making their way towards different tables. There seemed to be less people who came for lunch than there was for breakfast or dinner. I could only assume that was because they were having lunch at their own places or were too busy working, but I couldn’t be sure.

Soon enough, I spotted someone I recognized. She bounced her way towards the table, taking a seat in front of me while exchanging an excited greeting.

“Eren! I thought ya were s’pposed ta be with Mike!” Hanji leaned on the table, “What’re ya doin’ all alone?”

“Apparently Erwin was looking for Mike so I was left with someone named Gunther? He showed me around but said he was meeting someone for lunch,” I shrugged, running my finger along a crack in the table.

“Ah, how rude, they’re jus’ brushin’ ya off!” I was about to assure her that it was fine but she cut me off, “How ‘bout ya visit me in the lab? Ya might like it there!”

“As long as I won’t be bothering you,” I told her.

“Ya won’t be a bother!” She squealed happily, “Anyways, have ya seen Levi since he left? Aint he comin’ back for lunch?”

“I’m not sure, I haven’t seen him since this morning. He said he should be back to train soldiers after a supply run,” I glanced towards the door, only to see a familiar head of ginger hair wandering our way.

“Hey you two,” Petra called, taking her seat next to Hanji.

“Hi, Petra!” Hanji wrapped in arm around her shoulders, “How’d training go today?”

“Good, good, you should have seen Eren earlier!” Petra grinned like a proud parent.

They continued chatting, their voices blending in with the rest of the background noise as people moved about the tent. I stared off into the crowd, watching as people walked in and out. I saw a few of the officials that I recognized meeting enter.

Erwin and Mike entered first, seemingly deep in some sort of debate as they took a seat at the end of the table. Mike looked even more irritated than he had earlier, arms crossed over his chest and a deep frown on his face. After that pair came Gunther with another man, both were quick to join the conversation.

Not long after the table began to fill up, the workers came out to pass lunch around. The left each person a piece of bread, dried oats, and what looked like milk though I wasn’t sure where they could have gotten that from. I poked at the food, not feeling nearly as hungry as I had thought I was.

Slowly, the crowd of people in the dining hall started thinning out as people left to return to their daily duties. I was left with only Petra and Hanji at the table, discussing where I’d be able to help out in Hanji’s lab. Petra seemed worried that working there would eventually cause me to get hurt but Hanji assured her that I’d be fine.

Suddenly, someone sat down next to me, their breathing fast and heavy. I glanced over to see Levi sitting beside me, looking completely exhausted. He took the cloth that was wrapped around his head, using it to wipe the sweat off of his neck and forehead.

“Levi!” Petra cheered happily, “What took so long?”

“I just got caught up on something,” Levi sighed, placing the cloth on his lap before looking over at me. “You finally have new clothes.”

“Yeah, Gunther had me change into them earlier,” I commented, glancing down at the new outfit,

Levi frowned, “So you met Guther. Have you found anything you’d be interested in yet?”

I hummed, thinking back to the options I’d been given so far, “Not really, though I’m considering a few things.”

“Like what? The lab?” Hanji cut in, leaning across the table.

I scooted back, “Uh… not exactly. I’ve been considering going to train as a soldier… or something similar…” I muttered the last part, looking away from the three people who were staring at me for clarification.

“Something similar?” Levi repeated with a suspicious glint in his eye, “And what does that mean?”

“Well…” I paused, looking around the tent hoping to find a way out of this. I already knew how Levi would react to my choice, especially since I already fully intended on doing it.

Levi grabbed my arm, pulling me with him as he stood up, “I need to have a word with Eren really quick.” He told Petra and Hanji as he dragged me away from the table and out of the tent.

Hanji hollered after us, “Oooh someone’s in trouble!” while Petra did her best to hush Hanji’s teasing calls.

When we exited he let go of my arm though he continued walking. I followed along silently, realizing that he was taking me towards our tent. I already had a feeling of what this was about, even if I wasn’t ready to be lectured about my choices by a man doing exactly what I wanted to do.

Levi pushed his way into the tent, dropping down onto the bed with him arms crossed over his chest. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his eyes squinting at me as if he were trying to find something that wasn’t there.

“Spit it out,” he finally snapped, “What are you thinking?”

I lightly kicked the ground, staring at a small tear in the wall as if it were the most interesting thing I had seen. I cleared my throat, “You mean about the job?”

“What else would I be talking about?” he spat out, the aggravation dripping from his voice. I winced at the tone, trying to steady my racing heart but failing to do so.

“I want to be a supplier,” I muttered, still refusing to look over to him, “So what?”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘so what’?!” his voice grew louder and I heard him stand up from the bed, “Did you not listen to a thing that I said? Or are you so fucking thick-skulled that you really think you’ll be able to do this job?”

“I’m not thick-skulled!” I shot back, finally facing him just to send a glare that I could only hope would come off as menacing. “I already know what I’m getting myself into _because_ you told me!”

“You might think that but you _don’t know_! You have never witnessed it yourself and you’re never going to because you’re going to choose another job!” he had walked over to me, his index finger jabbing into my chest. “I don’t know why you’re being so persistent about this but give it up!”

I swatted his hand away, a harsh smack causing him to draw it back. “You can’t just tell me to choose another job! You have no right to control my choices! What’s so bad about it that you don’t want me doing the job, huh?!”

“I’ve already told you!” he said with an angry huff, running a hand through his hair which I tried to ignore because I swear I was angry but damn if that wasn’t the sexiest thing I had seen all day.

He paused, facing me with a blank expression, “Do you know how many people I’ve killed because of that job? How many people’s lives are on my hands? I’ve lost count at this point. Do you _really_ think that you can live this sort of life without going insane?”

“Yes!” I cried, “I just want to get out there! I don’t want to be trapped in this camp all day, it’d be the same confined, controlled life as living inside those walls was. I don’t think I can handle that again!”

“There are other jobs that don’t involve murder where you can leave the camp,” he argued, his eyebrows furrowing. The word ‘murder’ was like a knife in the back and I was sure that he used it on purpose, he was aiming to hurt me. “Didn’t Petra tell you the soldiers can leave?”

“Why are you okay with me being a soldier? How is that different from being a supplier?” I asked, slightly annoyed that he’d even suggest that after telling me not to be a supplier.

“Because there’s a difference. Soldiers work in teams and most of the time are able to get jobs done without killing. Suppliers are almost always alone and when you’re out there it’s a constant life or death situation. Are you fucking stupid? Of course there’s differences.”

“Would you stop calling me stupid! I haven’t lived here as long as you so no, I don’t understand everything! But even so that doesn’t mean you can tell me what I am and am not allowed to do,” I huffed, pacing back and forth in front of the door.

“How come you’re so set on me not doing it?” I continued, “Is it the killing? Is that all? Because that’s something that I have to live with, no one else can take that burden from me. Trust me, I get that and I’ve already thought about it.”

“But it’s not something that you should have to live with! And it’s not just the killing, you’re risking your own life by going out there! Do you really think that I’d want you to go out there knowing that you’d just wind up dead?” He sounded tired and looked worse. Maybe I should have let him get some rest but I couldn’t help but fight for this.

“You don’t know that though! I can protect myself,” I tried reasoning with him.

“I do know that because I’ve been out there, I know what it’s like! Just give it up already,” he barked, glaring at me as he took his seat on the bed once more.

I moved to sit down next to him, keeping my voice as calm as I could with the way that fire way pulsing through my veins. “It’s just pathetic to give up on something before you even gave it a shot.”

Levi was silent at that and I could feel the way the tension in the air dispersed. I could breathe normally, my body releasing all of the pent up anger it had been holding in. The atmosphere surrounding us was calm again, like the argument we had was washed away with that one single statement.

Levi shifted in his seat, sighing as he looked over at me. I turned, my eyes meeting his own, and that was when I realized just how close we were sitting. His long eyelashes fell to his cheek in a slow blink and my heart almost stopped when his eyes opened and flashed that stunning pale blue. His breath felt hot against my neck, causing my skin to burn and tingle.

We stayed like that for a few moments, both of us refusing to look away from one another. Somehow, I felt comfortable like this, more at ease than I had been for a while. As if staying here like this swept all of my problems away and all that was left was us.

He leaned back, sighing, “I know that I’ll regret saying this but… fine, you can be a supplier _if_ you stay with me.”

“Stay with you...?” I repeated in an excited whisper.

“Whenever you go out, I have to be with you,” he looked away and I noticed the faint hint of red on the tips of his ears, “That’s the only way I’ll agree to this.”

“That’s fine,” I chirped, pulling him into a hug before I realized what I was doing.

Levi gasped, jolting at my touch, his entire body going stiff in my arms. Even if it was slightly embarrassing, I stayed there for a few moments. I allowed myself to enjoy the warm of his skin against my own, the way he slowly relaxed against me.

I pulled back, probably grinning from ear to ear like an eager child, “Thank you!”

“Whatever,” he muttered, flattening out his clothes while trying to avoid my eyes. “Just know that I’m still not happy about this.”

“I know,” I shrugged, the smile on my face not growing any smaller.

“Stop smiling like that,” he snapped, “I’m going to tell Erwin that you chose a job, care to come?”

“Sure,” I jumped up from the bed, practically skipping out of the tent while Levi followed behind muttering something about hoping that I trip and fall on my face.

Somehow I had remembered the way to the meeting tent, which is where Levi told me that Erwin would be. Before we entered, Levi announced that we were coming in, telling me that it was something that they did out of respect when they knew there might be a meeting going on inside.

We heard Erwin call from the inside, “Come in, the meeting ended a few minutes ago.”

We pushed through the door to see that Erwin, Mike, and Petra were all sitting at the end of the table. Levi walked over, sitting down and offering me a seat next to him. Everyone stared at us, waiting for an explanation as to why we were there.

“Levi,” Erwin nodded, “What is it?”

“The kid decided on a job,” he told the blonde man. All eyes glanced over at me, Erwin’s with an amused curiosity while Petra seemed more worried.

“And?” Erwin prompted.

“Supplier,” was all Levi said before Petra stood up with a surprised gasp.

“Levi, he can’t!” She actually sounded angry with him, her hand slamming against the table. “You can’t let him do that! You know how dangerous it is!”

“You don’t think I didn’t already tell him that?” Levi questioned her, sounding irritated with the ginger, “I tried to stop him but it’s his choice.”

“And what if he gets hurt or lost, who’s fault is it then?” she argued.

“Petra, please sit back down,” Erwin said with a gentle voice and Petra quietly took her seat. Erwin then turned to address Levi, “I assume he already knows what he’s getting himself into then?”

Levi nodded, “Of course. I already told him that he isn’t permitted to take the job unless I’m with him every time he leaves. That was my condition for allowing this.”

Erwin hummed, “And you’re okay with that?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. I’ve already thought about it,” Levi shrugged.

“Well as long as he’s with you then I’d say it’s fine,” Erwin commented, glancing over at me, “Then, Eren, starting tomorrow you will be going out with Levi for supply runs. Levi, I’ll have Mike train the soldiers for you today so get some rest.”

I grinned like a fool, Levi responding to Erwin with a curt nod. Petra still seemed worried, even knowing that I’d be going with Levi. But there wasn’t much I could do to comfort her since I was set on taking this job. I was starting a new life outside of the walls and I’d be damned if I were to let anyone control me any longer.

“We’re going to have an earlier morning tomorrow so we’ll head back to the tent for the night,” Levi told them. Everyone said their quick goodbyes before we were off to return to the tent.

“Are you okay with not having dinner?” Levi asked as we walked.

I kept the same pace as him, finally allowing myself to walk by his side instead of behind him. “That’s fine, I’m not really hungry anyways.”

He let me into the tent first, both of us immediately changing into our pajamas before lying down in the bed. It was hot out, even when we were half naked, so we laid on top of the covers with our backs facing each other.

“Then rest up, you’ll need it for tomorrow,” Levi warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you all enjoyed and that you're all angry with Eren for choosing that job (he really has no clue what he's getting himself into). Levi has a lot of good reasons for not wanting Eren to be a supplier so I'd side with him on this one. Buuuut this does mean that they get more time together woot woot
> 
> The argument scene at the end was fun to write (because for some reason I like making characters argue. Dear Anxiety definitely shows that) I just thought I'd say that if anyone cares
> 
> Anyways, that was chapter three, I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reading and supporting me and remember that all types of feedback is always greatly appreciated (Like even if you just hop into the comments and are like "Shitty chapter" or "Wth eren" I'd love to hear your thoughts)


	4. Unfit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matters of Can-I-Finish-This-Chapter-In-Time 
> 
> Apparently yes even though I've been so busy wow how wonderful. Actually it because this chapter was fun to write so I decided to put off my responsibilities oops.
> 
> Anyways please, pleeaase enjoy chaper four!

I’m sure it was early when we woke up the next day, though I couldn’t be sure because it was still moderately dark out. Levi harshly shook me awake, forcing me out of bed and commanding me to get dressed as fast as I could. Once we were both fully clothed, I grabbed my bag from the bottom draw and we left the tent for the day.

Even when the sun wasn’t in the sky, shining down on us, the air was humid. I could only image what it would feel like once noon hit and we were wandering around in the middle of the dessert. Maybe the cloth wrapped around my face wouldn’t feel as suffocating when it was protecting me from the sun’s unforgiving rays.

Levi brought me to a small tent that was right outside the dining hall, saying that we’d have to grab breakfast and lunch now since we would probably be out for a while. We stuffed old bread into my backpack, taking another loaf for what Levi called ‘breakfast on the go’.

We left the kitchen as fast as we had entered it, walking through the eerily silent camp, listening to its people sleeping peacefully in their separate tents. It was odd being up so early while everyone else was still sleeping soundly, not knowing of the people just outside that were leaving so early in the morning. 

It was thrilling, standing at the edge of the camp and staring off into the endless hills of Rotten Rock. Levi stood next to me, shifted from foot to foot and glancing both ways as if he were looking for something. We stood wordlessly for a few moments before I spotted a small figure coming towards us.

I yelped at the unexpected sight, jumping behind Levi as the figure grew closer, pulling him by his shoulders so that he was directly in front of me.

“Get off of me, idiot!” Levi shouted, elbowing me in the stomach light enough to push me away but hard enough to cause a stinging pain. “Are you kidding me, you’re already scared?”

I heard the figure who was now standing in front of us let out a muffled giggle, my shoulders slumping down when I realized that it was just Petra. She was holding out another backpack which Levi took, apparently knowing it was for him, and slung it over his shoulder.

“Thanks Petra,” Levi said quietly, careful of the people around us. Not that it mattered after he yelled at me just a few moments prior.

“Anything for you honey,” she smiled sweetly and then glanced between both of us, frowning with worry, “You two be careful out there, we’ve been finding more and more trouble lately.”

“Don’t worry Petra,” I assured her, pulling the cloth down from my mouth and taking one of her hands into my own, “We’ll be fine and back to camp with supplies in no time. Please, don’t worry about us, I’m sure you have a million other things on your mind as it is.”

Petra smiled sadly, “Of course I’m going to worry, it’s your first time going out there.”

Levi stepped forward, “Petra, nothing will happen, you can trust me.”

“I know,” she let go of my hand, stepping back with a small wave, “I’ll find you two as soon as I hear that you’ve returned.”

Once Petra was out of sight, we both pulled the cloths back over our faces. Levi began leading me into the dessert, walking low and quick through the hills of sand. It was oddly silent out here; other than our own steps and breathing it was soundless. The light wind that flowed through my thin clothing was relieving and I let the cooling sensation calm me as we walked further and further from the camp.

Traveling far enough that the community disappeared felt oddly freeing, even if I had only been there for two days. Just getting away, with nothing but sand─ and an attractive man─ in sight was what I had been waiting for ever since I entered the camp. I knew this job was just what I was looking for, even if everyone I knew was downright opposed to me doing it.

Levi suddenly slowed his walk to a stop at the top of a sand dune, crouching low as he looked around. When he seemed satisfied with his surroundings, he took a seat, patting the ground next to him. I wandered over, sitting down and dropping my bag as I looked around.

The sky was lightening, a dusky pink glowing from just over the horizon causing Levi’s skin to glow a light shade of peach. The air around us had grown warmer and I could feel the sweat dripping down the skin of my chest. Levi rummaged through my bag, pulling out our breakfast bread and ripping it in half for us to share.

I took my share, biting into bread and trying to ignore the fact that it had already gone stale. At least I was eating, next to an extremely hot man with wow─ the sexiest neck I had ever seen. I didn’t even know that necks could be attractive until now. The pale skin would be so easy to leave dark purple marks on if I scooted just a bit closer and─

“Do you want some water?” Levi asked, turning to me and I had to force myself from looking at the way his collar bone was peeking out of his shirt. It was tempting but _control yourself_.

“Huh? Water? Yeah, sure,” I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck while internally cursing my awkwardness.

He scoffed, handing me one of the flasks. “You know, if we’re going to be doing this from now on, you’ll have to at least pretend to be comfortable around me.”

“I am comfortable around you!” I barked. The problem was that I had grown a little _too comfortable_ around him and it was confusing to say the least. I didn’t want him knowing about this sudden development because I barely understood it myself.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” he muttered. “I get that you’re new to all of this but I promise I’m nothing to be scared of.”

“I know that, it’s just─” I cut myself off, realizing the mistake I was about to make.

“It’s just what?” He grumbled, glancing towards me with those sharp eyes that never failed to cause butterflies to find their way to my stomach.

“Nothing, I’m just… not used to it all yet,” I spat out quickly before finding the fastest way to change the conversation, “So how long will we be out here for.”

Levi sighed, perhaps annoyed at my lack of a truthful answer, “Well we won’t reach the building with supplies for another three hours, give or take a few minutes. After that we make our way back on a different path that will add on an extra hour.”

“Is that how long it normally takes?” I questioned, popping the last bit of bread I had into my mouth.

“Sometimes it lasts over a few days, depending on how far you go,” Levi shrugs as if this trip were nothing to him.

“Why don’t you use horses then?”

He looked over at me as if I were the biggest idiot he had ever seen, “Where the hell do you expect us to get horses from? And how the _fuck_ would you expect us to train and feed them?”

I shifted away from Levi uncomfortably, “It was just a suggestion.”

Levi stood up, throwing his bag over his shoulder, “Yeah a really shitty one, let’s go we have a lot of traveling to do.”

I grabbed my bag and followed after him, leaving the head wrap off of my face. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

He laughed, shaking his head, “You’d have to do a whole lot more than that to offend me. I was just wondering how it’s possible that someone is that stupid.”

I opened my mouth, fully ready to argue but Levi cut me off, turning towards me with a wink, “Kidding.”

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest in annoyance; how could someone so alluring be so hard to handle? Maybe it was his horrible personality that I was attracted to ─ what, attracted? ─ though who would know for sure?

We walked for what seemed like hours on end, eventually the sun rose proudly in the sky and mercilessly beat down on us. It was hard the breath behind the cloth and wearing pants and long sleeves was torture. I wanted nothing more than to strip right there and let whatever faint breeze there may be cool my scorching skin.

Levi warned me that I had to do my best to save my water because we probably wouldn’t be able to get more before we reached camp. I knew that it would be smart to save it, but my dry mouth and burning, itching throat were begging me for even just a tiny sip.

“I have a flask with water in my bag,” I told Levi, wanting him to know that I was carrying extra. “It’s probably warm now but that’s better than nothing.”

“Try to save that too, you never know what will happen.”

We walked quietly for a few moments before I asked, “Do you know how much longer until we will be there?”

Levi hummed, “About twenty minutes.”

He wasn’t wrong, in no time at all we had found the building that we had been looking for. It was tall, maybe five stories, and its walls were crumbling away. The rusty structure creaked and groaned under its own weight, warning us that it was ready to collapse at any moment. There was debris littering the area: old scraps of metal, broken glass, tin cans, and some broken wood, all peeking out of or resting on the rotten rock. 

“Is it safe to go in there?” I pondered, shading my eyes with my hand as I looked up to the top of the building. It was frighteningly decrepit from top to bottom.

“I’ve never gone further than the first floor, so passed that I’m not sure,” Levi confessed, walking over the ruble so that he could enter the building through a large, gaping hole in the wall. I scrambled after him, not wanting to lose him somewhere inside the building. 

The inner areas of the building smelled musty, mold covering the leftover plaster of the support beams. There was an odd dripping sound that echoed throughout the structure but I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. There was a hole in the ceiling of the small room that we had entered, giving me a glimpse of the destroyed room above.

We walked into the next area that was separated from the other room by a thin hallway. It was much darker without any windows or holes to provide a source of light. There was a torn blanket in the corner with cans and cloths resting on top of it. Levi walked over to the pile, taking off his backpack so that he could pull two bags out of it, handing me one of them.

“Collect whatever we might need in that. Do you have a weapon?” The small man asked as he put the pile of stuff into his bag.

“I have a pocket knife, is that okay?” I told him, reaching into a pocket on the side of my backpack to pull it out.

“That’ll be fine, just put it in your belt so you can easily grab it,” he ordered, tapping the belt on my waste as he walked by.

The next room we entered was much larger and Levi told me that I’d better stay close to him just in case someone was in there. We scouted for signs of others for an annoyingly long amount of time, Levi finally feeling satisfied after our fifth lap around the room.

He stopped, standing up straight, “Okay, grab whatever you can and come back to me when you’re done.”

I nodded obediently, wandering off to search the room for something of use. There were several desks scattering the place, most of the old wood rotting away. I found a couple of cloths that were actually intact along with a knife and some tin cans that might have edible food. I decided to grab a few nails that weren’t too rusted or bent, just in case the community needed them for repairing or expanding.

I strolled around the area, picking up portraits of families with broken frames and shattered glass. Smiling faces stared back at me but I could only imagine that they were long gone by now. It was a gloomy thought, one that reminded me of my own family that I would probably never see again. I could only wonder what they were up to right now, did they even miss me?

They thought their son was a murderer, someone capable of such despicable things. How could they miss someone like me? I’m sure my mom was crying, not because she missed me but instead because she felt guilty, wondering where she had gone wrong. It wasn’t her fault, of course, but I couldn’t tell her that now that I was out here.

“Oi,” Levi called, startling me out of my thoughts. “We’ve probably gathered enough from here, let’s go.”

I quickly jogged over to meet Levi as we made our way over to the next room. There was a spiral staircase made of an old, cracking white marble; I gazed up in awe at the way it twisted its way to the top. At least the staircase seemed fairly intact compared to the rest of the building.

Levi stood at the bottom step, turning to look back at me, “Shall we?”

I hummed in acknowledgement, making my way up to the second floor right behind Levi. The room that the stairs led to on the next floor was completely empty other than the murky puddle that had formed in the middle where the floor begun to dip down. We cautiously walked forward, avoiding the slope of the floor and entering the next area to find that there was a good amount of useful supplies.

The room was quiet as we rummaged through its contents, hoping that we would get lucky. I found some clothes, more cans of food, and a pair of shoes. Levi must have grabbed whatever else he deemed worth taking and soon enough we had regrouped by the door. It seemed as if we had already fallen into a functional system; I could get used to something like that.

“I think we’ve gotten enough from this building. We should probably get going before someone else shows up,” Levi commented, looking around as he spoke.

“Would we be able to eat a bit before we start walking to the next place?” I asked, feeling my practically empty stomach grumble with hope.

“Yeah, once we get outside we can ─”

“Levi, watch out!” I suddenly cut Levi off as a dark figure appeared from behind him.

Everything happened in a flash and I was left disoriented for a few moments, struggling to get my bearings back. There was blood, lots of it, covering my clothes, Levi, and the body that now laid lifeless on the floor. It had splattered across the walls like tiny red stars against the aged grey paint, and across Levi’s pale, anxious face. My heart thumped in my ears over the sound of Levi’s shouting. Why was he yelling at me?

His delicate, thin hands flew up to hold his head, glancing around the room as if he were looking for something. He turned back to me, pacing back and forth as he continued shouting and making strange gestures but he didn’t seem angry. His hand waved in front of my face a few times, though it was just a blur in my vision that only served to slowly pull me back to reality.

Then in an instant, my mind finally processed everything as I felt a terrible burn spread throughout my left arm and bring my numb body back to life. My hand flung up to hold the area just below my shoulder that stung with relentless force, feeling a warm liquid oozing through my fingers. I yelped and bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape. My breathing was unsteady and all I could see was Levi’s worried eyes as he continued to talk to me.

It all clicked in my mind like a sudden flashback to the events that took place only moments prior. I had pushed Levi out of the way, knocking him out of the figures path. But I got in the way and was instead cut by the stranger. Levi must have pushed by me, knife in hand, to jab his blade into the man’s neck before he even had the chance to flinch. He had pulled the knife out and let the man’s limp body fall while turning to me.

The body on the floor stared back at me with its empty eyes, sending chills down my spine. It was a man who couldn’t have been much older than Levi; too young to die. Yet he was lying unmoving on the floor with blood pooling around him and staining the vinyl floor below. I slowly looked back up at the man pacing before me, still alive and breathing.

“─ren… ─en!... Eren!” Levi’s voice registered in my ears and I blinked away the tears that had formed so that I could get a better look at him. “I need to see your arm, but we have to get outside before more people come. Are you okay to walk out?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Actually, I’d rather be screaming until my lungs burst because of the pain that was consuming my entire arm at this point, but I already knew that doing that would be dangerous to the both of us. And hadn’t I caused enough trouble as it was? I instead bit my tongue, holding back the agonized wails that threatened to burst out of me.

Levi took my hand off the wound, putting my arm over his shoulders to support my weight as I began to go lightheaded and stumble over my own feet. My body felt light, like a bag of air that was ready to float away and the only thing that was anchoring me down was the heaviness of my left arm. It was throbbing, every time I moved a harsh blaze would shoot through it.

When we reached the stairs, Levi was careful to stand in front of me just in case I were to fall. I held onto the old railing, its rust rubbing off onto my hand and staining the skin. We had to go slow, making sure that there was no one lying in wait to ambush us once we reached the end of the staircase.

After only a few steps down, it suddenly felt as if I were falling, a strange feeling when I was casually walking just a second ago. The railing next to me dropped towards the first floor as it snapped under the weight I had been applying to it and my body following closely behind. My left hand shot out, reaching to grab onto something but finding nothing other than empty air. 

My stomach flipped nervously at the thought that I was about to plummet to the first floor. With the way that I was falling I’d most likely land on my left arm too, _just my luck_. Right before I was sure I was going to drop, a strong arm snaking around my waist yanked me back with all of its might.

I toppled backwards, gasping as I landed roughly on the hard staircase next to Levi, who still had a muscular arm wrapped around me. He quickly let go, which I didn’t pay much attention to as the cut on my arm began to burn due to the way my arm had twisted and moved so much. I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing harshly through my nose.

“Are you alright?” I heard Levi’s soothing voice ask from above, like an angel calling down to me. My eyes fluttered open as I nodded in reassurance, hoping that the pain I was currently feeling didn’t reflect itself onto my face.

Levi waited patiently for me to stand up, watching like he was sure that I would lose my balance and fall again. Thankfully, I stood without incident and we were able to continue our descent down the dangerous staircase. 

Once Levi was sure that no one was at the bottom, we finished our trip down to the first floor. He put my arm over his shoulders again, keeping me at his side as we ventured forward into the rooms that would lead us outside. I winced with every small movement, doing my best to keep my arm as still as possible.

Our steps echoed throughout the building but other than that it had become eerily quiet. It felt as if we were being watched from all directions, observed by the unseen. I wanted to escape that feeling as soon as possible, knowing that nothing good would come from staying much longer. Eventually, we reached the hole in the side of the building that we had entered from, the harsh outside light causing us both to squint.

Levi sat me down on a large piece of rubble that was just outside the building, dropping the two bags of supplies that I didn’t even realize he had been carrying. He got on his knees so that he could get a closer look at the tear in my shirt where my arm had been cut. It felt wet, stained with my own blood and sweat.

“I have to rip off the sleeve, alright?” He glanced up at me, his face outwardly calm but his eyes darted between my own frantically. I wanted to assure him that I would be okay, that everything would be fine, but the words couldn’t seem force themselves out.

“Y-yeah,” I gritted out instead, clenching my teeth shut as Levi moved my arm and another wave of pain struck.

He took the fabric in his hands, carefully ripping the top of the sleeve before sliding it off of my arm. And then, without warning, he poured something onto the cut. I couldn’t help the scream that erupted from deep within my chest, my right hand digging into the cement I was sitting on. I fought to control my breathing and stared at Levi with what had to be a look of pure betrayal─ _thanks for warning me_.

“…I’m sorry but I had to clean it,” Levi took my right hand into one of his own, squeezing it tightly as I struggled to calm down, my breathing ragged and vision blurry. I tried to focus on the recently cleaned cut as I coerced myself to settle down.

Without the cloth and smeared blood surrounding it, we could clearly see the large cut that went across my deltoid. It was open and still bleeding significantly, the dark red liquid already running down my arm once more. It still stung and yet my arm was starting to feel a bit numb which was worrying even if there were more pressing matters at hand.

“I’m going to wrap this around it to keep it from getting infected before we get back to camp,” Levi had let go of my hand, reaching up to take the cloth off of his head. 

“You can’t use that!” I protested, scooting away as he tried to wrap my arm. “You need it; we can just use one of the cloths we found inside for my arm.”

“That isn’t sanitary,” he tried reasoning, “the whole point of this is so that you _don’t_ get an infection.”

We stared at each other, unmoving as the both of us refused to listen to one another. I didn’t want Levi suffering just because I was dumb enough to get hurt; that was on me. Though with the way he began to grow more and more impatient, I knew that I had no other choice but to admit defeat.

I sighed, giving in with the logic he had offered in mind as he moved closer, grabbing my arm and winding the fabric tightly around it and tying it so that it stayed in place. Blood almost immediately seeped through, staining the gentle orange a deep red. I lifted my arm, testing the way it felt with the makeshift bandage covering it. The wound actually felt better with the added pressure and I was able to move without pulling too much on cut.

“We should rest up for a bit,” Levi commented, taking a seat on the cement next to me.

“Maybe we should just hurry ba─”.

Levi quickly cut me off, “No. You need to feel okay enough to walk back to camp, I don’t need you passing out in the middle of the trip.”

I sighed, settling back and letting my hands rest on either side of me. It was hot out, sweat dripping off of every inch of me. Levi’s cheeks were flushed a light pink and I was sure it was because he didn’t have his head wrapped up. It was frustrating that he’d do that for me, even if the thought of him caring enough to give up his own safety for mine was pleasing.

“I think we should move inside,” Levi glanced at me as I spoke up. I continued, glancing towards the shaded building, “It’s hot out here.”

Levi shrugged, not seeming to care either way, before he made his way back inside to find a comfortable place to rest. We only went two rooms in, not wanting to stray too far from an exit and get ourselves cornered in the building. We’ve already had enough problems as it was and I definitely wasn’t ready to be fighting.

Once we were both sitting comfortably against the wall with both doorways in our view and our bags dropped off to the side, I allowed myself to relax. My arm was throbbing and still had a harsh burning sensation but I did my best to ignore it. Levi looked tired but he kept himself busy by rummaging through the bags of stuff that we had collected.

A dim light reflected off his blood stained face, making his smooth skin look as if it were porcelain. It took every ounce of willpower that I had inside of me not to reach out and run my hand across his cheek. Which apparently wasn’t enough because before I realized what was happening, my arm was moving towards his face and my thumb was swiping over his strangely soft skin.

It swept over the skin underneath his eye, failing to wipe away any of the dried blood but it was satisfying nonetheless. It was only then that I realized he was staring at me with what must have been the most alarmed expression I had ever seen on the man ─ and I mean we were just surprised by an attack. I abruptly drew my hand back, clearing my throat as if that would shoo away the thorny atmosphere that had suddenly surrounded us.

“What are you doing?” the man in front of me mumbled, sounding more confused than angry which was relieving. He reached his hand up to touch where my own had previously been, holding it there like he was trying to protect himself.

“Blood…” I spat out, his uncertainty visibly growing. “There’s blood on your face I… I was trying to wipe it off.”

“You could have told me that _before_ touching me,” he muttered, his hand dropping away from his face to grab something from one of the bags. “Here, use this.”

He had taken out a cloth, wetting it down with a tiny bit of water before handing it to me. I held it tightly in my grasp, staring down at the ragged cloth. Levi impatiently tapped his fingers against the ground, the light sound causing me to jump and my head to snap up only to see his impatience face staring back at me.

I raised the cloth towards his skin, my hand visibly shaking as it drew closer. I held my breath as I pressed the dampened cloth against his forehead, slowly wiping away some of the blood splatter, along with a bit of grime that must have gathered over time, before going back to wipe at the same area. I repeated this a few times until there was not a single drop of red left before moving on to his cheeks.

I carefully wiped away each spot of dried red, going over them a few times to make sure that I didn’t miss anything. As one final check, I wiped from underneath his left eye down to his jaw, not missing the way his breath caught as I stopped at the base of it. Without putting any thought into what I was doing, I trailed the cloth up his jaw until I reached his ear, lingering there for a few moments before moving lower.

Dragging the dirtied cloth down, I pressed against the delicate skin of his neck hard enough to leave a light pink, blotchy line. And if that rosy color didn’t stir up something strange inside of me; I couldn’t help but want to see more. My hand reached the neck of his shirt, the fabric only serving to get in the way as I ran the cloth across his sharp collar bone, relishing in the way that his skin stretched over it.

Suddenly, I heard─ and felt─ Levi clear his throat, my head snapping up to see the way he was staring at me with bewilderment. I tore my hand away, dropping the cloth as if it had burned me. 

“S-sorry, that’s all of it,” I stuttered out, hoping that my cheeks didn’t look as flushed as they felt.

“Yeah,” Levi looked down at his lap and the tip of his ear peaked out passed his hair. It was a deep shade of red which instantly filled me with worry.

I raised my hand up to touch it, the tips of my fingers grazing gently against the hot skin, “Did your ears get burned from the sun?”

He slapped my hand away, cupping his hand over his ear in an attempt to hide it. “No, my ears fine,” he snapped.

I bit my lip to keep myself from saying anything else, I knew he didn’t want me worrying about it. Instead, I sat back again, closing my eyes as I listened to our quiet surroundings. It wasn’t until then that I realized just how tired I was, my mind finally at ease after everything that had happened. I didn’t even notice as I began to drift off into a light sleep.

I’m not sure exactly how long I slept for, but by the time Levi was gently shaking me awake it had already become dark outside. I yawned, glancing around to see that we were still in the same shabby building in the middle of the large desert.

“Get up, we have to get moving before it gets too dark out,” Levi told me as he stood up from his crouched position.

I rose to my feet, stretching out each limb before grabbing my bag and putting it on, careful of the cut on my left arm. We quickly left the building with our bags of supplies in hand, trudging through the hard sand.

“We’re going straight back to camp from here. I’d rather get there as soon as possible to have Hanji look at your arm,” Levi said.

“Does it look that bad?” I questioned, moving my left arm a little only to feel a sharp sting travel down it.

“No, but I’m not a doctor so it’d be better if she looked at it,” he shrugged, picking up his pace just a bit.

I struggled to keep up, left wondering how someone so short was able to move so fast especially when he was crouching so low. It wasn’t long before I was forced to pull the flask out of my backpack, gulping down some of the warm water in an attempt to cure my fatigue. It was gross after sitting in the heat for so long but I didn’t have much room to complain.

Eventually, Levi slowed his jog down to a walk, which I was grateful for. After only a few moments that we spent catching our breath, he found a hill to sit at the top of, similar to the one we had sat at just this morning. I took a seat next to him, thankful to be giving my legs a break.

“We haven’t eaten since morning, you need to get some food in you,” Levi informed me, opening up my backpack to pull out the leftover loaf of bread. He split it in two, handing me a portion that I excitedly bit into.

It was silent for a while, only the light wind and our own shifting sounds filling our ears. It almost always seemed to be close to silent out here and I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. On one hand it was peaceful and calming though on the other, how much silence could one person take?

Levi spoke up, the rumble of his voice in his chest being something that I’d prefer over the silence of the Underground any day. “I know today hasn’t been the greatest, and I’m sure you’d rather be inside the walls but… how’s life in the Underground?”

I snorted, answering in a teasing voice, “What, are you worried about me?” I bit my bottom lip in a struggle to keep myself from ginning.

Levi rolled his eyes in a not-so-annoyed manner, “I was being considerate but now I don’t want to know, asshole.”

“Awe, it was just a joke,” I cooed, staring at him for a few moments before responding earnestly, “Its freeing.”

He glanced over, a flash of silver shining against the hazy moonlight, “How so?”

I shrugged, “It’s more of a feeling than anything. I don’t have to deal with the burdens of living inside the wall. Even if it’s dangerous out here, I’d take this over the inside any day.”

“Not everywhere in the Underground is like this, you got lucky,” he retorted, his thin lips dropping into a frown.

I smiled, gazing up at the clear sky above us, “I know and I’m glad… I’m glad that I met you, Levi.”

I could hear the way he shifted next to me but didn’t bother looking, “Whatever kid, no reason to get sentimental.”

I laughed, leaving the short conversation at that. Even if my arm was burning and the dinner we finished not too long ago definitely wasn’t filling, I was okay with that.

Even though I smelled of sweat after not bathing for three days and my back ached from the way we slept on Levi’s tiny mattress. Or that the air was constantly humid, and I knew that if I left camp alone I’d get lost. It was all okay, because I felt free. For once in my life I knew that I had taken control and to me, that was all that mattered. 

“Let’s go, at this rate we’ll be back by morning,” Levi held out a hand that I happily took, pulling myself up. 

I threw my bag back over my shoulder, grabbing my bag of supplies as we set out once again. The area surrounding us looked identical in every direction though it was getting so dark that I could barely see three feet in front of myself. It was disorienting and terrifying to walk straight into the dark unknown laid out before us.

Levi must have sensed my hesitance, grabbing my hand and forcing me to walk next to him. “It’s okay, I know where we’re going so just stay by my side.”

He didn’t let go of my hand as we continued forward towards camp and I was grateful for that. All that I could do was hope that we’d arrive soon so I could get a few hours of proper sleep and maybe have my arm looked at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much to write, such little space. These chapters are all much longer than I originally planned due to a formatting error which is annoying because I have to go back and fix it every time so that its not all one paragraph. And italics are a pain and I'm lazy but love using it so it is what it is.
> 
> And I hope Eren is regretting the choice he made because wow what did Levi say, hmm??
> 
> Anyways I hope that you all enjoyed chapter four because I threw in some almost-fluff. Thank you all so much for reading and remember that feedback is always greatly appreciated.


	5. Agony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure it's been over four weeks since I last updated which is due to many things that I wont get into but I'm so very sorry about that. Honestly I didn't even plan on staying up this late but really wanted to get this chapter posted. It's probably not edited very well so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy chapter five and thank you all so much for reading!

The sky was dusky, light shades of purples blues and pinks, as the community finally began to rise into our view from over the horizon of light orange sand hills. The air was humid and my entire body felt sticky as well as exhausted from all of the traveling that we had done. My arm had begun to ache worse and worse over time and had grown stiff and swollen.

We had finished the small amount water that we had left a while ago and our only option was to hurry to camp before we became dehydrated. It was early when we arrived, entering just outside of the official’s area. Even though the sun had only just begun to rise, the camp was already bustling. They all seemed to be in a sort of panic as they moved about, speaking and barking orders at one another.

The first person to spot us was none other than Petra, who looked instantly relieved the moment she saw us. She hurried over, jogging towards us while weaving in between ragged tents and uneasy people. When she reached us she was out of breath but was quick to throw questions at us without any sort of hesitance.

“Where have you been? Everyone’s being looking for you, we thought something had happened!” She grabbed Levi by the shoulders, carefully searching his body for injuries.

“It’s not me you should worry about,” he muttered, pulling away as Petra’s grip loosened and her eyes widened.

She whipped around to face me, eyes somehow instantly honing in on the blood-soaked cloth clinging to my arm. She gasped and grabbed my left arm, pulling me closer and paying no mind to the way I winced in pain as she did so. She turned it every which way, expecting every possible angle before backing up with a frustrated sigh.

“How could you let that happen, Levi?” she demanded and I could tell that she was holding her anger back.

“You’re blaming me?” the man huffed, crossing his arms over his chest ─which, wow, made my knees turn to jelly with the way he was pulling his shirt tightly across it─, “ _he_ pushed _me_ out of the way, I didn’t have time to stop him.”

“Why did you even get distracted enough to let this happen in the first place?!” she cried, seeming not to care about the way that her voice was steadily rising. “This isn’t like you! What’s gotten into you, Levi?!”

People who heard the commotion had begun to draw closer, investigating what exactly was going down at the source of all the noise. Levi was looking around anxiously as if uncomfortable by the slowly forming crowd. Petra couldn’t seem to care less, though she was too focused on lecturing Levi to have even noticed anyone else.

“What’s all of this about?” the crowd parted as a tall, muscular man pushed his way through. The ever-handsome Erwin Smith greeted us with that calculating stare of his upon seeing us at the center of the disorder.

“Erwin!” Petra shouted, turning sharply to focus on the additional company, “Why would you let Eren take this job without any formal training? He got hurt when they were out! That’s why they took so long!”

Erwin sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Let’s talk about this later. First you two need to bring him to Hanji and see what she can do about his injuries.”

Neither of the people beside me could find it in them to argue with that, though I knew that I’d rather sleep for a day straight before going to see anyone. But I obviously had no say in the matters, Petra forcefully dragging me along behind a frustrated Levi.

Hanji’s clinic was on the outskirts of the business area, between the work places and where the soldiers trained. When we entered, she was tending to a man who was sitting on one of the three old cots that lined the wall across the doorway. They were held up by rusted metal that creaked every time someone shifted. The mattresses where thin and worn down, their sheets stained with strange shades reds, browns, and yellows.

Petra forced me to sit on the next cot over from where Hanji was working, both Levi and I dropping all of our bags beside it. I watched as Hanji carefully focused on her patient, a pair of goggles that I had never seen before fastened tightly over her eyes. She moved quickly and precisely; it was strange to see the energetic Hanji so engrossed in her work, but it was reassuring to know that she would be fixing my arm. Healing it to the best of her abilities, of course; I couldn’t come in expecting too much from her.

Once she was done, she wrapped up the man’s leg, telling him to get some rest and that he could continue training again tomorrow. She turned to us with a pleased grin, pulling her goggles away from her eyes and letting them slap against her head, sending her tied up hair every which way. Her torn up white lab coat was stained with red and its pockets had large rips in them, making it fairly useless.

“Ah! Yer back! What can I do far ya today?” She asked as she wrapped up some loose bandages and stuffed them into a dated cupboard that sat on the ground, also serving as counter space.

“Eren got hurt on their supply run,” Petra informed her simply, forcing me to turn so that Hanji could see the cloth tied around my arm.

“That doesn’ look good! We’re gonna have ta take the cloth off first so that we know what we’re dealin’ with!” She cackled as if the whole situation were humorous to her. “Hopefully he don’ need stitches,” she continued as she walked around the bed to get a closer look at my arm.

“Whys that?” Levi asked with a frown.

“Jus’ ran out of thread!” Hanji pointed to the patient in the other bed, laughing once again. Levi sighed, glaring at the man as if he had personally offended him. The man sitting on the other cot just shrugged, leaning back with his arms behind his head.

Hanji poked at my arm, squeezing the swollen areas and doing her best to wipe the dried-up blood away. Eventually she started working on the cloth, carefully untying it as she began to unwrap my arm. She went as slowly as she possibly could, careful to make the process as painless as possible. Though all of those efforts came crashing down when I suddenly felt a tug against the wound on my arm. I yelped, looking up at Hanji in confusion.

“Shit,” she muttered, looking over at Levi with an annoyed expression, “Tha damn cloth stuck ta his arm when some of tha blood dried!”

“Well then what the hell are we supposed to do?” Levi snapped, stepping closer so that he could see where the cloth was sticking.

“We have ta get it off,” Hanji hummed, “The bes’ way ta do this is ta pour warm water on first, then pull it off. You and Petra can come help me warm it, we’ll be back Eren.”

I nodded, sitting back against the lifted cot; if I was going to be here for a while I might as well make myself comfortable. It was still quiet in the early morning, finally without any sort of noise coming from the three who left. It was peaceful, and I could feel my eyelids begin to droop as I drifted off into unconsciousness.

Though, I guess it wasn’t my lucky day. A voice next to me startled me awake from my almost-slumber, “Hey, how’d you do that?”

I turned to the man sitting next to me, instantly annoyed by his condescending face. I sighed, responding with as much apathy as I could manage, “Supply run, why?”

“I heard that, moron, but how did it happen?” he asked, seeming more than eager to hear the answer.

It really wasn’t any of his business though, “It’s just a cut, why do you care so much?”

He sighed, obviously growing frustrated at my lack of an answer. “Whatever, I don’t care. It’s just strange that someone who was out with the _Levi Ackerman_ actually got hurt.” Ackerman, huh? It had a nice ring to it and somehow fit the man.

“It wasn’t his fault,” I said defensively, “I got hurt because of something that I did, it has nothing to do with Levi.” Maybe that wasn’t entirely truthful but he didn’t need to know that, most of it was my fault anyways.

“Alright, I get it,” he put his hands up as if he were surrendering, “No need to get angry.”

I could feel my eye twitching but chose to ignore him with an annoyed huff, “And what about you? What happened to your leg?”

He looked down at the bandage wrapping itself around his calf, his pants rolled up just above his knee, “Training accident, its nothing serious.”

“You’re a soldier?” I asked, actually curious of the job that I had only gotten a small glimpse of.

“Mhm,” he hummed in acknowledgement, “Its nothing special; the trainings exhausting and the days always feel longer. Once I’m out of training my plan is to get as far inside this place as I possibly can; like a town guard.”

“Wouldn’t that make all of this training useless,” I questioned with a frown, what was the point of working for something when you were just going to take the easy way out in the end?

“I’m not a soldier because I’m selfless like most of these guys. I want the freedom that comes with the job but I want it while having to risk my own life,” he told me honestly. I’d give him that; at the very least he didn’t try to hide his true motivation.

“Don’t you get tired of being stuck inside the community all day?”

“I’d rather be bored and safe in here than be out there risking my life for a bunch of people that I don’t even know. Some of us aren’t crazy bastards like you, though I guess you wouldn’t understand.”

I frowned in irritation, but he wasn’t wrong; I couldn’t understand where he was coming from. That was because it was different for me, I didn’t even think about all the risks this job included when I knew that I’d finally be getting a taste of freedom. It didn’t bother me knowing that I very well might not come back some day because such a jeopardy felt worth it to me.

I didn’t have time to respond before Hanji, followed by Petra and Levi, entered the tent again. She was carrying a metal bucket, liquid splashing over the side with each bouncing step that she took. She set the bucket down on top of the cupboard before leaning down to rummage through her supplies.

Petra was back at my side before I had time to figure out what Hanji was doing, carefully taking a seat on the bed next to me, “Sorry it took so long hun.”

I shrugged in response, only wishing that I could have gotten some shut eye while they were gone. Levi was standing at the end of the cot, arms held across his chest as he frowned down at me. He looked as if he wanted to say something but was reluctant to do so and I decided that it would be better to just leave him be.

Hanji was hopping over with the bucket in one hand and a cloth that was wrapped around a few supplies in the other, distracting me from the man pouting in front of me. She set everything down on a table to my left, turning back to me before forcing me to sit up facing her.

“’kay, we heat’d up some water, that should make it easier ta take tha bandage off of ya,” Hanji told me grabbing a piece of cloth she had set down and dipping it into the bucket of water.

She pulled the dripping cloth out, telling me to hold my arm up before she began squeezing the water out of it onto the wrap that had stuck to my wound. Even something as simple as water burned, but I clenched my teeth to keep silent, letting Hanji do what she had to. She repeated this a few more time until my arm and the cloth around it were both soaked and dripping.

Once she was satisfied, Hanji began pulling the cloth off of my wound again, doing her best to peel it off of where it was still sticking. It burned more than I would have liked to admit, the way the fabric refused to let go of my already throbbing arm. And before I knew what was happening, Hanji was pulling much harsher than when she had started.

I couldn’t help the yelp of pain that erupted as she yanked at the cloth, forcing a small area of it off of my arm. I raised my right hand, fully ready to push her away, but was stopped as the woman still sitting behind me grabbed it and held me back. Hanji paused, squeezing more water onto my arm then dropping the sopping wet cloth back over the side of the bucket.

It took more than a few minutes, and a lot of Petra struggling to hold me back as Hanji continued her work, before the cloth on my arm finally began to let go. As it fell away, landing on the dirty ground beneath our feet, I was able to let out a sigh of relief.

My arm was bleeding fiercely again, dripping down and adding to the collage of stains on the bed. It burned and ached, the skin around the dark red wound more swollen than I had remembered it being. The wound itself was repulsive, the cut seeming much deeper than before was a gaping chasm on the side of my arm.

Hanji let out a drawn-out breath, leaning in to get a closer look at the damage, “Hmm. Tha’s not gonna heal on its own. Too bad we ran outta thread so soon, that woulda made this so much easier.”

“What are you going to do without thread?” Levi interrogated, his eyes squinting threateningly at the woman.

“There’s always another way, my dear’st Levi!” She exclaimed excitedly though this only caused his suspicion to rise further. I was getting nervous as well, glancing over to meet Levi’s eyes as he looked skeptically between Hanji and I.

As Hanji turned around to rummage through the supplies she brought over, Levi took the chance to sit down next to me on the cot. 

He turned to Petra who was still gripping my right arm as if I might try to escape at any moment. “You can let go now,” he mumbled.

“No, Hanji isn’t done yet,” she argued, latching on even tighter, “I’m just trying to make this easier on everyone.”

“He’s not a child,” Levi shot back, obviously annoyed, “And if he really doesn’t want this done then it’s his choice. So, you can let go of him.”

I could feel the tension between the two rise as they stared at each other, challenging one another to argue back. I quickly cut in, smiling as I said, “Really, it’s okay Petra. I won’t do anything to hurt Hanji if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Her hands loosened, slowly falling and landing on the cot below. “I know you wouldn’t,” she smiled back but I could tell that it was forced, “I’m going to go find Erwin, I’ll take the supplies you gathered over with me. If you need help with anything I’m here for you.”

“Thank you Petra,” Levi told her as she left the tent with a wave.

As soon as Petra was out of sight, Hanji turned around with materials in hand pulling our attention towards her, “Well, glad tha’s over. So here’s tha thing, since were outta thread I have ta use wire ta sew your arm. But since it don’ disintegrate like normal stiches do imma have ta sew it differently.”

“How big is the wire,” Levi questioned.

“Oh, it’s not that bad! It’s almost as thin as tha thread I use but it’s less pliable so that makes it more difficult,” Hanji shrugged, already starting to clean the skin around the wound.

She set her materials down on the bed: some sort of liquid, a needle, the wire, a piece of cotton, and some cloth. Hanji pulled her goggles down once more, silently going into her work mode as she picked up the small bottle that held the liquid. She unscrewed the cap and without warning poured half of it onto my wound.

There was no way that I could have stopped the agonized scream that burst out of me as I felt a searing pain begin to travel through my wound and spread to my whole arm. I was glad to have Levi sitting next to me when my right hand flew up to grab onto the wound and he quickly stopped it. He intertwined our fingers, holding on tightly to my hand as my ragged breaths came out through clenched teeth.

“You’re okay Eren, she had to disinfect your wound before she sews it up,” I heard Levi’s gentle voice in my ear.

Hanji leaned down the grab the needle and wire, carefully threading the wire through the eye of the needle. “Okay, I’m gonna start swein’ ya up now. I don’ have anything ta numb ya but I’m sure ya can handle it,” she told me with a wink but all I could do is groan as I imagined the pain I was about to feel.

I gripped Levi’s hand harder, looking away from Hanji as she approached my throbbing arm with the needle. The second I felt the sharp edge begin to enter my skin I knew that this was going to be the worst part. As she slowly, agonizingly pushed it into my sore skin I could only cry out in pain, squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to block out this horrible feeling.

But, I found out that it was no use as she pulled the needle through and I felt the thick wire dragging itself through my skin. I leaned into Levi shoulder, burying my face against him to muffle the cries that were escaping me. Even though I was doing my best to stay strong there was no way that I’d be able to hold these awful sounds back.

As she began to push the needle in for the second stitch, my tears began to flow and I openly cried against Levi. He had brought his other arm up, wrapping it around my back and pulling me closer to him.

“You’re okay Eren, you’re doing great,” he whispered in that low, calming voice of his.

The second stitch quickly finished and Hanji moved onto the third, yanking and pulling at my skin as she forced the needle through me. I squeezed Levi’s hand as hard as I could, trying anything that might help cope with the pain. If I was hurting him, he didn’t say anything. Instead he continued whispering to me, doing his best to calm me down and distract me as Hanji worked.

Four stitches later was when I finally found out what real pain felt like, the agony of the needle and wire pushing through and tugging becoming too much for me to handle. My cries had changed to agonized wails and my body had begun to shake uncontrollably. Sweat had formed on my forehead and even my hand was beginning to hurt with the way the I kept squeezing Levi’s.

“ _Please_! Please stop!” I wailed, pulling away from Levi so that Hanji could hear me, “No more! I’m done, I can’t handle this anymore!”

My breathing was heavy as I wiped the tears away from my eyes, trying my best to clear my blurry vision. It didn’t work, more and more hot tears falling down my cheek as the pain in my arm never ceased, only growing stronger as I forced myself to endure this.

“Eren, you can’t jus’ stop in tha middl-” Hanji started but was cut off by Levi.

“Eren, listen. I know it hurts but if you don’t let her finish then the wound isn’t going to heal and it’s going to get infected. That’s either going to lead to amputation or death and I’m sure you don’t want either. But right now I need you to be strong for me okay?” he swept my hair out of my face, holding eye contact with me as he waited for an answer.

I nodded in response, closing my eyes as I tried to calm my breathing. My arm was in absolute agony and I wasn’t sure if I was even close to being done yet. The wound was fairly large so who knew how much more I had to undergo? I wasn’t sure if I could bear this pain for much longer.

“How close are you to being done?” Levi asked as if he had read my mind.

“Well I’m halfway through right now, he’s doing really well,” Hanji said like a proud mother.

Levi was silent as he thought for a few moments. He spoke up when he seemed to have come to a conclusion in his mind, “How about we have you lay down for the rest of it, Eren? It might be better, as long as Hanji is okay with it.”

Levi glanced at the woman in question who excitedly nodded, “Of course he can, whatever helps! Would ya rather lay down?”

I nodded my head, taking a deep breath as my breathing finally began to calm down, “Yeah, that’d probably be better but… can you just give me a minute before you start again?”

“Sure, sure but ya can’t let it sit for too long. Levi will help ya settle and then we can finish,” Hanji instructed as she hopped away.

Levi sighed, standing up so that I’d be able to lay down on my side. He held the wire and needle that was still attached to my arm as he helped me lower myself onto my side. When I was in a comfortable enough position, he knelt beside the cot so that we were eye level.

The pain in my arm had finally gone down to a dull throbbing and I really wasn’t ready for Hanji to continue but I knew that it would be better to just get it over with. I had Levi call her over, after much convincing that I was sure I was ready. She stood behind me this time so that Levi could comfort me from the front.

The second half, as I had already imagined, was just as tormenting as the first. Every pinch and tug from the needle and wire only caused more and more pain. I cried again though this time my mind had gone blank so that’s all that I could really do at that point. I’m sure people all around could hear, but what else would you expect coming from the medical tent?

I couldn’t find it in me to care who heard or to even care about how loud I was being. If I had to go through this pain, then I should be allowed to scream as much as I wanted. Though, even through my glossy eyes I could see how worried Levi was as he did his best to comfort me. 

He would speak to me as he shifted from knee to knee, one hand holding my own while the other held my cheek and wiped away the tears. I felt bad that he was forcing himself to do this but I was in no position to stop him, it was nice to have someone there anyways.

I counted down as Hanji began the final stitches, hoping more than anything that this would be over soon. And finally, after a few painful tugs as she tied the knot, I was finished. Hanji put a strip of cotton with some sort of gel on it over the wound before wrapping the clean cloth around it. I could hear her step back and watched as Levi had a silent conversation with her through eye contact and small head motions.

Before I knew what was happening, they were both making their way outside, Levi leaving me with a simple, “I’ll be right back.”

Once they were gone, I rolled over onto my back, staring up at the ceiling as I wiped away the left-over tears and snot. My arm was aching, and it stung every time I moved even the slightest bit, but it felt much better when it was wrapped up and not being poked and prodded.

“So how bad did it hurt?” came that snide voice from the cot next to my own that I had forgotten about in my state of suffering.

“How bad do you think it hurt?” I snapped, not even bothering to hide my frustration at such an idiotic question.

“Bad enough to cry in front of your boyfriend?” the man teased.

“My boyfri-… What the hell are you talking about?” I sat up to face him, wincing as a sharp pain shot down my arm.

“Oh, come on it’s noticeable, you two are fucking,” he grinned at me impishly, “You get one of the best jobs after showing up out of the blue? You’re with the officials all the time and you’re _living_ with the one man who can even stand the presence of almost everyone here? And then he stays by your side and holds your hand to comfort you while you get stitches? It’d be obvious to anyone who looks at you.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to get at,” I reasoned, frowning at him in confusion, “Levi can’t stand me either, they forced him to let me stay in his tent. And I’m sure he would stay by anyone’s side if they had to go through that.”

“Oh please, you’re not convincing anyone with those lies,” he snorted, “So how’d you do it huh? How’d you get on the forever emotionally-detached Levi Ackerman’s good side? It couldn’t have been easy, even if you have such a pretty face.”

“I’m telling you there’s nothing going in between us. He has no interest in me or my life here and wants nothing to do with me. I’m sure his goal right now is to get me out of his tent and working with another official as fast as he can,” I crossed my right arm over my chest, not daring to move my left too much.

“Oh, I’m starting to get a clearer image here. So basically, it’s all one-sided,” he raised an eyebrow, grinning as if he just solved the world biggest mystery. “You’re in love with Ackerman but the stale-hearted man won’t return your feelings?”

“In love?” I barked in surprise, “I don’t… love Levi, I haven’t even known him long enough! Besides he’s a man… two men can’t love each other.”

“It’s almost cute how naïve you are yet at the same time I want to vomit. I wouldn’t be so sure of that, have you never heard of homosexuality? Oh, that’s right, you’re from inside the wall, my bad,” the man sneered.

“What the hell is your problem? No, I haven’t heard of that but that doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole about it,” I glared at him as I stood up from the cot.

“Where are you going?” he snorted, blatantly pleased with himself.

“To get some fresh air,” I muttered, shaking my head in annoyance as I pushed through the cloth doorway.

Outside, I was met with the view of the bright blue sky over the bustling community. It made me wonder how long I had been in there for, a few hours maybe? Though, what was the most surprising to see was the wide, startled eyes staring back at me. Levi had been standing just off to my left as I exited the tent and was now staring at me as if I had caught him doing something.

“Oh, I was just coming to get you,” Levi told me, glancing towards the entrance of the tent, “Hanji decided that you need at least a day of rest before going back to work. Even then, we don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be doing supply runs right now.”

“What do you mean?” I barked, “I’ll be fine, you can trust me!”

Levi shook his head, “Let’s talk about this later, first we need to get you back to the tent.”

I sighed, giving in for now as I made my way back into the medical tent to grab my bag. Neither of us bothered saying anything to the man who was still resting on his cot as we left once more. I didn’t feel like talking to the arrogant asshole anyways. I’d had enough of him and his rotten personality for the time being.

The walk back to the tent was short and quiet, a thick sort of tension settling between us. I’m sure Levi was well aware of my discontent with their decision to not let me do supply runs. It’s not like I planned on taking my anger out on him but he was part of that decision and the only person that I could currently talk to.

Once we had settled down inside, sitting side by side on the bed as we stripped off our dirty shirts, I was finally given the chance to voice my opinion.

“I really think that I’ll be okay doing supply runs,” I said casually, as if I were talking about the weather.

“Your arm needs time to heal, you’re not leaving this camp until you regain full usage of it,” Levi told me bluntly, he must have expected me to immediately pester him.

“You can’t force me to stay here,” I argued, turning away from him so that he wouldn’t be able to see the way I was pouting like a child.

“And where will you go if you leave? You’re right; I can’t force you to stay, but how will you survive out there on your own and with your arm like that?” he shot back and I could feel the way the bed shifted next to me as he leaned forward in an attempt to look at my face.

I turned towards him with a frown, “I don’t plan on leaving but I don’t want to be stuck here all day either. What am I supposed to do when I’m trapped in here and you get to go out there? What if you get hurt?”

Levi snorted, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “Do you know how long I’ve been doing this for? I won’t get hurt. And while you’re here you can help around camp, Hanji said that she’d love for you to come work with her.”

I huffed, falling backwards onto the mattress so that I could stare up at the ceiling, “I don’t agree with anything of this but… if it’s just until my arm is better then I guess I can put up with it for awhile and I like Hanji so I guess it won’t be too bad.”

“Good, Hanji will be ecstatic,” Levi sighed softly and I could only guess that it was from the stress of what I had put him though.

We sat in silence, even as the thoughts of the conversation I had with the man in the tent continued to pester my mind. There was so many questions I had for him, beginning with why was he such an asshole but that one could wait. One thing in particular though was bothering me but I knew was it childish and therefore would never subject myself to the degrading experience of actually asking him.

Instead, I decided to ask Levi, who I assumed wouldn’t judge me as much for not knowing what seemed to be common knowledge here in the Underground. “Um, Levi? So, I was talking to that guy in the clinic… the soldier… and well, that part isn’t relevant… but, um… well, I was wondering what, um…”

“For fucks sake please just spit it out, at this rate I’m going to die before you get to the point,” Levi groaned in annoyance which only made things that much harder on me.

“Please don’t laugh but… what does homosexuality mean?” I asked in a low voice, hiding my face in embarrassment as I waited for his reaction.

But, all I heard out of him was coughing, violent coughing. Actually, it was fairly worrisome especially if that was his reaction to my question. Had I really asked something all that bad? Maybe I had pronounced it wrong and that’s what caused this sort of strange response.

“Ar- Are you okay?” I stuttered out, sitting up to see what was wrong as the coughing fit drew on.

“Yeah-“ he coughed again before clearing his throat, “I really wasn’t expecting that. But, it’s the same thing as being gay.”

I blinked at him, nodding slowly while wondering why he’d expect me to know what gay means. “Uh huh,” I nodded again, taking in the information before I asked plainly, “And what does gay mean?”

He stared back at me, disbelievingly, “How do you not- no, never mind, I won’t ask. If somebody is gay it means that they are attracted to a person of the same gender.” 

“So that would be like if I was attracted to you?” I asked innocently.

Levi’s eyes grew wide and I could see a slight tint of red at the tips of his ears, “That would be an example, yes.”

I stared at him for a while longer, pondering over my new findings. So, if I really was attracted to Levi, which I knew that I wasn’t, that would make me gay? Was that something that was common in the Underground? Was it accepted out here? I remember hearing something similar when I was still living inside the wall though it was explained with much more negativity.

Inside the wall they only went as far as to tell us that being in a relationship or even being attracted to someone of the same gender was wrong and unnatural. They never had terms for such a thing, to me it was a complex idea that I didn’t bother thinking about. All I had ever grown up knowing was that it was supposed to be a man and a woman, never once had I even considered the possibility of someone being gay.

Though, often times I found myself admiring Levi, did that make me gay? I wasn’t attracted to him romantically per se, like I might be with a woman, but what type of attraction was he talking about? Either way, I didn’t think I had much of a chance of being gay since I had never been exposed to such an idea before.

I could only help but wonder what Levi’s thoughts were on the topic as I asked, “What about you? Do you think it’s wrong to be gay?”

Levi stared at me with a calm, level expression; it bothered me that I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, “No, I don’t think it matters who somebody likes if that’s the person that makes them happy.”

I smiled at that, he was a lot sweeter than he liked to let on. “Well I agree with that; I don’t think it matters. Do you know anyone here who is gay?”

He nodded, taking a few moments before responding, “I won’t tell you any names but yes, some people here are gay.”

It was strange to think that such a thing would go unnoticed but it’s not like anyone was making it extra obvious. Maybe, eventually, someone would trust me enough to tell me though who knows.

I glanced back up at Levi, who had his head leaned back and his eyes closed; he looked content. But what caught my eye was how red his ear had gotten, it was beginning to spread down to his neck. I knew he got angry at me the last time that I pointed it out but I couldn’t stop myself from worrying.

“Hey, your ears red, are you too warm in here or something?” I asked, refraining from touching his ear─ which was quite hard given how badly I wanted to.

“Probably,” he abruptly stood up, pulling his shirt back over his head, “You should get some rest, if you need me for anything I’ll be in the meeting tent.”

I nodded, sighing as I leaned forward to untie my shoes and kick them off. I took off my pants as well, placing those along with my shirt that I had left on the bed earlier in one of my draws. Once everything was put away, I laid back down on the bed, wishing that my arm would heal as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren is a cry baby (not really that would seriously hurt) and clueless but we still love him. Levi worries more than he lets on and is lucky that Eren is so clueless (kind of lucky). Also can anyone guess who the other person in the clinic was?? I tried to make it noticeable but not too obvious, we will see.
> 
> Anyways I'm so sorry about the late chapter but thank you so much for waiting and thank you for reading! Remember feedback is always appreciated (even if I don't really deserve right now)


	6. Slippery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah... What do you mean this is late?.. Honestly my biggest fear when posting this work was that I wouldn't have enough time to update and here were are. But oh well, I'll just continue to update as much as I can while I'm still in school. After that I should have somewhat of a normal schedule.
> 
> On a more positive note! Once I finish this work I'll be printing it as an actual book which is fairly cool. Of course that's a long time from now but it gives me motivation to write faster!
> 
> Anyways!! I'm sorry about another late update and I hope that you are all still able to enjoy chapter six! Thank you for reading!

The day that followed getting stitches shoved into my skin, I was a bit grumpy waking up to say the least. Of course, I really didn’t mean anything by my sour attitude and definitely didn’t mean to offend anyone personally. But I also had no way of controlling what I said in that state and that just may have been what lead up to the situation I was currently in.

Because when I wake up irritated there is a slight chance of me saying something senseless and irrational such as; “It’s useless being here if I can’t do anything,” or “Why did you bother waking me up if you’re just planning on dropping me off at daycare with Hanji,” or maybe even something along the lines of, “I’d rather die of dehydration than have to stay here all day.”

None of which Levi took very kindly to, not that I blame him, and so in a matter of minutes he shoved me onto Hanji and told me to “get the fuck over yourself before you even think about talking to me again.”

Which, unsurprisingly, lead to me pouting around Hanji’s clinic like a petulant child who had been told no for the first time in their life. I knew that I was being unreasonable about the situation and that Levi and everyone else were doing their best to make the situation easier on everyone. I also knew that I was not helping in making things easy but sitting in a clinic all day with a crazy scientist wasn’t very easy for me either.

Again, completely illogical and childish. Hanji was doing her best to deal with me, I could tell that she was struggling to not say anything about it. I was sure that I’d regret treating such wonderful people like dirt once my mood was back to normal, I could already feel the guilt building up inside of me when I accidentally snapped at Hanji after she asked me a simple question.

I didn’t allow myself to get stuck on that for too long, not wanting to deal with the emotions that came from being grouchy. Instead, I watched as people came and went from the clinic, some for small scrapes and airy coughs while others came in looking like they were on the verge of death.

One particular person caught my eye as he entered, his stupid two toned hair windblown and sticking up at weird angles. I could feel all of the negative energy inside of me instantly hone in on him and I couldn’t help but feel that he would be the perfect person to take this out on.

“Ah, Jean! What can I do for ya?” Hanji greeted him happily and I had the urge to ask her why she would ever be so kind to such a revolting person. This man, who I assumed was named Jean, didn’t deserve her kindness, though neither did I at the moment.

“Popped a stitch during training and Petra told me to come see you,” Jean sat down on the same cot that he had been resting in yesterday, “She also said to tell you that I’m not allowed to train for a couple of days.”

Hanji took a seat on a small stool next to the cot, “Alright, le’s take a look at yer leg and see how bad it is.” She rolled up the fabric of his pants and began pulling off the bandage wrapped around his calf which had a small red stain seeping through it.

“Why is he here again?” Jean pointed to the spot I was standing in behind Hanji.

“He’s helpin’ me out here in the clinic while his arm is healin’. It’s nice to have company every once in a while,” I practically deflated with the way Hanji forced a smile as she finished peeling the bandages off of his leg. My stomach sunk and suddenly all of that regret came bubbling up and I kind of wanted to puke.

“Um… Can I do anything to help?” I asked timidly, shuffling from foot to foot.

Hanji whipped around, her eyes wide with pleasant surprise and I felt a weird sort of astonished relief wash over me. She nodded her head eagerly, “Can ya grab me a new bandage, some cotton, and there should be a small tube in the cabinet.”

“Yes! Of course!” I hurriedly gathered the items she requested and helped her lay them out on the bed.

“Okay Jean, yer leg is fine and it’a heal alright. Permission from my patient ta let my assistant wrap ya up?” She asked Jean with a huge grin.

“That’s fine, I’m sure he won’t screw up something this easy,” Jean shrugged, leaning back as he smirked at me and suddenly that urge to deck him was back, but I ignored it. I’d rather not be any more of a nuisance on Hanji than I already have been.

Hanji walked me through the steps to properly wrap up the wound on his leg while explaining what indicators I should be looking for that something might be wrong such as an infection. First she had me put some gel on the cotton I grabbed before I gently placed it over his stitches. Then I took the clean bandage to wrap it up with, finishing with a small knot so that it would stay in place.

“How’s that feel?” Hanji asked, pulling on the fabric to make sure that it wasn’t too tight.

“It’s fine, looks like your new assistant isn’t totally useless,” Jean bent his legs to sit crisscross on the cot, “Mind if I stay for a little while?”

“Ya know I’ve got no problem with that, as long as it don’ get too crowded is all,” Hanji sat back, pulling her goggles up as she went into thought, “Actually, I gotta go grab some supplies which takes forever since ya gotta get permission from Erwin an’ them. If ya don’ mind could ya two watch the clinic for a bit?”

“Just us?” I asked, nervous at the thought of being left alone in here and with Jean of all people, “What if someone who’s seriously hurt comes in?”

“Jean knows what ta do, he grew up helpin’ me here so I’m sure it’ll be okay,” she told me as she grabbed a satchel and threw it over her shoulder, quickly making an exit before either of us had time to argue.

I glanced over at Jean who had begun tidying up the messy clinic, seemingly comfortable in the quiet, tranquil environment of the medical tent. He hummed a light tune, one that I didn’t recognize hearing before, minding his own business as he moved about the tent. It was strange to think that Jean had been here his whole life, as Hanji had insinuated just before she left.

“What is it?” Jean must have noticed me staring as he turned to face me, arms full of fresh bandages that he began storing in the cabinet.

“I was just… thinking,” I cleared my throat, trying to rid the air of the sudden discomfort.

“About?” He questioned with a raised eyebrow. I’ll admit, that probably wasn’t the best response considering the fact that I was staring at him but what else was I to say?

“Um… Life here I guess… Did you grow up here?” I quickly asked. I was already well aware of his animosity towards people who live inside the walls but it might have come from living out here.

“Born and raised, this place is all that I’ve ever known,” he went back to humming, passing me so that he could fix the sheets on top of the cots.

“And you’re close with Hanji?” I moved to the cot besides his, pulling the sheets back up and ridding them of wrinkles.

“She’s practically a mother to me,” he smoothed out the sheets before sitting down, facing towards me.

“What about your real mom?” I asked, not realizing how insensitive of a question it was until it was too late.

He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair, “Died when I was young, in this very clinic actually. There’s not much we can do for the ill around here.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I mumbled, not knowing what else to say in a situation like this. He only hummed in response, glancing towards the doorway as the fabric blocking the outside world shifted to reveal a man who looked to be about the same age as Jean.

“Marco!” Jean shouted, his voice shrouded in worry, “What are you doing here? Did something happen?”

The man named Marco laughed, the dark freckles speckling his cheeks practically twinkled against his pale skin, “No, I came to make sure that you were okay.”

“Oh,” Jean let out a breath, his shoulders drooping with what I assumed was relief. “Are you gonna stay here then?”

Marco leaned against the old wooden beams that created a makeshift door frame, holding the cloth back and giving me a view of the people who passed by just outside. I watched as people walked by, going on about their daily lives. It was strange that this life is what was considered normal to the people out here, that they accepted the struggle of living day by day in the unrelenting Underground.

Suddenly, something just passed Marco’s shoulder caught my eye, the familiar bald head drawing my attention away from the conversation the two inside the tent were having. It was growing further away, almost out of sight as I abruptly stood up, startling Jean and Marco.

“I’m sorry, I have to go!” I called as I jogged out of the tent, sliding by Marco on my way out. I picked up my pace a bit once I was outside, my eyes darting every which way in hopes of spotting that bald head again. I quickly made my way towards where I had last spotted it, hoping that I’d catch the person before they disappeared.

It was a strange feeling, finally seeing someone that I recognized and then at the same time being filled with the wonder as to why they were out here. Maybe I was seeing things, maybe being out here and trapped in this camp was finally getting to my head. And maybe that was for the better, what other explanation was there?

My job turned into a run, earning several strange glances from the civilians in the surrounding area. I held my left arm against my chest, the wound throbbing with every long stride that I took. But for now, I had to ignore the pain, to push it to the back of my mind and focus on the problem at hand.

As I rounded the corner, the center of the community came into view, and so did that familiar head. I instantly broke into a sprint at the sight, breathing heavily as I closed in on the man. It only took a few moments to catch up to the person and as soon as they were in reach my arm extended, grabbing onto their thin shoulder.

“Commander Pixis!” I called past heavy, uneven panting. The man in question jumped, their entire body going rigid as they slowly turned around to look at me.

The moment I saw their face, I knew that I was somehow mistaken and my hand quickly retracted. An old, confused face stared back at me. The people around us had begun to stop, trying to get a better look at what was going on. I shifted away nervously, biting my lip as I anxiously looked around at the crowd of people who all seemed to be glaring at me with spiteful eyes.

“Pixis?” the old man questioned with a quiet hum.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stuttered out, raising my hands in front of me, “I think… I mistook you for someone else.”

The old man chuckled and I felt a sense of relief wash over me, my hands dropping back own to my sides, “It’s alright, you just startled me is all. I hope you find who you’re looking for.”

“Thank you,” I muttered, bowing my head.

As he began to walk away, whistling a light tune, I was left standing there dumbfounded. The crowd around me had already begun to disperse and go back to their daily duties, leaving me standing in the middle of the busy center. 

I was so certain that I had seen him, was it possible that my eyes were just fooling me? There would be no reason that Pixis would need to be out here to begin with; logic was telling me that it was all in my head and yet something still felt off. Something inside of me refused to settle for that being a simple mistake on my end.

But what if I really did see Pixis? What would knowing that he’s here change? Nothing, of course, unless I could figure out exactly why and how he got out here. But I found it unlikely that anyone would be willing to give me that sort of information.

I sighed, making my way over to one of the empty picnic tables to take a seat. My head was spinning and my arm was throbbing, all I wanted was at that moment was a distraction. And I guess it was my lucky day because a distraction did come, in the form of a short and kind of angry looking man.

I watched as he took a seat in front of me, dropping a heavy looking bag on the table. He looked me over for a few moments, examining me until he felt satisfied enough to talk. “So, have you gotten your head out of your ass?” A compassionate greeting from the man, as always.

I snorted, leaning my elbows on the table, “Yeah, I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Whatever kid,” he rolled his eyes, “What are you doing out here? I thought you were supposed to be helping Hanji.”

“I was but…” I started, unsure if I should question him about what had happened. Would Levi know anything about Pixis’s appearance?

“But what?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

“I just… needed to take a break,” I spat out the lame excuse, internally cringing as I prayed that he would accept it.

He stared at me for a few more moments and with the way that he was looking at me, I could tell that he knew I was lying. He seemed like he wanted to push further but wasn’t given the chance when someone suddenly called for his attention.

“Levi!” a delicate voice beckoned, Petra waving her hand as she jogged over. She stopped at the end of the table once she reached us, sending me a kind smile, “Eren, how are you feeling?”

I shifted my left arm, feeling a sharp pain shoot through it, “Better, it could be worse I guess.”

“I’m sure,” she gently hummed, turning her attention towards Levi, “Erwin needs you.”

Levi frowned, his thin eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “What for.”

“Something about an unscheduled meeting,” Petra shrugged, “he said to come as soon as possible.”

“Right,” Levi sighed, pushing himself up on the table, “Eren, take that bag to the kitchen for me, I’ll see you at lunch.”

With that they left me sitting alone, the two small forms quickly making their way towards the meeting tent before disappearing behind the cloth doors. I was curious, to say the least, as to what was so urgent that Erwin had to call a meeting so abruptly. Even if it was none of my business, I felt myself feeling suspicion swell within me. It was strange that he would call for a meeting right after I thought I saw Pixis.

Though, it might just all be a string of coincidental events that I was attempting to connect when, in reality, they had no correlation to each other. The worst part was that I was left guessing with nothing to go off of other than what I had seen and heard. Levi didn’t seem too pleased to be called so suddenly so was this something that happened often? I couldn’t be sure, but either way something about the situation felt off to me.

I ran my hand through my hair, flinching when I felt how greasy it had gotten. How long had it been since I last bathed, four days? I knew that however long it had been, I felt the disgusting layers of grime that had built up and was absolutely revolted. I’d be begging Levi to take me to the baths later for sure.

Picking up the large sack on the table, I began making my way towards the dining hall, knowing that the kitchen was close by. It had to be getting close to noon, my stomach grumbling at the thought of lunch. Unfortunately, thanks to my attitude earlier, Levi didn’t bring me to get breakfast, instead dropping me off with Hanji. I didn’t blame him but it would’ve been nice to have eaten something.

The kitchen was full of people running all about once I arrived so instead of forcing my way in, I handed the bag to one of the workers, letting them know that Levi told me to drop it off. They happily took it, telling me how grateful they were and to thank him the next time that I saw him.

Once the supplies had been dropped off, I wandered away from the kitchen and towards the dining tent. People were already beginning to stream into the big tent as lunch drew closer. In the crowd of people was someone had apparently spotted me, making his way over with another man who pouted as he followed behind.

“Eren!” Marco─ if I remember correctly ─ called, waving as he walked towards me.

“Are you guys headed to lunch?” I asked, assuming they were headed to the dining tent.

“Yeah! Care to join us?” Marco smiled happily as he offered. Though behind him Jean looked none too pleased but I ignored that in favor of hanging out with someone new.

“Sure,” I agreed, letting Marco lead me to their designated table which was among the many that were meant for the soldiers.

“So you’re both training to be soldiers?” I inquired as we all took a seat, Marco and Jean on one side while I sat across from them.

“Mhm,” Marco confirmed, gently tapping his fingers on the table as he thought about it, “Actually, we started training together and that’s how we met. We lived in different areas of town so we hadn’t known each other beforehand.”

“And what do you plan to do once you’ve finished training? Town guard as well?”

“That’s right; I want to be able to protect the citizens of this town to the best of my abilities,” he smiled and at that moment I was sure that I would never find someone as pure as Marco.

I was about to ask them about their training but was interrupted by a hand that not-so-gently slapped itself down next to me on the table. I jumped, startled by the sudden movement. I followed the length of the arm all the way up to a frowning face, thin eyes glaring back at me.

“Levi?” I uttered to him timidly. I wasn’t sure why he seemed so upset, was it something I did?

“Why are you sitting over here?” he answered steadily, his voice not showing any hints of the frustration that contorted his face.

“They asked me to sit with them,” I told him slowly, unsure of myself, “Am I not allowed to? If it’s a problem, I’ll go back to your table.”

He shook his head in reply before straightening up, “I’ll see you later.”

Levi left me with that, turning and making his way towards the officials table where Hanji and Petra were already waiting for him. Hanji quickly jumped on him as soon as he arrived, shouted something incoherent and laughing wildly before he swatted her away and slumped into his seat.

When I turned back to Marco and Jean, they were both already looking at me with knowing eyes. What they knew exactly, I wasn’t sure and I didn’t bother to ask. I let myself be distracted from their looks as the dining hall was filled with the smell of lunch, the workers beginning to pass around the food. I quickly dug in, eager to fill my empty stomach as fast as I could.

Though, I couldn’t ignore the way I would catch Levi’s eye every time that I even glanced over at the officials table. His stare was blank and yet at the same time threatening, like he was a hawk who had chosen me as his unfortunate prey. I shivered at the mere thought, doing my best not to look over even though I could feel the way his eyes continuously bore into me. It was as if he was daring me to take just one more peek, even for a second.

How could I resist when such a strong gaze was stuck to me? My eyes traveled up once more, only to meet Levi’s yet again. Though this time I didn’t look away, instead watching as he stood up, saying something to Hanji and Petra before taking one last look at me and walking away.

I blinked a few times, my mind mulling over whether or not he wanted me to follow. It wouldn’t hurt to try, is what I hoped as I cut into Marco and Jean’s conversation, “Hey, I have to go now but I’ll see you guys soon?”

Marco smiled, “Of course, it was nice meeting you Eren.”

“You too Marco,” I gave a nod before hurrying out of the tent, doing my best not to run into anyone as I jogged through the crowd.

Outside, Levi was leaning against the side of the tent with his arms crossed over his chest, presumably waiting for me. I made my way over to him, slowing my jog to a walk as I approached. As I got closer I could see that he actually had his eyes closed, his head tilted up and his silky black hair moving with the light breeze.

I cleared my throat, causing his eyes to open slightly, “Um… Did you need something?”

“Bath,” he muttered, closing his eyes again.

“Excuse me?” I asked, unsure if I had heard him correctly.

“You need a bath,” he reiterated, pushing himself off of the tent and motioning for me to follow him.

I already knew where he was taking me but followed along quietly anyways; I had already done enough damage this morning with my attitude as it was. The walk to the baths was short and soon enough we were pushing through the doorway that led into the males bathing tent. There were a few people scattered around in the metal tubs, all quietly minding their own business.

Levi ignored everyone else as he grabbed an armful of towels from the stack near the doorway and began walking towards the back of the tent. I made it a point not to look at anyone as we passed several people on our way to the back. I’d rather not anger anyone when I was finally getting the chance to clean my disgusting body and I’m sure Levi wouldn’t want to deal with that either.

He led me to the very last row of tubs, the back of the tent much dimmer and practically empty compared to the first couple of rows. Levi placed the towels on a nearby stool before he stripped his shirt off. I could only stand there awkwardly and watch, unsure of what to do now.

“You gonna bath with your cloths on?” he raised an eyebrow at me as he leaned down to untie his boots.

“No!” I jumped, my hands quickly moving to take off my shirt, leaving my upper half bare since I hadn’t put on an undershirt this morning.

“The water in the tubs here is usually cleaner, that’s why I prefer the back,” he commented, folding his cloths to place next to the towels and _wow─ has his ass always been that nice or is this something recent because fuck, no man should be allowed to have an ass that perfectly plump._

I could feel my cheeks heating up, quickly dropping onto one knee to pretend that I was busy untying my shoes as I internally scolded myself for even looking at Levi like that. My hands began to shake as I heard him walking over and his face was far too close to mine far too soon. Levi, who had knelt down in front of me, pushed my hands out of the way, quickly unlacing my boots for me.

“Hurry up,” he mumbled, standing up straight once I was able to pull off my shoes, “I’ll help you clean your arm.”

“R-right,” I stuttered out, tripping over myself as I struggled to get out of my pants. I could feel the way my already blushing cheeks heated up further when I realized that all I had left was my boxers. I glanced at Levi, hoping that he would get the hint.

Levi rolled his eyes, turning around as he grumbled, “We’re both men, no need to be prudish.”

I ignored him, focusing on how quick I could go from the stool to the tub, which was surprisingly fast. Levi turned around as soon as he heard the splash of me throwing myself into the tub. I sunk down into the cool water, relishing in the way it felt against my sweaty skin. I felt like it had been years since I last bathed so even this old, slightly dirty water was enough to satisfy me at the moment.

Levi, who had knelt down to my left, tapped on my shoulder, telling me to sit up. I begrudgingly obeyed, forcing myself upright enough to that he had proper access to the wound on my arm. He gently took all of the wet bandages off, placing them to the side as he picked up a small cloth. He dipped it into the water, putting a small bit of soap on it before he lightly scrubbed the skin around the wound on my arm.

It was sore and every time he pressed a little too hard I had to force myself not to wince. I knew that he was just trying to help me but the stitches were still so fresh and the pain hadn’t subsided as much as I had hoped it would’ve by now. Either way, it was nice to have someone who was willing to do this. If it were me I would’ve just simply left the bandages on and assumed that the water would be enough to clean it.

Levi took his time scrubbing it until he deemed the area clean. He then placed the cloth to the side, using his hands as a cup to pick up water and wash off the soap. It stung and burned each time the water washed soap over the stitches but I clenched my jaw and kept quiet, letting Levi do what he thought was necessary.

It took a surprising amount of time for him to be satisfied with his work and finally, once he had finished, he backed away. Though, there was a slight problem that neither of us had noticed up until then; all of the tubs had been taken by other citizens.

Levi looked around, his eyes wide with astonishment, “How the hell did it fill up so fast?”

I shrugged uncertain of how to respond to that. Since neither of us had been paying much attention, we didn’t realize that the tent had begun to fill up until it was too late. Of course, all I could do was quickly finish so that Levi could also get the chance to bath.

“Just my fucking luck,” he complained, running his fingers through his hair with a frown. “Move over, I’m not waiting,” he commanded and I had no opportunity to argue as I watched him strip off the only remaining piece of fabric covering his body. It took every ounce of power within my being to keep my eyes from straying towards him as he stepped into the tub and only when I was _completely sure_ that he was in did I finally turn to face him.

Levi sat with his arms resting on top of the tub, his knees bet up so that they barely showed about the water. He was staring at me heavily, eyes lidded and lips quirked into a smirk. I shifted uncomfortably, pulling my knees closer to my chest to avoid touching him.

He scoffed, “You’re giving me that look again.” _I_ was giving _him_ a look? What about the way that he looked like he was currently preparing to eat me alive?

“What look?” I shook my head, not understanding what he meant by that.

“Like you’re afraid of me,” he shrugged, watching me carefully as he spoke slowly in that tempting deep voice of his, “Am I really that threatening to you?”

“Not threatening per se…” I tapped my chin uneasy as I thought about how to word this in the least offensive manner possible, “Just… intimidating?”

“I don’t think I’ve done anything to intimidate you, have I?” he questioned as he stretched his arms over his head and if way his muscles flexed underneath his smooth, pale skin wasn’t enticing then I’m not sure what was.

Maybe I wasn’t intimidated by him either, maybe it had something to do with the fact that for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Levi’s every move intrigued me and it was like if I were to look away for even a second I’d miss something spectacular. This sort of attraction to someone was strange to me, foreign even. I had never once met somebody who’s presence demanded my attention during every moment they were near me.

I shook my head, humming in thought. Levi didn’t bother pushing any further as he leaned over the side of the tub to grab something, revealing his thin, defined ribcage as he struggled to reach whatever was on the ground. I could tell that the stubborn man sitting in front of me wouldn’t dare ask for my help but I could also see that he probably wouldn’t be able to reach the ground no matter how hard he tried.

So, assuming that I could make everything easier for him by just grabbing it, I also leaned over the tub. My arm, since it was a bit longer than Levi’s, had no problem reaching it and I quickly grabbed the towel he had been struggling to pick up, turning to hand it to him.

Though, of course, since it was my first time bathing here, I had no way of knowing just how slippery these tubs would be. I therefore was completely unprepared when I slipped, dropping the towel and falling forward onto Levi. This caused us both to topple over into the tub, submerging under the water. Levi quickly sat up, I would only know this because I could feel the way his abs shifted underneath my cheek. Though, I settled for staying under the water and hoping that I would drown before I ever had to face Levi again.

But, my luck must have run out some time ago because before I knew it my head was being yanked out of the water by my hair, forcing me to come face to face with an agitated looking Levi, his body tense underneath me. My hand shot down to steady myself, unfortunately landing on what I assumed was Levi’s stomach but I didn’t dare to look down.

Levi’s eyes grew wide, the grip of his thin fingers in my hair loosening until he finally let go. But, I was frozen and had no hope of making this situation any better. My other hand moved to grasp the side of the tub, arm stinging from moving so much when I didn’t have a bandage wrapping the stitches. It was only then though that I noticed Levi’s legs on either side of me as my arm brushed against one.

It was almost surprising how Levi seemed even more attractive from this angle, underneath me with his legs spread. His dark hair had plastered itself to his forehead and his eyes shined blue passed his pupils which were blown wide. I watched as small droplets of water ran down his skin, tracing the slight curves of his body. My eyes wandered back up to his, the both of us silently staring at each other for a few moments.

“Are you just going to sit there like a dumbass?” Levi snapped, causing me to flinch.

I slowly shook my head, not breaking eye contact with him as I used my right hand resting on his stomach to push myself up. Once I was stable, I allowed myself to sit back against my side of the tub, instantly curling in on myself.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, resting my cheek on my knee as I watched him begin to wash his hair.

“Yeah… it really does take a special kind of idiot to fall like that _in a bathtub_ ,” he shook his head and I could see the way his neck had turned a light shade of red. “Here, help me wash this out.”

He turned around with his back towards me, sinking lower into the water so that I could easily rinse the soap from his hair. I cautiously threaded my hands into his hair, tilting his head down so that the back of it was in the water. I gently ran my fingers through the longer strands of his hair with shaky hands, relishing in the way the sleek strands felt against my skin. I even was careful enough to scrub where his hair was cut short, massaging out whatever soap may be left.

His eyes stayed on my face the entire time, watching intently as I worked. I did my best to ignore him, instead focusing on the throbbing that had started between my legs some time ago. I could feel my heart race in my chest as I finished up, scooting back as far as I could and praying to whatever godly being might be listening that Levi doesn’t look under the water.

My breathing was shallow and difficult to control, every small movement of the water forced me to hold back a whine. My eyes refused to stay open all the way, lids drooping as I tilted my head back and attempted to calm myself down before Levi noticed.

He sat up, turning around once again and quickly scrubbing down his body. He didn’t seem to notice my struggle on the opposite side of the tub, though the way his body shifted every time he moved was tempting to say the least.

Is this what it meant to be homosexual? I wouldn’t know and I wouldn’t chance trying to ask since that would only serve to make things far more awkward than they already are. Whatever was going on with my body was bad enough as it was so I _would not_ be bringing his attention to it.

“Do you need help?” I heard Levi ask, dragging me out of my thoughts. My cheeks practically set on fire once I processed the question.

“W-with what?” I interrogated nervously, my voice sounding a bit higher than usual. I squeezed my legs together in hopes to hide myself from him.

“Washing up?” he raised an interested eyebrow, a smirk making it’s way onto those enticing light-pink lips.

“No… I can do it on my own,” there was no way that I’d let him touch me in this state.

“Then I’m going back to the tent,” he stood up and I definitely didn’t take one last peek at his perfect backside as he stepped out of the tub. “I’ll see you once you finish up.”

Once he was dried and dressed, he left, allowing me to unwind from the ball of embarrassment that I had turned myself into. I sighed as I sunk down into the water, only my eyes peeking out from above the surface. Today was _definitely_ not my day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheres Waldo except Pixis edition and it's just a bunch of bald old men. Did Eren actually see him? Who knows
> 
> So much happened in this and Marco is here so that's great (you can never have enough Marco, trust me). Also this is a bit longer than usual which wasn't the intention but I just had to add the tub scene in so I'm sure you all wont mind too much.
> 
> Anyways, thank you all so much for reading and following along and I hope you were able to enjoy. Feedback is always welcome (and appreciated) in any form and remember: Tubs are slippery when wet.


	7. Distant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will regret staying up this late tomorrow but right now I'm just happy to be able to post. And I really like this chapter for many reasons so I've been excited to update.
> 
> Unrelated, it takes half an hour (sometimes more) to format and post this, to think I could've gone to sleep thirty minutes earlier. The lengths an author goes to just to please the readers (jk I love all of you and it's always worth staying up even if I complain).
> 
> Anyways, I hope that you all enjoy chapter seven! Thank you for reading!

Each morning, for three days after the tub incident, I woke up to an empty tent. Everything was in it’s proper place, pristine as if no one else had ever even been in here with me. And yet I still felt the warmth of another body next to me every single night, the warmth that would disappear without a trace. It felt lonely, waking up to a vacant spot when I was so used to seeing somebody filling it.

What’s worse is that the spot was just as barren when I laid down at night. I was left waiting, staring into the darkness until my consciousness faded and I was once again forced to fall asleep alone. The single reassurance I had was the short moments in the middle of the night where I tossed and turned, only to feel a strong arm snake itself around my waist until I was soothed back to sleep.

It’s not as if I could go looking for him during the day either, as much as I really wanted to. Since I was expected to be with Hanji all day and was never told where Levi would be there was no way for me to search for the man. During every meal of the day, no matter how hard I looked, he didn’t show there either.

Not being able to see him was seriously beginning to become frustrating. Even if only for a few moments all I wanted was to see him, we didn’t have to talk if I could at least know that he was doing okay. But for three days straight that opportunity was never presented to me so instead I was left waiting and guessing.

In Hanji’s clinic, I was kept busy which I was thankful for since it took my mind off of other pressing matters. I had the chance to meet all sorts of people who lived in the town, each telling me a bit about themselves and their contributions to the community. I was also learning a lot of handy tips on first aid which I’m sure I’d be able to use in future jobs with Levi; if he ever talked to me again that is.

I was actually getting used to staying in the small tent all day, even if it was quite bothersome that Jean liked to stop by. I could put up with him for a short while if that meant staying with Hanji while I healed. My arm was even healing much faster than everyone had expected it to. The bleeding had stopped a day ago and the pain was just the occasional dull throbbing at the most.

Today officially marked a week in the Underground for me, not that it was anything to celebrate but I didn’t even expect to last more than a few hours. The weather was calm and cool for once, clouds blocking the sun and the air unnaturally comfortable. The cloth that usually covered the doorway was pulled back, allowing a bit of sunlight and the subtle breeze into the tent.

The clinic was close to silent as Hanji sat on her stool, flipping through a pocket-sized book, and I sat relaxing on one of the cots. It had been slow in the medical tent compared to most days; only two people had come in since the morning. Whenever we had free time I’d usually spend it cleaning while Hanji picked up more supplies but we had already done all of that today.

We could hear dainty footsteps approach the tent just outside, the both of us sitting up prepared to see our third patient of the day. But instead of a sick old woman or a crying child with a scrape on the knee, we were met with the cheerful face of Petra Ral.

She was wearing shorts and an undershirt, her short hair pulled back revealing her slim shoulders. The way they dressed in the Underground seemed backwards; long cloths and layers on hot days and short clothes on cool days. Though I could only assume that was because they were safe enough from the sun’s rays right now to dress more comfortably.

“Slow day?” Petra questioned as she entered the tent, leaning against the cupboard on the ground.

“Only two people,” Hanji responded, closing her book and sliding it into the ripped pocket of her lab coat.

Petra whistled, “It’s the weather, it’s a nice day so people feel okay.”

“ ‘guess we should be glad when things get slow,” Hanji chuckled, pulling her glasses off of her eyes so that they rested on top of her head, “It means tha community ‘s doin’ okay.”

“Why don’t you go over to your lab then?” Petra questioned, leaning forward to fix a stray piece of Hanji’s hair.

“Erwin’s halt’d all that for now,” Hanji shook her head as if she were frustrated, the same strand of hair popping out again, “Won’ tell me why though. It’s been over a week an’ he still won’ let me.”

Petra crossed her arms over her chest, her head slightly falling to the side, “It’s part of your job as an official though, can he really do that?”

“It’s Erwin,” she shrugged, “course he can.”

Petra sighed, not bothering to push further when she knew there wasn’t much she could do. She turned to me instead, “What about you, Eren? You’ve been here for a week now right?”

“Yeah, it’s already been a week. Um…” I rubbed the back of my neck, “Have you seen Levi by chance? I don’t mean to be a bother…”

She giggled at that, “You’re never a bother sweetheart. And I was actually just talking to him before I came here, he said he was heading back to his tent.”

“Really?” I sat up straighter when she said that, feeling a small pool of hope fill me. I turned to Hanji uncertainly, “Is it okay if I go for a little while?”

“Course ya can,” she waved a hand in front of her face dismissively, “we’re up ta nothin’ interestin’ anyways.”

I hopped off the cot, quickly making my way out the door as I called out a sincere thank you. I’m sure I made it back to Levi’s tent in record time, not even bothering to slow my pace until I reached to door. I pushed past the cloth, panting as I eagerly made my way inside the tent.

I was actually nervous that he wouldn’t be there, that I wasn’t fast enough and I’d have to continue this game of waiting and searching that I had been playing. But the game was getting exhausting and I wanted nothing more than to see him as soon as possible.

Thankfully, it looked like I was fast enough. Levi, seemingly startled, turned around with wide eyes as I entered the tent. He stood in the center with his shirt that he had just taken off held in his hand. He didn’t speak, instead turning away from me to place his shirt in the dresser.

There were a thousand things running through my mind at that moment, so many questions that I had been waiting to ask him. Of course, now of all times, my brain would become a jumbled mess and I wouldn’t know what to say. How was I to start such a conversation?

I took a step towards him, reaching out but not daring to touch him, “L-Levi… where have you… been?”

His whole body was tense as he turned around, I could tell with the way that he moved with stiff motions that were so unlike his natural swiftness, staring at me like a scared, corned animal. “I’ve been working,” was his short, curt response; it was aggravating that he thought that was a valid excuse.

I scoffed, my arm dropping to my side, “Working? Do you really have so much work that you can’t even bother trying to see me?”

“What does it matter?” he snapped, running a hand through his hair as he glared at me hard, “What does any of that have to do with you?”

He was partially right; it didn’t have much to do with me at all. None of this should’ve been any of my concern but of course I would have questions when he started ignoring me all of a sudden. He couldn’t have expected me to simply accept the fact that he started acting so differently. Where did this brashness towards me even come from?

“N-nothing but…” I shook my head, unable to spit out the rest. I resented myself for not being able to say it and for not being able to stand up for myself against him. _Why are you acting so detached?_

“But what? How I spend my time doesn’t have anything to do with you. The only connection we have is this shitty little tent, that’s all,” he spat and I could feel shivers run down my spine; from irritation or dejection, I wasn’t sure.

“What do you mean?!” I didn’t mean to shout, it was never my intention to get riled up but the way he was treating me, as if I were merely an inconvenience, hurt more than I’d like to admit. “What the fuck are you trying to tell me?!”

“Exactly what I said!” he was shouting back and I couldn’t stop my shoulders from slumping, “I don’t care about what you do with your life and you shouldn’t care about what I do with mine, is that fucking clear enough for you? Or do I have to spell it out for your stupid ass?! I don’t fucking care!”

“W-Why are you being like this!? Where did this come from?!” I questioned, my voice shaking as I held back tears, “Was it something I did?”

Levi refused to meet my eyes, no matter how long I stared at him for he continued to look at everything but me, “Like what? This isn’t anything new.” He was being evasive and it lit a scorching fire somewhere inside of my trembling body.

I shook my head in disbelief, he couldn’t really think that this was _normal_. What happened to those nights we spent talking, the way he held my hand when I was in pain, or even those short moments of meaningful eye contact we shared before one of us would quickly look away? What happened to that? Where did all of that go; maybe it was underneath all of this aggravation that he started directing towards me.

“Levi… please, if I did something wrong… just tell me. I can try to make it up to you, whatever it is, I promise,” I was begging now, something that I never thought I’d resort to but here I was. My voice quivered in my attempts to stay calm when addressing him, pleading with him.

“It’s not something you did,” he mumbled.

“Then what?! What is it?” I threw my hands up in frustration, how hard was it to just tell me the truth?

“You know Eren, I don’t think that you should be going out on supply runs anymore,” he told me calmly, and while I noticed the way he had changed the conversation, it was enough to distract me.

My blood boiled at those words; he knew just what to say to get me angry. I’m sure he was doing it on purpose, because he was hiding something and didn’t want to tell me. But, it worked and he was going to get exactly what he was pushing for.

“Why the _fuck_ do you think that!?” I barked, taking a step closer, “Is it because I got hurt? I’m not weak, neither of us could have prevented that! My stupid arm doesn’t even hurt anymore!”

“It’s not that,” he tapped his foot and frowned at me, obviously annoyed, “I just don’t think that you’re ready.”

“How ready do I have to be?! I can fight and fend for myself, I’ll learn the areas and once I do that I’ll be off your back so there’s nothing for you to worry about! Besides, I thought that you said you didn’t care what I did with my life!”

His eyes grew wide and I’m sure what I was looking at was regret as it washed over him like a tsunami. He finally held eye contact with me as he started in a weak voice, “That’s not what I meant.”

I _almost_ laughed in his face at that and I probably would have if I wasn’t so pissed at the moment. If I wasn’t struggling to hold myself back I might have been able to enjoy the humor of the situation but with the way my mind was running in circles all I could see was pure red.

“What else does that mean? Weren’t you being clear with me? You have no control over what I do, as you said,” I snapped and I knew that my words were hurting him but at this point I didn’t care. He brought this upon himself after ignoring me for three days straight.

“If that’s what you really believe then fine, go be a fucking idiot. Get yourself killed and see if I give two shits,” he told me, his voice was sharp and those words cut right through me.

“Why?!” I shouted, feeling those aggravated tears at the back of my eyes again. My heart was pounding against my chest and I was fighting so fiercely to hold myself back and keep myself from making this argument physical.

“Why what?” he was taken aback by the vague question, “Isn’t that what you want? To do whatever the fuck you want!?”

I grabbed his shoulders, so much for not making it physical, “Why are you being so cold towards me?! I want to know! That’s what I want!”

Levi forced my hands off of him, roughly gripping my wrists and ripping them away, “Get the hell off of me, don’t fucking touch me.”

“Why?!” I shoved him with a little too much force, causing him to stumble backwards. “Why do you keep pushing me away?!” I shoved him again, using all of the strength that I could muster so that he fell back onto the small dresser next to the bed. It clattered with the impact of his body and he didn’t have much time to move before I was coming towards him again.

“I’m not!” he shouted, grabbing my arms as I moved to push him again, “Eren! Cut it out!”

I froze, panting as I leaned over him, feeling the way my body shook with the fury that was coursing through me. We stared at each other, daring one another to move or say something. I didn’t even notice the tears that had begun to fall from my eyes until one landed on Levi’s pale cheek, rolling down to his chin. I quickly took the initiative by ripping my arms away from his strong grasps and storming towards the door.

“Whatever,” I mumbled and I could hear him hop off the dresser, running to the door as I left the tent.

“Get back here, asshole, we’re not done talking!” he shouted after me.

“Fuck off!” I yelled back in response, throwing my middle finger up in the air for good measure and jogging away so that he wouldn’t be able to stop me.

I wasn’t sure exactly where I was headed though I knew that somewhere in the back of my mind I had a destination. My body took me there all on its own, jogging until I reached a large area filled with people training with one another. I fell to the ground once I reached the area, wiping away the wet spots from my cheeks and trying to calm my heavy breathing.

Dark splotches fell onto the ground below me and I groaned in frustration. I grabbed a handful of the dirt and crushed it in my hand, satisfied with the way that it so easily crumbled and fell back to the ground. I reached for another handful but my hand froze in place when I heard footsteps making their way towards me.

“Eren!” I heard a familiar voice call my name and my stomach sank with dread. Why would I come here of all places?

I looked up to see Marco standing above me, his face a light shade of red with sweat covering his forehead. Once he saw my face, his expression shifted from that natural, comforting smile to one comprised of genuine worry. He slowly got down onto his knees, as if not to scare me, reaching forward to take my hands into his own.

Marco’s hands were dirty from training, but I couldn’t find it in me to care all that much when he begun rubbing soothing circles just above my knuckles. This only caused more hot tears to roll down my cheeks, even as I did my best to stop them. My body shook and all I really wanted to do right then was scream until my voice gave out.

“Hey,” he gently cooed, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. Marco obviously didn’t believe me, the doubt clear on his face, not that I blamed him. Though, I wasn’t exactly willing to talk about what just happened either so he’d have to stay doubtful for the time being.

Instead of questioning me any further he pulled me against him, gently holding the back of my head and rubbing large circles into my back as I cried into his shoulder. It was frustrating that I was letting people see me in this unpleasant state but at least it was Marco who had found me. This sort of comfort was probably good for me, or so I let myself believe in an attempt to lessen the embarrassment that came as I violently sobbed into his thin shoulder.

Once my breathing calmed down enough, I pulled away from him. I quickly wiped the leftover tears off of my cheeks, slowly getting to my feet and stumbling a bit before I regained my balance. Marco followed, standing up and looking even more concerned than before.

But I brushed it off, trying to distract him by asking, “Is it alright if I train with you? Even for just a little while…”

Marco quickly nodded affirmatively, “Of course, I’m sure Mike won’t mind as long as we’re actually training.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly, still struggling to compose myself.

“I was just over there with Jean when I spotted you,” he pointed towards the man who looked none too pleased to see me. “If it’s alright, he’ll work with us too.”

I shrugged, seeing all of the tempting opportunities this would present me, “That’s fine with me.”

Marco led me over to where Jean was standing, the both of them working together to show me some of the different forms of training that they did. They told me that today they would be focusing mainly on hand to hand combat. They had me try a few techniques before they had a spar between the two of them. I could see that Jean was holding back which incidentally was probably what caused him to lose against Marco.

This was a good enough distraction and would be an even better outlet for my emotions if I could get in on the hand to hand combat. Even if thoughts of the argument from earlier were still floating around in my mind, poking and prodding tiresomely at my mind, I at least had two other people to focus on.

Jean got up from the ground, brushing some of the dirt off of his clothes. He glanced at me with a sly smirk, “Care to try it out?”

I smiled back, just as deviously, “I’m not one to back down from a challenge.”

I’m sure that we both had the same idea in mind; to knock one another out or at the very least throw one another to the ground as hard as possible. Though, I also knew that this would only make for an even more interesting fight. And what better way to distract myself while getting rid of these negative emotions than to fight Jean? It was the perfect solution and way for me to vent at the moment.

We got into position, facing each other and taking our defensive stances. Unfortunately, Jean was advanced enough that he didn’t have any obvious openings. The only thing I would do was wait for the chance to strike once he made his move.

So, when Marco called for us to begin, I gladly let Jean take the first swing. Right away he aimed for my face, left fist coming up towards my jaw. I was just barely able to doge in time, moving to his side so that he was forced to twist towards me to protect himself. I swung my fist while his side was still open but Jean was quick enough to block me, stopping the swing with a grunt.

He took the chance to come at me again, this time aiming higher towards the side of my head. With nothing else to do, I dodged his attacked, ducking under his fist and moving behind him. That was where I was able to create an opening for myself.

I turned around before Jean had the chance to, grabbing his arm right arm and with as much strength as I could accumulate I flipped him over my shoulder and onto his back. I fell with him, landing on top of him so that I barely felt the impact. While I was able to get up right away, Jean laid on the ground doing his best do fight through the pain and regain his breath.

Marco deemed me the winner, congratulating me with a soft pat on the back. I gratefully accepted it, falling into a conversation on where I had learned these techniques.

“You really have no formal training?” Marco asked in astonishment.

I bashfully rubbed the back of my neck, “No, I’ve just always been naturally good at─”

Before I could finish my sentence, I was suddenly gazing up at the sky, my legs knocked out from under me. I didn’t even realize that I was falling until my back hit the ground with a hard thud. I gasped for air, clenching my burning chest as a horse faced asshole leaned over me with a pleased grin.

“You should never let you’re guard down like that,” he laughed, offering a hand to help me up.

I gratefully took it, holding it as hard as I could so that I could flip him onto his back and quickly sit on top of him, keeping his legs in place. He tried punching me but I was quick enough to dodge, laughing as he growled with anger underneath me.

“Eren, you idiot! Get off!” he shouted, attempting to shove me but I refused to budge.

“If you want me to move then your gonna have to force me off,” I practically sang, followed by more laughter.

“You asked for it,” he growled, grabbing my arms which I tried to pull away but it was too late.

Using his grip on my arms and his legs which I was sitting on top of, he flipped me over his head so that I landed on my back once more. When I opened my eyes, he was already standing, looking down at me with that smug, triumphant face of his.

I rolled my eyes, “Fine, you win this time. Help me up.”

Jean snorted, “As if I’d trust you after that.”

“Come on,” I whined, yelping as he stepped on my chest, “White flag! White flag! I give in, help me up!”

“Alright,” Marco cut in, trying to sound serious but I could see the small grin on his face. He pulled Jean away, leaning down to pull me up, “That’s enough for now, Mike just called for us to go to lunch.”

I gratefully took his hand, pulling myself back up into standing position and brushing all of the dirt off of myself. All of the soldiers had begun cooling off and making their way out of the training area, laughing as they jokingly pushed each other around. I liked the friendly atmosphere that the soldiers upheld whenever they were with one another and it had me thinking that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to settle for something such as this. Even if my goal was ultimately to stay as a supplier, if I had to prove myself by training here then so be it.

Marco and Jean walked on either side of me while Marco excitedly explained how close they were to moving from general training to the specialized training for the town guards. He told me that once they were officially excepted into the division they would be able to move from the trainee quarters and into the separate living space for their branch. Apparently, that provided larger living spaces with less people in the tents.

Jean cut in to Marco’s happy day dreaming, “Yeah, the tents we live in now are absolute shit.”

Marco shrugged, not losing the enthusiasm in his voice, “Well they’re a bit crowded but it’s not really that bad.”

Jean scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “There’s three bunks stuffed into a tiny tent, a tent which isn’t even properly maintained and has countless rips and holes in it. There’s no room to move around and being that close to everyone makes it feel extra stuffy in there. It always smells horrible and some of the guys in our tent are a bit too pushy considering they can’t fight for shit. It’s totally uncomfortable.”

Jean suddenly disappeared, then squeezing between Marco and I he threw an arm around the other boy. “The only good thing about it sleeping so close to you,” he declared slyly with a wink, Marco’s cheeks instantly setting on fire.

All I could think about was Levi confirming that there was in fact gay people living in this community and I may have been wrong but with that comment and reaction I couldn’t help but think there was something going on between the two. I looked between the blushing Marco and grinning Jean and admire the affection that they openly showed each other.

I interrupted their conversation with what I hoped was a friendly smile, “Are you two dating?”

They both froze and Jean’s smiled dropped while his face grew just as red, or maybe even darker, as Marco’s. To my amusement they both stuttered back and forth for a few moments, each interrupting each other than pausing for the other to speak before they’d both start rambling again. Even if I had assumed wrong it was worth asking with the way that the two of them had reacted. I broke out into laughter, Jean stopping to glare at me and then smack the back of my head.

“Hey!” I called but he ignored me.

“No,” he spat through clenched teeth, though I wasn’t really frightened since his cheeks were still blazing red, “We’re not dating.”

“My bad,” I waved my hands in front of me, “You just seemed close so… I thought that maybe…” I trailed off, waiting for one of them to finish the sentence for me.

“That we were in a relationship?” Marco kindly finished for me, “It’s nothing like that.”

Jean, who had made his way back to the other side of me again, practically deflated at those words. I was starting to get a better idea of what was really going on. It was ironic, considering that Jean was teasing me for some sort of one sided love not too long ago when in reality he was the one in the situation. Even if he annoyed me most of the time, I felt for him; it couldn’t have been easy.

We were coming up on the crowded dinning tent and I felt an uneasiness fill my empty stomach. I really did want to eat but knowing that Levi might be in there had me reconsidering. It wouldn’t be too bad to wait a little while to grab something small if that meant that I wouldn’t have to face him.

Actually, when we reached the doors I did stop in my tracks leaving my mind to mule over whether or not it was worth risking it to go in. Marco and Jean looked at me in confusion but I simply waved them off and I think they might’ve understood. I stood off to the side of the door and watched as a crowd of tired looking workers made their way into the tent.

I almost wanted to follow but I really didn’t want to see Levi when I knew that we would just end up arguing again. What had my life come to? Afraid to eat lunch with everyone because I was avoiding my roommate. I snorted, shaking my head as I began to walk away; it’d probably be better to just wait.

I made my way towards the center of the community, enjoying the unusual emptiness since almost everyone had already made it to the dinning tent. Occasionally I would spot a few stragglers or those who worked through lunch and quickly greeted them before moving along. There was no rhyme or reason to the way I walked, only the intent to get away.

As I made my way into a row of tents that I was assuming was part of the soldier’s quarters, a hand grabbed my shoulder and abruptly forced me to a stop. I whipped around in surprised only to be met with the one person that I was hoping I wouldn’t see. What the hell was he even doing here?

“L-Levi,” I stuttered out nervously, “What are you doing here?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he answered with a question, raising an eyebrow. “I’m here because I’m taking over training for Mike after lunch, and you?”

“I was just taking a walk… I wasn’t hungry and wanted some air,” I lied, taking a step away from him to give myself some space.

I was putting up a barrier between us and I think he could see the intentions of my backing away. Levi knew that I was trying to separate myself from him, to cut ties as hastily and painlessly as I could. Hopefully he would do the same and this weird seesaw of a relationship that we’ve had will be over; that’s the ideal situation right now.

“Listen,” Levi was pushing, grasping for something that I didn’t think was there anymore and it made me anxious, “Can we talk about earlier?”

“What for?” I forced a laugh, smiling in hopes that he would just drop it, “There’s not much to say, I think we both expressed our opinions and that’s that.”

He sighed in frustration, “But nothing was resolved, why are you being so evasive?”

My smile dropped and I stared him straight in the eye, “You mean kinda like how you were acting earlier?”

His eyes grew wide and I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t satisfied by that reaction. I was doing this on purpose and even if a large part of me was begging for me to stop running my mouth, I couldn’t help it. This needed to be done.

“I know I was being difficult,” he reasoned, “But I want to talk it out, okay?”

“Hmm? So you only want to talk when it’s convenient for you?” _Stop, please stop doing this to yourself._

“No, it’s not like that,” he growled and took a step closer but I didn’t budge from my spot, “If we continue to ignore what happened we’re just going to start to resent each other and I don’t want that to happen.”

“Yeah, I think it’s a bit too late for that,” I shrugged and grinned even as my stomach turned and I held down the bile that was starting to rise in my throat. _You idiot, stop being such a child, he’s trying to fix things._

“What the fuck do you mean Eren? You were the one who was so stuck up on talking earlier so what the hell has gotten into you?” he snarled, venom dripping from each separate syllable that he hissed at me.

“It’s just that I’m over it now, I don’t care anymore.” _You’re ruining this for yourself! Please just give in you stubborn asshole!_

Levi’s ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, “Alright since you refuse to talk then I’ll start!” he glanced to the side, refusing to meet my eyes, “I don’t want you to go on supplies runs because _I’m_ not competent enough to protect you. I _do_ fucking care if you get hurt but I didn’t want to hold you back either. Being stuck between choices had drove me to the point of ignoring you but it’s not my fucking choice. As much as I hate to accept it, I know that it’s your decision.”

When he was finished, we sat in a tense silence and as much as I wanted to spit back something hurtful nothing was coming to mind. Even if I did think of something I’m sure that my lips would refuse to move. Distancing myself wouldn’t solve anything and I knew that but tried to do so anyways. I almost ruined everything between us, whatever might be there to begin with. But Levi was desperate enough to _actually open up_ to me.

It’s not like this made up for all of the things that he said to me earlier. I wasn’t going to be able to forget how badly he had hurt me easily but this was a step in the right direction at the very least. I had been just as rude at points, including now, so I couldn’t blame him completely either.

“I-Im sorry,” I mumbled lamely, unsure of what else to say.

Levi snorted, “Listen douchebag extraordinaire,” he took another step towards me, completely closing the distance between us. Before I knew what was happening there was a thin hand threading through my hair and forcing my head down. Suddenly soft lips had pressed themselves against my own and I gasped in surprise which only served as an opportunity for Levi to deepen the startling kiss.

Levi took the chance as soon as it presented itself, pulling me down further to give himself better access. His lips moved against my own, practically commanding me to comply, not that I had any problem with kissing back just as eagerly. It was like I was stuck in a weird sort of daze from the sweet taste of his lips. I felt his tongue swipe across my bottom lip and yelped. Levi finally let me go, his cheeks a light shade of pink and eyes lidded. I panted harshly, staring down at him in alarm; what exactly was that for?

“Tomorrow,” he started, “You and I are going on a supply run together.”

He walked away at that, giving me no time to argue. I stared at his back as he left, confused and strangely content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi you sly fox, always insult someone before you kiss them it works every time. In other news, I still love making characters argue and Marco and Jean will always find a place in my fics. I wanted to write more of Hanji and Petra in this chapter but had to get things moving otherwise it would've been extra long wahh.
> 
> Is it obvious why I like this chapter?? Too bad it marks the end of Eren's Introduction to the Underground Arc! I can't wait for chapter eight now, just saying..
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed chapter seven! Thank you all so much for reading and following along! As always I appreciate all forms of feedback and please don't be afraid to comment your thoughts because I love hearing from everyone!! I know this sounds repetitive at this point but I genuinely mean it all, you all mean so much to me and I'm so grateful to have such wonderful people supporting me and my writing.


	8. Granite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets all take a moment to celebrate because not only is this chapter on time but I'm also posting it a few hours early!
> 
> I actually had so much fun writing this chapter! Even though at first I was kind of stuck juggling between two ideas, I ended up choosing the one that would lead to the other.
> 
> And! This fic already has just over one thousand hits which is so exciting! That might not be much for other people but it really means a lot to me. Since Dear Anxiety only hit two thousand at 31 chapters, this is a lot for me. So thank you all so very much for reading!
> 
> Anyways :) Sorry about my endless rambling.. I hope you all enjoy chapter eight and the beginning of the second arc! Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me!

I’m not sure what type of internal alarm Levi had inside his head but what I did know was that it had to be off by quite a few hours. He had told me just before we went to sleep the night prior that I should try to rest as much as I could because we would be getting up early the next morning. Well ‘early’ had to be the understatement of the century.

When the time came and Levi decided to not so gently shake me awake, the tent was still so dark that I could barely make out his petite figure hovering over me. It took a few moments for it to process in my mind that it was just Levi waking me up and I wasn’t about to have my throat slit by some wandering bandit that had silently slipped into camp in the middle of the night without being spotted.

I stumbled out of bed, falling onto the small dresser next to it when my foot got caught on what I assumed was the sheets but it was too dark to tell. I then proceeded to take a little too long to get dressed and the entire time I could hear Levi in the doorway tapping his foot impatiently, pressuring me to hurry up without going so far as to actually tell me to.

Once we had both prepared our backpacks over in the kitchen we made our way towards the soldier’s side of the community. The training area seemed much larger and far more daunting when it was devoid of life and left eerily silent. Embarrassingly enough, I startled a few times as we walked through and the old equipment made menacing sounds, rattling and clattering, as the wind tried to knock them over.

Levi ignored my foolish fretting over inanimate objects in favor of getting out of camp as quickly and quietly as he could. There had been a strange tenseness between the two of us ever since the conclusion of the last fight yesterday. I’m sure I knew where this discomfort was coming from but no matter how much I thought about it I could figure out a way to ease it.

On top of that, last night had been the first night in a long while that we both slept with our backs towards each other. Even while he had been ignoring me it’s not like Levi was refusing to touch me like he was now. There’s plenty of fault on my end too, of course, since from the beginning I’ve had this strange aversion to touching the man. But even so, due to this lack of contact I ended up sleeping a whole lot less than I had wanted to.

All of this struggling could easily be traced back to that short ─yet far too pleasant─ kiss that we had shared yesterday. Every time I looked at Levi, all I could think about was how nice it would be to feel those lips against my own again, even if just for a few fleeting moments. Or how amazing it would be if we could get even closer to one another, more intimate if we were comfortable with taking it that far.

But the exact opposite of that was happening and it was frustrating to say the least. My hands itched to reach ouch and run themselves over whatever part of his body was the closest. All I wanted was to slip my fingers under his shirt, which would flitter up temptingly with the wind every so often, and feel how smooth his skin really was. Since I never got many chances to touch him and each time it was only for a few seconds if that, I was left wanting so much more.

I couldn’t do that either though; I couldn’t do anything because I was afraid of how he would react to my advancements. I wasn’t sure what that kiss had meant to him and it easily could’ve just been a way to distract me. If that was the case then it was working better than he probably thought it would. My mind had been going in constant circles, reassessing every moment that lead up that breathtaking kiss.

Each and every time I found nothing that would clue me in on his intentions. Maybe he really did like me and that was supposed to be a subtle hint that I wasn’t fully getting. But it would be far too awkward to assume that was the case so I was trying my best to find other reasons.

Plus, Levi never told me that he was gay; wouldn’t he have said something when I had brought it up a while ago? There was no way that I could just go and assume that he was gay just because he kissed me. The whole thing probably meant nothing too him and yet I was still over here stewing over it like some love-sick teenager. Though I still had to wonder what his reaction would be if I were to stop him here and surprise him with a kiss. _Probably nothing good._

Whatever the case, I was forced to push all of those thoughts to the back of my mind as we approached the edge of camp. Just like last time, Petra was already there, dressed in long, flowing nightwear. She stood alone, waiting patiently to send us off on another trip outside of the safety of the community. She made her way towards us with a soft smile.

The small ginger lightly placed a small hand on Levi’s shoulder, “Please be careful out there.”

“You know I will,” he shrugged her hand off and I don’t think he noticed the pained look in her eyes when he did so.

Petra ignored the cold man, moving to me instead, “And you especially, be careful with that arm of yours. How is it feeling?”

I rubbed the fresh bandages that Hanji had put on the night before, “It doesn’t hurt anymore, I think it’s almost healed.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna heal that fast,” She leaned forward giggling as she grabbed my arm and squeezed. It really didn’t hurt all that bad but I still winced nonetheless, it was still a fairly fresh wound after all. 

Levi pried her hand away sighing, “He’ll be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”

“Okay, okay,” she backed up with her hands raised, “I just worry about you two. Promise me you’ll make it back okay?”

“We promise,” I cut in, hoping that we could get going soon and use as much of the cool weather that came with dawn as we could. It already felt unnaturally hot outside and I knew that by the time the sun had risen over the horizon the air would become sweltering and much more arduous to travel in.

Petra must have realized this as well when she gave us a quick farewell, telling us to be careful one last time. Once she was out of sight, our journey into the Underground went underway, Levi setting a quick pace that was almost hard to keep up with.

As I followed along next to him I gazed out at the darkened sky stretching across the rows of small hills in front of us. The night sky was strange shades of blues and greens that mixed into different sized stars and glowed against the orange rotten rock. It had been awhile since I had taken the time to admire how beautiful the sky at night could be.

Once we had traveled far enough that the camp disappeared from sight, Levi slowed his pace to a speed walk. The only sound that filled the air around us was the crunching of the ground below us along with our shallow breathing and the rustling of clothes. The bag resting on my shoulders felt a bit heavier than usual since I was carrying all of the food but I tried to ignore the extra weight the best I could.

“Hey, Levi,” I called to him quietly, not wanting to disturb the calm atmosphere surrounding us. When he glanced at me in response, his eyes lidded with what I assumed was exhaustion, I continued, “Are we going somewhere different this time?”

Levi hummed, curtly nodding his head, “Erwin said that a new area was found in this direction but nobody went in to explore it yet. He wanted us to check it out and hopefully find some medical supplies or food while we’re there.”

“Does that mean it’s more dangerous than last time?” I questioned, wishing that we could’ve at least gone on an easy supply run while my arm was still healing. With this job, you never really had much of a choice anyways.

“Not necessarily,” he shrugged, pushing his hair out of his face; it had gotten longer than I remembered it being when I first met him. “It very well could be abandoned but we still have to be cautious. As long as we pay attention to our surroundings then we should be fine.”

Logically speaking he was correct, but that was also all we had to do the first time. When you got down to it, there was so much more to avoiding the constant threat of danger. It’s not like I was doubting Levi’s ability to keep us safe; I knew and trusted that he could. Rather I was acknowledging that this would be dangerous instead of assuming that we wouldn’t encounter any trouble like I had during the first supply run.

We continued walking in the same direction for quite a while, long enough that eventually the sun bore its ugly head from above the horizon and began to heavily beat down on us. We were forced to pull our clothes over our heads to protect our faces from its harsh rays. Our walking had slowed even more since we had to do our best to preserve as much energy as we could in the debilitating heat, which felt like it was attempting to suffocate us.

My stomach growled quietly but I did my best to ignore it, knowing that soon enough we’d be stopping to eat breakfast. Levi probably wouldn’t want to stop until he absolutely had to since the sun still wasn’t at its worst yet. I could understand that but I also knew that it wouldn’t be long before we got too tired and too hungry to continue forward without any sort of refreshments. 

Thankfully, my savior came in the form of a small, strange body of water. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, the large puddle of water sitting in the lowered ground. The water was almost completely clear and the sun shone against the surface blindingly, glittering against the barely visible waves.

Levi made his way over to the body of water, taking a seat at the very edge before he spoke up, “We can stop here.”

I quickly moved to take a seat next to him, peering out at the water before us with wonder, “What is this thing?”

“A pond?” Levi answered in confusion, his mouth falling into a frown, “Have you never seen a pond before?”

“Well… inside the walls we have rivers running through them but I’ve never seen something like this before,” I leaned forward, dipping my hand in the surprisingly cool water. “Huh? Why is it so cold, doesn’t it sit out in the heat all day?”

“It’s probably connected to a spring but you’d have to ask Hanji if you really want to know,” he told me nonchalantly, leaning behind me to grab my bag from where I had dropped it. He pulled out bread and water for the both of us, handing me my portion which I gratefully took, biting into the stale bread with a pleased hum.

I downed the food far faster than I meant to but since I hadn’t eaten dinner the night before my stomach had felt close to empty and incidentally I was unable to hold back. Levi, quite the opposite of me, took his time chewing on the bread while he stared out at the glistening water below.

More than anything I wanted to strip down and jump into the water to escape the heat coming from the sun which had risen quite a bit but I held myself back. Levi probably wouldn’t be too thrilled if I wasted our time like that.

Though, looking over at Levi, it seemed like he wanted to take a dip just as badly. His eyes refused to tear themselves from the water and occasionally he would lean down to gently swirl his hand around the surface. As he leaned forward, his hair fell over his face, covering those silver eyes that were glinting wonderfully with the way that the sun and water were reflecting off of them. If I dared to say so, they were even more brilliant than the capturing pond below.

I unintentionally leaned closer to Levi, my hand slowly reaching out towards him. I carefully tucked the long strands of his hair behind his ear, my fingers lightly grazing his cheek. Levi spun to face me, his eyes wide, and I slowly lowered my hand in the shame of being caught. It’s not like I could’ve held myself back from touching him; I already _had_ been holding back since yesterday.

Levi cleared his throat, averting his gaze, “We should probably get going.” He stood up, grabbing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.

“Right,” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heat up as I jogged to catch up to him.

Replenished by the food, water, and quick rest, we were able to pick up our pace a bit. It had to be close to an hour of traveling before we were able to see anything other than fields of endless sand hills. We were both worn down from the sun which had been gradually growing more and more blistering.

By the time the sun was high in the sky, a tall, looming building started making it’s way into our view. At first it was just a small, indiscernible black speck that seemed like a trick my eyes were playing but the closer that we got, the more obvious it became to me that it was our destination.

This building was in an even worse condition than the last had been and upon first seeing it, we weren’t sure if we’d be able to enter it. Just as Levi had begun his irritated tirade of what a waste of time this was, we found an entrance at the very top of a large pile of rubble. The pile was composed of what used to make up most of the buildings wall. Now almost an entire side of the building had been destroyed and was creating a makeshift staircase.

The inside wasn’t any better than what we had seen from the outside. There were gaping holes in the ceiling and an odd dripping sound echoed throughout the large room that we were standing in. Though intricate designs created with shimmering gold flecks, old paint, and curved architecture still held an uncanny sort of beauty to it. The large, extravagant room was almost enough to fill me with a sense of insignificance.

The wallpaper was torn and peeling off, exposing the old grey bricks that lay underneath a thin layer of crumbling plaster. It had a strange floral pattern that reminded me of the quilts my mother used to spend weeks sewing elaborate designs into, only for me to accidentally destroy not too long after she finished her intricate work.

I could almost hear the way she’d disappointedly reprimand me after finding yet another quilt that I had torn in one way or another. It was hard to forget the way my stomach would fill with guilty dread as I remembered the way she’d pick up the ruined quilt with saddened golden eyes. Even when she tried to pretend that my destructive tendencies didn’t bother her, I could see the way I was hurting her.

Did she still think about the same things? Was my mother trying to remember me in a positive light or would she rather look back on my wrong doings and convince herself that I was evil all along? All I could do was imagine how my parents were coping with losing their murderous son to banishment. I hoped they were okay or happy even.

The floor of the sizable room, while still intact, was cracked in some places beyond repair. Though even with the web-like cracks that traveled across it, the floor still shone beautifully against the light coming from outside. There were faint glimmers within the swirling pattern that added magnificently to the lovely simplicity of the stone flooring.

“That’s granite,” Levi commented after pulling his head wrap down, crouching down to pick up a piece of the floor that had chipped off. He held it out to me and I carefully took the mesmerizing stone.

I held it up to get a better look at its intricate details, the colors traveling through it like a sea of turbulent, glistening waves. The way the silvers and greys swirled together made it seem like they were telling a story of their own. I glanced at Levi who was watching me admire the granite but then gasped when I noticed something brilliant.

I brought the granite up next to his face, smiling pleasantly as I took off my head wrap and told him, “It looks just like your eyes.”

Levi looked surprised for a second before he quickly reigned in his emotions, letting his expression fall flat as he cleared his throat. He took the granite from me before motioning for me to turn around. I listened, albeit slightly confused and quite hesitant.

Though all of my worries were soon washed away when I felt him opening my pack as he spoke, “You should keep it; it’s not often you’ll find stuff like this anymore.”

It was almost hard to believe that this stunning stone was a commodity when we were surround by a huge room full of it. But I’m sure that this was one of the few places that still had this type of luxurious flooring, not that you’d be able to tell from the outside. That was probably for the better since it’d be well preserved if the building’s outside repelled people from entering.

“Come on, we should hurry up and grab as much as we can,” Levi said as he walked passed me, making his way towards a towering set of deep brown doors that were trimmed with glimmering gold. There was no reason for us to stay in this glorious room since all it held was empty space and old granite.

Levi carefully pushed one of the doors open, hiding behind the wall as we listened to the door creak and groan it’s way open. He peaked around the corner, surveying the next room which wasn’t nearly as spacious or well-lit but seemed to have more stuff for us to rummage through. He crept into the room, carefully looking around a few more times before he motioned for me to enter.

I made my way into the room as quietly as possible, pleased to be met with even more enchanting sights. There were a few cupboards that were old and most destroyed but lining the walls were several portraits of what I assumed used to be the owners of this place. They all wore long, elegant, flowing clothing that made their forms look dainty and slender. Most were young looking women though at the very end of the room were two paintings with an older couple with content smiles.

There was one picture that had been taken off of the wall and was lying face down on the grimy wooden floors. I made my way over, curious as to why this one in particular would be down, and carefully turned over the heavy frame. It weighed far more than I was expecting and once I finally had it facing up, I had to brush off layers of dust. I coughed as I shooed the dust away from my face, my eyes watering from the cloud that had come off of the portrait.

Underneath the many layers of grunge, I was surprised to be met by a younger looking man with striking features. He had jet black hair, pale skin, and stunning blue eyes that seemed too perfect to be real. It was almost as if someone had attempted to paint Levi but the result was far less exquisite than the man was in person. I almost began to question the resemblance until I heard Levi calling me over.

“Oi, kid! Come take a look at this!”

I jumped, startled by the voice that sounded a bit too far away. Spinning around, all I found was Levi standing above one of the old cupboards on the opposite end of the room. I sighed, leaving behind the strange picture to make my way over and see what he had found. Though when I saw what he had been so thrilled by, I completely forgot about what I had previously been looking at.

In the cupboard, someone had stocked up on enough cans that it could probably last a few people months. Even if we had way more than a few people, this much food would be extremely helpful back at the community where they were constantly struggling to fill everyone’s empty stomachs.

We both leaned down after Levi took out bags for us to fill, grabbing cans and stuffing them in as fast as we could. This only went on for a few moments before Levi paused. I was about to ask what he was doing but he moved before I had the chance to.

When I looked up, Levi had a man who was much larger than himself held in a chokehold in front of him, his knife digging into the man’s neck. Levi wrestled him to the floor, struggling to hold the bandit down. The bandit snarled and snapped strings of curses at Levi who chose to ignore the taunting in favor of tying the person underneath him up with a sturdy rope.

I watched, eyes wide with surprise as Levi quickly finished up and pushed the man away. He continued shouting expletives but Levi only pocketed his knife and continued filling his bag.

“You’re not going to kill him?” I asked in astonishment, cringing as the man began to holler ear-piercing nonsense and spit at us.

“I only kill when I absolutely have to,” he mumbled but I could tell that the bandit was getting on his nerves. He took a deep breath, snapping back to glare at the person behind us, “Would you shut the fuck up?”

The man laughed, baring his decaying yellow teeth, “You’ve made a mistake.”

Levi’s eyes grew twice their size and suddenly he had shot up into a defensive position again. I looked up, confused as to what had him so on edge until I spotted the group of people that had surrounded us. Gasping, I fell to the floor and dropped my bag, cans clanging as they rolled away. There was more people then I was able to count and they had us cornered in this room with only one exit.

“Eren, stay down!” Levi shouted as a couple of men rushed him. He swiftly jumped into action as soon as the threat presented itself, slitting the first person’s neck before moving on to the second. 

The body of the first person fell between me and the man tied up with a loud, echoing thud. I let out a shocked yelp; the body’s dead eyes seemed to stare at me as it’s blood began to drain onto the floor.

It wasn’t long before I lost Levi in the sea of people, everyone was moving so fast that he simply blended in too well for me to spot. As much as my eyes struggled to focus on where he might be, all I could see was frantic movement coming from the group of people.

I crawled backwards until my back met the hard cupboard behind me. As I listened to the sounds of combat going on all I could do was hope with every ounce of my being that we would make it out of this. While this was the worst time to be having doubts, I couldn’t help but think that Levi was right when he said I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have any real training or fighting experience and had never even faced with these sorts of dire situations.

When another body fell clumsily in front of me, my heart dropped. The small form laid motionless on the ground and there were visible cuts running along it’s body. I felt my throat close up as I began to panic.

“L-Levi?” I whispered, crawling forward on shaking hands and knees. My trembling hand reached out as I approached the corpse, breath caught in my throat as I slowly turned it over.

It’s black hair fell gracefully over pale skin and I staggered backwards, the sides of my vision going black. My breaths were coming out in harsh, uneven gasps and I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks. Through my blurry sight, I could see then man tied up smirking at me with a crafty grin. That smile, those revolting teeth, that greasy hair and dirty skin. I wasn’t sure what it was, but something about him, about his sly demeanor set me off.

Maybe it was the fact that the man who was immobile and helpless, stuck face down on the filthy ground, still had an advantage over me. Because his men were still standing, still moving and breathing. But, the thin body that laid lifeless, the one that I had been comparing to granite only moments ago, was no longer able to ignore my stupid compliments.

I’d never be able to feel the softness of his skin or the silkiness of his hair. I wouldn’t be able to feel his hot breath against my neck and strong arms wrapping around my waist at night. I’d never get to experience the thrill of his lips being pressed against my own or the giddy fluttering of my heart every time I heard his name.

I let out a shrill scream, lurching forward over the bodies and wrapping my hands tightly around the tied-up man’s neck. He struggled underneath me but it was no use, my hands only tightened as I screamed louder and the tears fell faster. I dug my nails into his skin for good measure, wishing that I could tear his vile, despicable body into shreds.

Just as his struggling began to slowly come to a pitiable stop, my grip loosening a bit, I felt a strong pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist. I wailed even louder as I was pulled away from the demon that had been underneath me who began coughing to regain his breath. I threw my fists, pounding on the arms locked around me. But when that didn’t work, I dug my nails into the skin, twisting them in and ripping off as many layers as I possibly could.

Whoever had been holding me threw me to the ground and I rolled as I fell against the wood, groaning when my left arm was crushed by my weight. I didn’t bother moving, my voice too worn out and mind too drained for me to care. What was the point of fighting at this point? Where would it get me? _Nowhere_.

“Eren!” I heard what must have been an angel. My head shot up and I was greeted by the astonishing sight of Levi, beat up and bloody, being restrained by a group of bandits. But he was alive; _Levi is alive!_

“Levi” I cried, feeling those tears again though this time they were from the overwhelming happiness.

I tried to get to my feet but was stopped by a pair of hands grabbing my arms and forcefully yanking me back. There were people surrounding me, pinning me in place as someone tightly tied my wrists together behind my back, the fabric digging painfully into my skin. I tried kicking at them, hitting a few people before my legs were knocked out from under me and I fell face first onto the floor.

“Let him go!” I heard Levi yelling at them, his voice strained with panic. There were a few grunts coming from where he was and I could only assume that was from Levi fighting back even though he was greatly out numbered.

“Let go of-,” I attempted hollering as well but was quickly stopped as a cloth was forced into my mouth and tied around my head to silence me. I continued yelling into the cloth but I knew it was far too muffled for anything I was saying to be intelligible.

The person behind me forced me back onto my feet and I got another glance at Levi. It was nothing like I had ever seen before; his eyes wild and breaths coming out in harsh pants as he snarled with his teeth bared. He was a caged animal and was frantic to escape even when he knew he had no chance of getting away.

Levi was sweating, hair plastered against his forehead as he viciously fought against those restraining him. His clothes were stained with blood and even more of that dark red was dripping down his face. They had ripped parts of his shirt and it hung pathetically off of one thin shoulder which had a visible slash across it. Thankfully that wound didn’t seem bad enough for it to be life threatening.

He looked at me with pure desperation as he called out again, like that was the only thing he could do, “Get your filthy hands off of him you repulsive fuckers!”

The men only laughed at him, jostling him around just to let him know that he was under their control. That only served to piss him off further as he swung his leg and struck one of them directly in between the legs. The man cried out in pain but the rest ignored him, instead moving to hit and kick Levi who took the blows wordlessly. I tried called for him, my breathing ragged from sobbing, but my voice was still dull and muffled.

And then, without any sort of warning, I was being dragged away. Levi must have noticed because suddenly he snapped, prying the men holding him down off of him like he had gained a superhuman strength.

“Let him go!” he commanded as he rushed towards us but was caught again far too quickly. I struggled against the men but they were much stronger than me and I know that I had no effect on them.

As I grew further away all I could hear, over the sound of my own wrecked breathing and rapid heartbeat, was Levi’s screaming, “Stop! BRING HIM BACK HERE! EREN! LET HIM GO YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! EREN!”

“I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU MONSTEROUS FUCKERS! I’LL TEAR YOU TO FUCKING SHREDS IF YOU HURT HIM! I’LL FUCKING TORTURE YOU UNTIL YOU’RE BEGGING FOR ME TO JUST END IT ALL!” He wailed, voice breaking on every other word as desperation truly set in and I was dragged almost entirely out of his view.

He sounded miserable and do I dare say broken as he bellowed, “YOU’RE DEAD, ALL OF YOU! GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!! EREN! GIVE- HI-M BACK!!”

Levi’s painfilled sobs broke my heart more than I thought was possible, it was like being stabbed through the chest, “EREN! COME BACK HERE, _EREN! PLEASE!_ ”

But at that point all he could do was call my name and that was the last thing I heard from that beautiful, wounded voice before we got too far away to hear. I sobbed and whined as I was pushed along, forced to walk forward. When my legs finally gave out and I fell to the ground in a pathetic heap they kicked me until I was sure I was going to throw up what little I had eaten earlier.

Once they were satisfied with beating me, they shoved me back onto my feet and made me continue walking. I wasn’t sure where we were headed or how long we had walked for; I let both my mind and body go numb again. I didn’t want to think about what was going to happen to Levi and I, or anything else for that matter. 

All I wanted was for all of this to go away, to be back inside the wall living comfortably with my loving family and close friends. But I couldn’t have anything similar to that ideal lifestyle so I resorted to blocking everything out, to creating a barrier between me and the rest of the world. Even though I had always been told, and had liked to believe, that I was strong-willed and determined, that must have been a simple façade. 

Where was that person now? Where had that person gone when things suddenly got difficult? Was that really me? _Of course it was, I haven’t changed._

As I snapped back into reality, I realized that I was being sat on top of a horse, one of the bandits sitting behind me. Without warning, I screamed and leaned to get away, hoping that at the very least I could escape here and back track. But the people around me were too quick, the man on the horse with me held me in place while grumbling obscenities under his breath.

I sighed, knowing fully well that I wouldn’t be able to get away in this state. So, as much as I was opposed to it, I settled on waiting for an opportunity. If I just waited, paid close attention to every detail, I’m sure that I’d be able to find an opening. I needed to have patience in order to get the chance that I was looking for.

I decided to stop struggling until I was sure that expending my energy would be worth it. Since I was already exhausted, it would be a problem if I couldn’t even regain enough strength to escape. I sat quietly as they called to move out, the horses all starting out in the same direction.

The wind tousled my hair and dried the wet tears that were staining the stinging skin of my cheeks. But the breeze felt nice against my sore body, especially with the way the sun was still beating down harshly on our backs. Even if the horse’s body heat from underneath us was like a furnace, if we kept moving then the wind kept us cool enough to find some form of comfort.

It wasn’t long until a couple of small cement buildings and ragged tents came into view, the bandits making the horses slow to a walk in order to let them cool down a bit before we reached their camp. As we grew closer, my heart pounded against my chest, begging to be released from its ribbed confinement. But if I needed anything to keep my going here then it’d be my heart and mind; _I will survive this._

They tied up all of the horses in their stables, giving them fresh food and water after untacking them. I was already being hauled away while the horses were being taken care of, the man who was on the horse with me dragging me away from the stables. A few other bandits followed as well, their knives held close to me as if they were warning me not to try anything.

I was led through town, people of all ages making their way out of their tents to stare at me as if I were just a circus animal. I hung my head, refusing to make eye contact and acknowledge that I was some sort of spectacle for them all to gawk at. They led me into a small cement building and I was thankful to be away from all of the prying eyes.

The man brought me into a dark, damp room that had nothing but a chair that was placed directly in center. There were no windows, no bed, no dresser, not even proper flooring like the rest of the building had. It was a cement box and something told me that this was going to be my home from now on.

Something on the floor splashed as I was shoved forward and I glanced down to see a large puddle of red rippling underneath my boot. Actually, that terrible color was everywhere; painting the walls, pooling on the ground, and settling into the woodwork of the chair. I felt my breath catch in my throat when I heard a squelching sound coming from underneath us as we made our way into the room.

The dripping sound, I had concluded, was coming from the strange form that was hanging in the back left corner of the room. Flies buzzed around the form, pestering the still shape as the rope holding it quietly creaked.

I could smell something dreadful that only got stronger as we moved further into the room but I did my best to ignore the stench, knowing it would only bring me thoughts of the disturbing things that might have happened in this prison.

The bandit sat me down in the chair, untying the fabric from my wrists only to strap them to the arms of the chair with the help of his partners. With that, they left without even uttering a word to me, leaving me to sit alone in the darkness as they closed the door behind themselves.

There was only the sound of dripping and my own ragged breathing to fill the eerie, stuffy atmosphere. I sighed, feeling how dry my mouth had become and wishing I had drank a bit more water once Levi and I had reached the building earlier.

Levi, all I could do was hope that he was okay, that some how he made it out of that situation safely. I believed in him, that he would have the strength to make it out alive. He had survived for all of these years out here, I was sure that he knew how to deal with this sort of situation. Soon enough he’d be back at the camp, getting treated by Hanji before going to rest alone in our tent.

I felt another tear slide down my cheek as the door creaked open once more and a tall, emotionless looking man stepped into the room. A thin woman quickly dragged in a tray for him, bowing before she scurried out of the room and left the two of us alone.

“Welcome,” he greeted though it didn’t sound as friendly as I was hoping for. He glanced at me when I didn’t response and then nodded, “That’s right, you can’t speak. Let me help you with that.”

He slowly approached me, either in no hurry to get whatever this was over with or enjoying taking his time. I sat completely still while he untied the cloth from around my head, letting it drop out of my mouth and feeling a soreness at the corner or my lips. Even when I was finally given the ability to, I refused to speak, instead keeping my lips sealed and staying silent.

The man hummed, unfazed by my lack of an answer, “Well, if that’s how it’s going to be then let’s get started, shall we?”

All of a sudden, he ripped the left sleeve of my shirt off, exposing my skin as well as the bandage that was still properly wrapping the wound. He took ahold of the bandage, carefully unwrapping it to get a better look at what was underneath. I tried to lean away, not wanting to get an infection from this unsanitary room, but it was useless.

As the bandage came off, the man spoke, “What do we have here? Wire stitches? Those had to hurt.”

His voice droned on, monotone and collected as if this were an everyday thing for him to be doing. He turned his back to me, making his way over to the table that the woman had brought in. After a long while of him seriously contemplating whatever it was he was looking at and a lot of clanging of metal against metal, he turned to face me again.

Though, my eyes grew wide when I noticed the delighted smile that had made its way onto his lips. He moseyed over to the chair, proudly holding up a shining pair of pliers that came to a pointed tip.

I finally spoke, my voice weak from all of the screaming that I had done, “W-What are those for?”

“So you can speak?” he asked in response, growing a bit too close for comfort. He continued on calmly as he stood to my left, “Sorry but it’s too late for conversation now; this is completely necessary.”

My eyes grew wide as he leaned down, focusing intently as he grabbed one of the wire stitches with the pliers. Before I had the chance to protest he was already yanking, ripping the stitches up and out of my already sore skin. Even though I thought I had already ruined my voice, the scream I let ripped through my aching throat and vibrated throughout my entire body.

All of my limbs trembled harshly as he paused in his relentless yanking. My fingers dug into the wood of the chair, anything to relieve the pain that was coursing inside of me.

I clenched my teeth as the man let out a wretched, thrilled laugh before exclaiming hungrily, “You’re gonna be a fun one!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, that's that.. Chapter eight am I right? Starting out the second arc with a bang hmm.. I'm kind of sorry about what I've done but um..
> 
> This chapter was about 1,000 words more than I usually write so I hope you all enjoyed the longer chapter. Also would you all be okay if I switched to Levi's point of view for a chapter or even just a small section of it? Typically I don't like to but I feel like to get the full experience I might have to. If I end up not needing to then I wont.
> 
> So anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter (I'm sure you all have plenty) so please feel free to leave feedback. Like if you're angry or upset I give you full permission to take it out on me in the comments. Otherwise I hope that you enjoyed as much as possible and I seriously appreciate the support you all have given me!


	9. Prisoner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Another chapter that's actually on time? Did I put off writing an essay that due in a few hours to edit and post this? Yes. Do I care? Kinda..
> 
> Actually this chapter was sort of fun to write which you're all going to call me crazy for saying. I've been kind of excited to post this though!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy chapter nine! I just wanted to say that I love all of my readers and the support you've all shown me means so so much! So thank you all for reading, following along, and supporting me!
> 
> Quick WARNING: Mentions of suicide implied rape, it's nothing too intense and doesn't take away from this chapter at all but I still had to put a warning.

It was hours of darkness and deafening silence, I think, before I heard movement from outside my prison. There was a heavy pair of feet slowly traveling across the floor and while I hoped with all of my heart that it was Levi, I knew that those weren’t his nimble footsteps. As they approached the door my stomach sunk with the dread of knowing who was actually behind the door that separated me and my escape to freedom.

That dreadful man had left after ripping two stitches out, telling me to expect to see him soon. I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant by soon but it had to have been at least a few hours since I had been left to sit with just my thoughts. I was still exhausted from the day though I didn’t even know whether or not it was over yet.

I feared whatever he had planned for me next, what terrible things he was able to think up in the time that he was out of the room. I watched the door handle jiggle with agonized anticipation as the person on the other side unlocked the wooden barrier; my only safety at the moment. Sadly enough, not even the door was a safety that I had control over.

In this small, square room, I had absolutely no control over anything. These people had full access to everything that I was, everything that comprised _me_. They had ownership of my existence and they made it known that they were doing everything in their power to degrade my worth as a human being.

With my arms being strapped and a cloth stuck back into my mouth, I was nothing but my own thoughts trapped inside this fragile, fatigued body. What scared me the most was that eventually, if I was confined here for long enough, I’d probably lose that too. The last thing that I wanted was to lose my mind to these crooks.

Eventually, the door harshly swung open and slammed into the wall with a resonating thump. I had to squint to focus when the bright light reaches my eyes and practically blinds me. Though it isn’t too much trouble with the dark figure standing menacingly in the doorway, his shadow reaching out for me.

He steps in, pushing the same small metal table from earlier off to the side. He keeps his back to me as he rummages through his supplies on the table, humming an off tune rhythm that my heart decides to beat to. A fast, steady pace that was warning me that I needed to calm down, that there was a chance that I might be okay.

My captor stuffed something into his pocket, turning around with a wild smile, “I’m sure you’ve missed my company, no?”

I quickly shook my head, glaring even though I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes as he stepped closer. He only laughed at that, leaning forward to pull the cloth away from my mouth. He kept it held tightly in one of his hands, reaching into his pocket with the other.

“Levi’s going to rescue me,” I spat at him spitefully, not that it was very threatening with the way my voice rasped as if I were some seventy year old chain smoker.

The tall man chuckled at that, shaking his head in amusement, “That’s not possible… after all,” he leaned forward with a wicked grin and the stench of his breath made me gag, “My men killed him, snapped his pretty little neck like a twig.”

I could feel my blood boil as he continued and his disgustingly hot breath traveled over my skin like poison, “They wanted to leave his body to rot but I had a better idea! Bring the body back and burn it in celebration!”

My stomach dropped and I suddenly had the strong urge to slaughter this man as I shouted furiously, “That’s not true! You’re lying!”

He broke out into crazed laughter again and then suddenly fell silent, staring at me with dead eyes, “Who knows…”

I had no response, I didn’t want to talk to this person to begin with but sometimes I couldn’t help myself. All I wanted was a clue as to where Levi was, how he was doing. It should’ve been obvious that I wouldn’t be getting anything out of this man of all people though. Even if Levi was okay, it was probably better that this man didn’t know where he was.

The man hummed, glaring up at me with eyes that sent shivers down my spine. “You know,” he started, grabbing my chin tightly so that I was forced to look at him, “You’ve been acting tough considering the situation you’re in. Do you even care about your own life?”

When I didn’t answer him, he continued with an annoyed sigh, “Do I not have control on whether or not you live? Is your petty little life not in my hands? It is, isn’t it?”

“Fuck you,” I spat out bitterly, pulling my chin out of his grasp, “You can’t do shit!”

He snorted at that, “Are you sure about that? Aren’t I your savior, the one keeping you alive?” He stood up straight, “I’d like you to address me as your king from here on out.”

“I’d rather you kill me than do that,” I growled.

Something inside the man snapped, his hand shooting out to grab my hair and yank my head back. “Do it!” he bellowed and I winced.

I grit my teeth, hissing out, “ _King_.”

‘King’ let go of my hair and went back to ignoring me, carefully pulling out a vile that he dumped onto the cloth that he had taken out of my mouth. Uncaringly, he threw the bottle once it had been emptied of its contents, the glass shattering against the hard, cement ground. A grin crept its way back onto his face as he stared at the dripping cloth, a glimmer in his eyes that I had never seen before lighting up a dark grey.

“I had my men find it just for you!” he held up the cloth as he continued admiring his work.

“What is it? What did you put on there?” I asked wearily, not completely sure if I wanted to know the answer to that.

He ignored my question, leaning forward to put the cloth back in my mouth. I turned my head to the side, unwilling to let him put it back in until I knew what was on it. Though, after a few times of m avoiding him, he angrily grabbed a fistful of my hair, forcing my head to stay still. I gasped, the light in his eyes was gone and had been replaced with a perturbing heaviness.

“I really don’t like when you don’t listen,” he sounded as if he were trying to reason with me, “What I put on the cloth won’t kill you so sit still…”

The man didn’t even give me the chance to move since he only tightened the painful grasp that he had on my hair. He forced the cloth into my mouth and the second it was in I could taste the strange liquid that he had put on it. It was a syrup that had a strong sugary flavor to it; _at least it doesn’t taste bad_.

“It should take twenty to thirty minutes for that to work,” King told me as he retied the cloth around my head, “For now, let’s have a little more fun, shall we?”

I watched, fearful of what he had planned next as he made his way back to the metal table to pick something up. As soon as he turned around, those familiar pliers held in his hand, the panic set in deep within my stomach.

No matter how hard I struggled, the straps holding my arms down wouldn’t give. No matter how loud I screamed against the sweet cloth resting in my mouth, begging for him to leave me alone, he wouldn’t stop coming closer. No matter how many tears or how much snot dripped down my face, he didn’t seem to care.

How was this man supposed to be my savior figure when he wouldn’t even listen to my pleas? How was I supposed to call him King when he abused his power like this? Because he had the power to kill me but didn’t; is that not the secular power that he claimed to have? Wasn’t this man the King of my prison?

King happily made his way to my left side where he knelt down to get a better look at the state he had left my arm in last time. I screamed again, leaning away as far as I could but it wasn’t enough. Being trapped in this chair, in this atrocious room, it would never be enough. As long as they were keeping me prisoner here, I was theirs to do whatever they wanted with.

That much was obvious when I felt the initial tug of the pliers grabbing onto the wire stitches hanging off of my arm. I was already screaming before the harsh tug and the ripping of my delicate skin. My body convulsed as I sobbed through the pain, teeth clamping onto the cloth like it was the only thing I had left to hang onto.

The burn traveled down my arm in sharp jolts that had me yanking my arm against the many restrains. My nails clawed at the wood, scratching and tearing as I imaged it to be King’s arm. I pretended that the woodchips piercing the pads of my fingers was his dirty skin. And the blood that was seeping out of my fingertips was his, not my own.

“What’s the matter you piece of scum, can’t scream loud enough?” I heard that wretched voice in my ear taunting me.

He pulled again and I could feel the way my skin tore apart in order to let the wire be set free. My head flung back, eyes squeezing shut as I shouted in agony against the cloth that still oozed sweet syrup. My legs swung on their own, bashing into the chair and causing it rock and clatter beneath me. I breathed harshly through my nose, warm tears falling down my face and into my greasy hair.

I could feel sweat forming on my forehead, the edges of my vision going black as my arm began to throb relentlessly. My chest rapidly rose and fell as I struggled to calm my breathing and let the rotten air fill my burning lungs. I let my eyes peek open, releasing more tears as I stared back at the form behind me. Did they go through all of this torment as well? Is that how they ended up hanging in that lonely corner with that sad smile gracing their motionless face?

Suddenly, I felt an unforgiving slap across my cheek that jerked my head to the right from the force of the impact. My cheek stung but nothing compared to the fire that was traveling up and down my arm.

“Hey, filthy prick, stay awake! We’re not done here! Open those eyes scumbag, you wouldn’t want to miss out on the fun!” King shouted, spit spewing onto my face.

I groaned out something that resembled “No more” but I’m sure that he didn’t understand it. Even if he did, it’s not like he would listen anyways.

“Come on! We’re almost done, we’ve got some beautiful shades of red going on here!” he poked at the wound on my arm and I cowered away from him. When had I resorted to shrinking so pitifully?

Before I had the chance to ponder that question, the searing pain in my arm returned and my mind went blank. I slumped forward, huffing out short strings of screams and muffled curses. My entire body was trembling severely and sweat was dripping off of my skin, pooling underneath me.

My heart smashed against my chest in hopes that it would eventually give out. Maybe soon enough it would stop and I’d be free from the agony that was consuming me. I had even grown a bit nauseous, my stomach twisting into painful, queasy knots. I rocked back and forth, groaning loudly into the cloth as I let wretched cries crawl up my throat.

And then the man’s face was in front of my own and all I wanted was to tear that stupid, lofty sneer apart. He watched with amusement as I shook in anguish, occasionally pinching me which caused me to jerk away from his touch. Each time King would laugh like an excited child before going back to watching me.

Eventually my sobs quieted to mere sniveling, the pain in my stomach growing more prominent than that of my left arm. I leaned forward as far as I could, wishing that I could have my arms freed to hold onto my stomach. All I wanted was to push away the growing pain inside of my abdomen.

I had gotten lightheaded, eye drooping as my head slowly drawled back and forth. The only thing that forced me awake was the wound on my arm when I suddenly leaned too far and stretched it open further. I yelped, trying to sit up straight but my body felt weak and my muscles were stiff.

The man held my head up for me so that we could stay eye to eye as he spoke, “I guess you’re feeling the effects now, huh? It won’t be long then…”

He let my head fall forward and I grunted as he left me wondering what that might mean. As I felt the bile begin to rise in my throat, I began to figure out what he might have been hinting at.

“On the bright side, I finally got that wire out. Wanna see it?” His voice sounded strange, almost as if he were far away even though I could see him kneeling in front of me.

I struggled to lift my head, slowly raising it until I was high enough to see the thin wire that he held up before me. Just as my eye caught the metal, bent and dripping with bright red, it all hit at once. The bile raised so quickly that it filled my mouth but had no where to go with the cloth blocking the only exit.

I gagged on the sharp, sickening taste that had so abruptly filled my mouth, causing my cheeks to puff out. My eyes began to water as I felt another wave of nausea coming on, my stomach doing flips as I tried to force the disgusting liquid past the cloth.

It was no use, and before I knew it another wave of vomit had shot up, filling my mouth to the point that it forced itself past the cloth. The puke leaked through the edge of my lips, small river of it dripping onto my lap and shoes. Some had gone out through my nostrils, leaving them burning from the acidic bile as it dripped down my face. I sobbed as I struggled to release the rest, already knowing that I wasn’t done.

I could hear King laughing hysterically somewhere off to my right and if I wasn’t so weak and preoccupied then I probably would’ve sent him a death glare. I didn’t understand why he was doing this to me nor how he enjoyed playing with someone’s body so much. I couldn’t comprehend where he found the please that practically had him rolling on the floor. It was sickening. _King was sickening_.

With nothing else left to do, I resorted to swallowing the sharp liquid that was filling my mouth. I gagged and coughed against the wretched fabric binding my mouth shut. Then, after dry heaving a couple of times another wave hit and my stomach’s content were once again filling my mouth.

I tried to quickly swallow that as well but was too late when even more bile had begun to rise. Without warning, I began choking on the puke, unable to get any air to my lungs. I heard King sigh and the cloth was abruptly torn off of my face. After a few good whacks to my back, the vomit dislodged itself and came spewing out onto the cement floor. It splattered out before me, mixing the brownish liquid from my stomach with the red pools that had already been on the floor.

“Why’d you have to choke? You can’t die just yet!” King whined, standing clear of the puddle that I had created.

There was no chance to answer as my stomach continued to empty itself, wave after painful wave hitting until there was nothing left to hurl onto the floor. At that point all I could do was harshly dry heavy over and over, waiting for more to come up even when there was nothing.

I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart racing inside my chest. My whole body had gone stiff and my muscles felt sore. It felt as if I had nothing left to give, as if my entire body had been drained of all of its contents. The little bit of energy that I had left was depleted and all I wanted was to sleep.

That was until I felt my stomach coiling again, expecting even more vomit to come up. But nothing of that sort came up, though that still wasn’t a good thing. I tried with all of my might to hold it in but there was only so much that I could do with so little energy. Before I could stop myself, I felt a revolting squishy warmth fill my pants. My heart practically stopped and I wanted to disappear but I was locked to this hellish chair.

The stench of it quickly drifted into the air and it was obvious to the man what had happened. I curled forward, hanging my head and letting the sobs wrack my body as I tried to distance myself from the situation. I wanted to be consumed by this humiliation but instead it took advantage of my weak state instead and thrived off of me.

I could still hear King’s loathsome cackling, “You shit yourself, didn’t you?”

He broke out into another fit of heinous laughter and it took a few moments for him to be able to compose himself enough to speak, “That makes up for choking on your vomit I guess! The medicine I gave you has all sorts of strange side effects, barfing and shitting being two of them. ‘S called Ipecac, ever heard of it? I got it especially for you!”

I didn’t have the energy to move never mind hold a conversation. All I could do was weep until my tear ducts went dry as well. My body was sweaty and covered in a mixture of bodily fluids; the smell coming off of me made me hurl up nothing a couple more times. It was difficult to breath and the room suddenly felt so much smaller. It was as if there was something inside my chest squeezing my lungs shut.

“As much as I’d love to let you sit in all of that, this room has been scheduled to be cleaned so you might as well be washed too. I’ll tell them to give you a rinse,” the man commented, he was definitely far away this time.

Before I knew it, I was shut in the darkness again. The stench surrounding me had already begun to bake in the heat and become even more repulsive the longer it sat for. My arm was still throbbing agonizingly and my stomach felt like it was ready to empty at least ten more loads. I was sitting in a pile of shit and still had vomit dripping off of my body and drying to my skin.

I was drenched in sweat and my body was begging me to sleep even if just for a short while. It felt as if I was losing the ability to move my limbs, the stiffness settling into my muscles. My head had began pounding and every little movement made it feel as if someone were attempting to smash my skull in with a lead hammer.

After a long while of sitting in that suffocating atmosphere, the door slowly creeped open and two men made their way into the room, careful to avoid the messes on the floor. One approached me while the other got busy doing something at the wall to my right. The one who was coming towards me had a disgusted sneer on his face, his right hand gripping a sharp pocket knife.

Without warning, he grabbed my shirt and cut the fabric, pulling it off my torso and ripping it until it came off of my right arm as well. I gasped in surprise as he threw it onto the ground and moved to pull off my boots. He tossed those aside too and my eyes grew wide as he began cutting the bottom of my pants.

My body made the decision before my mind could, my leg swinging out and kicking him back. He stumbled backwards, losing his balance and landing clumsily in the large pile of puke. It was only seconds before he was on his feet, shrieking as he charged towards me. With no where to go, it was impossible for me to avoid the fist that slammed into the side of my face.

My head lurched to the side and I groaned, slumping forward after losing all of my leftover energy from kicking him. Apparently punching me wasn’t enough since the pain in my left arm viciously came back as the person shoved his finger into the wound. I screamed again, my voice cracking and broke but it was all I could do.

He sniggered, obvious pleased with the pain that he had caused. The two men had begun talking to each other but my mind couldn’t process what they were saying. All I knew was that they had stripped me completely naked and even in this heat, my body was freezing.

My mind was tersely pulled back into reality when they suddenly started spraying me with cold water. They had a hose, kind of like the ones that we used inside the walls, and were washing down everything in the room. For some reason, they seemed to think that I needed to be washed more thoroughly than the floors stained with blood.

They laughed as they continuously soaked my bare body with the freezing water, goosebumps raising on my skin. They washed every inch of me and it was almost relieving to feel the way all of my body fluids were being cleansed from my skin. It burned the cut on my arm to be filled with water but I accepted the pain knowing that at the very least my wound would be clean.

I coughed and sputtered as they sprayed my face, my soaking wet hair falling over my face and covering my eyes. Once they deemed me and the room clean enough, they left just as quickly as they arrived. Yet again I was alone in the dark, body shivering from the cold water tricking off of my skin and head pounding even worse from the guy who decked me.

I listened to the way the water was draining somewhere in the room; I assumed there was a drain behind the chair I was in. Everything was dripping quietly as the water slid off of the walls, the chair, and my body. All of my limbs shook from the cold air against my wet, exposed skin and all I wanted was my clothes back.

I was exhausted and my body was worn out and aching. All I wanted was to lay down, even if it had to be on the cement floor, and get a few hours of sleep. Eventually my consciousness did fade out and I was taken into the sweet blissfulness of dreams.

When I woke up again, my body was aching even worse than before. One eye was so swollen that I couldn’t open it and I could see bruises and scratches lining my arms. 

For some reason, it was extremely bright in the room. There was a shuffling of someone moving around near me that drew my attention away from my achy body. I picked my head up, somehow finding the strength, and that was when I realized that I wasn’t in prison anymore. I was sitting in my old kitchen and my mother was only a few feet away, preparing something on the counter.

“Mom?” I called out breathlessly, surprised that my voice even worked.

She turned around, frowning at me with disapproval, “I don’t know why you always have to be like this Eren.”

I didn’t know how to respond as she made her way closer, kneeling down with a wet towel in her hand. She brought it up to my face, wiping away dried up blood and dirt. She looked so sad to see me in this state, to see her only child constantly coming home with injuries covering his body.

“I’m so sorry Mom, it wasn’t me I swear,” I whispered but I don’t think she knew what I was talking about. I don’t think that this Mom knew just yet that one day her son was going to be banished and she’d never get the chance to see him again.

She sighed, dropping her hand into her lap, “You always say that but if it wasn’t you then you wouldn’t come home looking like this! I don’t care if it’s for the neighbor’s boy’s sake! You almost killed the boy, did you know that Eren Jaeger?!”

“He deserved it!” I growled and suddenly it felt as if I wasn’t the one talking anymore. I was in my body but my mouth was moving for me, “Those kids won’t stop bulling the boy unless they know that it’ll cost them! He never did anything to them, he doesn’t deserve it!”

My Mother threw the towel to the side and with that single motion I realized that this was a simple memory rather than my current reality. My Mom and I used to fight like this all the time, over trivial things that I wished I could take back now. She was always just trying to protect me, I knew that.

“You almost killed him!” She shouted and I remembered that those same words had replayed themselves in my head for days. “A human life is a delicate thing Eren! You can’t just go and take whosevers you’d like!”

I felt myself get up and cringed as I remembered what happened next, “He does the same thing! He deserves to go die and rot in hell, he’s useless scum!”

A piercing slapped echoed within the quiet kitchen and the both of us frozen in fear of the others next move. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and knew that I couldn’t let her see me cry. If I cried, then she would give in and feel bad but none of this was her fault; I was the one hurting her.

I ran out of the house as she shouted after me, ignoring her pleas for me to stop and come home. _This is for her sake_. Or at least that’s what I told myself as I slowed to a walk and a couple houses down spotted the neighbor’s boy sitting by himself. My stomach dropped when he called out to me and I’m not sure what it was but something inside of me was telling me to run.

Without even thinking, I turned around and took off, running until the whole world faded to black. Even then I kept running until it felt as if my legs were going to give out and my lungs would burst. I ran until that darkness consumed me and relieved my body of its pain.

I kept going until the ground gave out from underneath me and I was left falling. Even as my arms reached out every which way, my fingers never even grazed something material. I was stuck in an endless pit of darkness with this horrible feeling of eternal tumbling. I knew that if I didn’t find an escape route soon, my broken mind would begin sinking just as low as my useless body.

Everything faded until I was left in a frightening state of absolutely nothingness. I had no body, no emotions, and barely a mind. I was just my own consciousness, at peace in the darkness. Until even that faded and I was gone.

I think it was the strange ripping sound that woke me up. It was like someone was sitting beside me tearing long pieces of fabric. I shifted around uncomfortably in the wooden chair, the hard wood digging into my sore body. I could still feel a warm liquid trickling out of the open wound on my left arm, dripping down onto the chair and the floor below.

The room was still pitch black with no signs of light being allowed to shed through it. The only company I had left was the form that hung behind me and my own thoughts. I had no perception of time when I was trapped in this small cement prison. To me the days were dark and nights were darker, not that I’d be able to tell the difference.

Occasionally I would hear people walking around outside of the room. The worst part about that was each and every time my stomach would sink with dread, expecting it to be King coming back for more. But he hadn’t come back and so I was left with the fear of his arrival that would take over with every slight sound.

But now, it seemed like I finally had someone who served as company. As my eyelids fluttered open, I winced from the thumping of my headache inside of my skull. I struggled to make out the small figure besides my chair. It was a person, that much was obvious, sitting on the ground I was guessing. Though in the darkness of the room, I couldn’t tell what they were doing.

“Hey,” I whispered, my voice cracked and my shredded throat stung.

The figure jumped, pausing in their ripping to peer up at me. It took a few second for them to find the courage to speak up, “Y-You’re alive? I thought you were dead. I-Is that guy… too... is he…?” They whispered back with hesitance.

It was a younger boy I concluded by the voice and the size of his form, “No… He… was already dead when I got here…”

The boy whimpered, scooting closer to the chair and peeking over the arm as if he were afraid to approach. He didn’t say anything further, apparently content on sitting close to me even if we were complete strangers. I could feel his hot breath traveling over my arm in frantic pants.

With him sitting so close, even in the dark I could slightly make out some of his features. He was definitely young, he was probably much younger than myself. His crystal blue eyes were teary and distressed, cheeks red from crying. He looked frail, obviously far too skinny even if he was so small. His bones jutted out of skin so pale that it looked as if he had never been outside.

He held a cloth in his hands, nervously fidgeting with it while he occasionally glanced over towards me as if he didn’t trust me. I wasn’t sure if he realized that I was strapped in to the chair.

“What were you ripping?” I mumbled, my throat still sore to use from all of the screaming that I had done. Each time I spoke or the boy made a sound my head was sent back into its unyielding pounding but I did my best to cope, hoping that this boy would be our chance to escape.

He held up the cloth in his hand, tilting his head, “This cloth, it’s from my pants. I made them into shorts.”

I could see clearly where he had torn it and then begun braiding the fabric, “Why would you do that?”

The small boy hummed, dropping his hand into his lap as he begun braiding the cloth again. “I’m going to hang myself,” he said bluntly.

I sputtered, eyes growing wide with disbelief, “W-What?! Why would you do that?!”

I had accidentally shouted and it threw me into a coughing fit, my throat burning with each harsh inhale and exhale of breath. The boy patiently waited for me to control my breathing, not looking up from the cloth that he was still braiding. It took me a few moments to settle down, tears welling in my eyes from the severe stinging of my throat.

“To escape of course,” he responded as it were the most logical thing to be doing, “Kings gonna kill us anyways, might as well make it a bit less painless… I think that’s what the person in the corner did, I think he’s happy now.”

So he had met King as well? I could only imagine the things that this poor boy had gone through at such a young age. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair. I’m sure he didn’t do anything to deserve this torment but still here he was, ready to hang himself to find peace from this hellish prison.

The gravity of the true lifestyle that the people of the Underground lived daily finally hit me like a smack in the face. No kid should ever have to make this type of decision, or even sound so oddly calm when doing so. No one should ever have to resort to that and yet I was still seeing it first hand.

“Listen,” I reasoned, trying to sound as level as possible, “I can get us out of here, but you have to unstrap my arms okay?”

I heard the boy shuffling around until he was on his feet and standing off to my side. He felt my arm, his small hand grabbing one of the straps that was locking me in.

“You’re stuck? Why would they do that?” he questioned, fumbling around with the restraint but not attempting to undo it.

“Because they know that I’ll find a way out of here, please just undo the straps so I can help you escape,” I begged him, hoping that he’d understand the severity of the situation.

“Okay, but… uh,” he started undoing the buckles, slowly working my arms free, “Why are you naked?”

I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment; I had completely forgotten. The water on my body must have dried up a bit while I was sleeping since the only thing that was still wet was my hair.

“They tore my clothes off because I threw up on them,” I told him truthfully as the last restraint was undone and I was able to stretch my arms out a bit.

Even if my body was still sore and weak, it felt so nice to be able to stretch out all of my stiff muscles. I rolled my shoulders, shaking my arms to loosen a bit of the tension that had rested within my limbs. Once I felt steady enough, I pushed myself up onto my feet, swaying for a few moments before I fully regained my balance.

My legs shook as they struggled to hold me up. The lack of food and energy was definitely getting to me and I knew that it would be much more difficult to flee from this place if I waited too long.

This was the first chance I had to actually get a good look around and I realized that the room was more extensive than it had seemed. It went back further than I had realized and there were strange lumps of clothes piled in the corner underneath the hanging body. Some of the blocks comprising the cement walls had crumbled and landed on the ground in useless piles.

The body still hung in its usual spot, still wet and dripping from being washed earlier. The stench of rotting flesh had become more pungent and it caused my stomach to do nauseous summersaults. I held my hand up to my nose, realizing that the metallic smell of thick, dried blood wasn’t much better.

As much as I didn’t want to touch it, I knew that it was possible that I would find something if I were to search the person who had been hung. I carefully made my way over, reaching out to touch the cold flesh of the person’s hand. How strange; I didn’t even feel bad when their face looked so at peace, I was actually glad for them.

I gently pat down their body but disappointedly found nothing other than flesh and torn clothes. And I probably shouldn’t have done it, it was shameful of me to say the least, but I slowly pulled their shorts off leaving them in nothing but a shirt and underwear. I put the loose-fitting pants on myself, silently thanking this person for the gift they unwillingly gave.

When I turned back around the small boy was watching me with untrusting eyes, an unsettling look to receive from such a young kid. His eyes were supposed to be wondrous and enchanted by the world, not cold and weary like they currently were.

I had to do something to let this boy know that I wouldn’t harm him, that even if no one else was, I would stay by his side. This boy needed the reassurance that someone was here for him and wanted to save him from this place. He needed to know that I would be able to offer options other than him killing himself. I slowly crouched down, my body trembling from exhaustion and agony but I stayed steady.

“Hey,” I gently called out to him, using the softest voice I could manage considering how wrecked my throat was, “Can you tell me your name?”

He stared at me for a few terse moments, visibly contemplating something before answering hesitantly, “My birth Mother named me Armin… But here they all call me Runt.”

“Runt? Why’s that?” I questioned, leaning my elbows on my knees and holding strong eye contact with him.

“Because I’m the smallest prisoner they have right now… A lot of times they’ll take me out to do work but most of the time I’m in the prison… When King is angry he… he takes it out… on me… he’s done… a lot of bad things to me…,” Armin mumbled, plopping down to take a seat in front of me with his small legs crisscrossed.

My heart panged for the small boy because I knew what he was getting at but didn’t want to imagine these revolting things happening to such an innocent child. I wanted to scream and cry, to punch the wall until my fist were bruised, bloody, and broken. I wanted to tear King to pieces because of what he’s done and the scars that he has left on this child. But I kept my composure for Armin’s sake.

“Listen Armin,” I cautiously took his small hand into my own. He flinched but didn’t pull away which I was grateful for. I needed this soothing contact almost as much as he did, I needed to know that this was real and I wasn’t alone anymore.

“What is it?” the small blond whispers, his fingers latching onto my hand in search of a sense of security. 

“My name is Eren, I’m going to get us out of here, okay? I’m going to bring you back to my camp where there’s many wonderful people who will take care of you, okay?” I tried to sound sure of myself, even if I didn’t even trust my own words. _He needed to hear this_.

Armin nodded, letting his head fall forward as his shoulders shook and he quietly cried, “Thank you.”

I don’t know if he believed me either; it’s not like I was expecting him to. But maybe to hear that someone was fighting for him was relieving. Maybe he had been here for so long that he had given up on the humanity of others. I couldn’t be sure.

Before I had the chance to respond, the sound of the door handle rattling echoed throughout the room and both of our heads shot up to look at it. My heart stopped as I realized that I didn’t have nearly as much time as I had thought to come up with an escape plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, thoughts on chapter nine?
> 
> I've been excited to introduce little Armin so that's why this chapter ended up being Eren's POV rather than Levi's. You can probably expect maybe a short section in Levi's POV soon though!!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed me being an evil person yet again, and also the chapter of course. If you have any feedback or feel the need to rant please feel free! I love hearing from all of you! Thank you for reading and I hope that you continue to enjoy!


	10. Selfish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do I start? How about "I'm so super sorry that this is so damn late". It's been frustrating me that I haven't been able to post.
> 
> Now for a few excuses: I've hit a low with my mental and physical health (yay) but I'm working on it. I lost internet for a week and have been busy moving.
> 
> Anyways I've had this ready for weeks but haven't been able to post and it's been killing me. I'm so sorry that it's taken this long and hopefully this hasn't interrupted the flow of the fic. Especially since it left off on a cliff hanger ughh ( I suggest going back to read the last couple paragraphs of chapter 9 for a refresher)
> 
> Well I hope you enjoy an extremely late chapter 10! While this has been edited a few times there may be a few mistakes which I apologize for. Again, I'm sincerely sorry about how late this is...
> 
> Quick WARNING: Mentions of rape (again nothing too intense)

** Levi’s POV **

Before my mind was able to process it, or maybe it was before I was able to accept that this was actually my reality, he was gone. Those filthy hands had latched themselves onto his body, dragging him away as he stared at me with pleading eyes. I think I was shouting, threatening them maybe but I couldn’t even understand the words leaving my own mouth.

All I could see, other than those frantic blue-green pools begging for me to save them, was pure red. My blood was boiling and I could feel the anger that was starting to take over. I was going to snap and once I did, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to calm down until I got him back. I was losing myself. _No, I was losing Eren._

His name slid out of my mouth so many times that it started to sound foreign to me, those two syllables blending together until all I could do was scream and growl at the men holding me back. Their fingers dug into me, bruising my skin as they struggled to keep their holds on me. There was definitely a lot more of them but nothing that I couldn’t fight through if that meant getting Eren back.

They were taunting me, hissing nasty jeers into my ears. All I could do to rid myself of their foul voices was scream until my lungs gave out. Was drown them out with the sound of my own voice.

Eventually I had tired myself to the point that I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. The only thing that was keeping me on my feet was the fury that had settled deep within my bones and the desperation that was now my only connection left with Eren.

I didn’t want to lose my composure, to let these men have the amusement of watching me breakdown within their grasps. But I was pissed, furious with myself for not being able to save Eren, for telling him that we’d be okay even though that was a lie. More than anything though, I was enraged that these lowly scum thought they would get away with this.

I didn’t want to let myself believe that these men had won against me. I didn’t want to accept the fact that in this moment, I was completely useless. This feeling of helplessness was something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time and it was sickening. To feel so small was a frightening thing but at the same time it pissed me off that these people thought they could control me.

Their grins and laughter were sickening, the way they jostled me around like I was merely a doll made me want to snap. But I knew that I’d have to wait for the right moment; _to survive you must be patient and precise_ I think I remember him saying. Over all else that piece of advice had been the core of my survival up until now.

Even if it was simply words, and I knew very well that words aren’t always true, I followed it as if it were my religion. It seems that a certain brunet had led me to stray from that, which was my own fault. Though look at where that got me, look at where I wound up all because I didn’t listen.

The bandits had forced me onto my knees, a few of them leaving to take a piss. While the position I was in wasn’t the most ideal, it was probably the best that I was going to get. I calmed my breathing, closing my eyes as I felt the steady flow of my blood pumping within my body. _Patient and precise_.

Without warning, I threw my head back as hard as I could manage, bashing it into the man behind me who had been holding my wrists. He toppled backwards with a loud thud, spewing out aggravated curses as he skidded against the cement. With him momentarily gone and only two other men latching onto my arms, it was easy enough to throw my elbow into one of the other bandit’s gut. He sputtered, coughing as he leaned over and grabbed his stomach.

Even though there was only one more person gripping me, the other people resting around the room had all gotten to their feet, rushing to reach me before I was let completely loose. But they were a few seconds too late. I grabbed onto the man holding me, forcibly turning him around so that I had proper access to his neck which I snapped without a second thought.

His body fell lifelessly to the ground though I ignored that, quickly bending down to pick up his knife that had clattered to the side. As soon as I leaned down, I felt a heavy weight latch onto my back and without thinking, I threw us both backwards. I landed with the man underneath me and before he had a chance to react, the knife in my hand had been shoved into his temple. 

I ripped the knife out, his flesh sickeningly squelching against the edge of the blade. There wasn’t much time for me to get back to my feet before another person was carelessly throwing themselves at me, blade raised far above her head as she prepared herself to plunge it into me. That was her fatal mistake of course, leaving so much of her body unprotected.

I charged forward, forcing the blade of my knife into her side and then quickly ripping it out. The bandit let out a shrill scream and curled in on herself, clutching her side in agony. I’m sure there was no sympathy in my expression as I snapped her neck, another filthy body falling to the ground I was standing on. I refused to show mercy to these people; not when they had taken Eren away from me.

That’s exactly what I kept in mind as more of those filthy bastards rushed towards me, all cursing me in various ways. But I didn’t let their pathetic words get to me because my mind was blank other than the thoughts of getting Eren back to safety.

When two more people fell to the ground, I realized that even in this room of people I was free and that meant that I was currently Eren’s only hope of safety. And so, with that freedom controlling me, I let my body take over.

The bandits had me surrounded, though another one fell with each movement that I made. One slice, _thud_ , two slices, _thud_ , three slices, _thud_ , four, _thud_. I kept counting as the flood of vicious people struggling to take me down bombarded me from every side. But they couldn’t even lay a finger on me, not one person even came close to stopping me.

I was fuming; hot blood serving to fuel me, pushing me to kill every last one of them. I kept attacking, swinging, slicing, and cutting until eventually my knife swung out but was met with nothing but air. 

I glanced up in surprise, my hazy mind clearing to see that I was the only one left standing. Other than the few people who weren’t lucky enough to die right away, it was just me. Corpses lined the floor, pools of blood mixing and swirling together in patterns of dark red and old dust that had been kicked up in the brawl.

Leaning forward to rest my hands on my knees, I let out harsh, uneven breaths. I didn’t even realize how tired I was, how much my body ached, until I was finally able to take a break. Twenty-seven people, if I counted correctly, plus the bandits from before I started counting. That’s how many people had been watching me; why would they think that was necessary?

In reality, they should have had more, or had at least chosen people who knew how to fight. But why would they think to come so prepared in the first place, did they always travel with this many people? I straightened back up, looking around the dark room at all of the lifeless bodies. As my eyes scanned the room, I noticed something that had been left by the doorway.

I carefully made my way over, pleased to find that the bandits had left both mine and Eren’s backpacks at the door. I pocketed the bandits knife, quickly drawing my own knife from my bag and putting it on the other side. Then I took out a cloth from my bag, wiping away the blood splatter that had speckled my arms and dripped down my hands. I sneered at the way the red had stained my skin, the metallic smelling liquid felt disgusting as it dried to my skin.

After hopelessly scrubbing for a few minutes, I shoved the cloth back into my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. I held Eren’s bag in my left hand, drawing out my knife with my right as I left the room. There were people lazing around in the large room that we had entered the building by, all somehow clueless as to what had just happened in the other room.

Though, one of them looked up when they heard my quiet footsteps, eyes growing wide with terror when they spotted me. The bandit jumped to her feet, shouting something unintelligible before she was cut off by me slicing her throat. Though everyone else had heard her, all eyes on me as I stared back, challenging them with a hateful glare.

They didn’t even bother trying, maybe it was the blood covering me or the fact that I had left that room with no one following behind trying to stop me but something caused them all to flee. Not that I planned on letting these lawless assholes get away. I didn’t want any of them to make it to safety.

Not the one who I plunge my knife into the back of the head of. Not the one who’s neck I violently snapped as I threw them behind myself and continued after the rest. Not the one who’s neck I sliced so deeply that their head was just barely clinging onto their body. Not even the rest who had gotten too far away for me to catch as my shaky legs began to give out and I dragged one last person down to the floor with me.

They squirmed underneath me, begging for me to let them go. But they could whine and plead all that they wanted. No matter how scared they were, this bandit was no less vile than the rest of them. I let them know exactly that as I sunk my knife into their abdomen, dragging it down and relishing in the way their skin easily split apart as the person underneath me howled. I stabbed them again, and then a couple more times, my arm refusing to stop until the person below me went silent and all I could hear was the sound of my blade digging into their ravaged body.

I staggered to my feet, feeling a grin slip onto my face at the sight of the bandits frightened, unresponsive eyes staring up at nothing. His mouth hung open stupidly as if he had died mid-scream and his hands were covered in his own blood. I turned away from him to look outside, watching as the forms of the escaped bandits grew smaller and smaller.

I let out a frustrated growl, picking up Eren’s back pack once more before trudging my way down the ruble staircase. As much as I didn’t want to, the only place I could go right now was back to camp. Even if I’d much rather go rescue Eren as soon as possible, I had no clue where the camp was and it would be much easier if I had back up.

So, with that thought in mind, I set a quick pace in the direction of camp. I didn’t allow myself to slow even though my body ached with each agonizing step that I took. One of my eyes had begun swelling and I couldn’t keep it open any longer. My shoulder was still bleeding from a cut that I gotten before Eren had been taken away, but I ignored the blood that flowered onto my torn clothing. 

If anything, my pace kept getting faster, more frantic and more desperate as I felt myself getting closer to camp. And once I saw the tents lining the outside edge, once the speck that was my community came into view, I broke out into a sprint. All of my muscles and joints ached and it was hard to see where I was stepping since it had gotten dimmer outside but I pushed through it all nonetheless.

I kept sprinting as if that was the only thing that I knew how to do, my legs propelling me forward at a speed that I didn’t even know was possible to reach. The ground beneath me turned into a blur and I kicked up rotten rock with every heavy step that my foot pounded down. The wind howled and whipped in my ears but even over that I could still hear the quick, anxious thumping of my heart inside of my chest.

As the camp grew larger in my vision, I forced myself to keep going. Even though my throat had gone dry and it was hard to breath in the stifling heat, I kept going. The backpacks added to the weight of my body and I wanted more than anything to let them fall but I couldn’t; I had Eren’s granite after all.

When I finally reached the very outside tents, I didn’t stop there either. I sprinted straight into camp and toward the center where I knew I’d find the very people that I was looking for. My hair had plastered to my forehead from sweat and my lungs burned with every breath that I took but I knew that soon enough I’d be able to rest, even if it wouldn’t be for very long.

Citizens gave me odd looks as I passed by, yelling at them to get out of the way, “Move you fuckers!”

People jumped out of my path, some looking frightened while others just cursed at me. But I couldn’t find it in me to care what any of them thought, not when I was getting so close to saving Eren. Especially not when I ran into the meeting tent so fast that I couldn’t stop in time and slammed into the table, falling on top of it with a grunt.

I could hear the concerned tones of the people in the room and then one voice above the rest telling them all to settle down. I picked my head up, staring down to the other side of the table where I was met with icy blue. Coughing, I pushed myself up and dropped both of the bags.

Before I even had time to open my mouth, I heard Petra’s voice, filled with uncertain worry, calling out to me, “Levi, what’s going on?”

I looked down at the woman, my voice low and breathy as I told her past my heavy panting, “Eren’s been kidnapped.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, the entire tent went into a frenzy. People had stood up, shouting out questions that I couldn’t properly make out with all of the noise that had suddenly filled the room. Petra looked just as upset, she was yelling something as she shoved my shoulder. I didn’t even bother fighting against her, I deserved this.

“Everyone, SETTLE DOWN!” the room abruptly went silent as Erwin shouted above everyone else, his annoyingly thick eyebrows drawn down into an unpleasant frown. Once he felt satisfied with the thick silence that had taken over, he continued, “What do you mean Levi?”

I sat down with a huff, already knowing that this was going to take a lot longer than I was hoping, “I mean exactly what I fucking said! We were surveying the new building west of camp when we were attacked by a large group of bandits. I took down as many as I could but was overwhelmed and couldn’t hold them all off. They restrained me and fucking took Eren away! Those indecorous fucking shit stains kidnapped him and who knows what they’ve already done to him?!”

I was slamming my fist on the table in an attempt to both get my point across and release some of the fury that was still swelling inside of me. I swear I was trying my best to keep my composure, to stay level headed when all I wanted to do was explode. If I didn’t stay calm then there was no way that we’d be able to save Eren in time, it had already taken far too long just to get back here I couldn’t draw this out much more.

And I didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to succumb to these feelings because I knew how dangerous that could be, but there was an ache in my chest. It was something that could only be fixed by getting Eren back, by having him in my arms once more.

Erwin hummed as he pondered it for a moment before mumbling, “There’s only one person’s camp who’s close to that building but…”

“But what?” I snapped impatiently, drawing him out of his thoughts.

“If it’s the person that I’m thinking of them there’s nothing that we can do for the time being,” Erwin said calmly and it was all I could do to keep myself from jumping across the table and strangling him.

“What? Why?” Petra shrieked in shock before I had the chance to say anything, that was probably for the better anyways. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to control myself for much longer, especially not when Erwin was spewing such idiotic shit as if I’d accept it.

“We have an agreement, it’d be best to just wait until we can talk to them and figure this out,” he informed her, unfazed by the surprised muttering between everyone in the room. His stare was blank but I could see the way he was calculating in his head, coming up with his own elaborate plan.

My heart pounded against my ribs and I could feel my blood start to boil. I knew it would be best to stay level headed. I knew that getting angry at Erwin would get me nowhere. But if he thought that I was willing to sit around waiting while it was possible that Eren was already dead then he had another thing coming for him.

I slowly got up to my feet, making my way around the table as I spoke in a dark tone, “It only takes mere seconds to snap someone’s neck, even less to slit their thin, feeble throat, and you’re telling me to wait. You want me to sit around while Eren is probably out there being tortured or even worse already fucking dead? You want me to pretend as if nothing happened while I wait for you to _figure it out?_ ”

Everyone had gone silent in favor of staring at me with wide eyes. Nobody dared to speak or move as I finally made it face to face with Erwin. No one dare to come between our little standoff, probably too afraid that one of us would snap.

I glared up at him with eyes just as hateful as the look that I had given the bandits, though it was probably less threatening when one of my eyes had swollen shut. I don’t care what kind of history I had with this man, if he was willing to let one of his citizens die without doing anything to at least try to rescue them then he was merely dirt to me.

“Levi, just listen to yourself, you’re being irrational. We can’t just barge into someone’s camp if we’re not even sure its them. Besides, we have a treaty between our camps in that we won’t touch each other and I’d rather not break that,” he told me with a sigh, gripping papers tightly in one of his hands as if he were holding back from saying something.

I growled, jabbing my finger into his chest to reinforce my point as I hissed out, “They already broke your worthless treaty when they _kidnapped Eren_.”

Erwin sighed again, shaking his head, “He was barely a part of this community to begin with, we can’t risk ruining our relationships with other camps over something this insignificant.”

If I could kill this man and get away with it, I would have. But since that wasn’t possible, I bitterly settled on shouting at him, “Are you fucking kidding me? He was just a part of this shitty camp as anyone else! If anything, he’s already done more than half of the leeches living off of us! So don’t you fucking dare call him insignificant because at least he is willing to go out there and risk his life for us assholes, which he’s only known for a fucking week might I remind you!”

I was seething, heart racing as I dug my finger nails into my palms and forced myself to keep my hands off of him. I wouldn’t very well be able to get my point across if I was strangling him to death, as much as I really wanted to at the moment. Who knows, maybe if Erwin was gone then there might be a little bit of salvageable humanity left in the community. Though at this point even that was uncertain.

“I don’t want to hear it Levi,” there was a threatening lilt to his voice but I refused to let it get to me, “There is nothing that we can do right now and that’s final.”

He was treating me as if I were a child and if that didn’t piss me off then I’m not sure what would.

“Are you saying that you refuse to rescue him?”

“Yes, I cannot justify sending soldiers to save one boy.”

I shook my head with distaste, glaring at him as I stepped away, “Then I’m going alone, tell me which direction to head in. I won’t tell anyone that I’m from this camp, so at the very least telling me where they fucking took him.”

He shook his head, frowning dejectedly, “Levi, don’t do this…”

“Tell me which direction to head in,” I enunciated each word, practically growling at him.

Erwin seemed to contemplate something for a few moments before he finally gave in with a heavy sigh, “Head southwest of camp, once you reach the circle of rocks, head east.”

I nodded, not wasting my time to thank him since there was nothing to be grateful for. All Erwin had done was proven that I can’t trust him anymore, not with my life or anyone else’s. He didn’t care about anyone else’s safety as long as he and his shitty, rundown camp were okay. And I could only think one thing as I made my way towards the exit of the tent.

“You’re a selfish man, Erwin Smith,” I spat, pushing passed the cloth doorway as I voiced my thoughts.

It wasn’t long after I made it outside that I heard footsteps chasing after me, a gentle voicing calling out my name caused me to stop and wait. I’m sure there was a good reason for her to delay me, especially when she was carrying mine and Eren’s backpacks.

“Let me help you,” Petra commanded when she reached me, staring at me with a strong determination in her honey-golden eyes. I couldn’t say no to such a resolute face.

“Then let’s hurry,” I told her, turning back around so that we could quickly head out.

“Wait!”

I stopped, turning with an annoyed sigh, “What is it?”

Petra grabbed my hand, pulling me in the opposite direction than I wanted to go, “Let’s stop somewhere first.”

I was aggravated that she was drawing this out even more but followed along without complaint. Petra was a smart woman and I trusted that wherever she was bringing me was important. And of course it was, I knew she had her reasons as we made our way into Hanji’s clinic to find the crazy doctor talking with two soldiers.

“Hanji, we need your help. Eren’s been kidnapped but Erwin is refusing to do anything,” Petra told her flat out which I was grateful for. I think she noticed that I was getting antsy.

“What?! Why wouldn’ he?” Hanji shouted angrily, it had been awhile since I’d last seen her look that upset.

“It’s a long story and we need to hurry, would you be okay to leave your clinic?” Petra rushed out in one breath, anxiously shifting from foot to foot.

“ ‘Course I can! Let me grab some stuff an’ we can go!” Hanji squawked, jumping to her feet and hastily shoving medical supplies into a bag that had apparently been underneath one of the cots. When she was done, she threw it over her shoulder and pulled her goggles down over her eyes, staring back us with all seriousness.

“Ready?” Petra asked, pulling back the cloth to let us through.

“Wait a second!” One of the soldiers, who I had forgotten were even in the tent, called out to us.

“What the fuck do you want?” I snapped in frustration with all of this fucking waiting, whipping around to glare at them.

The soldier, who I recognized from seeing him with Eren before, spoke carefully, “We want to help too.”

When the soldier next to him nodded, the same look glued to their faces that I had seen on Petra’s, I let out a sigh, “Then get your shit together and let’s go.”

 

** Eren’s POV **

When the door swung open, there was nowhere for us to go. We both froze in our spots, staring at the bright entry way as we anxiously waited to see who would enter. It took a few agonizing seconds but soon enough two bandits were making their way into the room, suddenly coming to a halt when they realized that I wasn’t strapped into the chair anymore.

Of course, it was just our luck that King would come strolling in behind them, clueless as to what his men had found. Though when he ran into their backs he let out an annoyed huff, opening his mouth to say something before pausing when he realized what they were staring at. His eyes snapped over to Armin and I, quickly figuring out what had happened.

But before any of them could move, before I had given myself the time to think it through, I was throwing myself at the bandits. Even if what I was about to do was dangerous and meant getting myself killed, it was worth fighting if I was able to get Armin to safety. I had promised him that I would get him out of here and I was planning on keeping that promise.

The men were quick, faster than myself though that could be due to the fact that my body refused to work properly considering the pain that I was in and the medicine still working its way through my system. Each movement ached down to my core but I fought through it, knowing that if we could escape here then I wouldn’t have to feel this pain again.

My fist collided with one of their greasy faces, the man grunting as his head flew to the side. I could hear the other one shouting as he grabbed my arm, trying to hold me back as I relentlessly pounded my fist into wherever I could reach on the bandit. Though I only got a few more hits in before the man holding me back was able to successfully drag me far enough away that I couldn’t reach his friend.

But just because I couldn’t hit his friend didn’t mean that I was ready to give up just yet. The cold puddle beneath my feet splashed onto my bare calves as I forced myself backwards into the man keeping me hostage, slamming his back against the wall. He growled in pained frustration, reaching forward in an attempt to grab my other arm and fully restrain me.

My first instinct was to grab onto his arm rather than try to get away from him, my nails digging into his skin that had layers of dry mud crusted over it. Without thinking, since in a situation like this I didn’t have any time to, I clamped my teeth into his skin as hard as I could. The warm, metallic blood that flooded my sensitive taste buds made me want to gag but I only closed down harder instead.

The bandit screamed a long string of shrill, dumbfounded curses as he let go of my arm to try to shove me off of his on but I held on for as long as I could. He tried whipping his arm away but that only served to tear some of his skin, causing him to shout more meaningless threats.

I was about to pull away when suddenly I felt a large hand grab a fistful of my hair, forcefully yanking me away from the wounded bandit. The person had pulled me so roughly that I had toppled to my knees, my skin scraping against the cement flooring and blood mixing with the murky puddle. I bared my bloody teeth as my head was wrenched back, forcing me to look up into the wild eyes of the one and only King.

Those large, black pools looked so devoid of emotion and yet at the same time were promising certain misfortune. It sickened me, the way his hair was so perfectly groomed and his clothes seemingly new when I had been forced to strip bare in this grimy cell and the only clothes I had been left with was that of a dead man. It sickened me that it was possible for someone to be so malicious, that someone could carelessly ruin the lives of others like this.

I spat a spiteful mouthful of blood at him, the dark red splattering across his oily skin. He jumped back with a surprised yelp, black eyes growing impossibly darker when he realized what I had just spit on him. What was worse than the feeling of your friend blood on your skin? Maybe I should ask King.

King snarled as he wiped his face with that impeccably clean shirt, smearing blood across his skin and staining the light fabric, “Tie this piece of shit back up.”

He shoved me facedown into the puddle and the cool water probably would’ve been soothing if there wasn’t small bugs swimming around it. When I tried to sit up I was forced back down with a strong foot digging into my nude back. I could feel the dirt on the bottom of the shoe mixing with the sweat that was dripping off of me.

I winced when someone grabbed my arms, the wound on my left stinging as it was twisted at an uncomfortable angle. The bandits dragged me back to the chair though they didn’t get me over there without a struggle, my legs kicking and body flailing around hectically. But it was no use and they once again were able to strap me to the chair without much of a fight.

My body not only felt sore but I was exhausted beyond belief, at this point I didn’t even feel the need to move. I was so tired of fighting when my struggles never even produced any results. I knew that I couldn’t give in to these monsters, I refused to, but I also knew that I would need to let myself rest eventually. I wasn’t as invincible as I liked to believe at times; I was only human of course.

Though, that humane side of me was quickly forgotten when I heard the high-pitched yelp of a small boy. My heart sank as my eyes shot up and I was met with the view of the two bandits retraining Armin who was shaking so badly that I could see it from my spot in the chair. My mouth went dry as King drew in closer to him with the same infuriated eyes that had been trained on me only moments prior.

Armin flinched and whimpered as King leaned down so that he was face to face with the small, vulnerable boy. The man glared at him for a few seconds before hissing out in a low, menacing voice, “How dare you go against me after everything that I’ve done for you! How dare you betray me like this and help _this_ shitty piece of scum!”

King had raised his arm to point at me, Armin’s eyes nervously following along the length of it until they met my own. Tears began to cover those baby blue orbs and spill onto his cheeks as he stared at me with pleading eyes. His lower lip trembled as he sniffled, seemingly more upset after seeing me. And yet all I could do was stare back, I was helpless, useless again.

It was so wrong of me to fill this poor, innocent boy with hope when I wasn’t even sure if I could fulfill the promise that I had made to him. It was so horrible of me to let him believe that I had any more power over these monsters than he did.

“Take him out of here, I think we need to teach this shitstick a lesson,” King commanded and somehow it felt like I had been punched in the gut. I really didn’t want to know what that meant.

The words all came out of me in a jumbled burst of emotions, “Where are you taking him?! What are you going to do to him?! Let him go! It was me! It was all me, take me instead!”

King turned towards me with an unpleasant frown, spitting out, “I wouldn’t want a faggot like you,” he then turned towards his men, his tone more even than when he had addressed me, “and gag this fucker while you’re at it, I’m tired of listening to his pathetic cries.”

They nodded in obedience and I wanted to rip myself from this chair as Armin was sat in front of me with those sad eyes. One of the bandits had left to grab something and when he came back he moved to me rather than Armin. I was left confused until a large metal ball was forced into my mouth after a bit of struggling and tightly strapped behind my head.

With that, the men began to follow King out of the room with Armin in tow. I tried to call for him, to scream at them to let him go. I wanted them to know that they were screwed up in the head, that they would never get away with this. But the ball in my mouth was keeping me from making any sounds other than incomprehensible shouting and low, throaty gurgling.

The worst part was that they didn’t even take Armin that far because now I was being forced to listen to the horrors that he was about to go through. They didn’t even bother closing the door nor did they try to muffle Armin’s cries as they shoved him down. I heard his delicate body hit something wooden as it clattered against the wall.

“No,” he whimpered out weakly, “Please, I won’t do it again… Please!”

I threw myself forward, screaming once more when I heard the men laugh at his pleading. My arms tugged against the restraints and I tried my best to move the chair with my legs. If it was possible to get out of this and stop them before they could do anything, no matter what it took I was willing to do it. I wobbled the chair back and forth as Armin’s cries grew louder.

“No! Please! Don’t touch me, not there!” I could hear his desperation grow the longer that it went on for and my eyes stung as hot tears spilled onto my cheek.

“Shut up!” someone’s shout echoed followed by the sound of a fist against soft flesh and a pained yelp. Armin’s sniffles reached my ears and I knew that he was trying his best to stay quiet, to stay obedient. And I hated it; _fight, please don’t accept this as your reality. You don’t deserve this, don’t listen to them._

I leaned forward as far as I could before throwing myself back into the chair, feeling it wobble back. One more swing of my body and the chair was slowly tilting and then suddenly I was falling towards the cement once more. Unfortunately, the chair had toppled over to the side but was still perfectly intact. The worst part was that I had landed on my left arm, drawing a scream out of me as my head was bashed against the ground.

My vision became unfocused and Armin’s cries began to sound distorted. I tried my best to blink away the bleariness, that small, terrified voice being the only thing that kept me holding onto reality.

Though the last thing I heard before I was dragged into the darkness of unconsciousness was King’s voice, “Come on, open up for your savior. At least act like you’re thankful.” Followed by a shrill scream that stuck in my mind, echoing inside my skull even as I passed out.

The darkness consuming me was warm and comforting, embracing me like a gentle hug. It shrouded out the sounds of the outside world, protected me from the horrors of reality and the hard truths that I didn’t want to face. It was seemingly impenetrable, by everything other than those heart-breaking screams that I recognized all too well.

My eyes fluttered open and I was greeted by the sight of a bloody, bruised body resting motionlessly underneath me. Their chest was slowly rising and falling, _good he’s not dead_. I felt my head turn even though I wanted to get a better look at the frail, injured boy below me.

There was another boy standing only a few feet away, he looked pleased with himself and for some reason that lit something inside of me. I got to my feet, my body moving without my permission. Slowly, dangerously, I slinked my way over to the other boy until we were face to face, silently challenging each other.

“What are you gonna do about it, huh?” A snide grin crossed his face though it dropped as soon as he looked down and saw that I had pulled something out of my sleeve.

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” I whispered and if I was in control of my own body at the time then I probably would’ve shivered at my tone. It was dark and alarming even to me, not something that should be coming out of someone my age.

The boy took a step back, raising his hands up as if he were trying to shield himself, “You can’t be serious… are you fucking insane?!”

I followed him, keeping the distance between us close to nothing before, without warning, my arm swung out and the small blade in my hand plunged into his side. He let out a surprised shout, hand gripping his side as he fell over in agony, wailing and whimpering. I leaned down next to him, carefully laying my hand over the blade that was still sticking out of his side.

He let out a pained cry even though I hadn’t done anything which made it even more exciting when I used his hand to push the blade in further. The scream that ripped through him must have caught the nearby neighbor’s attentions as footsteps came running to our location.

My head shot up when I heard a woman gasp; my mother was standing before us with nothing other than pure fear in her eyes. My hand fell to the ground below me as I frantically glanced between my mother and the groaning body below me.

“It’s not…” I started but the words got caught in my throat when I saw a tear fall down her cheek, her hands flying up to muffle the sob that passed her lips.

Other people had arrived by now, a few men quickly tending to the boy’s wound as best as they could before he was taken away. They took he neighbor’s boy away as well, his small unconscious form looking a little _too_ weak and it worried me. I was the only person left and once they figured out that none of the blood on me was my own, the questions came flooding in.

Everyone was shouting at once, all demanding answers or at the very least an explanation. But I only stared back blankly, not caring that the bully’s dad had wrapped his hands around my neck in an attempt to strangle me. Not caring that he was forced off and dragged away before my Mother began to beg for them to leave me alone.

Eventually the crowd dispersed and I was left with the thick silence and my Mother’s cold eyes fixated on me. It took a while for her to conjure the courage to say something to me, or maybe she was still struggling to find the love that she once felt for me. I think she might have lost it a long time ago.

“Why…” she whispered, sounding dumbfounded, “What possessed you… to do such a thing?”

“He… was after the neighbor’s boy again, he knocked him out! I couldn’t just let him get away with it!” I shouted, anything to show her that I was innocent. She needed to know that her son wasn’t evil.

“You should have gotten an adult! You should have helped the neighbor’s boy and let him go! You should have let it go! Anything but what you’ve done Eren Jaeger, _anything_ would have been better!” she yelled back and at that point I knew that I’d never be seen as innocent in her eyes, not anymore.

She paced back and forth, sighing miserably before she turned stiffly to face me, “Do you even realize what you did? Can you even recognize what you’ve done wrong here?”

Was she asking me if I had gone insane, did she see me in the same light that the bully did? Why did everyone seem to think I was so goddamn crazy?

“Did he not deserve that after what he did to the neighbor’s boy?” I asked in return, my voice oddly calm and steady. The confusion I was feeling was clear in my voice and I probably sounded a bit too innocent considering what I had just asked.

My Mother just stared back with wide eyes, as if she wasn’t able to comprehend my question. She shook her head, turning around as she told me, “Think about it.”

I wanted to chase after her, I really did, to stop her and apologize for everything that I had done. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t crazy, that I knew I did a bad thing and that it wouldn’t happen again. But when I tried to get to my feet, I was stopped by that same darkness. Its arms wrapped around me like chains, binding me down.

I reached out for her, trying to call out but I couldn’t speak. And then her small form which I could see from just above my fingertips disappeared around the corner and I was left alone again. I wanted to scream and cry but was cut off by the darkness that wrapped itself around me and clouded my vision.

It felt like I was spinning and my stomach was doing queasy summersaults. Even though it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything, I knew I was moving. Spinning around and around and around, over and over, in endless, torturous circles.

And then, my stomach let go and once again I was throwing up, emptying some extra stomach bile that I didn’t even know I still had. When I looked up, the room was still spinning but that darkness had been replaced with the cell that I had come all too accustomed to seeing.

Was that another dream of my life inside the wall? Did I really... stab someone? It didn’t seem real; I didn’t remember something like that ever happening. That had to have been a nightmare, right?

I looked around the room, realizing that I was upright again. The bandits must have picked the chair back up and taken the gag out of my mouth sometime after I had passed out. Suddenly everything came flooding back and I felt dread fill my stomach, my eyes frantically darting around the room in search of that small body.

I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or not to see him curled up in the corner with his head buried in his knees and his thin arms tied behind his back. Armin was bruised and bloody and all the bandits had left him with was a baggy shirt, leaving his bottom half bare. I could see scratches and thin bruises on his thighs that I assumed were from someone’s fingers but I didn’t want to think about it for too long.

“Armin,” I croaked out pitifully and his head slowly raised from his knees.

“Eren,” he sobbed out, tears and snot dripping from his fragile face, “I want to leave, I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know that,” I responded sadly, dreading the next lie that I let slip past my lips as if I wasn’t just getting his hopes up for nothing yet again, “I promised you Armin, I _will_ get us out of here.”

I wanted to continue, to tell him that he’d be happy and safe soon enough. I wanted to tell him stories of all of the wonderful stuff back at camp. I wanted to tell him about Hanji, Petra, Jean, Marco, and _Levi_. I wanted to tell him about all of the cool stuff he’d see and the amazing people he’d meet. I wanted to let him know that I was here for him now and always would be and that I’d do anything to get him to safety.

But I was cut off by the sound of that grim door opening once again. Both of our eyes shot over to see that king was standing in the doorway with his metal tray and suddenly I was wishing that I had never woken up. Whoever the stuff on that tray was for, I didn’t want to be awake to see what he did with them.

“Since it was a team effort,” King pushed the tray in, keeping his eyes locked on me, “I can’t just punish only one of you, that wouldn’t be fair, now would it?”

A strange mix of emotions filled me the second that it processed that he was here for me; relief, terror, distain, and maybe even a weird sense of happiness. As much as I didn’t want to go through this again, my mind kept convincing me that it was okay because at least he wasn’t doing anything to Armin.

King didn’t seem to care that I didn’t respond, instead he merrily picked up something from his table. It didn’t take long for him to make a decision and before I knew it he was walking towards me with something that looked like thing leather hanging at his side.

“Apologize,” he ordered but I kept my mouth sealed.

He shook his head when he figured that I wasn’t going to listen, though that twisted smile never fell away from his lips. Not even as he raised his arm and struck me so hard with the whip across my chest that it split the skin. I let out a yelp, curling forward on myself but that didn’t stop him.

He struck me two more times on the back and I bit my lip to keep silent, my arms shaking from the strain I was putting on them against the straps holding me to the chair. When he whipped me a fourth time I felt tears slip from my eyes and land on my bare feet below.

“Don’t try to defy me you lowly piece of scum, your life would be worthless without me. Now… apologize.”

“Fuck you,” I breathed out, letting out a wounded shout when the whip cracked against my back once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this was worth the wait! Please feel free to rant in the comments about whatever you see fit! I seriously appreciate you all waiting so patiently!
> 
> Anyways feedback is always greatly appreciated in all forms! And chapter 11 should be out on time since I actually have time to write now! Thank you all so so much for following along!
> 
> Edit: I forgot to mention this but thank you all for 100 kudos!! I squealed when I saw that


	11. Useless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter being a few hours late, I accidentally fell asleep while editing it last night oops!! But it's fairly on time so yay! You know this chapter is a tiny bit shorter but I feel like I always make the chapters too long anyways.
> 
> Also I keep forgetting to mention this but I'm working on another ErenxLevi fic that I might be posting soon. It'll be a lot shorter than usual (like around 12-14 chapters I think) and it'll have a totally different feel to it so I'm pretty excited for that.
> 
> Anyways, sorry for the delay in the update! I hope you enjoy chapter eleven!!

**Levi’s POV**  
It took much longer than I was hoping for everyone to prepare themselves for the expedition ahead of us. It seemed that every time we were finally ready to go someone would decide that we needed to stock up on something else that would probably end up being useless anyways. I could understand wanting to be prepared for whatever hell storm we were about to blindly walk into but it seemed as if no one else was able to comprehend the urgency of our situation.

Maybe I was just being antsy because it was Eren but then again _this was his life_. It had already been almost an entire day since he was taken and who knows what could have happen in that long span of time? As much as I didn’t even want to consider it, as much as it made my stomach twist into a million knots, he could already be dead for all that we know.

The worst part about this was that I didn’t even know how far away the place they took him to was. We could be traveling for days before we finally got there so I wanted to start traveling as soon as possible. The longer that Eren was being kept there meant his chances of survival would continue to deplete. All I could think was what if we’re too late?

Though whether we were too late in saving Eren or not, I knew one thing for certain; those sick bastards had a whole new type of nightmare headed their way. They may not have realized this, and therefore this was a sorry mistake on their part, but they screwed with the wrong person. Once we finally retrieved Eren, dead or alive, there would be no such thing as mercy for their miserable lives.

When everyone was finally ready, we made it to the southwest edge of camp where the W area was currently silent and devoid of citizens. It was much nicer on this side of the community when it wasn’t full of people, I had decided a while ago when I found myself leaving in the earlier hours of the morning.

“Are you sure we have everything?” Petra asked as we stepped out into the dangerous embrace of the Underground.

“Even if we don’t, we’ll survive off of what we do have,” I answered, frustrated that she was still willing to stall this any longer. I had been assuming that they were just as agitated as I was but apparently, I had guessed wrong.

Petra didn’t bother to question me any further, probably getting the hint that I was done waiting for them. Yes, I was antsy to rescue Eren and no, I wasn’t afraid to let them all know that. It was already pissing me off enough that Erwin had betrayed one of his own citizens like this, I didn’t need anyone else’s shit at the moment.

I set a quick pace and I was almost surprised to see the two soldiers who had decided to tag along were keeping up fairly well. This would be their first mission outside of camp and they didn’t even have time to mentally prepare for what they had gotten themselves into before they were thrusted out into the unforgiving Underground.

Unfortunately, I was sure that they weren’t ready for this yet. From what I knew these two were still in general training which wouldn’t do them much good out here. But I didn’t have it in me to refuse anyone help when I was working with the minimum to begin with. I didn’t want to see anyone get hurt or have to whiteness needless death so I tried to believe that we would be okay.

We jogged in silence for a while which I was glad for because I wasn’t in the mood to be having conversations with anyone at the moment. Though eventually, Hanji, who had been surprising quiet the entire time, quickened her pace so that she was by my side.

She kept quiet for a few moments but I could feel her concerned eyes burning into the side of my head. I wanted to shout at her and ask her what the hell she wanted form me but I kept my lips sealed.

Eventually she cleared her throat, “Levi-“

“What?!” I unintentionally snapped but it didn’t faze her, if anything it only seemed to concern her even more.

“Are ya okay? This mus’ be hard on ya…”

“I’m fine,” I told her, trying to put some sort of finality in my voice. 

Hanji was quiet again and I was hoping that she had given up but just as she seemed to be done bothering me, she started up again, “Ya know… I think what Erwin did ‘s wrong.”

“Agreed,” Petra, who I hadn’t even noticed had come up beside Hanji cut in, “There was plenty of other ways that he could have handled this and… some of the stuff he said to you wasn’t right Levi. I don’t think he meant what he said about Eren not being a part of our community.”

“Oh really,” I scoffed, “And what else would he have meant by that? Was that supposed to be his backwards way of telling Eren to go fuck himself?”

“I don’t know,” Petra admitted quietly, “But we’ve all known Erwin for a really long time so I think that we can all agree that he wouldn’t do _anything_ without having a reason. So, don’t you think there must be a reason he’s doing this?”

“Doing what?” I snapped, not seeing what she was getting at, “Betraying my trust in him? Abandoning his own citizen? Allowing his supposed friends come out here with no reinforcement? Shall I go on?”

“Tha’s not tha point Levi, Erwin mus’ recognize all tha downsides of his decision. He’s not dumb and he’s not a bad person either. What Petra’s sayin is Erwin knows som’thing that we don’t,” Hanji explained, her voice more gentle than usual. It frustrated me that they felt the need to tip toe around me like this and pretend that I didn’t notice.

“You’re suggesting that he’s keeping secrets from us then?” I questioned, ignoring their cautious tones for now.

“Well that’s one way to put it but again… Erwin doesn’t do anything without having a good reason for it,” Petra agreed.

“And what _good_ reason could he have for hiding things from _us_ of all people!? He does realize that we run this camp underneath him right?”

“Exactly, Levi! From _underneath_ him, that means that _he’s_ in charge whether you like that or not. Don’t forget that it was our decision to give him that power when we started our camp. He offered you that position but you declined it so have a little more trust in your own decision.”

I wasn’t exactly in the mood for Petra’s lectures but she had a point that I was unable to argue. When our camp was first created, when it was nothing but a few makeshift tents and a pit that had been dug for our fire, we all agreed to follow Erwin’s lead. When the community we had now was nothing but a dream that seemed out of reach, we all chose to put our trust in Erwin. I couldn’t allow myself to forget that trust.

The original camp held six people for a while until we decided to expand our territory in order to offer a safe place for people to make a life for themselves in. In the beginning, it was hard to constantly fight off bandits and thief’s. At times, we even considered splitting ways because our dream was just a little too far out of reach.

We were young and maybe just a little bit too optimistic about our plans. We were too confident in the abilities that we didn’t have but badly needed. It was just a couple of kids who thought they were stronger than they actually were and in reality we shouldn’t have survived, not this long at least.

But we fought for it and slowly we grew into what we were now. I thought about it often, what would have happened if we had given up. If we had let the arguments and the struggles to keep our camp protected and our people alive get the best of us, where would we be today?

In my case, I probably would have wondered home until I couldn’t bear to live in that dump anymore. I’d stay at that terrible place for as long as I could handle it, only to run away once more. That’s all I ever seemed to do until I met Erwin, run away. He gave me a place and in turn I gave him my trust, so why question it?

“You’re thinking about the beginning, aren’t you?” Petra asked and when I glanced over she had a soft look in her eyes.

“Yeah,” I muttered, remembering the nights where the six of us would sit outside of our tents with only the lights of the stars and each other for company.

I wasn’t a soft or emotion person by any means but something about reminiscing left me with a warm feeling. Because even though it was tough, we had accomplished what we had originally set out to do. We were living in the world that we had dreamed up for ourselves. At one point, our community was merely a fantasy that we planted in our heads to keep ourselves from giving up.

“Who woulda thought? I can’t believe almos’ all of us made it ta this point,” Hanji happily added.

“Almost,” I repeated and finished with a quiet mutter, “All but one.”

“Where do you think he is now?” Petra asked but neither of us felt like answering that.

During our talk, I had allowed our pace to slow down a bit but now that it was over I picked it up once more. There was no time for idle chit chat, that was all in the past anyways. Wherever he had gone doesn’t matter anymore because we had still done it. Even without his help.

“You guys started the camp?” One of the soldiers behind us asked and I almost wanted to yell at him for bringing it back up but I stayed silent.

“Yeah!” Hanji answered excitedly, “Actually Jean, I can remember when yer Mom joined us! She was pregnant with you at the time.”

She slowed down so that she could talk to him and I was grateful that I didn’t have to stay a part of the conversation anymore. It wasn’t worth talking about, not when we had so many other things going on at the moment.

Pushing those old thoughts out of my mind, I forced the group to keep a steady pace towards the unknown. Even though nothing but complete darkness stretched out in the expanse before us, we kept going.

 

 **Eren’s POV**  
Twelve cracks of the whip against my skin, if I counted correctly but I couldn’t be sure when I was more focused on the pain that spread over my bare skin like a blazing fire. King had hit me seven times on the back, four on the chest and once more which had grazed my cheek enough for it to sting fiercely. I’m sure I was covered in long welts and thin lines of red with blood seeping through.

Then, without saying anything as he apparently finished up, King shoved the gag back into my mouth, took his metal table and left. I could only assume that he didn’t want me talking with Armin anymore after what we had pulled. In all honesty, if I could speak I would have already tried to escape with Armin again.

When I tried to sit back in the chair I could feel the old wood scraping against my open wounds and winced. No matter which way I shifted, it was uncomfortable and even more painful. My only option was to either curl in on myself, which was beginning to hurt my back, or deal with the pain.

I chose the latter, sitting back in the chair and doing my best to ignore the way splintered wood dug into the open wounds that covered me. I probably should have been more worried about the infections that may be caused by exposing all of these gashes to such an unsterile environment. Sadly, that was the least of my worries at the moment.

At the top of my mind, first and foremost was Armin and his wellbeing. He had just been through a hell worse than any beating King could ever give me and it was almost torture knowing that I couldn’t have done anything to stop it.

Because I was useless in this situation. As long as I was strapped to this chair, I knew that there was nothing I could do and that thought alone was enough to fill me with an unyielding rage. This feeling of powerlessness that took over me every time I had the notion that someone might be entering the room was debilitating.

It hurt more to know that there was nothing that I could do than it did to have my body brutally beaten in countless cruel ways. And it wasn’t even just my life that I was unable to protect. There was Armin, a defenseless child who didn’t know any better than to obey orders because that’s what he had been taught to do.

So, I felt trapped. In this humid, filthy room and in my own jumbled and distressed mind. I could move my body, of course, but only to a certain extent, I was a prisoner after all. The worst part was that I could feel myself slowly giving up as my weak body threatened to give out. A person could only fight these wicked demons for so long before they were forced to cave in.

“Eren?” I heard a small, broken voice call from the corner.

It was Armin; once King and his men were finished with him, they had tied him up and threw him into the corner. For a while after King left he cried, wailing as he begged for forgiveness and promised that he wouldn’t betray them again. Eventually he lost the ability to cry and fell into quiet whimpering and sniffling. Once that stopped, I had assumed he fell asleep but it seemed that I was wrong.

“Mmf?” I tried to answer him but the heavy metal ball that still sat in my mouth made it difficult.

“I know… you can’t talk right now but…” he started and I could see baby blue eyes peering at me through the darkness, “I wanted to ask you something… D-do you remember your Mother?”

I blinked at the question, slowing nodding my head as an answer. The gag King had put in my mouth was larger than the first one and was beginning to make my jaw sore, especially since it weighed so much. The corners of my lips felt as if they were beginning to tear and I could feel warm saliva dripping down my chin.

“Whenever you’re asleep you mumble about her,” Armin confessed but I wasn’t surprised; I had been thinking about her a lot lately.

I’m not sure what initiated the thoughts, maybe the fact that I was being held captive by a man who could kill me at any moment, but they never seemed to go away. Something about knowing and acknowledging my impending death sparked memories of her. It was strange that my mind would decide to remember her of all people especially since most of these memories only served to fill me with regret.

There was an uneasiness that had taken over my mind a while ago but I refused to recognize it. It was because I knew that I very well might die soon and for some reason my mind was telling me that maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. I had lived a good enough life and met many wonderful people along the way. So what if I die now? At least I’d escape the misery that came with being a prisoner here.

But there was another part of me that was telling me to push those negative thoughts away. Somehow it felt like there was still a chance that I could make it out of this alive, even if it was a small one. That was probably the part of me that believed that Levi was coming to save me.

“I don’t remember my Mother all that well,” the small blond continued and the way his voice strained made something within my chest clench painfully, “I was brought here a long time ago. These bandits had raided my village; it was small and… unprotected to begin with. When they broke into my house they… killed her and took me─“

His voice broke at the end and he began quietly sobbing into his knees. I wanted so badly to pull him into my arms and tell him that he didn’t deserve this. I wanted to protect him from this unpleasant world but I was useless.

“We weren’t even supposed to be there when it happened. My parents were nomads who were only ever happy when they were exploring. Occasionally, we would make a stop in that village to visit my grandfather. We just happened to show up the night that they attacked.”

I could only imagine how terrifying it had been for Armin, to watch an entire village get destroyed by these monsters. To lose his family and be taken away by the malicious strangers who had destroyed his life. That all brought me back to the boy who I had met, the one who was carefully tying a noose to wear on his thin neck.

“Since I’ve been here King hasn’t allowed me to talk with many people. I don’t know how you’re any different but… you’re the first person I’ve spent this much time with in a while,” he told me past small snivels.

“Ahmn,” I called out to him, hoping that he’d understand.

Even if he didn’t recognize the muffled sounds as his name, his head still turned towards me. At that point all I could do was hope that he would understand what I tried to express with my eyes. Maybe he didn’t but his expression shifted and for some reason I felt more at ease.

We didn’t hold eye contact for long, both of our heads turning when we recognized the sound of those familiar heavy footsteps making their way towards our room. My heart pounded in my chest as the sound grew louder and I was also able to make out the faint echoing of a squeaky metal cart being dragged along. 

I knew what the sounds meant and I could only assume that whatever was on the metal tray this time was meant for me. That was the most frightening part, knowing that soon enough the physical torment would return. At least it provided an escape from my thoughts which at times where becoming just as perturbing.

The footsteps stopped in front of the door and I took a deep breath as I watched it slowly swing open, revealing an all too pleased looking King. I wondered when I had gotten so accustomed to seeing that face be revealed from behind the door. I had been greeted by the sickening sight so many times that it had somehow ingrained itself into my brain and now I actually _expected_ to see him.

King pushed the metal table in but didn’t bother picking anything up, instead making his way over to me. I sat completely still in the chair, the only thing moving was my eyes as they traced his every move. I didn’t even bother flinching away when he reached behind my head and began undoing the straps that held the gag in place.

Actually, I found myself feeling grateful when it was finally removed from my mouth, allowing me to move my aching jaw. Not only that, but I was given the right to speak again which was also more relieving than I would have imagined it being. For some reason losing that ability had been degrading in a sense, as if they were telling me that I was a mere animal to them and I didn’t have the privilege to speak.

King dropped the gag onto his table, turning back to me with a grin as he asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” I spat out, answering honestly.

“Oh?” he raised an amused eyebrow, “That’s unfortunate, you’ll probably be feeling even worse once I’m done with you. It’s a shame really…”

I know he was baiting me by saying that, but what did I have to lose by biting on. “What’s a shame?” I asked suspiciously.

“Well, you were so sure that your friend would be coming to save you but it looks like he gave up on you! It’s a shame that not all princesses get the chance to be whisked off their feet,” King grinned darkly at me and I probably shouldn’t have let his jabs get to me but I really didn’t have that much control over my own emotions. I couldn’t allow someone as vile as King to talk down on Levi like that.

“Levi’s coming! He wouldn’t abandon me like that!” I growled at him but he wasn’t fazed, if anything he only smiled wider.

“And how can you be so sure, my dear princess. It’s already been over a day, so where is that prince of yours, hm? Wouldn’t it be better to forget about someone who will never come? Shouldn’t you be focusing on your _King_?” He held a wicked smirk that made my stomach twist uncomfortably.

“You’re not my King and you never will be! I don’t care what silly name you want to call yourself, you’re nothing to me!” I protested in anger, watching as his smirk slowly fell into a displeased frown.

King stared at me for a few moments, dark eyes grazing over every inch of my body. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, wondering if I had said the wrong thing. By the way his aura had shifted so quickly, I did.

“You’re wrong,” he said a little too calmly, “I am the one keeping you alive. I am the one who controls you and chooses your fate. I am your savior and your light of guidance. Without me you would be nothing, you would have nothing. I am your King, and that is how you will address me. I’m still being nice, but I really don’t care for boys who don’t cooperate.”

I felt a chill run down my spine when our eyes met once more. It may not have seemed like it with the way that he spoke so evenly but I could tell just by the menacing emptiness of his expression and the darkness clouding his eyes that he was livid.

I knew that I shouldn’t have pushed him further but I also wasn’t willing to give in, “That’s all a fucking lie you tell yourself to give yourself meaning. Without that petty little title, you become nothing. Without having people like me unwillingly strapped to these chairs, your existence means nothing! You’re an insignificant piece of shit and I swear to God when Levi gets here I _will_ fucking destroy you!”

I was panting from the volume that I had been shouting at, my lungs burning within my chest. But that was the only sound in the room, King staying eerily silent as he stared me down. His fingers twitched at his side and I watched cautiously as he brought one hand up to cover his mouth. Suddenly, he broke out into a fit of laughter, curling forward and grabbing his stomach as if that were the funniest thing he had heard all day.

Both Armin and I watched in confusion as King had an uncontrollable laughing fit. He sounded genuinely pleased though that was what put me on edge more than anything else. And it wasn’t long before he abruptly stopped, arms dropping to his side as he stood straight up. It was as if he had forgotten why he was even laughing so much in the first place.

His face stayed blank and voice slowly grew as he seethed, “God did you say? You _dare_ speak of God? What right do you have to call out to divinity? Such a holy being mustn’t be tainted by your unconsecrated woes! God cannot love someone like you! Not like I do! I am your King, your savior!”

It was almost hard to comprehend what I was hearing even though I watched as each word slipped passed his dry, cracked lips. Something about him felt off and somehow it felt as if I were suddenly speaking to an entirely different person. It was as if what I said had set something off within him and now I had absolutely no clue as to what I was in for.

“I had some fun things planned for you today but it’s too bad,” he pouted, kicking over the metal table which clattered to the ground and sent its contents scattering across the room, “We won’t be needing that anymore!”

King whistled twice and I watched in confusion as four of his men entered the room, standing stock still as they waited for their orders. The crazed man in front of me looked satisfied with their strict obedience, the way they would willing bow at his command. I couldn’t understand how these people would so easily blindly follow this insane man.

“Bring him to the temple,” King ordered and all at once his men began to move towards me.

I watched as two of them slowly unstrapped my arms, not even realizing that my ankles had been tightly bound together until it was too late. In a last-ditch effort, I swung my arms at the men surrounding me but they easily stopped my weak attempts to escape. In all honesty, I didn’t have the energy to fight back anymore. I was surprised that I was able to keep myself awake.

They tied my wrist together behind my back as well before they forced me onto my feet. My legs instantly gave out, too feeble to hold my weight, but the men caught me and held me up by my armpits. We all watched as King silently left the room and when he was out of sight, the men started to follow behind, dragging me along with them.

“Wait!” I shouted franticly, eyes darting over to the corner where Armin was still curled up and shaking, “Where are you taking me?! Let me go! Put me down! I don’t care what you do to me but _please_ don’t take me away from him!”

The man to my right sighed, sharply elbowing my side to get me to shut up. I took the impact with a low grunt and suddenly I was wheezing to regain my breath. It was strange how quickly my body had reacted to being caught in this atrocious environment but I had also been put through a lot in the time that I’ve been here.

When they stepped out into the hall, I realized that I had never seen anything outside of that one room. The walls were all made of cement blocks and large candles lit the long hallway. There were no windows and rotting wooden doors led the path to the end of the corridor where King stood impatiently. The floors were made of wood and it felt nice to have something other than cold stone touching my feet.

“Would you hurry up, we don’t have all day,” King barked and the men practically scurried down the hall like startled mice to reach him before he got even more upset.

King opened the door he had been standing in front of after unlocking it with a large, rusted key. “Bring him in,” he grunted.

This room was much dimmer than the hall had been and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the new environment. The floor beneath my feet felt oddly warm compared to even the wooden flooring I had been on only moments prior.

What was strange to me, I had concluded after I was able to focus on what was before me, was that there was no chair to hold me down in this room. The only thing the room contained, from what I could make out, was a large wooden cross that was leaning against the wall and chain cuffs that were nailed into the cement blocks.

Apparently, King had decided that I had lost my right to sit after everything that I had said to him. I’d be less worried about that if I wasn’t so drained but right now I was sure that I wouldn’t have the power to hold myself up. I could only imagine how sore my wrist would be after hours of hanging from the cold metal cuffs and suddenly I was starting to regret ever opening my mouth.

King went around the room, lighting the few candles that were lining the walls. It was enough to give me a better view of the place, not that I wanted to see what was before me. There was blood staining almost every inch of the place and puddling on the floor we stood on which explained that warmth.

There was an arm still attached to one of the cuffs and the only evidence I saw of the rest of the body was the bucket of intestine below it. Maggots crawled around in the bucket of mush and I could feel my stomach clenching from just the revolting sight of it. _That could be me_.

“It’s cozy in here, isn’t it?” King asked from where he was casually leaning against the cross.

“It’s… disgusting,” I gasped, eyes beginning to water even as I willed the tears to stay back.

“Oh? Are you scared? My men will help you feel more at home, bring him here,” King said and even if his voice sounded oddly soothing the effect it had on me was anything but that.

The men brought me over to him and King quickly took control, his slimy hands forcing me against the cross. I struggled against a man as he harshly yanked my arms above my head and held them there but my fighting was once again useless. I watched, slightly startled, as one of the bandits tied a rope around my waist so that I was being held against the cross. The men stepped back once I was secured in place.

“Better? Are you feeling more at home?” King asked in a low voice, running a finger underneath my chin.

I jerked my head away and hissed out, “No! Why did you bring me here?! I want to go back to Armin!”

King chuckled, shaking his head as he drawled, “That’s not your choice to make. We can’t have you forgetting who’s in charge here and I’m really getting… tired of your attitude.”

“I don’t care! You can torture me all you want but at least bring me back to him!” My voice cracked as I begged and I felt hot tears spill onto my cheeks.

I didn’t want to look weak and I never thought that the only option I would be left with was such pathetic begging but I couldn’t help it. I was so, so very exhausted. My body ached from head to toe and at this point I had forgotten what it was like to live pain free. My mind was gradually losing its ability to properly function and I knew that soon enough even that would break.

“But you see, you’re not of much use to me anymore,” King confessed, trailing a hand down my neck and letting it rest on my chest, “If anyone was coming for you, they’d be here already. Since I can’t use you as bait, I decided that I might as well make your death worth something.”

Figures; I was useless even to King. To the point where he didn't even find any worth in torturing me anymore.

My heart sunk and I struggled to blink passed those bothersome tears, “What do you mean?! Levi is coming! I know he is! What are you going to do to me?!”

“ _Levi is coming! Levi is coming!_ ” King mocked in a high-pitched, whiney voice, “Is that all you know how to say?! He’s not fucking coming so forget about him!”

It was physically painful to hold the sobs back, it burned my throat and lungs to keep the cries in. And once I let a small cry slip, the rest broke free, leaving my body violently shaking as I was wrecked with wave after wave of harsh, uncontrollable sobs. I wailed as loud as my body would let me, dug my fingernails into my palms until I felt that warm trickle of blood. My head had fallen back and the only thing keeping it in place was the sturdy cross that it fell against.

I heaved for my breath, feeling a gross mixture of snot, tears, and saliva dripping down my face and onto my chest. Once I had gained enough of my oxygen back to breath properly, I cried again. Shamelessly, I wept and sobbed in front of a room full of people. A room full of people who aimed to break me down to nothing and found enjoyment in doing so.

“Shhh, shhh,” I heard a faint voice trying to calm me down and when I glanced down, vision blurry from pools of tears, I saw King looking back at me.

“It hurts to feel this sort of betrayal, doesn’t it?” He asked but I didn’t grace him with an answer, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to think about it.

Instead I tilted my head back further and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget. Willing to do anything to push away this terrible feeling and allow a warm numbness to consume me. Anything if it meant forgetting about Levi, and forgetting about the trust that my mind and my heart had put upon him.

But I felt a strong hand grab my chin and force my head back down. Nobody said anything so I slowly let my eyes flutter open. King was staring back at me and I knew it was his hand holding my head there but I didn’t bother moving away.

“I can help you,” he whispered, as if these words were only meant to be shared between the two of us, “I would never betray you like he has. I haven’t once broken my word, have I? You can trust me; I will be here for you, _Eren_.”

My eyes grew wide at the sound of my name that he practically purred out, “H-How do you know my name?”

“Hm? That boy, every time we take him all he does is whine and cry for _‘Eren!’_ ,” King let out a low laugh at that.

“You’re insane,” I whispered, shaking my head unbelievingly.

I didn’t want to let these thoughts fill my head, I didn’t want to let my imagination generate the imagery of what they had done to him. I wanted to deny this reality but I could already hear his little voice calling out for me in my head, begging for me to save him like I had promised.

What good was that promise going to be now that I wasn’t even in the same room as him? Did Armin feel the same betrayal that I was feeling? Or was he still clinging onto that hope that I would be coming back for him? Whatever he was feeling, it wasn’t fair and I was the one that caused those emotions to surface.

“I’m sure that’s what you think right now but I can show you that you are wrong. Wont you be willing to trust me, to forget about that precious Levi of yours and join us?” King tried reasoning with me.

I scoffed, feeling more tears welling up in my eyes and I found myself wondering when my tear ducts would go dry, “Fuck off, you sick bastard.”

“Idiot!” King immediately screamed in a shrill voice, his fist coming up and colliding with my cheek before I even realized what was happening. “Nail this fucker down! I’m sick of this shit! Begin preparing for the ceremony like we had planned!”

With that King stormed out of the room and I let a lazy grin take over my tear-steaked face at the small victory. Maybe I should have been more worried about his fit of anger, but I was so used to seeing him like that and so used to being afraid of what he might do that it didn’t affect me anymore. I already knew that whatever he had planned, I didn’t have a choice in it and there would be no way for me to stop him.

I allowed his men to untie my wrist, the absence of the rope on my skin was one positive in the middle of all of this negative. They pulled my arms down, lining them up with the cross and holding them in place. I allowed my eyelids to fall shut as I felt them begin to tie my wrist down once more, waiting patiently for them to finish up and leave me alone.

Once the ropes were both securely fastened, roughly digging into my sore skin that never seemed to get a break, I was happy to hear them shuffling about. They said nothing as they wrapped everything up and I let my mind go blank.

Even if this was uncomfortable and my skin burned and my body felt drained, I was at peace. King may have been upset and Armin wasn’t with me but for some reason I felt okay. And I even allowed myself to bask in that foreign feeling since I hadn’t felt such a marvelous thing in so long. That was until I felt something sharp pressing into the palm of my hand.

I opened my eyes, head turning just in time to catch sight of one of the bandits swinging a hammer at the large nail he was holding against my hand. My mouth dropped open to protest but all that left it was an agonized, distressed scream as the nail penetrated my skin and logged itself in my hand. A scream that lasted until my voice gave out and all I could do was groan and whine.

When he swung again, drilling the nail in even further, I attempted to pull away but it was no use. I felt as the nail ripped through the back of my hand and dug into the wood behind it. I let out more silent cries, my throat refusing me the relief of shouting. I almost didn’t feel the last strike with the way that my hand was burning, fire pulsing down my arm in strong, shocking waves.

The bandit backed away and I clenched my teeth as I attempted to wiggle my fingers, feeling the way the thick metal was piercing a gaping hole through my flesh. He moved to the other side of me, silently pulling out another nail and holding it up to my other hand, preparing to repeat the process.

I swung my feet frantically, hoping to get his attention as I called out to him, “Wait! Please don’t do this! I’m already tied up, why are you doing this?!”

My voice was scratchy and strained but I knew that he understood me because just as he swung the hammer again, he turned to smirk at me. I felt my eyes grow wide as I prepared for the nail to dive into my skin but was instead left howling due to something else. Because he wasn’t looking, the bandit had missed the nail, the hammer smashing down onto my index finger in its place.

As I felt the heavy lead crush my thin digit, I let out another silent scream and threw my head back against the cross. He didn’t even allot me any time to recuperate before he was hammering away at the nail, smashing into it until he was pleased with the amount that he had gotten through my hand. I panted and groaned, letting my head sway from side to side as I struggled to cope with the pain that was consuming me.

The bandit didn’t even bother saying anything as he shuffled out of the room and shut the door behind himself. I was left alone in the eerie, candle-lit room with the shredded body and blood that painted every surface. Though none of that mattered when I could feel blood seeping out of my own palms.

Each time I moved even the slightest bit, the nails tugged on my skin and I was turned into an agonized lump once more. I was losing feeling in my fingertips and that worried me a bit but I still couldn’t get passed the throbbing pain that was shooting down my arms like lightning.

The only thing that was keeping me sane now was the _drip, drip, drip_ of my own blood adding to the puddles on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up... even more then they have been. There was so much background added in for the characters too, wow..
> 
> Honestly I feel like I need to ask but do you guys think that the chapters are too long? I don't want to lose people just because they feel like it's a marathon to read..
> 
> Other than that, thank you all so very much for reading! The support that you guys give me is always so very much appreciated so thank you for that too! I hope you all enjoyed and look forward the chapter twelve.
> 
> Edit: I just realized I posted this on June 9th happy 6/9 everyone


	12. Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooohhh wow... it has been almost exactly 3 months since I've last updated... I feel like shit oops
> 
> Honestly I'm so tired of giving up or leaving things behind out of nowhere which it the point that this fic had gotten to especially after I got sick for awhile. In that time I have deleted and rewritten this chapter 9 times (I counted) and still think its horrible but I'm done rewriting.
> 
> I'll be surprised if there's actually anyone still waiting for this update and if you are then wow I seriously love you. If you stopped waiting, I completely understand and still love you.
> 
> Basically the reason this is going up now is because hurricane Irma will be hitting where I live in a couple of days and I kinda thought you never know what will happen so why not put this out before I lose power.
> 
> Anyways I want to say sorry for such a long wait and I hope that you enjoy chapter 12!

**Eren’s POV**  
I didn’t know that it was possible to be so terrified by a sound that most people wouldn’t even acknowledge because it was such a common thing to hear. It never dawned on me that the sound of someone slowly making their way closer to where I had been left hanging could be so daunting. I never imagined that one day my body and mind would instantly react to the heavy boots against old, creaking wood that steadily grew louder as they threatened to enter the room once more.

Over the time that I had been left alone, tied up and nailed to that large cross, I had done a lot of thinking and even more questioning. There was something about knowing that you were going to die soon that made you realize all the wrong you had done or how things could have been different. In my case, I had come to recognize that there were a million things I could have done so that things would be _different_.

My mind kept coming back to the undeniable truth that, as much as I had wished to deny it, if I hadn’t of pursued Levi then I wouldn’t be in this mess. If I hadn’t of accepted my feelings and acted upon them then I’d probably be training as a soldier or maybe even stuck in one of the more mundane jobs that the community offered. Even if that life was lackluster, boring was better than dead.

It wasn’t as if I was blaming Levi, I knew that the reasons I wound up here were all due to my own faults. Like getting attached to him so easily and allowing myself to live under the delusion that falling for someone out here was an option. Or the dependence that I had put on him to get us out of sticky situations because I knew that he had a better survival instinct than I ever would. Or maybe it was all of the trust I had put in him to come and rescue me. 

All of those mistakes were some of the reasons why my stomach was doing summersaults and my heart was hammering painfully against my ribcage as those footsteps grew closer. My mind urged them to stop, to go to another room and leave me alone for even a little while longer. But I already knew that was too much to ask so I didn’t get my hopes up.

As King had already said, I was an unneeded burden. Levi didn’t care enough to come save me; he might even be glad that I’m gone. And now King had no use for me either, all I was doing was wasting space. So, that meant that the next time someone was to enter this room, it would be to kill me.

But I didn’t let that knowledge sink in just yet. Instead I took hold of the very last drops of my sanity that I had left and prepared to hold on to them as if my life depended on it. Because it probably did.

The person outside the door didn’t hesitate to open it, allowing a small bit of light to seep into the dark room as the door swung open. I could see King’s silhouette standing still in the entry way and for once he didn’t have that daunting metal table at his side. That was one thing to be grateful for I guess.

My body unintentionally flinched as King took a few long strides towards me and the wicked grin on his face slowly became more visible. I didn’t like the way his face was more clear in my brain than it was to my eyes. I hated the way he had engraved that smile, that voice into my head like it was the only thing that should matter to me.

He paused in front of me, studying my weak form. My shoulders ached from supporting a large amount of my body weight and from my elbows to the tips of my fingers had gone numb quite some time ago. The rope around my waist was a little _too_ tight and it was getting increasingly difficult to breath.

On top of that, I hadn’t eaten or had any water in who knows how long and the toll it was taking on my body was immense. My stomach was constantly begging for food and my limbs wouldn’t stop shaking. My lips had gone dry a long time ago and I could feel them beginning to crack as I continued to neglect my needs.

Even if my whole body was in pain, the worst part about this was how thirsty I was. I knew that with even just a small amount of water I would get enough energy back to function but there was no way for me to get any. Instead I was stuck to the cross hanging over the very edge of death which wasn’t as frightening when I was so exhausted from this seemingly endless suffering.

King reached forward, thick fingers curling around my chin and holding my head up for me since I didn’t have enough energy to do that on my own. His hand felt comfortably warm against my oddly cold skin and if I wasn’t so disgusted by the man then I might have been able to enjoy the touch.

His grip tightened as he spoke to me quietly, fingertips digging into my skin, “How are you feeling Eren?”

My toes curled when I heard my name in that wretched tone that he always used to address me. I wanted to spit in his face, to pull away from his hand and refuse to answer such an idiotic question. But my mouth was too dry and my body too weak, and even if I wanted to speak, I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough breath for that.

King huffed out a laugh, “Has anyone ever told you how expressive those eyes of yours are? Even if you don’t say it, I know you want me dead!”

He withdrew his hand as he fell into a laughing fit, allowing my head to slump forward once more. His laughter echoed off of the walls, drowning out the quiet dripping sounds that I had already grown accustomed to hearing.

“You’re… dead…” I struggled to breath out, letting my eyes squeeze shut when my lungs started to burn.

King only laughed louder, “That’s no way to talk to your King! Did you forget that you’ve been blessed with the presence of someone as holy as myself? Do you not remember the stain you have become on this world? You’re useless! A demon in disguise of a pathetic being! You do not deserve a place in this world!”

I watched as he pulled something from his pocket, holding the sharpened end against my stomach. My abdomen clenched in an effort to get away from the possible danger but King only drew the blade closer.

“You pretend to be a child of our savior, but you are evil! Satan disguises himself as false life, as an angel of light, and from the depths of the hell he has created, you arose to destroy all that our glorious God has designed! Reveal yourself! Let this blade carve the truth in your existence!” King was shrieking, tears streaming down his cheeks as he continued to accuse me.

I wasn’t sure where he had gotten the idea that I was evil from. Maybe it was something I had said or done but he seemed to truly believe that I was unholy and therefore didn’t deserve to live. I didn’t dare question it either since that would only cause more problems for myself.

He pressed the blade into my stomach just above my belly button, dragging it up towards my chest and slowly slicing the skin. I wanted to scream as the burn washed over my torso but I didn’t have enough energy. My mouth dropped open and tears dripped down my face from the agony but that was all that I could do.

“Let this symbol be a warning to anyone who comes near you,” King whispered, moving to the base of the line that he had cut and slicing a line through that.

He had created a large upside down cross on my chest that had already begun to seep with dark red blood. He dropped the blade and allowed it to clatter away loudly, slowly reaching into his pocket with his now empty hand. When he pulled his hand out, it was clenched in a fist around whatever he was holding.

I could barely see what he was doing as my eyelids drooped and I struggled to keep them open, even if it was just a tiny bit. I watched as he brought his clenched fist up to my chest in front of the wound he had just carved into my skin and held his hand against it. He carefully opened his palm and I felt something sharp begin to press into the wound.

I whimpered in pain as he pressed against my chest started to rub his hand in quick circles over the cut. The sensation of tiny, sharp pains seared within the wound as he made more and more circles over it.

King laughed as the skin on my chest began to twitch, causing him to press harder. “I thought I’d fill your empty soulless body! All we had was some shattered glass but I’m sure you don’t mind, _hmm?_ ”

I felt goosebumps raise on my skin even though the room was sweltering and sweat was dripping down my body. Just the thought of tiny glass shards being rubbed into my body was enough to make me shake harder. I heard King shuffling around as he finally let his hand fall away from my chest but we were face to face again too soon for my liking.

“Not that it matters anyways,” King cackled and I felt something sharp press up against my neck, “you’re going to be dead soon anyways.”

As I felt the blade break through my skin I somehow found the ability to scream as my eyes shot open and my head flew back, my body painfully thrashing in desperation, “STOP! DON’T! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! HELP, ANYBODY PLEASE HELP ME! LEVI! LEVI, HELP ME!!”

 

**Levi’s POV**  
When Erwin had said head east once we reached the circle of rocks, I had thought we’d never find specific rock circle he was talking about. What type of moron uses rocks as a landmark, especially in this barren wasteland?

But when the large stones began to emerge over the horizon, creeping into our view, I realized they were much larger than I had been anticipating. By the time we actually reached them I had already figured that most of them where at least twice my height. Hanji was, of course, delighted by the sight of this spectacle that Erwin had sent us to.

“Levi! Petra! Jus’ look at em! They’re… magnificent!” Hanji hopped around the rock circle excitedly, moving from stone to stone as she looked over the surface of each oddly smooth rock.

I made no attempt to hide my annoyance at the fact that she was using up the time that could’ve been better spent finding Eren. Petra, thankfully, had enough sense to calm her down and explain that we needed to get moving. Hanji only ended up caving though when Petra promised that they could come back to sample and study them.

Once past that obstacle, the five of us were back on the trail to Eren’s captor. Something about the way I could feel us getting closer caused my heart to pump unnaturally fast. My blood burned within my veins as I picked up the pace, my sore feet crashing against the ground with soft, crunchy footsteps as I urged myself to move faster.

Images of the horrible state Eren might be in flashing through my mind, and I stumbled. I would have fallen if Petra hadn’t of caught onto my arm in time to yank me back up into a standing position. I wanted to puke, just the thought of the state we’d find Eren in was putting me further on edge.

At the same time, I let those thoughts provoke a fire within me, a rage that would only ever be sated once Eren’s kidnappers had suffered the same pain that they were putting him through. A burn that would only ever be released once those fuckers lay lifeless at my feet; dead from the work of my own eager hands.

We had been moving for hours, possibly more than a day at this point but I wasn’t keeping track of time. My body was, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, starting to succumb to exhaustion. It was surprising that the two soldiers who came along hadn’t given up or fallen behind yet.

I could feel my frustration grow as our pace was forced to slow to a light jog while we all struggled to catch our breath. I was dripping in sweat with the way the sun was beating down so harshly from directly above and could feel the effects it was having on my skin. Even if it had been covered with clothes, I knew it was starting to burn.

When I looked between Petra and Hanji, the both of them looked as if they were going to collapse at any moment. We were all in dire need of a break but for some reason I couldn’t find it in me to stop, not even for the sake of those helping me.

It was as if there were some force inside of me commanding me to keep moving forward. Promising that if I only took a few more steps I’d finally see the hell that Eren has been hidden within. It was a force that washed over both brain and body and demanded me to keep moving even though I could see that everyone else was falling behind.

Somehow, I felt it before I saw it, like my body knew what was coming before my brain did. At first I thought it was my body playing tricks on me. But suddenly, without any prior indication, grey, blocky buildings began to peek up between where the ground met the sky.

At that simple yet disgusting sight, it was as if all of my energy had been replenished. Without warning the people behind me, I took off in the fastest sprint that I could manage. I could feel my heels digging into the earth and kicking up a trail of rotten rock behind me as I ran as fast as my legs could manage.

The buildings grew closer and closer and the knot in my stomach wound tighter with every heavy step that I took. I think I heard someone calling my name, begging for me to slow down, but it was as if the world around me had gone quiet.

The only thing I could hear at that moment was the heavy thumping of my heart inside my chest, the harsh breaths that were forced through my nose, and… _Eren?_ I was close enough to the camp that maybe, just maybe I might have heard someone talking but it couldn’t have actually been Eren… right?

Again I heard him scream only this time it was clearer; a sorrowful, pleading cry of my name. My heart shattered at the broken sound, something inside me wishing that it was all inside my head. Though, at the same time, even if he was in pain, it would mean that he’s _alive_.

“E-EREN,” the cry tore through my throat in a broken scream.

I was getting so very close to the buildings; I could practically touch them. Just a few steps away and I’d finally be able to hunt down the monsters who took Eren away from me. Three steps, two steps, one-

Suddenly, as if the whole world finally caught up with me, I was falling. I landed on the ground with a thud and a deep grunt of surprise, another body toppling over my own. We tumbled a few feet, the rough ground scraping against my skin, before we both camp to a stop. I groaned, holding my forehead where it had bashed against the ground.

The person next to me shuffled, a delicate hand reaching out to touch me. I angrily slapped it away, turning my head to glare a whoever had dared to stop me only to find Petra glaring right back at me.

Before I had the chance to say anything she spoke in that reprimanding tone that she always knew how to use so well, “Are you kidding me Levi?! I get that you want to get him back but do you really think that running into their camp at full speed is a good idea?! What happens if we get caught too, huh?! Who’s gonna save Eren then?!”

“I-,” I tried to speak up but she quickly cut me off.

“No! I’m not done! I didn’t come all the way out here for you to screw up our chances of getting him back just because you didn’t think your actions through! What the hell has gotten into you?! This isn’t like you at all Levi! You need to pull it together or we’re going in there without you! If you want to make careless decisions, then fine, but I can’t have you risking all of our lives as well!”

I stared back at her in silence, unable to move as I processed what she had said. I knew my mouth was hanging open and I’m sure that my eyes were the widest she had ever seen them but I was in a complete state of shock. Not at what she said, but because I really was about to put all of us at risk by running in there like a chicken with it’s head cut off.

My jaw snapped shut and we held eye contact for a few long moments before I sighed and hung my head in defeat, “You’re right, that was fucking stupid of me.”

“That was more than just stupid of you,” Petra lightly slapped the side of my head as she stood up, “Now how about you get up so that we can all talk this through.”

I pushed myself up using one knee and when I looked up everyone had already gathered around me, all staring intently as they waited for the plan. I cleared my throat, looking between all their faces as I realized how horrible I would’ve felt if anyone else was to get hurt.

With that in mind, the plan had already formed inside my head, “We’re going to split up.”

“Is that really tha best idear Levi?” Hanji asked sounding concerned.

“It’ll be fine, I need you to trust me on this,” I paused waiting to see if anyone else was going to object but they all stayed silent. I began to carefully explain all the details of my plan to them, each person listening with the sole intention of _everyone_ getting out safe.

 

**Eren’s POV**  
King withdrew the blade as I thrashed around, cackling with wild amusement at the reactions he was still somehow able to pull out of me. When I finally slumped forward again he held up my head, bringing the blade back up to my neck threateningly.

“Isn’t this fun?! You never know when I’m finally going to press just hard enough to slice through your jugular and kill you, you vile demon!” King fell into another laughing fit, his spit spewing onto my face.

“Awe come on,” he whined, bringing his face closer to mine and I could see the way the grease on his skin shined, “Smile! We’re having fun!”

“This-,” I attempted to force out but was cut off by a coughing fit, “is your idea of fun?”

King’s smile dropped and he stared me down with dead eyes, “Is this not enough for you? Then let me get something better.”

He dropped my head and strode out of the room without uttering another word, the door slamming behind him causing what felt like my body trying to flinch. I listened as his steps grew distant and took the time to catch my breath. The air inside this room was stuffy and it was getting harder and harder to breath.

I allowed my guard to drop when he wasn’t in the room, only listening for those footsteps that I was sure would be coming back soon enough. A light clink sounded just loud enough for my ears to pick up on and I watched as a piece of glass bounced away. That must have fallen from my skin, _how sickening_.

My entire body was in this weird state that was stuck between aching and going completely numb. Though I kept hoping that the latter would eventually take over and I wouldn’t have to bear with this pain any longer.

The only pain that I knew would never leave was the thought of what was happening to Armin. They could have already done so many horrible things to him in the time that I was taken away. It broke every last piece of my already shattered heart to hear his cries replay over and over inside my head along with the wicked laughs of the monsters who were defiling him.

I felt a tear run down my cheek and was surprised that I still had some left. That’s all my body was able to produce at this point I assumed. Or maybe they were the tears I had been saving up for him, the misery spilling over once again at the thought of that innocent child who was all alone once again. And I promised him that’d I’d get him out of here. 

I was a liar. Maybe King was right, maybe I was as evil as he seemed to think. There were so many opportunities for me to save him and yet I failed over and over. The only reason for that was because I was too weak mentally and physically which ultimately was my fault. It was my fault Armin was still suffering, I should have saved him. _I am evil_.

Those footsteps echoed in the hallway, at a faster pace than they normally did I noted but didn’t bother thinking too much into it. I prayed to whatever being King believed in, other than himself, that this would be the last time I’d have to hear that noise. I’d probably go crazy if I had to live through the anticipation of that beast walking down the hall towards me even one more time.

Though maybe I already was crazy, which meant it was even better for me to just be dead then. And who better to lay me to rest than my savior? Who other than King would be fit to save my rotten soul from this hellish life? _Nobody_.

The footsteps paused in the doorway and I anxiously waited for it to swing open with the same formidable force as routine. I could feel the way my body prepared to hear King enter and prowl over in the same menacing way I’d already seen him time and time again. But the door stayed sealed shut and the footsteps didn’t move.

I felt confusion well up inside of me. Had King decided that he didn’t want to kill me just yet? Was he actually having second thoughts about ending my life? That thought was unsettling but I wasn’t sure exactly why; maybe because I had already accepted my fate.

It was a bit of a struggle to find the strength to, but I lifted my head up enough to glance at the doorway where King had yet to enter. My neck felt tired and begged me to let my head fall back down but I had to see Kings face when he finally came in. I needed to see that he still had the same resolve otherwise I’d find myself begging for the release that I so badly craved.

Somehow in the span of time that I’d been trapped here and beaten by King, he’d found a way to make me realize how worthless I was. It was so clear to me now how much I had been hurting everyone around me. I was almost thankful that King found me.

The door popped; the same familiar sound of the handle being turned as the swollen wood was pried from the doorframe. I watched, my body shaking from the strain I was putting on it, as the door slowly creeped open. It was odd since King was always so sure of himself when entering the room.

But when the door was fully opened, that was when I realized the person opening it was not King at all. The shadow was much shorter and thinner, they stood uncertainly and didn’t even dare to step foot into the room.

After a few moments at staring frozen in confusion, my eyes adjusted enough for my brain to recognize who I was staring at. The metallic silver eyes that stared back were horrified as they ran over my body, bouncing between all the wounds that painted my skin.

My heart had stopped and I was sure I was going to die; this was the last person I expected to see. Maybe I was already dead. That would make more sense than what I was witnessing before me.

“L-Levi?” I croaked out, my voice was raspy and weak.

He took a slow step forward, his shaky hand raising into the air as if he was desperate to touch me. At the thought of him coming closer, of King coming back and catching him, my heart instantly went from still to pounding dreadfully.

“Don’t! You have to leave!” it was hard to show how serious I was when my voice cracked on every other word. “Levi! You have to get out of here before he comes back!”

 

**Levi’s POV**  
He was there, hanging before my eyes. He literally had been crucified as if he were just part of some cruel joke, that or whoever had done this was seriously twisted. There was what seemed to be an upside-down cross carved into his torso but it was hard to tell with the darkness surrounding us and the way his skin had been smeared with his own blood.

Actually, his entire trembling body was covered in dried up blood and dark bruises. He looked thinner than I remembered but maybe it was just the way he was stretched out over the wood. Maybe it was the way that he looked seconds away from death and even though this beautiful boy was finally within reach once again, it still felt as if I were losing him.

My name, he said my name. It was hard for me to comprehend what he was saying but he looked so damn desperate, so terrified. Of what? What was there to be afraid now that I’ve finally come to rescue him?

I could hear people yelling frantically behind me; they must have figured out what we were there for. Which meant that I had to hurry and get Eren down as fast as possible. I could only hope that Petra and Hanji would arrive soon for back up.

I jogged over to Eren, ignoring the way the red puddles below splashed up onto my boots and pants. I could feel it seeping through and sticking to my skin but did my best not to let the thought of it distract me from what was important at the moment.

Eren was struggling as much as possible considering the state he was in and mumbling something about running away under his breath. My eyes grew wide and I could help but stare up at him when I realized what he was trying to say.

“Levi… go, please! Run away… leave me behind… and run! He’s coming… he’s going to kill you,” Eren was trying to warn me. His voice broke and unfocused eyes watered.

“Who is Eren? Who did this to you?!” I reached up to his right hand while questioning him, trying to figure out how I was going to get the large nail out of it.

I was trying so hard not to let the anger that was boiling deep inside of me to rise up and spill over. I didn’t want to lose sight of what I was there for but seeing him falling apart like this and thinking about all of the physical and mental pain he must have gone through, it made me want to find whoever did this to him and torture them until they were begging for me to end it.

My hands were shaking from the rage welling up and threatening to spill over as I reached up and grabbed hold of the end of the nail. Eren’s head hung down as he continued mumbling the same name over and over. _King_. Who the fuck was king?

I tugged on the nail, watching Eren to see if it was hurting him but he didn’t even flinch. Even when I pulled harder and then nail begun slowly sliding out it seemed as if he didn’t even realize what I was doing. That couldn’t have been good, Hanji would have a lot of work to do once we got him safely back to the camp.

It took a long while of struggling and a lot of my strength but eventually the nail fell out and Eren’s arm dropped down to his side. I threw the nail to the ground, the metal jingling as it fell to the floor. I stood back in front of Eren to make sure that he was doing okay but he hadn’t moved other than his arm that had fallen. I reached up to touch his face but as soon as he saw me moving closer he flinched away and if I said my heart didn’t ache at the notion, I’d be lying.

I frowned, dropping my hand to my side, “Are you okay? How’s your hand?”

Eren’s eyes drifted over to the general direction of the hand that was dripping with fresh blood and hanging limp at his side, “I can’t feel it.”

That definitely wasn’t good but I didn’t want to say anything, Eren was probably already stressed out enough as it was. I hummed, moving to the other hand that was still stuck in place and grabbing ahold of the nail to repeat the removal process.

For some reason this one was much harder to take out and I think Eren actually felt it because every once in a while, when I yanked a little too hard he would groan quietly. His left hand was more swollen and the fingers had a blue tint to them.

When the second nail was out and his other arm dropped, he slumped forward. That must have been the only thing keeping him upright. I could only imagine the strain that must have been putting on his arms and shoulders.

Just as I begun untying the rope that was tied tightly around his waist, I heard footsteps rapidly making their way down the hall. Suddenly it was as if Eren had gained all of his energy back as he lifted himself up and begun flailing around wildly. Sadly, this was the most alive I had seen him since I opened the door and was met with two terrified orbs.

“Levi go! Before he… catches you!... You have to… to run, please!” Eren cried, begging for me to just leave him behind over and over.

Finally I snapped, “I’m not leaving you behind again! I finally have you back, I don’t think I’d be able to handle losing you again! Just be quiet and let me get you down so we can both get out of here!”

He stared at me with worried eyes but his dried lips stayed sealed. His gaze drifted to the door where he watched in silent horror to see who was about to step through. When they entered, his eyes grew even wider but he didn’t dare speak.

“Eren! You found him!” I heard Petra call from behind me.

“Come help me get him down!” I snapped, not bothering to turn around.

Petra quickly jogged over, calling out to her companion, “Hanji you watch the door while I help Levi!”

Hanji grunted but was quiet otherwise. With the help of Petra, it was much easier getting Eren down. When the rope was finally loose enough, he began to fall forward but I was quick to catch him and lower him to the ground. He didn’t even have enough energy to stand up on his own which was going to make getting out of here a bit harder but we were determined.

If Jean and Marco had followed through with the plan and didn’t get caught up in anything dangerous then we’d at least be able to make a quick escape once we reached them. The only problem was going to be safely moving Eren from here to them.

Once Eren was situated with an arm over my shoulders so that I could hold him up, we began our escape. It seemed like he had passed out after we got him off the cross since he hadn’t even tried to move or speak and his eyelids stayed tightly shut.

We carefully made our way back down the corridor, Petra had warned me that there was already people on their way to us. The building was eerily quiet and emptier than what I had expected. It’d only be logical that they had people guarding their prisoners, so where was everyone?

Even if it didn’t make sense, this was only benefitting our escape and Eren’s rescue so I couldn’t find it in me to complain. The very front of the building, where we had entered from, was a large room that was empty other than a few chairs and tables. There were doors along the walls that were all closed though they all lacked any sort of lock on any of them. It was strange.

We were so close to the exit, to finally getting Eren out of here when all of a sudden he began to freak out once more. It was as if out of nowhere he was okay again, the panic that seeped into him and shone through his wild eyes filled him with an energy that he shouldn’t have possessed in this condition.

He started pushing off of me and flailing around frantically, calling for someone in a panic-stricken voice.

“Armin! Armin!” the screams of that name tore through his throat a few painful times.

When I tried to calm him down and get him to be quiet so he could explain what was wrong, he only shoved his hand in my face and pushed himself off of me. Eren fell to the ground in a helpless heap, the energy wasn’t enough to keep him standing. Even so, he continued calling out the same name over and over in a terrified mantra.

“Eren!” I shouted over him, leaning down and grabbing his face between my hands to force him to look at me, “Who are you calling? Who’s Armin? You have to tell me okay?”

He shook his head, wide eyes staring up at me and yet it still looked as if his stare was a million miles away, “I promised I would save him,” he muttered, eyes finally focusing as he looked up at me directly with determination, “I said I’d get him out of here and bring him back to the camp with me. I told him he wouldn’t ever have to go through the horrors here again, that he would have a better life.”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about but went along anyways in an attempt to keep him calm, “Where is he right now?”

Eren lifted his hand, pointing towards the direction of a door to his left that he stared at with hopeful eyes. He had fallen that way when he pushed off me. I nodded my head towards Hanji and she made her way over to the door, grabbing the handle and carefully pushing the door open. Petra was standing by the exit, looking out for anyone who was headed this way with the intention to stop us.

When the door was fully open, I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting to see. Whatever I had been picturing in my mind, it was nothing compared to the sight that was laid out before me.

There was a small boy laying in the floors, naked and shivering. He looked terrified beyond belief but was unable to make a sound with the way a gag had been forced into his tiny mouth. He was pale and thin and couldn’t be much older than ten.

It looked like he was getting ready to run until his eyes fell down to Eren and suddenly his body fell into a limp, relaxed state as he let out a light sigh. He let his eyes flutter shut and his head lay against the floor once more, somehow at a strange sort of peace just from the sight of Eren.

“Armin?” Hanji called to the boy.

His eyes opened once more and he nodded, his long tangled blonde hair falling over his face. Hanji slowly made her way over, cautious of how the boy might react to the strangers who had found him. But he stayed completely still as she took of the gag from his mouth and untied the ropes around his wrists and ankles.

Once he was freed, he sat up and looked over at Eren who I had rested over my shoulder once again. He stumbled up to his feet, making his way towards Eren so that he could grab ahold of his hand.

“Are you okay?” the small boy whispered.

Eren smiled down at him, nodding slightly, “We’re going home Armin.”

That’s all it took for the tears to begin streaming out of Armin’s eyes as he silently cried. He nodded and smiled back at Eren before turning to take in the rest of us.

Hanji had taken off her shirt, now left with just a tank top to cover her upper half, and without saying anything she carefully put it on Armin. It was far too big for his tiny frame and looked like a dress on him but this was better than leaving him naked and unprotected.

Nobody even thought to fight the idea of bringing him back with us. We’d bear the consequences of bringing an extra person back to camp once he had gotten both of the boys back to safety. I could already begin to imagine what Erwin would have to say about the small boy though.

Hanji had Armin climb onto her back so that we would be able to travel faster. And just like that we left the empty building and were back into the streets of their camp. It was more developed than our own in many ways. They had actual roads, farms with plants and animals, concrete buildings and proper guards that were scouting the area. 

All of that just made it that much more difficult for us to escape. But since we had already laid out a path with our plan in mind, we at least knew where we were going and were able to avoid a large portion of the guards. Those that we couldn’t get around, Petra would quietly take down and hide their pathetic, limp bodies.

The only thing that was still bothering me, that made me sick to my stomach, was that we didn’t even get to see the person, or people, who had done this to Eren and Armin. All I wanted was for them to be safe and to get revenge on the monsters who did this. But I didn’t even get the chance to spit in their disgusting faces. 

The people who did this ran away and went back to hiding in their cowardly shadows and my chance to give them exactly what they deserved was never present. It infuriated me that they were getting away with this. There was no way that we could stop now and search for them, it would put _everyone_ at too much of a risk.

But that didn’t make me any less pissed off, the fire in my veins was still there and the urge to feel their blood spill onto my hands was overwhelming. It was all I could do to force those animalistic desires down and focus on getting to our escape point as much as my legs tried to drag me further into the camp.

It didn’t take long for us to reach the escape point. Once we heard the loud whinnying of horses, a sound none of us were familiar with, we knew we had made it. When we rounded the corner, we had fully expected to see Jean and Marco waiting with the horses that we’d be using for our escape.

But we did not expect to see them in the state that they were currently in. Marco somehow looked out of it and in absolute agony. His face was contorted in pain but his eyes were unfocused and he sat slumped over against the fence. Jean looked frantic and angry, and when he caught sight of us his face twisted between the two emotions a few times before it settled on anger.

“This is your fault!” he yelled at us, pointing an accusatory finger. 

Petra stepped forward her gentle voice quickly calming him, “Whatever happened to you guys isn’t anybody’s fault other than the people who run this camp. Can you show me what happened so we can help Marco and leave before somebody finds us?”

Jean nodded slowly, his legs wobbly and arms visibly shaking when he leaned down and grabbed onto Marcos arm from the side we couldn’t see. When he lifted it up, there was nothing past the elbow besides a stub wrapped in a cloth that dripped with dark red blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can this chapter still be considered happy? Who knows...
> 
> Right now what I reaaaally need is someone to reprimand me for taking so horribly long to update so like even if you don't mean it please feel free to yell at me.
> 
> Also anyone who has been hit or will be getting hit by hurricane Irma please stay safe and I will be keeping you in my thoughts <3 Because of the hurricane the earliest I will be able to post again will be in two weeks probably but I can promise that it wont take three moths this time!!!
> 
> Anyways if you've still stuck with me until now thank you soo so much for waiting and if you're reading this weeks or months after this was posted then I hope you have enjoyed! Thank you all for reading and supporting me!


	13. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I can promise that it wont take three months this time" only two ;)
> 
> Ihms
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter and dialogue heavy, which I apologize for.
> 
> Anyways, I apologize for the wait and to anyone who hasn't given up on this fic yet; I hope you enjoy chapter 13 and thank you so much for reading.

**Levi’s POV**  
Hanji quickly put Armin down and rushed to Marco’s aid before anyone else had a chance to process what we were all looking at. She dropped her bag to the ground beside her and quickly started pulling out medical supplies. After carefully taking off the cloth that Jean had placed on his arm, she dumped water over the wound to clean it out.

The bleeding didn’t stop but we were able to see how clean the cut had been. Hanji tied something that looked kind of rubbery around his arm which I assumed was to stop the blood flow for the time being. Then she re-wrapped it with the clean bandages she had brought with her and said this was the best she would be able to do for now.

Even though she was a pain in the ass most of the time, Hanji was more valuable than I gave her credit for. We were lucky to have her with us; Marco especially at this moment was lucky.

I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened but even with Marco bleeding out on the ground, Jean had still managed to saddle up four horses for our escape. It might have been an issue that none of us had much riding experience but we’d deal with that later.

For now, we were focused on getting everyone on a horse, and as fast as we could with the way a group of angry voices grew closer and closer. The bandits were finally coming to stop us but they were too slow and by the time they had reached us we were already taking off.

I had Eren with me, holding him in front of me where he sat slumped over and bouncing around. Hanji insisted that she took Marco on her horse so that she could keep an eye on him and Jean didn’t argue too much, trusting the doctor who had practically raised him. I think if anyone else had tried to take Marco, Jean would freak.

Armin had clung to Petra who had taken him onto her horse without question. That left Jean alone to ride behind us, keeping an eye out for oncoming bandits. Though his stare was distant, probably still processing what he had just witnessed.

We made a quick escape, the bandits shouting slurs at us that faded into the sounds of hooves pounding into the earth when we got far enough away. Once we were completely sure that no one was following us, we slowed our pace to a walk and allowed everyone to catch their breaths.

“How’s Marco doing,” Petra asked and Jean’s eyes shot to Hanji with concern.

“He’s stable,” was all Hanji said, which was worrying but I kept my mouth shut.

Marco was more pale than I had remembered him being the last time we saw him. There was still a steady stream of blood flowing out of the stub where his arm was supposed to be. His blood covered Marco, Hanji, and even the horse in a big mess of dark red.

Thankfully, it didn’t even take half the time to get to the circle of rocks that it had taken when we were on foot. Horses were more efficient than I could’ve imagined, it looked like for once luck was on our side.

This meant that it only took a few hours to get back to camp where we were greeted by the familiar sight of the ragged tents that lined the outside of the W area. It was late, the sky a dark shade of blue, so as expected most people had finished up working for the night. The few people who were still scattered about the W area stared up in awe at the horses as we quickly wove our way towards the center.

Once we reached the center, we quickly got to taking everyone down from the horses and passing the animals onto Jean who quickly tied them up somewhere. Though none of us got to see where because we hurriedly began leading the three boys towards the medical tent for Hanji to start working on.

Before I was able to leave the center, I was cut off but an annoyingly tall blond.

He called out to me in that frustratingly calm voice that almost made me want to haul off and deck him but I held myself back, assuming I was only like this because I was worried. About what; well everything. This wasn’t like me, I wasn’t someone to lose my cool so easily and I wasn’t sure what had gotten into me.

“Levi,” Erwin’s voice called again and I glanced up to meet two baby blues. He motioned towards Eren who was laying unconscious, being supported by only my arm.

“I need to get him to the medical tent, so feel free to get out of my way,” I snapped in response.

Petra had stopped when she noticed Erwin blocking my path, standing off to the side of us with Armin still clinging silently to her side. Erwin turned his head towards her, gaze dropping to the tiny blond that was slowly retreating behind Petra the longer that Erwin stared at him.

I cleared my throat, my eye twitching at his constant need to intimidate everyone he meets. Erwin looked back up at me, sighing.

“Petra, you can take Eren,” he told her, leaving no room to argue with him.

Of course, that didn’t stop me from protesting because fuck what he said, “I can handle taking him just fine.”

“I need to talk to you.”

 _Figures_. I pulled Eren closer to myself, focusing on the way his hair fell softly against my neck, “That can wait.”

The blond squinted, pursing his lips in annoyance, “No Levi, _it can’t_. Let Petra take Eren so we can get this over with.”

I met his stare with a hopefully piercing gaze but he was unaffected. I knew there was no fighting it but it pissed me off to no end that Erwin thought this was okay. He _knew_ how concerned I had been that entire time so you think he’d let me have at least a little bit of time with Eren before he dragged me away to ‘discuss’ whatever I had done wrong this time.

Petra placed a gentle hand on my arm that I shugged off like a brooding child. Carefully, I passed Eren over to her, still holding him up as I asked, “You can hold him up fine?”

She grinned but I didn’t see what was so amusing. “I’ve held heavier,” she looked down at him frowning, “he’s far too skinny right now, we need to get some food and water into him soon.”

I nodded, backing off and watching as she began leading both Armin and Eren to the medical tent without me. I watched them all the way up until they disappeared from sight as Petra rounded a corner.

“Levi,” Erwin called but I refused to look at him, “let’s go somewhere more private.”

“Why,” I felt my voice straining as I continued to stare at that corner waiting for Eren to come back to me, waiting for him to be _okay_. “Right here is fine.”

“ _Levi_ ,” Erwin said more persistently, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I hit his hand away with an audible smack, grunting, “Let’s just get this shit over with.”

He led me to the meeting tent, motioning for me to take a seat which I contemplated refusing but figured this would go by faster if I cooperated just a bit more. I took a seat on one side, Erwin sitting directly across from me.

“Did anyone see you,” he asked first off.

I snorted, tracing the lines of the table with a single finger, “You know how many people are in that camp. On the way in, anyone who spotted us is dead. A few people spotted us on our way out but we couldn’t do anything because we had too many wounded, it would have been dangerous to try to fight them.”

Erwin mumbled something in that deep, rumbling voice before looking up and speaking more clearly, “I saw you brought _another_ boy back with you?”

“What’s that matter?” I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest.

“As you already know, were running out of space. You’re making it harder and harder for Petra to do her job.”

“I think she can manage.”

The man in front of me sighed, slowly shaking his head, “You’re missing the point Levi.”

Why did he always feel the need to use my name when he was talking down on me?

I squinted at him, “Then what’s your point, _Eyebrows_.”

The name didn’t faze him at all which was frustrating but I kept my annoyance to myself, for the most part. Just once I wanted to set him off, to see the way my insults and stubbornness got to him.

He spoke slowly and with intention, “You need to stop bringing more people into the camp, we’re already short on supplies as is. I think, right now, the best thing to do would be to consider... whether or not, for the good of the camp and all of its civilians, if letting that boy stay here is the best idea.”

I would’ve let my jaw drop in surprise if I wasn’t so set on not letting him affect me, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Levi, calm down,” he reached a hand towards me but I refused to let him touch me.

“Fuck that!” I snipped, standing up and leaning forward with my hands resting on the table, “It takes a special fucking type of asshole to even think about kicking a _child_ back out there. You know what it’s like out there; there’s no way he would survive that!”

“It’s either him or someone else if he stays. Maybe it’ll be a soldier, an official, a working citizen, you, Eren. Someone far less expendable than a boy who will be contributing nothing to this community if he stays here,” Erwin explained as if this was simple logic.

My eyes doubled in size and I leaned back, taking a few seconds before I was able to respond, my mind needing to process what he had just said, “You’re fucking insane. You just called a _little boy_ expendable! He can be trained. Why is it so damn hard for you to stop for a second and realize that we’re talking about _people_ , that they’re not just _pawns_ in your game?”

Erwin shrugged, “I’m only speaking the truth. We don’t need him and if he stays he’s only going to create more issues for us.”

“You don’t know that!” I yelled, breathing heavily as I tried to suppress the anger that was beginning to bubble up, “One more person will not be the end of this community, you should know that. I will _not_ let you anywhere near that boy. If you send him out there, then consider me gone as well.”

“You’re being ridiculous!” Erwin’s voice rose just slightly and oh the pleasure that came from such a small yet drastic reaction. How good it felt to know that I was actually getting to him.

“Since people are so damn expendable to you it shouldn’t matter if I leave, what’s one less person? An extra meal for someone else maybe? A soldier? Official? Working citizen? You?” I grinned slyly at the way his eye twitched.

“There’s a difference, you know that. You’re a huge support to this community, we would suffer greatly if you left,” his voice was low and threatening but I didn’t let that bother me. 

“Oh, come on, a simple civilian can’t mean that much to you. You have plenty of soldiers trained well enough to take my position so what’s the issue? And since you can’t ‘justify sending soldiers to save one boy’ I feel I’m needed more by Armin’s side than I would be here,” I slowly sat back down, Erwin’s eyes tracking my every move.

“You know that’s not true,” he mumbled.

“Oh, I do, and do you want to know what else I know is true? That the second we send that boy out there, he’s dead. If not dead, then it won’t be long before those bastards find him again. Do you know the type of despicable things they will do to him as if what he has gone through already wasn’t enough?” I searched his eyes, hoping that somehow I would get through to him.

“We can give him everything he needs to protect himself and enough food and water to last him a few days,” Erwin tried reasoning and I was beginning to get so fed up with him.

“That’s not enough!” I slammed my fist against the table but he didn’t even flinch.

“Then what is enough for you Levi?”

“Letting him stay!” my voice was getting louder, “If you force him to leave then that boy’s blood is on your hands!”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, an amused grin spreading across his face that I wanted so badly to beat off of him, “Just like all the other children and families that we’ve kicked out before? How is this one any different from them? Oh, is it because this one is Eren’s friend?”

My stomach dropped and I would’ve puked if it wasn’t empty, this man was sickening. I couldn’t comprehend why he thought any of this was okay. Why my so called ‘friend’ would say something like that to me.

I hadn’t even thought of how Eren would feel if we kicked Armin out; the only thing I was concerned about was that boy’s life. Apparently, Erwin was unable to understand that type of thinking. He assumed there has to be a reason behind every action, something other than ‘because it’s the right thing to do’. He was truly made to live out in the Underground.

I stood up, slowly shaking my head, mouth hanging open from the shock, “I’m done! As soon as those boys are taken care of I’m packing them up and we’re gone. If this is the way you’re gonna run this camp, then I don’t want to be a part of it. I’m so fucking done with your shit!”

I tried to storm out of the tent but Erwin quickly grabbed my arm, yanking me back, “Wait! Please, just sit down.”

“Why?!” I asked desperately, pulling my arm out of his grip, “There’s no persuading you! And I give up!”

His lips were pressed together in a tight line as he thought things over, I could practically see him calculating, weighing his options. 

Erwin sighed, eyes falling shut as he began calmly, “Levi, you’re my second in command but more importantly my closest friend,” his eyes opened back up and he stared at me with complete serious, “I _need_ you here, the community needs you. You know my position on the situation and I know you disagree but I don’t want to keep arguing over this. Let’s leave it for now.”

I glared, “This is exactly what I meant! I already know you’re not going to change your mind so why should I wait?”

“Just give me time to think it over, I swear I will take what you have said into consideration,” somehow, I knew he was being honest which only frustrated me even more. I didn’t want to trust Erwin Smith, I couldn’t.

I held his stare for a few moments before giving in with an annoyed sigh, “Whatever, was there something else or can I go?”

“Well,” Erwin scratched the back of his head, “I’m concerned about what the people who took Eren will do once they’ve found out you we’re the one who broke him out.”

“Who gives a fuck what they do?” I raised an eyebrow, carefully taking a seat at the table once more.

“If they’ve been given a motive, I don’t doubt for a second that they’ll attack our camp. That could end badly for us depending on how many men they send,” he trailed off, rubbing his chin as he thought it over.

“I hope they try something,” I mumbled, catching Erwin’s eye when he looked at me suspiciously, “Those fuckers deserve to die! After everything they did to Eren we can’t just fucking let them off like this.”

“We cannot afford to go back there to find the men who tortured Eren,” Erwin warned, practically reading my mind.

“No, you can’t. But you also can’t stop me from going back to burn their entire camp down,” I hissed fingers curling into a fist as the images of Eren hanging from the cross flashed through my mind.

“I can and I will!” he growled viciously, and my eyes widened in pleasant surprise, “I let you get away with a lot of shit but I can’t allow you to endanger my community like this! You’re not going back there and that’s final!”

I was silent for a few moments, holding back a grin as I watched Eyebrows struggle to calm himself down but his face wasn’t getting any less red. It was a special thing to see the ever calm and collected Erwin get so worked up. As much as I wanted to enjoy this moment for longer, I was frustrated as well.

“That’s such fucking shit,” I drawled, leaning forward so that our faces were inches apart before speaking in a low, dark voice, “If they make a move, or if they come anywhere near our community, the second I find out I will be doing whatever I can to find those assholes and bring them back here. And when I do, there will be absolutely no mercy shown no matter what you or anyone else says. I will not rest until I know that those monsters have suffered ten times as much as Eren has. _And that’s final_.”

Erwin didn’t move, didn’t even dare blink. I don’t think in all of the years I’ve known him for that I’ve ever seen him look this put off by me. But this was good because it meant he understood just how serious and how determined I was to make those fuckers pay. With that look, it was enough to know he wouldn’t be getting in my way.

With that he nodded, composing himself as he stood up, “We need more soldiers, mostly minute men but it would help to have some more protection and guards. Move the general soldiers to specialized training as soon as they seem ready. Make sure we have as many men as possible prepared to fight.”

I stared blankly, wondering where the hell this came from, “Sure, but what’s this all of a sudden?”

The blond looked over me before turning around to leave the tent, “I have to go, get that taken care of.”

He was out of the tent before I had a chance to respond, leaving me sitting alone, frustrated that I didn’t get any say in the end of the conversation. His footsteps faded away as my mind tried to process everything that had been said. I got to my feet, angrily kicking the bench over before stalking out of the tent as well.

The center of the community was empty, no blond giant in sight, which angered me even more. I wanted to punch him, yell at him, anything to get a reaction. But he was gone so that would have to wait for the next time he pissed me off; surely that would be soon.

With Erwin pushed to the back of my mind, I remember that Eren was still in the medical tent with Petra and Hanji. I quickly started in that direction, the previous anger I had felt being pushed aside by a strange sort of eagerness.

It felt like I couldn’t get to the tent fast enough and I had to remind myself multiple times that Eren would most likely still be passed out for quite a while. Of course, when I neared the tent I didn’t expect the screams of agony that I heard coming from inside.

I rushed through the cloth doors, met with the horrible smell of burning flesh. Just as I entered, I saw Marco pass out, head falling back and body going limp.

He was surrounded by Hanji, who was holding a hot piece of metal up to his wound, along with Petra and Jean, who were holding him down. Petra backed off when he passed out while Jean fell to his knees, grabbing Marco’s hand and holding it against his forehead. 

Hanji, understandably didn’t pay attention to anything other than Marco. Jean was too busy worrying about Marco’s condition. Eren and Armin were both resting on the other two beds. The only person who actually noticed my presence was Petra, who motioned me over to where she was standing next to Armin.

I made my way over, careful not to get too close to Armin. It wasn’t hard to tell that he was terrified, his small form visibly shaking. His stare was blank and unmoving, tears streaming down his cheek as he whimpered lightly.

“He hasn’t said anything this entire time,” Petra commented, brushing the small boy’s hair away from his face, “I don’t know what to do…”

“Don’t take it personally,” I met her sad gaze, “The kids been through hell and is finally free, he’ll need time to adjust. It already seems like, other than Eren, he trusts you the most.”

“I know I just… want him to be more comfortable here. I’m just worried,” she sighed, pulling her hand away.

“Give him time,” I nodded, looking over to Eren’s unmoving form, “What about him?”

“He hasn’t woken up yet. I cleaned and wrapped some of his more severe wounds but that’s all we could do for now since Hanji has to take care of Marco as soon as possible. But the entire time he’s stayed unconscious, I’m sorry Levi,” she wrapped a gentle arm around me. 

I didn’t accept her embrace but I didn’t push her away either. The way she said my name was so different than the way Erwin used it. It was soothing, reassuring even, and showed how much she cared about me. Sometimes I wished I could show her the same but I think she understood anyways. Petra could always read me easier than most could.

“Can we talk outside for a minute?” I asked quietly, my eyes refusing to leave Eren as if he might miraculously wake up. I just wanted him to be okay.

“Of course Hun, come on,” she led me outside the tent, arm wrapped around my own as she took me towards the center of the community. She sat us down at one of the benches.

It was odd and I hated myself for thinking like this but it was nice to get away. To take a second to myself to sit down and breath. My mind and body had been going for so long I didn’t realize how exhausted I had become. I wasn’t done either; not until I knew Eren would be okay.

“What is it Levi?” Petra asked after a while of sitting in silence.

I sighed, squeezing the bridge of my nose, “Erwin mostly right now, and the conversation we just had.”

“What did he want?” she pushed.

“He tried telling me that Armin would have to be kicked out of the camp,” her face darkened and I nodded, “I felt the same way. I told him he was fucking insane and that if he kicked Armin out then I would be leaving too. Of course he couldn’t let _that_ happen,” I finished with a roll of my eyes.

“Is he serious? I’m gonna have to beat some sense into that man if he doesn’t stop this. First Eren now Armin, I understand more than anyone that we can’t afford more people but we can’t just throw children out there all alone either,” she shook her head in disbelief.

“I said the same thing, I don’t think anything will get through that thick skull of his though.”

“Don’t underestimate me,” she said with a wink, “I won’t let him do anything to Armin don’t worry.”

“Oh, I know you won’t,” I grinned. 

If Erwin was going to listen to anyone it would definitely be Petra. That woman had the gift of gentle persuasion, and if that didn’t work then even I’d be afraid to get in between her and whoever is arguing with her. You had to be tough to survive in the Underground, but I think it came natural to Petra. She was admirable and a lot tougher than she looked.

“Well, we have to find a place to put him then,” Petra pondered, “I want him with one of the officials so that we can keep an eye on him.”

“Will he even leave Eren’s hip?” I raised a questioning brow.

Petra hummed, “Maybe not, I’m hoping we can get him more comfortable around the officials at least. Otherwise he’s gonna have a hard time getting used to living here.”

“What about you?” I asked slowly, watching her already large doe eyes grow even bigger at the suggestion.

“Me?” she sounded weary, “I can’t take care of a kid… I work with soldiers and grown men not children. I wouldn’t even know what to do… He needs someone who will be there for him right now and what if I mess up?”

I allowed a small smile to grace my face at all of her doubts, “The fact that you’re even worried about it shows that you’d be perfect for him; he needs someone that will care as much as you do. I wouldn’t want him with anyone else right now. He’s already attached to you anyways.”

She pushed her hair behind her ear, frowning, “I don’t think so, he won’t even talk to me.”

“He won’t talk to anyone,” I reminded her, “Plus, ever since Hanji put him down, he’s refused to leave _your_ side. I think he trusts you or at the very least feels safer around you.”

“Maybe so,” she tapped her fingers against the table, “Would he be sleeping in mine and Hanji’s tent too then?”

“Preferably, as long as Hanji is okay with it. There’s no room left in my tent, Eren and I barely fit, and I don’t think he’d ever sleep if he was in another official’s tent.”

“I’m sure Hanji wouldn’t mind, so as long as Armin is comfortable with it as well.”

“It’ll work out,” I shrugged, looking over at the meeting tent, “Erwin said something kind of strange to me when we were talking.”

Petra hummed in interested, “What’s that?”

“Told me to get as many soldiers prepared to fight as soon as I could. Said to move the general soldiers to specialized training as soon as they seem ready.”

“Erwin should know most of them aren’t even close to being ready. Did he tell you why?”

I rolled my eyes, “I asked but he just walked away saying he ‘had to go’.”

“That’s strange,” Petra muttered, her lips falling into a frown, “What do you think he’s planning?”

I could’ve grinned at that question, or maybe tell her to get out of my head. It was nice being able to talk to someone who understood the way you thought. Or maybe it was because she knew Erwin just as well as I did.

“I’m not sure, I wanted to ask you the same thing,” I sighed.

“Did he say anything else that seemed weird?”

“Well,” I thought for a moment, “He brought up the possibility of the other camp attacking us but we have more than enough soldiers to defend ourselves even if they sent every man, woman, and child they had.”

“That’s probably not it then,” she shook her head, “I really don’t know.”

“It’s alright,” I brushed her off. All I wanted was conformation that I wasn’t over thinking it.

After that we were silent for some time. People occasionally passed here and there but it was getting dark out and the bell for bed would be signaling soon. I knew neither Petra or I planned on going to bed just yet and if anything, when that bell rang, we’d be making our way back to the medical tent.

It was oddly quiet, a calm that it seemed I hadn’t felt in a long time even if it had only been a few days. They were possibly the longest few days of my life, other than the days of this camp’s beginning. Even then I had never been so distressed over the wellbeing of someone else.

I had never realized the type of toll this could take on someone and I was starting to find myself trying to bury those feelings as deep as I could. It was like I was trying to sever that attachment that refused to stop growing, to forget it once and for all. I had officially seen what getting attached to a person meant out here and I wasn’t prepared to live that way.

It was only because I cared about Eren that I knew what I had to do from now on. To ensure his safety and even my own, the only thing I’d ever allow myself to view him as is a comrade at most. Not even friends if possible, but definitely nothing passed that.

Eventually, and I was certain that this would happen either way, he would grow tired of me. He would find people who were younger and less cynical than myself and he’d realize that there was no point in trying with me.

He deserved that type of life above all else. He needed people he could rely on to support him as a friend; like the two soldiers who had come with us to rescue him. I already knew he wouldn’t have trouble finding people.

All I needed to do was sit back and make sure he was tending to his duties within the camp and staying out of trouble. I didn’t want him going out for supplies anymore either, he wasn’t made for that type of danger. If he wanted to fight, it would be as a soldier.

As much as he thought he knew what was best for himself, he didn’t. I had lived out here my entire life and I knew all too well what it was like. He had only been here for just under two weeks and had already come close to dying more times than I was comfortable with.

I knew that he would argue with me over it and insist that he was fine and that it wouldn’t happen again but this time I refused to budge. I just had to keep telling myself that this was for Eren and his safety. There was no need to make life out in the Underground hell for him.

Maybe if I trusted myself to protect him then I would consider letting him back out there but I had let him get hurt twice already. I hadn’t trusted myself from the beginning and now I knew I had plenty of reasons not to. I couldn’t stop him from being kidnapped and therefore he was tortured and probably almost killed for days before I was finally able to get to him.

I was no good for him. I was useless when it came to keeping him safe. And I couldn’t trust myself enough to believe that things would be any different the next time around. It was my fault he wound up getting kidnapped, there’s no way around.

The only way I could fix my mistakes was by doing the proper thing for once. That meant distancing myself.

“Levi!” Petra shouted and my head shot up to meet her confused stared, “I’ve been calling you for a while, what’s on your mind Hun?”

“Eren,” I told her truthfully with a shrug.

“He’s going to be okay you know?” she reached forward and placed her small hand over my own, callouses from years of living out here pressing against my skin.

“I know that now,” I reassured her.

She searched my eyes for a second, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, it’s fine,” I pulled my hand away and stood back up, stretching my arms over my head, “We should probably get back to the tent and see how everyone is doing.”

Petra nodded, putting enough trust in me not to question me further, and stood up as well. We didn’t speak to each other during our walk back. I think both of us wanted to take in this calm for as long as we could before we were forced to recognize our situation once more.

Inside the tent was silent this time, the only person still moving around was Hanji. Eren and Marco were both still unconscious. Armin had curled up underneath a blanket that Hanji must have given him and had fallen asleep. Jean was still sitting beside Marco but now his head was laying on the freckled boys chest where he was sleeping as well.

“They needed this,” Petra commented quietly with a find smile.

“ ‘s been’a long few days fer all o’ us,” Hanji sighed, wiping her face with a bloody cloth. I cringed but didn’t comment on it.

“How long until they’re healed?” I asked, looking at the four sleeping forms.

Hanji hummed, “Physically? ‘bout two weeks fer tha woun’s ta mostly close. Mentally? Who knows.”

“They’ve been through a lot, we just need to give them time,” Petra said as she took a seat on the cabinet next to where Hanji was sitting.

Hanji glanced over at me, clearing her throat, “Ya look like shit ‘s well Levi.”

“I’m fine,” I brushed her off even though I knew she was too persistent to give up so easily.

“Jus’ let me take a look at ya, won’ take long ‘t all,” she insisted.

I gave in with a sigh, taking her seat on the old wooden stool when she stood up and motioned for me to sit. She quickly got to work cleaning up the cuts to see how bad they were. Thankfully most of them were just small scrapes and large bruises.

She took the time to poke at my eye, laughing at how swollen it was. Apparently, there was no damage other than the external bruise and swelling.

Hanji spoke up when she reached my right shoulder, “When’d ya get this?”

“When they took Eren,” I shrugged, feeling the wound pull.

“Shoulda told me when ya came back, needs ta be stitched. Don’ worry, I got thread,” she patted my back before standing up and preparing everything she would need to sew my shoulder.

I sat patiently as she got to work, thankfully thread was nothing like the wire that Eren had to endure. I winced each time the needle pushed through but eventually it became sore enough that I barely felt it. This wasn’t the first time I’ve had to be sewed up by her but I’d never get used to it. When she was done, she cleaned the area and put a light wrap around it.

“Should heal nicely, ‘f not then come back and I’ll fix ya,” she told me before grabbing a few things and walking to Eren’s side, “I haven’ work’d on him ‘t all yet, with Marco ‘nd all.”

We watched as she started cleaning up his cuts. I knew it was terrible of me to even think this, but he should have been wincing and groaning from the pain. Instead he sat completely still, chest rising and falling and his eyelashes stayed against his cheeks. That peaceful sight was killing me.

“How long until he wakes up,” I questioned impatiently, a lilt of anger in my voice that I couldn’t hold back.

Hanji paused, pulling her goggles up to look at me, “Could be hours, days, weeks. I don’ know ‘nd I don’ wanna lie ta ya.”

I nodded and got as comfortable as I could on the stool, knowing that there was nothing I could do other than wait for Eren to come back to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor everybody this is such a shitty situation. Also all in favor of beating up Erwin say "I"
> 
> I keep laughing because Erwin was like "you brought another boy back with you" which makes Levi sound like a total creep but he really just meant it like "first Eren, now this kid." Idk I find weird stuff funny
> 
> I really want to say that you wont have to wait as long for chapter 14 but I don't want to lie, I feel terrible. But I found a few inspirations to write, have fixed the outline _a lot_ (it was a huuuge mess now its just a more contained huge mess), and have more free time now that one of my classes ended so I should be writing more often.
> 
> Anyways thank you all so much for reading and supporting me. I know I've been so bad about updating and I feel terrible so I'm doing everything I can to get back on schedule. Your support and feedback of course always helps as well and I appreciate it so so much. I hope you all enjoyed chapter 13!


	14. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile,, have I mentioned how many times I've considered dropping this fic despite how much I love it?? I think I've decided to possibly split it into two in order to make things easier for myself but idk
> 
> Also I'll just put a WARNING: there is a part that might make you uncomfortable so if you begin reading it and decide it's too much it starts right after "Even if he caused it" and ends at "Bellowing and begging". You really wont miss anything super important by skipping that section.
> 
> I guess this is a good place to say please enjoy Chapter 14!! Thank you for reading and waiting on my extremely slow updates!!

**Eren’s POV**  
When my eyes fluttered open I was met with a blinding light that it felt as if I hadn’t seen in ages. It was quiet, almost completely silent even. The only sound was the hushed whistle of wind and the gentle flapping of fabric. Voices came and went but they were muffled and unintelligible.

It took a few moments and a lot of blinking for my blurry vision to fully go away. I gazed up at the fabric ceiling above me, torn and patched here and there. It lifted ever so slightly when it caught the wind. A soothing sight despite the eerie quiet engulfing me, the almost soundless atmosphere that made it hard to breath.

This sort of silence that meant I was alone again. Even if I was back at the camp, that meant nothing when I was alone which was a tough thing to admit to myself.

I wanted to be strong and face this head on but one can only handle so much after being torn down time and time again. Maybe I was strong for being able to admit that I was afraid, but it felt like I was just taking the easy way out.

Would it not be better to overcome that fear, or at least forget about it, and push myself to become more resilient? Maybe then I’d become useful.

My body didn’t ache nearly as much as I had expected it to. After everything I had gone through I thought my entire body would be unusable but there was nothing other than a slight burn. My limbs felt stiff but that was probably from not moving for a while. I could only wonder how long I had been left laying here for.

My head fell to the side, eyes landing on the familiar row of neatly made beds that took up the medical tent. They were empty along with the area where Hanji was usually rummaging around in as she looked for supplies. The fabric doors that were usually tied back while Hanji was working had fallen shut, only rippling slightly from small gusts of wind.

Everything was in order, that in itself was weird since Hanji didn’t typically worry about keeping things super organized. As long as she knew where what she needed was then she was happy.

I should have been thankful that I was finally back to safety but nothing could seem to get rid of the feeling of uneasiness simmering deep in my stomach. I knew something was coming and all I could do was wait.

Footsteps. Coming from my left where I wasn’t looking. I felt nauseous, burning bile rising in my throat because I knew exactly what that sound implied. Because I was supposed to be safe but I was still hearing that treacherous sound echoing inside my skull.

Because I felt lied to, even if I could’ve sworn I had been rescued. Maybe it was nothing but a silly, hopeful dream. I’ve been having too many of those lately.

It was certainly hard to discern reality from fantasy by now. How was I supposed to know whether to trust my eyes or mind? I couldn’t know which was being truthful when I was too afraid to know what my truth really was.

My head moved without my brains permission, the need to know who or what was making that sound overpowered any amount of anxiousness inside of me. My heart repeatedly threw itself against my ribcage, warning me not to look but I didn’t listen, I couldn’t. Slowly, hesitantly, I let my focus drift from the hollowness of the tent to whatever I would find next to me.

Though, what I saw was nothing close to what I had expected. I figured I would’ve found myself back in that dark, humid room, tied up and waiting for the door to open to see King once more. Yet I was still in the medical tent and there was no sign of that vile, disgusting man.

Instead, sat curled up in a small, uncomfortable looking chair next to my bed was Levi. He was fast asleep, head leaning to the side resting on his shoulder as his chest steadily rose and fell. He had his arms wrapped around his knees in a way that reminded me of a cowering child. It sent chills down my spine.

Levi was someone who I viewed as strong and persevering. Never had I imaged that I’d see him looking so helpless. But I had seen this same thing the day I was kidnapped. He looked weak and it was nothing other than pitiful compared to the way he portrayed himself.

I hated myself for even thinking he was weak. It had been so long since I had seen him in person, since I had the chance to touch him. Yet here I was looking down on him, what right did I have? I was a terrible person and I was beginning to believe that I didn’t deserve to be saved after all.

Not only was I horrible, I was selfish as well. I couldn’t keep myself away from Levi no matter how hard I tried to fight the urge to get closer. I desired to satisfy that craving.

I reached out to him, wanting to touch him. I needed to feel his skin against my own to know that this was real. To insure that I was actually laying in this bed and this wasn’t just some cruel dream my mind was trying to hoax me with.

My hand shook as it got closer, almost afraid to find out whether or not this was real. But it kept going and soon enough my fingertips were lightly grazing over his bare arm.

The contact was so faint that I wasn’t even sure if I had actually touched him. I wouldn’t have known either except the instant we connected his eyes shot open, legs falling down as he sat up in his seat.

I jerked my arm away, startled by his sudden movement. When his eyes locked on me he didn’t react, only stared blankly as if somehow, he was still asleep. I carefully picked up my arm, waving it in front of his face and watching his eyes follow it perfectly.

So he was conscious and yet he was acting as if he were just some brainless, empty shell. Watching me, scrutinizing my every action but never reacting in return. It made my heart pound painfully inside my chest, fear twisting my organs as I sat up to face him. It was unsettling.

He only watched as I moved upright and leaned closer to his face. His warm breath trickled over my skin in a way that was comforting and unnerving all at the same time.

Levi was alive, I had him right at my fingertips and yet he gave off the feeling that he was lightyears away. I searched his eyes for conformation that he was really there but his stare was blank and that pop of blue that usually shone through in the sunlight was nowhere to be seen.

I searched his eyes for anything, even if it was just that gleam they always had. But I found nothing, met with disappointingly dull irises and an unrelenting blank stare. I wanted swirling granite but all I had in front of me was cold stone.

Even being mere centimeters away, he did nothing and it was frustrating me to no end. After all this time of being separated, after all of the grueling torment I had gone through and he didn’t even bother to speak to me?

I wanted to scream but my chest had begun to burn and instead all I could produce was a wimpy whisper of his name, “Levi?”

The man blinked, pupils dilating suddenly like they were struggling to focus on me. Was this really the man I was calling out to or was it a lousy figment being produced by my deceitful imagination? There was no way he could have changed this much in the time that I was gone.

I dared to reach forward and take his two hands into my own, holding onto them tightly even if they stayed limp. His flesh felt cold which only made me grip even tighter. Even if they were freezing, I felt him, knew he was there. That had to mean something.

Levi blinked, waited a few moments and then blinked a few more times. It seemed his mind was attempting to process what was happening to him. We were getting somewhere.

“Levi?” I called again, this time in more of a soft, reassuring tone.

More blinking, slow and deliberate. He looked down at our hands then back up at me. I’m not sure what it was, what brought the life back into him, but suddenly his dull eyes were lively and filling with sparkling tears.

The tears fell down his cheeks but he paid no mind, too invested in wrapping a pair of strong arms around me, pulling me closer to him. His body was warm, it reminded me of the nights I had spent next to him. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed this feeling.

The feeling of having someone there for you, by your side. It was a comfort that set your mind at ease. The warmth that radiated from him to me was a delightful reminder that this was real, I had him back.

My hands clenched the back of his shirt as if trying to anchor him down, begging him not to let go. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking in the feeling of being encased by his body and his cozy scent.

“Eren,” Levi finally answered and I felt his chest vibrate as he spoke.

I didn’t respond, too consumed in the relief and security his presence offered.

“Eren,” he tried again, more commanding, “Look at me.”

His arms loosened and I allowed my eyes to open only to be met with a strange darkness. I quickly let go of him and sat back, confused by the sudden change. But I knew this situation all too well and the familiar terror that instantly flowed throughout my veins was indescribable. Something close to hydrofluoric acid pumping through me.

Levi stepped back, he was standing in front of me, glaring down. I tried to reach out to him but was stopped by the straps holding my arms down and I felt goosebumps raise on my skin. He only smirked at my struggling, turning away to reach something more favorable than I was. That metal table.

“Levi?” my voice cracked and I wasn’t sure which of the mix of emotions swirling within me caused it.

I tried to make myself believe it was from the distress, from the uncontrollable shaking of my body. But maybe it was the absolute sense of betrayal that washed over me.

I trusted him to save me, allowed myself to believe that if I pushed myself to hold on just a little longer he would come for me. But instead he chose to help the person hurting me and somehow that ached more than any physical wound I had. Maybe it was heart break.

He hummed a low and daunting melody as he tapped thin fingers over different tools laid out on the table. In search for the perfect tool to harm me, finding something that would really make me scream.

“Why are you doing this?” I sounded pathetic, my voice like that of a child’s.

But Levi ignored me until he had decided on two small metal tools. With the objects in hand, he made his way back to me, a calm smile spread across his face.

“Why?” he asked as if he were truthfully pondering the question, “I wonder.”

“Levi please,” I whined, shifting in the chair, “Let’s just go back to the camp.”

“Back to the camp,” he repeated, expressionless, “Why would I do that? Don’t you realize you’re not wanted? Why do you think you’re still here? If I wanted to save you I would’ve gotten here forever ago.”

His eyes had gone dull.

“What’re you talking about? You saved me!” I shouted, anything to convince him, “Remember? The day I was banished, you saved me Levi!”

“I did, I thought Erwin might appreciate my efforts but all it did was bring me more trouble. Can’t you see that all you are, all you’ve ever been, is a burden? To me, to Petra, to Hanji… to your mother…” he trailed off, staring down at the tools in his hand.

My words got stuck in my throat and I forced myself to cough before I spoke, “You… Y-You don’t know that… you didn’t know her…”

“How many times did you lie to Armin?” he easily changed the subject and I stupidly fell for it.

“Everything I told him I meant! I swear I’ve done everything I could to get him out of here!” my eyes were burning, it was too much to take in. What he said was the truth but I didn’t want to accept any of it. I couldn’t admit how horrible I was.

“You promised, did you not? And yet look at him…” Levi shifted his gaze to the corner and my eyes followed.

A tiny, almost unrecognizable form lay naked in the corner, curled up and shivering. His body was beaten so badly that the majority of his skin was black and blue other than the areas covered by his own blood. The only way I knew it was him was the messy mop of blond, which even that had been partially dyed red.

I felt nauseous just from the sight of him. His breathing was unnaturally fast, it looked like he was struggling to get a full breath of air. Even his groans of pain were barely audible over that torturous dripping that never seemed to end. I knew he wouldn’t make it much longer if he didn’t get medical attention.

It was hard to muster up the courage to speak. “Please Levi, do what you want to me but please get Armin help,” my voice was a desperate whisper, reduced to feeble begging.

Levi laughed so hard he had to grab his stomach as he doubled over. His joy echoed off the walls but I didn’t feel it. I felt nothing other than a sense of failed responsibility. It was my fault Armin was like that.

When Levi gained his composure once more he looked me in the eye, “Why should I do anything, hmm? You’re the one who promised to save him.”

“I know I lied, you can punish me if you want. But please–.”

Levi cut me off, “Shut up! Fuck you’re annoying. Nobody is saving anyone. And this isn’t about punishment or whatever shit you’re spewing.”

“Then why are you doing this?!” I pleaded, grasping at whatever I could to convince him to stop this.

“Why?” he thought about it for a second, “Because I want to. I want to hurt you, give you what you deserve and whatnot. You know, I’ve been looking forward to this for quite a long time. I saw how you were getting attached to me and frankly thought it was disgusting. Who could like mere dirt like you?”

I was speechless, nothing I could say to him would do justice to what I was feeling. Nothing I said could convince him to change his mind and I knew that all too well. So, I bit my lip to keep quiet even as the warm tears spilled over and onto my cheeks.

“It’s a little early to start crying, you should save your tears for when you’re really hurting,” he suggested but he probably didn’t understand the unbearable amount of pain that was crushing me. Even if he caused it.

Levi stepped closer, shoving one of the metal tools in his pocket as he leaned forward to hold my left eye open with his fingers. I didn’t even have time to question what he was doing before I saw the metal tool coming closer to my face. It looked like some sort of rounded clamp.

My heart dropped but I realized what was about to happen far too late, a cold metal clamp being pushed into my eye socket agonizingly slowly. I shrieked, panicked, feeling an intense burn as Levi let go and the metal snapped into place, holding my eye open. My eye was watering so much I couldn’t see out the left side properly but every time I tried to blink away the tears, my eyelids wouldn’t budge.

“What are you doing to me?” my voice wobbled and quaked as tears fell down my left cheek from both corners of my eye.

“Those eyes of yours,” Levi drawled, “They’re so… magnificent. But they never stop staring, it’s unsettling. They should go to someone who will use them for good.”

“What do you mean?!” I shouted and my limbs began to tremble, “What are you gonna do?!”

The man pursed his lips, “This would be a lot more enjoyable if you didn’t talk so much. Well, I could just cut out your tongue too!”

I didn’t recognize this person, this couldn’t be Levi. It looked, sounded, _felt_ like him but Levi wasn’t evil. He wouldn’t do this to me, would he?

I watched as he pulled a spoon-like object out of his pocket, the curve of the spoon was jagged. I didn’t have to ask what that was going to be used for, his answer was enough of a clue already.

“Levi, please,” I begged, “There’s no need for this, you’re not like this! This isn’t you!”

The metal glinted as it was brought closer to my face. Levi chuckled, “Not me? You don’t know me!”

I tried leaning my head back as he moved the spoon up to my eye but I could only lean so far. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to pass out. My chest heaved as I struggled to catch my breath, my body breaking out into a cold sweat.

I was at a loss for words, mind blank of anything other than the knowledge of what was about to happen to me. All I could do was scream a horrified, agonized scream. My body convulsed as I tried to get away but I was strapped in tightly and struggling was no use.

The metal pushed into my eye, scraping up against the clamp, and I groaned a deep, guttural moan from the pressure in my eye socket. My eyes bounced back and forth, the left no able to keep up with the right. I couldn’t focus on anything.

“Pleeeaaase,” it was the cry of a wounded animal and was suddenly the only thing I knew how to say, “please, please, please, pleasepleasepleasepleapleaplea, pleeaaapleeeaasepleeaa, ahh ahhse pleapleeaa.”

The syllables blended together until I was left babbling nonsense. The only thing I could hear was the heavy thumping of my heart and the slurred mantra I repeated over and over.

Then the pressure turned to pain and my trembling limbs pushed with all of their might against the restraints. My body twitched and quivered, but all I could do was scream. Over and over, as red filled my vision on the left and I felt a hot liquid spill onto my cheek all I could do was scream as loud as my vocal cords would allow.

I felt a terrible, excruciating ripping and screamed again, body arching up off the chair. With a pop, my vision on the left went black and I heard the clamp clatter onto the ground. I trashed around, shouting and hollering like a wild animal. The entire left side of my face throbbed relentlessly.

My head fell back and I stared up at the ceiling that now looked a lot smaller than I remember. My mouth hung open as I was left panting for breath, groaning and moaning every so often. The blood dripping down my cheek mixed with drool and snot.

“Oh come on, you can’t be tired after just that!” Levi laughed, a sound that made bile rise in my throat, “We still have one more to go!”

“I can’t,” I wailed, voice strained.

My body felt like it had been drained of all of its energy. I couldn’t even find it in me to lift my head, not that I wanted to see Levi anyways.

“Really! It won’t take long!” he insisted, using my hair to yank up my head.

I stared at him, wondering how I ever trusted such a man. My mouth snapped shut, jaw clenched as I felt my heart aching again even though it had already calmed down.

“Looking good, come on… Let’s just get this over with, I’m getting sick and tired of you,” he muttered, clamp already in hand.

My heart jumped back into high drive when it realized that I wouldn’t be getting a break. Why wasn’t one enough for him? Was it really necessary to go all the way?

“Levi… no! I’m sorry!” I shrieked, clenching my teeth as he brought the clamp closer to my eye, “Please, just stop… Levi–.”

“My name’s not Levi!” he snapped with a sharp smack across my face that sent my head lurching.

I yelped from the impact, the sting lingering in my cheek even as I straightened myself out again. I pressed my lips together, holding in any protest.

Levi met my eyes with a wicked grin that twisted my stomach, “Call me King.”

My stomach dropped at the name and I was sure I was going to puke, waves of nausea washing over me. It probably would’ve felt better to throw up but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. How could he associate himself with such a name?

Levi didn’t even skip a beat as he shoved the clamp into my right eye and pried it open. Suddenly the irritation from the metal in my eye socket and the fear of what was to come had me distracted from any thought of that name or throwing up. The burn of having metal clamped down on my eyeball, squeezing it enough for me to feel the pressure, was at the forefront of my mind.

“If only you could see how lovely your eye socket looks now that it’s filled with blood,” he mumbled, dragging a thumb across my bloody cheek and pulling it back to examine it.

“I don’t want to see,” I huffed out and my voice quivered. Shaky fingertips curled into old wood.

“Well that won’t be a problem,” he chuckled, leaning closer, “At least I’ll get to see the final product.”

I was forced to watch Levi, teeth barred in a wicked grin, as he brought the scoop up to my eye. My entire body shook uncontrollably in response, chest heaving when I felt the wet metal brush against my cheek. My limbs felt like gelatin as I struggled against the restraints.

“Second verse, same as the first!” he sang delightfully as he positioned the spoon against my eye socket.

All I could do was scream in agony as he shoved the metal into the socket far less gracefully than the first time. Once again, the ripping began, the sound of blood vessels and arteries popping as he forced my eye out sounded even more gruesome when it reverberated within my own head. Squelching and snapping as my eye was forced out of my head.

I screeched and hollered, drooling dripping down my chin. I could taste a metallic pool filling my mouth but kept screaming. Bellowing and begging up until my vision went black.

In the darkness, everything seemed to disappear, my pain and the world around me ceasing to exist. I was surrounded by tiny, warm, glowing lights. They floated around me, brushing over and bouncing off my skin soothingly, enveloping me in a tranquility that filled my lungs as I took a breath. A calm washed over me.

I was finally at peace with the universe. Is this what death felt like? It was pleasant, to the point that I welcomed it. My body and mind felt lighter than they ever had and I was truly content. I didn’t want to leave this place. If this is where I would be stuck for the rest of time then I wouldn’t complain.

But suddenly, I could open my eyes again and when I did I was met with the view of a torn and patched fabric ceiling. I shot up, head reeling to the left to find Levi, curled up in an uncomfortable looking chair.

 

 **Levi’s POV**  
It had been days since I had seen Eren do anything other than lay there like a corpse. I sat in a chair beside his bed, refusing to take my eyes off of him in case he finally started to stir. I couldn’t let him be alone when he opened his eyes, he had spent enough time fighting by himself.

I didn’t leave the medical tent, sleeping in the chair with my head on his lap for a couple of hours at night when my eyes refused to stay open. My back and shoulders ached and all of my limbs were stiff but that was barely a speck of worry in my mind.

I didn’t bother to eat unless Petra brought food to me and even then, I could only stomach a few bites, my appetite being close to nothing. She would try lecturing me each time she came back to find that most of the food had gone untouched but I never really listened.

I hadn’t even bathed and the thought of sitting here in my own filth was revolting but the bath house was too far away from the medical tent for my liking. Hanji, of course, made sure to keep my wounds clean whenever she had the time.

Petra, who I could tell was also worried, tended to Eren frequently. She made sure to keep his wounds tended to and had washed his hair and some of his body. She was also keeping a close eye on Armin’s state, doing whatever she could to get him to take care of himself.

I wasn’t really sure what we would’ve done without Petra. She always put others first, her caring nature kept her closely watching everyone. Even Hanji was forgetting to eat meals at this point but Petra always made sure she had something.

People would come and go in the tent but I paid no mind, their presence didn’t matter. All I cared about was being here for Eren, who already survived hell and was now fighting for his health. He was tougher than many of the people who had lived out here for years, I knew that much.

Yet I felt helpless staring at his motionless body, my only solace being his steady breathing. All I could do was sit here and _watch_ and _wait_. It was absolutely eating away at me on the inside, even if I didn’t let it show.

In some way it felt like I was responsible for the boy on the bed. Erwin had put him under my care and I promised myself I’d keep him safe but I failed. In the end, my faults ended up getting him hurt once again.

What type of soldier was I if I couldn’t even keep one boy out of harms way? How could I justify keeping him by my side when he was still bloody and bruised from the torture he had endured? I couldn’t, plain and simple.

I wasn’t fit to watch over anyone but myself, I knew that from the start. All I wanted now was to know that Eren could be okay because maybe then I’d be able to forgive myself for allowing this to happen.

It was mid-day and the sun’s heat was seeping through the coverage of the tent. My palm was sweating from holding Eren’s warm harm tightly but I didn’t let it get to me.

“You know he isn’t going anywhere right?” I heard a soft voice as someone entered the tent and looked up to see Petra, “You should leave for a bit, stretch your legs, take a bath.”

Armin was clinging to her side. The small boy still refused to talk and wouldn’t eat but Petra had gotten him to drink some water so he was doing better. He also had been sleeping in the medical tent, always on the bed next to Eren’s. Hopefully once Eren woke up Armin would start acclimating to life in the camp.

“I’m fine.”

“Levi,” she had a warning lilt to her voice, it was motherly but I didn’t need someone to mother me.

“ _Petra_ ,” I repeated in the same tone which drew a sigh out of my patient friend.

“I’m serious, Hun. How do you expect to be there for Eren if you’re not even healthy yourself?”

I raised an eyebrow, “What are you trying to say?”

“You look terrible,” she said bluntly, “I haven’t seen you move from that spot for days, you won’t eat. The circles under your eyes are starting to make you look dead.”

“I’m not dead yet,” I mumbled, gripping Eren’s hand tighter. Maybe he could feel it, maybe he knew I was here, waiting for him.

“You will be soon if you keep on like this. I’m worried about you Levi, you need to give your mind a break,” she took my hand out of Eren’s in held it in her own, giving it a small squeeze.

She was right and I was slowly starting to cave. It might have been the smell of my own body that was really convincing me though.

“Stay with him for me?” I asked after a long pause and she motioned for me to get up.

“Go take a bath, grab something to eat. Lunch is over but there’s plenty of food in the kitchen. Take your time, I’ll stay here with the boys,” Petra told me, taking my seat after I moved.

Armin sat on the bed next to Eren’s, silently watching Petra and I talk. When I made eye contact with him he quickly looked away. I’m sure I wasn’t the friendliest looking person right now.

I glanced back at Petra, “Promise you won’t leave until I’m back?”

She smiled warmly, “I promise, go take care of yourself.”

With a nod, I left the medical tent, quickly making my way towards the baths. It was crowded in the bath house but I kept to myself, grabbing two towels and making my way to the back. I quickly stripped from my clothes and slipped into the nuke-warm water, sinking down until everything besides my eyes up was submerged.

I allowed the water to soak into my skin, already feeling a hundred times better than before. I watched as people went about their business. Many of them were ignorant to the world outside of this camp. If only they knew.

Even if it was soothing to relax into the bath, I didn’t want to spend too much time here. Sitting up, I took a bar of soap and put some on one of the towels, wetting it and using it to scrub the grim off of my body. I scrubbed until my skin turned a blushed red, pleased with the way the oil and filth washed off of me.

When my body felt clean enough, I washed the grease out of my hair, needing to rinse it several times. I hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten. I wasn’t really worrying about how dirty I was when Eren was in front of me but it was a different story when I actually had to scrub all of that built up grunge off.

After I had thoroughly washed every inch of my body, I got out and grabbed the second towel to dry off. I didn’t want to put the same pair of clothes back on after cleaning myself but I wasn’t about to walk around in a towel. I got dressed begrudgingly and left the tent.

Back outside, feeling freshened up, I made my way to the center of the camp. My hair was still damp and it helped keep my head cool while I was outside since I didn’t have the proper headdress on. I still kept my pace quick, wanting to get under the cover of shade as fast as I could.

The W area was bustling and it was difficult to squeeze through the crowd but I managed. Usually glaring got people to move and it was even more effective today which was probably because of the state I was in.

I snuck around the back of the dining hall and around to the side where the kitchen was located. There were a few people cleaning up in the kitchen but none bothered to comment when I reached onto one of the shelves to grab a piece of stale bread.

I made sure to keep out of their way, watching them silently as they cautiously moved about. They all kept their heads down, refusing to make eye contact with me. Little did they know, I couldn’t have cared less about what they were doing. I was too busy; thinking and thinking and thinking.

When I was done struggling to gnaw on the bread, I grabbed a handful of some sort of seed mix out of a ceramic pot and left the kitchen. I’m sure all of the workers were breathing easier to moment I walked out the door. Too bad none of them knew how distracted I was.

I popped seeds into my mouth as I sauntered back to the medical tent, preparing myself to continue waiting. Getting out was nice while it lasted, and my hands were shaking significantly less, but I had to be there for Eren.

Of course, things never really go the way that I’d like them to. I was beginning to think the world, maybe some mysterious force, had it out for me. Or maybe I pissed someone off enough for them to put a curse on me. I wouldn’t really doubt that too much.

A strong voice called my name and I turned already knowing who it came from, “Ah, Erwin, it’s been awhile.”

“I agree, where are you headed?” he asked, making his way to my side.

“The medical tent,” I eyed him, already expecting an argument. We’d been having too many of those lately and it was getting tiring. It would nice to see eye to eye– metaphorically, of course– once again.

“Shall we then?” he motioned towards the direction of the tent.

I shrugged and started walking, ready to get this over with, “Why not?”

“So,” Erwin started and I braced myself, “Is this where you’ve been hiding?”

“Hiding?” I let out a dry laugh, “Yeah, you caught me.”

Erwin didn’t seem find me very humorous, not that I cared. He was quiet for some time. I couldn’t help but wonder if that brain of his ever stopped trying to plan and predict for every possible circumstance. I was sure that would get tiring but it’s probably what made him such a good leader.

“You know you have responsibilities other than Eren, correct?” he asked offhandedly but I could sense the snark.

“Of course.”

“Mike’s been covering you for training the soldiers,” he pushed.

I sighed, rolling my eyes, “I do believe that’s in the job description.”

Erwin clenched his jaw, he could only put up with me for so long, “It’s in _all_ of the official’s job descriptions, Mike has other things he needs to take care of so he can’t keep covering for you. Not only that but we have someone working in the medical tent and correct me if I’m wrong but taking care of our wounded is part of her job description. Sooner or later you’ll have to let her do her job.”

I was frustrated but only because even if I wanted to argue, I knew that Erwin was right. For once I didn’t have much ground to stand on. Ignoring my duties was wrong especially since it was being pushed on other people who were already plenty busy to begin with.

Hanji was fully capable of watching over Eren while I was doing my work and I trusted her. But I was concerned and I didn’t want to leave Eren for so long when he could wake up at any time. I’d feel like shit if I wasn’t there for him.

But the camp needed me to function properly. Everyone has a job to do. Rather, causation is an important part in keeping a community functioning.

“You’re right,” I admitted albeit reluctantly, “Just give me time with him until my shift with the soldiers this afternoon. I’ll get back to work.”

We had made it to the medical tent and stopped right outside the door. We stood face to face and Erwin smiled fondly, probably relieved that I didn’t give him much trouble for once.

“Thank you, Levi, I know this is hard for you. Eren will be okay,” my friend told me and I really wanted to trust that but there hadn’t been much trust between lately.

“I hope so,” I responded, giving a nod goodbye as I entered the tent.

Everything was the same as when I had left. Armin was curled up on the middle bed while Petra sat in my chair, large cheerful brown eyes staring at me with excitement. 

Everything was exactly the same except for the bright, blue-green eyes that were also focused on me. I should have been ecstatic, and those beautiful eyes shouldn’t have looked so fearful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowee congrats if you made it through the whole eye thing, I had such a hard time writing that so if you skipped it I don't blame you. I put off writing it and then every time I tried I kept having to take breaks because it was terrible. Idek if it'll even affect anyone but the warning is there just in case.
> 
> Also poor Levi blaming himself when it wasn't really his fault ugh,, at least he finally had a conversation with Erwin without it turning into an argument!!
> 
> Anyways thank you for reading and if you're still following along ~~(honestly why, I'm shit at updating its not worth it)~~ thank you so much I really don't deserve any of the support I've been getting. I'll try to update sooner but I'm so busy that it's really difficult. But yeah, I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!
> 
> Edit: I just realized it's been a year since I started writing this where tf does time go


	15. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this longer chapter makes up for the wait. I actually didn't spend as much time editing as I usually do as well so sorry for the mistakes I'll probably have to go back and fix a bunch when I see them.
> 
> I had the majority of this chapter done for a while and then I couldn't write for a bit and it was annoying.
> 
> WARNING!!!: Mentions that imply rape, Mentioned suicide (it's nothing major at all but I do have to put this)
> 
> Anyways, this isn't the most eventful chapter but I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless! Thank you for reading and for your continued support!

**Eren’s POV**  
When my eye’s opened yet again I had the strong urge to groan but all I did was silently stare up at the ceiling of the tent. I willed myself to hold onto whatever stability I had left but it wasn’t much. I could feel myself slipping.

How many times now had it been since I first saw this dreadful sight? If I was counting correctly this was around the thirty-second time or so. My mind was in so many different places so I couldn’t have been sure.

I didn’t want to bother reliving this torment over and over but I couldn’t stop it from happening. My body acted separately from my mind, forcing me to look each and every time. But I had gotten the idea by now so what was the point of making me go through it again?

I cringed as images of the previous torment flashed through my mind. It was always the same place with the same person and the same damn heartbreak– if that’s even what you could call it, I wasn’t sure. The only difference I ever noticed was the pain being inflicted. Though it was excruciating pain nonetheless so really what was the difference?

This time, even as I waited my head didn’t turn on its own. I began to wonder if this was the next form of torture, making me look on my own even though I already knew what was there. I could’ve kept staring at the ceiling, it probably would’ve been best to not give in, but I was giving my body what it wanted.

When I turned my head, I could feel the soreness of my muscles which was new sensation. I expected to see Levi curled up once again but this time it was someone else and I froze from the shock of the sight, mouth hanging open.

I stared at Petra, who stared back with wide doe eyes looking just as surprised as I felt. Then, as everything started to click in my mind, my eyes flew to my hands that I raised above myself to find the two holes the nails had made. My index and middle finger on my right had been wrapped up and I couldn’t bend them.

I blinked, flexing the rest of my fingers and feeling small stitches pull at the skin they were woven through. My fingertips felt numb but at least I could still move them.

I dropped my hands and turned to Petra, about to ask her if this was actually real but I was cut off by the sound of two familiar voices coming from outside of the medical tent. My body went rigid and my eyes flew to the entrance. _No_.

This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. I knew that voice, it meant that Levi was still here. I couldn’t make out what they were talking about. Whether they were too far away or my shocked mind wasn’t processing their words, I couldn’t be sure. It didn’t matter.

I couldn’t convince my body to move as much as I desired to hide. My sight stayed locked on the entrance, waiting in tense anticipation for the man to enter so it could all begin once more. It felt like forever before I saw a thin hand grab the curtain door but I’m sure it was mere seconds.

When Levi entered, I kept watching, waiting to see if that man with the cold stare would make his move. But those eyes that shifted from Petra to me looked shocked as well. They were sparkling and expressive, like that swirling granite that I had been yearning for. Those were the eyes of the person I was searching for.

I felt my facial features soften at this realization, body teeming with relief. Levi’s shocked expression relaxed into something unreadable.

“Eren,” he breathed quietly and it was a beautiful sound.

I smiled at the sweet sound of his voice calling my name so delicately and Levi moved quickly to get to the side of my bed. It was alarming with him standing over me so suddenly and even more so as he started to lean down. My hearts immediate reaction was to start pounding and before Levi could do anything to harm me once more, my hand was shoving him away.

The force I had to use made my muscles burn and the stitched hole in my hand stung. When I sat back against the bed it took a moment for the stinging to fade away.

Even I was surprised with myself but the hurt in Levi’s eyes was clear and I felt my stomach drop. Neither of us moved for a few moments until I finally let my hand fall to the side.

“I-I’m so sorry Levi, I didn’t mean–,” I cut myself off, unable to find the words for what I was trying to say.

Of course I meant to do that, even if it was unintentional, there was nobody to blame but me.

“It’s fine… that’s my fault. I moved too quickly, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Levi said gently and I let myself relax again.

He didn’t try to get closer again though and it was frustrating. I didn’t want him to treat me as if I were broken. I wanted to be able to return to normal, or at least pretend to.

“You can… do… whatever you were gonna do…” I trailed off, feeling uncertain of myself.

The small man eyed me, probably trying to figure out if I was sincere. When he seemed confident, he leaned down again. Slowly this time around, every move was careful and intentional. His hand carefully slid under my shoulder and lifted me up.

Every part of me ached to shift like this but I allowed Levi to raise me into a sitting position anyways. When I was upright, he pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me so tightly I wasn’t sure if he would ever let go.

It was painful to be held so firmly but at the same time I felt a gentle sort of warmth. Because I needed this and it felt like Levi did too. That’s why even though my arms were sore, I wrapped them around Levi and held him against me as well.

Being held like this, feeling his warmth seep into my oddly cold body, was a comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time. I felt safe and just that was enough of a reason for me to hold on even tighter. It was a sense of security that I never wanted to be without.

Levi was shaking and I didn’t realize until I felt warm droplets fall onto my shoulder that he was silently crying. It was then that I had lost my composure as well, unable to hold it in any longer. I felt my eyes burn and my chest quiver until tears started to stream out. I buried my face in Levi’s shoulder as I sobbed loudly, my heart ached for some reason.

He threaded his fingers into my hair, cradling me against him as sobs wracked my entire body. He rocked slowly, soothingly, letting me cry disgustingly against him. I took the opportunity to let as much of these overwhelming emotions out as I could, crying my throat sore and my eyes dry.

When I was reduced to nothing but sniffles, Levi pulled back and this time we were still in the tent. He held my face tenderly, like I may break if he wasn’t careful, using his thumbs to brush away the tears from under my eyes. My right cheek stung from the contact but I didn’t complain, I was grateful for this.

I was lucky to have the real Levi to cling onto to, to offer me the comfort I needed so badly. I was lucky to be able to stare at him and take in that beauty that I had missed so damn much. I was insanely lucky to have been saved by him yet again and to be back at the camp.

Levi’s own eyes were still red from crying but he didn’t act bothered by it. His gaze shifted over my body, taking in the sight of me, and it was almost embarrassing because of the disheveled state I was in. I felt my cheeks heat up and looked away. Leave it to me to blush from something as simple as being stared at after everything that I had been through.

But my eyes shot forward again and my cheeks burned brighter when Levi pulled my face towards him, locking our lips together. It was a light, chaste kiss but I basked in the feeling. I hadn’t remembered the feeling of his soft lips, it had been so long since the first and only time we had kissed. When Levi pulled away I felt a goofy smile spread over my face, intoxicated under the illusion that I was okay again.

“You’re beautiful,” he muttered tenderly, hand gently stroking the side of my face.

“And you look like shit,” I grinned slyly, taking in the sight of his fading black eye.

Levi frowned at that and I laughed, it was a strange feeling that made my chest burn even though I was bubbling with happiness. I pulled his face towards mine again, unable to help myself as I pressed my lips against his. 

This time Levi took the initiative to deepen the kiss, tangling his fingers in my hair to tilt my head for better access. I could’ve spent the rest of time lost in this sensation and I probably would have if I hadn’t heard someone softly clearing their throat from my right side. I reluctantly pulled away from Levi, suddenly remembering that we had company.

I glanced at Petra, feeling my cheeks darken again as I rubbed the back of my neck, “Sorry Petra.”

The small woman giggled and it was a sound that I had forgotten how much I loved to hear, “Don’t worry yourself cutie, but I think there’s someone else who might want to say hello to you.”

Petra raised an eyebrow and nodded her head at something past me. My head shot to the left and Levi quickly backed out of the way.

On the bed next to mine was a tiny form, sitting crisscross and facing my direction. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again and instantly leapt out of bed, ignoring my body’s protest at the strain I was suddenly putting on it. I pulled the small boy into my arms, burying my face in his long blond hair.

“Armin, I’m so glad to see you,” I leaned back to get a better look at him, “How are you feeling? Are you okay? Have you been eating? Sleeping? They haven’t tried to work you too hard, right?”

Armin had on a bright smile and that in itself was a relief, “I’m happy here.”

Such a look paired with those honest words were enough to convince me that he was doing okay. More than okay even. That happiness of his was all I was asking for and it made me giddy to hear him say such a thing without hesitation.

I took a seat on the bed next to him, keeping one arm wrapped around his petite, boney body. When I looked at Levi and Petra again, the pair were watching with intrigued eyes.

“What?” I asked slowly, confused by the looks I was getting.

“He hasn’t spoken since we got back to the camp,” Petra explained but she looked pleased.

Armin nestled closer to me so I held onto him tighter. I looked down at the small form, “These are the people I was telling you about you know?”

He nodded slowly but didn’t speak.

“You can trust them,” I tried to assure him.

I didn’t think he’d easily put his trust into everyone just yet but it was good to tell him. He’d been through enough to make him weary of others. I wanted him to know that there was no reason to doubt the people here since I knew how sincere they all were.

“The big one didn’t want me here,” Armin said quietly which only puzzled me further.

Levi looked perplexed as he elaborated, “Erwin. When we first came back he pulled me aside to tell me Armin couldn’t stay here. He probably overheard when I told Petra.”

“And kids are smart,” Petra chimed in, “I’m sure he knows how to read people.”

She didn’t have to say anything else for us to know that being held captive by King was what gave him such an ability. It physically pained me to think about those memories. The first time I had met this boy was when he was preparing to kill himself and now he had admitted to me that he was happy. I could cry again; so much had changed.

But then his words hit me, “Erwin won’t kick him out, right? If Armin leaves then I’m going too! I won’t allow him to go out there alone!”

Petra and Levi both quickly shook their heads in response, the latter speaking up first, “We talked, Erwin is letting him stay.”

“Good,” I let myself relax, moving my hand to rub Armin’s tiny back.

They had given him new clothes to change into and they were big on him but it was better than nothing. It was better than the ripped pants he was in the first time I saw him and it was much better than leaving him naked on a cold, stone floor.

I was happy for him because he was being given the chance to live like a kid once again. He’d never be able to forget the traumas he went through but he finally had the ability to stop worrying about what appalling thing might be done to him next.

I wanted him to have the life he deserved so that maybe some of those wounds might one day heal. I truly believed that this camp, with all of these wonderful people, would be the best place for that to happen.

The sudden sound of someone approaching the tent had all of our heads turning and we were met with the sight of Mike strolling in.

“Levi, Erwin said that you’d be–,” he cut himself off when he caught sight of me and then started again, “Eren, you’re awake.”

I gave a small wave with the hand I was using to rub Armin’s back, “Mike, it’s been awhile.”

He hummed in agreement, “Glad to see you’re safe.”

“What were you saying?” Levi cut in.

“Oh,” the blond started, remembering why he came here, “Erwin said you would be training the soldiers again today? I came to get you.”

Levi glanced between Mike and I, “I said I would.”

Neither of the men said anything after that, Mike looking sort of unsure. I was getting the feeling that Levi might not have wanted to leave now that I was awake. Especially with the way he shifted ever so slightly towards me as if confirming to himself that I was still there.

“Can I come too?” I grabbed Levi’s sleeve as I asked him.

He looked down at me, frowning, “You need to rest.”

“I’m fine,” I shot back, “I need to get up and stretch my limbs, maybe get some fresh air. It’s been awhile since I’ve been outside.”

He was quiet for a moment before sighing as he gave in, “Fine, but you’re only watching.”

“Got it!” I said brightly as I rose to my feet, “Only watching.”

I shifted from foot to foot, testing my muscle strength. Even though I felt weak from not eating or drinking anything for so long, it was bearable. It was actually exciting to freely walk around, unsteady on my feet or not.

I looked down at Armin, “You wanna come too?”

He shook his head and pointed a tiny finger at Petra, “I wanna stay with her.”

I glanced towards Petra to see if she was okay with that and the pleasantly surprised look she wore was telling me it was fine.

Her shocked expression morphed into a brilliant grin, “No problem! You can help me start preparing the kitchen for dinner!”

“Eren,” Levi called and I turned back to him, “You ready?”

I nodded and followed him out of the tent, putting on a long-sleeved shirt and a head wrap to protect my skin. Mike thanked us before taking off to go on a short supply run. Once he was gone, Levi and I began making our way over to area T. Thankfully it wasn’t too far away so I wouldn’t have to do a whole lot of walking.

The camp was busy with people moving about. I received some strange glances but ignored them, too busy basking in the feeling of cool air brushing over my scraped and bruised skin. The sun was bright and I had to squint but that didn’t stop me from staring up at the cloudless baby-blue sky. It was an uplifting sight that I had missed when I was trapped in that building. Something about the seemingly endless sky stretching over the land gave an airy, free sort of feeling, it was pleasant.

It didn’t take long to reach the training area and we found that the soldiers had already began warming up. They looked tired from moving around in the heat but kept practicing anyways. It was exciting to be back to the T area.

“You can stay off to the side or come with me, your choice,” Levi offered, stretching his arms above his head.

He walked away before I could decide, calling for the soldiers to gather around. They immediately stopped what they were doing to make their way over; the amount of respect they held for him was incredible. As soon as everyone was surrounding him, Levi began giving out instructions.

I looked around the area, seeing another form sitting alone on the edge of the training area. Without thinking, I made my way over to the person hoping to have someone to sit with. As I got closer though, I realized I already knew the person.

Marco sat on the ground, hunched over with an arm held to his chest. I had initially been thrilled to see it was him but my heart suddenly became unsteady when I saw the white bandages that were wrapped around a stump. I felt my legs struggling to support me as I got closer and noticed how unnaturally pale Marco was.

“Marco?” I called out to the kind freckled boy, my voice shaking.

He quickly turned, surprised to see me standing next to him, “Eren! You’re awake! How are you feeling? Take a seat!”

I didn’t understand how he could still wear that same considerate smile that I had seen before I was kidnapped. I felt nauseous seeing him so upbeat considering what he had lost. I sat down next to him, playing with the stitches on the back of my hand.

“I’m fine, just a bit weak,” I mumbled, unable to look up at him.

I couldn’t compare to someone like Marco. I wasn’t able to come back as strong as I was when I left. I allowed myself to become weak and took pity in my own situation. Marco didn’t deserve this.

“How…” I started, unable to find the courage to finish the sentence.

Marco got the idea though, “My arm?”

I nodded hesitantly, finally allowing myself to meet his gaze. He was still smiling which was a relief, I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

He let out a humorless laugh, “It happened in a fight outside of the camp. I was taken by surprise and before I knew it there was nothing but a stump.”

I couldn’t help but wonder why he was outside of the camp. The only people who usually leave are the suppliers and protection unit. If I was remembering correctly, he was still in general training so it would be strange for him to leave the camp. He probably had his reasons though so I didn’t push.

“I’m so sorry Marco,” I told him genuinely.

He shrugged, “I lived which is all I can ask for. It’s taking some getting used to but that’s expected.”

“What about… being a soldier?” I asked cautiously, trying to word things lightly.

“It’s okay Eren, you won’t offend me,” he must have noticed, “I hope I still have a chance but I’m not sure if they’ll let me.”

“If you want… I can talk with Mike, see what he can do?”

“Don’t feel like you have to. I can’t even dress myself yet.”

I shrugged, “I don’t mind, I know you really wanted this.”

“Yeah… I did,” he paused, staring off at the rest of the soldiers, “Maybe they can make a new arm, a sword or something. That would be pretty badass.”

I chuckled, “I wouldn’t mess with you.”

We sat in silence after that, listening to Levi call orders– which was really just him cursing at the trainees for being ‘incompetent, useless dipshits who would die the second they stepped foot outside the camp’ and because ‘my grandma can fight better than all of you shitheads combined, and she’s been dead for years’. It got a good laugh out of Marco and I even if it was at Levi's expense.

I knew Levi cared about the people he trained and wanted to prepare them to the best of his ability. He had told me he didn’t like needless death and that was reflected in his efforts. He just had a funny way of showing these things.

Eventually Marco told me that he’d been out in the sun for a little too long and needed to go get some rest. I understood and stood up to give him a hug goodbye, telling him I hoped he felt better soon. He told me the same before leaving for the medical tent to see if Hanji would let him rest there for a bit rather than the stuffy tents the soldiers stayed in.

It wasn’t too long after that Levi finished going through his routine with the soldiers, taking the time to reprimand a few of them for slacking off during training. They looked terrified as he chewed them apart though it didn’t seem all that bad from where I was sitting, nothing compared to some of the faces I had seen him make, there was no real spite in his voice.

Maybe that was because I knew that sometimes he could be a softie. Or maybe it was because I had seen him truly distressed and helpless; I’d seen him absolutely furious to the point where I barely recognized him.

When the leftovers scurried away towards safety, he made his way over to me. I pushed myself up and met him halfway, gently grabbing onto his hand.

“You’re so mean to them,” I teased lightheartedly.

He ran his thumb over the stitches in my hand, “It’s only so they’ll take me seriously. Looking at them, I don’t think I’m being hard enough.”

I laughed, bumping his shoulder with my own, “You’ll give them nightmares.”

He looked at me, letting go of my hand to wrap his arm around my waist, “Good.”

We were content with staring at each other, maybe he was just as glad as I was to be alone. I lifted my hand to his eye, lightly running my fingers over the bruise. The faint blues and purples looked oddly pretty against his pale skin. His skin felt soft to the touch and his warm breathing cascaded over my arm.

When my arm dropped away the look in Levi’s eye had softened. He reached up and grabbed my chin, pulling my face down. He pressed our lips together ever so faintly, biting my bottom lip before letting go of my chin. I smiled at him, filled with genuine contentment. Being with Levi gave me a feeling of delight that I had almost forgotten existed up until this point.

I was still confused on where we stood but I didn’t want to ruin to moment by asking stupid questions. It was probably obvious but someone with as little experience as I had would never know.

Levi pulled away first, grabbing onto my hand again, “It’s late, we should head over to the dining hall.”

“I’m not hungry,” I told him even though my body felt weak.

“You’ve gone too long without eating, you need to try to get something in your stomach,” he didn’t leave room for argument, using my hand to tow me towards the dining hall.

The large tent was already full of people waiting for their meals. It was overwhelmingly loud which was making it hard for my eyes and ear to focus on one thing at a time. The voices all started to blend together, become an uncomfortable sort of buzz in my ears. My eyes struggle to stay focus as they quickly bounced from one face to another.

I could feel my limbs start to shake which was making it difficult to stay standing. My fingers curled into a fist, nails painfully digging into the palm of my hand. I should’ve known going in there would be a mistake.

But I felt something sliding over the back of my hand, gently pulling my fingers away from my palm. Boney fingers wove between my own and something gave my hand a light squeeze. I looked up to find Levi watching me with concerned eyes and suddenly the buzz in my ear turned into faint background chatter.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, unsure if Levi would even hear me.

“Don’t,” was all he said in return.

“But I-,” Levi was quick to cut me off.

“Don’t apologize,” somehow his stern voice had a hint of melancholy to it.

I stopped trying to argue with him, knowing that I wouldn’t get anywhere. I didn’t want Levi to view me as someone who needs help doing such mundane things. I especially didn’t want him to keep talking to me in such a despaired tone.

Once I had calmed down enough, Levi and I joined Hanji, Petra, and Armin at the officials table where the two women were engaged in conversation. I took a seat next to Armin who was still stuck to Petra and Levi sat in front of me next to Hanji.

I nudged Armin, “Did you have fun with Petra?”

He smiled up at me, “Yeah! I’ve never seen so much food before! Where my Grandparents lived they had their own farm but there wasn’t much food. Me, Mom, and Dad ate whatever we found when we were traveling.”

“It’s a big camp, lots of people to feed,” I grinned at his adorable enthusiasm.

“They made so much food and they were so fast!” Armin went on enthusiastically telling me about his experience in the kitchen and I quietly listened, giving him my full attention.

I was content to be able to sit here and listen to Armin talk about trivial things because they were all so new and exciting to him. Because he was so excited about things that might have seemed like nothing to anyone else, those things became important to me as well.

To a child that had led a life like his up until now, this place had to be something close to paradise. Or at least a place of sanctuary; even I felt that it was something like that.

Soon enough dinner was brought out and passed around to everyone at the tables. Armin’s eyes lit up as soon as he took a bite of the undercooked soup. I couldn’t get enough of his innocent happiness.

“Armin,” Petra had called after a while into dinner, bright blue eyes instantly shifting to her, “I have to go on a supply run tonight so Hanji wants you to stay with her for a bit.”

He looked over to the energetic woman who happily nodded her head and flashed him a thumbs-up, “Ya can help me in tha clinic!”

“Is that okay with you, sweetheart?” Petra asked.

The boy hesitated for a few seconds but nodded slowly. He seemed to trust Petra somewhat already which I was grateful for. I hadn’t known her for long but if there was anyone who could give Armin the life that he deserved then I really believed it would be Petra. She had the natural comforting air of a mother despite having no children of her own.

Erwin and Mike had joined for dinner a little later than everyone else, talking quietly between themselves until they reached the table. They sat on opposite sides to my right, both greeting us all with curt nods.

“Eren,” Erwin had addressed me first, “It’s good to see you up and moving, how are you feeling?”

I forced a smile, “I’m feeling good, better than I thought I would.”

That was a lie and I’m sure he knew as much, Erwin was an intelligent man. But even if I had to lie to myself as well as everyone else, I couldn’t let myself be seen as fragile. Especially not by the officials who had trusted me to help care for the citizens in their camp after taking me in.

I had to prove that I wouldn’t let what happened stop me from being an asset to the camp. I’m sure they had already begun questioning my worth when I got myself kidnapped and I needed to come back from that. Pushing myself to forget and to become stronger was the only way I’d ever become of any use to them.

Even if every time somebody walked a little too loudly it caused every muscle in my body to tense, I could get over that. Even if simply having people brush against me caused me to unintentionally cower away, I’d get used to it again eventually. Even if there was a constant enervating fear haunting the back of my mind, I could just push it down even further.

I didn’t have to let what happened define me, once the wounds healed I would be the same person I was before. My goal was to become an even better person than that eventually, someone who’s able to protect himself and others.

Dinner passed by quickly though I barely touched the food in front of me. Just looking at it made waves of nausea wash over my body, my stomach twisting in painful knots. Hanji had urged me to eat whatever I could, saying that I needed it in order to get my energy back. I tried taking a few small bites but that was just about as much as I could handle.

It was alright, I’d be able to eat normally soon enough, I’d need to. If things went my way, I’d started training with the soldiers and be back out to supply runs as soon as possible. I could already imagine how much Levi would protest it but that was a problem for when the time came to discuss it.

I felt something nudge my foot underneath the table and looked up to see that Levi was already staring at me with a blank expression. I tilted my head in question.

“Are you done eating,” he asked quietly, glancing at my bowl that was still full.

I shrugged in response, pushing the bowl away from me. Levi got the point, sighing quietly before looking around the table at his friends who were in the middle of a lively conversation. He nudged my foot with his own again to grab my attention as he turned back to me.

“Want to go to the tent?”

‘The tent’ wasn’t very specific, there were a lot of tents in this camp. But somehow, I knew exactly which tent he was talking about and it filled my stomach with butterflies, not that I let it show.

I nodded happily, “Yeah.”

Levi leaned across the table, telling Petra that we were leaving before he stood up. I followed suit, waving goodbye to everyone at the table then trailing behind Levi out of the dining hall. Because everyone was still in the dining tent either still eating or chatting with their table, the camp looked vacant.

It was oddly quiet as we walked and neither of us bothered trying to make conversation. By the time we were out of the center, I was certain of where Levi was taking me. Thankfully it wasn’t the medical tent.

I wasn’t sure if I could handle going back to the medical tent if I was being honest. The only thing I’ve ever been able to associate with that place was pain. Whether it be in real life or the dream world, it was never anything all that nice.

I was also grateful that Levi assumed I was okay enough to not need to sleep in the medical tent. He allowed me to feel normal which may not have been intentional but that didn’t matter to me.

It was as if I were constantly searching for something I may not be able to have after everything I’d been through. Maybe I never would be able to have what other people considered to be normal but I’d try as hard as I could. Levi seemed to be willing to help with that.

The walk through the S area was a refreshing reminder that this place was my home. The medical tent didn’t give off the feeling that I belonged here. At least in the S area I had a bed that was partially mine.

It was weird to think that I had already acclimated to calling this place my home. How long had I even been out here for? I’d lost track a while ago but it felt like it had been ages since I’d last been inside the walls. Since I had seen my family. It still pained me to think about them but I hoped that they were doing well without me.

I was doing okay out here though they probably were assuming that I was already dead. I wonder if they were grieving my supposed death or maybe tormenting themselves over whether or not I was actually dead. Or maybe they had moved on and accepted that I was gone, if it even mattered to them in the first place. I’d probably never get to know anyways.

When we reached the familiar tent, Levi pulled back the fabric door and motioned for me to go inside. I stepped in cautiously, still waiting to find out that this was all still just a dream. But when I stepped into the room, I didn’t wind up strapped to a chair. Instead I stood quietly, looking around at the place that looked no different from when I had left.

I knew that Levi liked to keep things organized but to the point that it looked untouched was absurd. I stood astonished by this until the glint of something resting on top of his dresser caught my eye. I step closer to it, wondering what Levi would leave laying around in such a careless way.

I reached up and touched the object, running my finger over its cold, smooth surface. It was granite, the piece we had picked up in that large building.

“You brought it back,” I commented, listening to Levi move around behind me.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he responded, sounding distracted.

I turned my head to look over my shoulder at him. Levi was sitting on the bed, watching me with an unreadable expression. His eyes were bright and welcoming even if his expression looked cold. He seemed to be buzzing with an energy that I hadn’t noticed earlier.

“You had other things to worry about,” I tried to play it off, watching his expression shift into a frown.

“And? I thought you liked it,” the frown became more of a disappointed pout which was one of the most adorable things I had seen.

“Of course I do,” I turned back to the granite, pretending to play with it to hide my delighted smile, “It’s beautiful. Every time I see it I can’t help but think of your eyes.”

“That’s really fucking sappy,” he scoffed at my comment but it didn’t bother me.

“It’s the truth,” I mumbled quietly, still unable to stop smiling.

We fell into a silence that was only filled by Levi shifting around behind me. When I finally turned around, he was sitting on the bed in only his boxers and an under shirt with his folded cloths resting next to him. I basked in the sight of his pale skin and muscular limbs, he was stunning in every way imaginable.

I figured I’d change as well, taking off everything besides my boxers and putting them in the second to last draw. I could feel Levi’s eyes on me and prayed that he wouldn’t say anything. I knew I was covered in scars, I didn’t even have to look at myself to know.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to answer whatever questions he may have just yet. My own mind needed time to settle on the fact that this was all real. It was still hard to discern reality when sometimes my dreams seemed more realistic than my life at the moment.

Spending all of that time under King’s care made me realize quite a few things. But one very important one was the fact that sometimes reality is more disgusting than the fake world you create for yourself. So how was I supposed to tell whether the Levi sitting in front of me was for coping purposes or if he was actually there. I wanted to believe his eyes but the nightmares had become so vivid.

“Are you just going to stand there?” Levi spoke, breaking my train of thoughts.

It was a familiar question and I had to suppress a laugh. I shook my head, moving to take a seat to Levi’s left where there was still open space. I sat closer to him than I would have even dared a while ago but Levi didn’t seem to mind the close proximity. If anything, he might have leaned in closer.

“Do you…want to talk about anything?” he asked cautiously, scanning my face for a reaction.

Did I? I didn’t feel ready to talk to anyone, especially not Levi. I didn’t want him to know how weak I had been.

“I don’t really know…,” I trailed off.

“If you’re not ready don’t force yourself,” he assured me, “Just know that I’m here to listen whenever you feel ready.”

I nodded slowly, wondering if I’d ever be ready. The things that happened in that camp aren’t things that I want to relive even if it would just be by talking. Just thinking about it made me queasy.

Unfortunately, my mouth still moved without my permission, “It was really hard there, trying to keep going. Every time… I just wanted to give in but I kept thinking…”

My mind became a mess in an instant, mouth unable to wrap around the words I wanted to say. My hands curled into two throbbing fists in my lap as I struggle to word my sentence the right way. 

“Take your time, we have all night,” Levi encouraged softly, pulling my fingers out of my right palm so he could hold my hand in his own.

I took a long, deep breath and tried again, “I just kept thinking _Oh, Levi will be here soon, Levi is coming to save me_. And I know it’s unfair to put so much hope in one person but I couldn’t help it. I just… it was all I had to hold onto.”

“It’s fine Eren, it shouldn’t have even taken me so long to get there,” he sounded frustrated though I wasn’t sure why.

I shook my head, “It wasn’t your responsibility but… I just had this feeling… I believed in you, was all. But King he… He kept trying to convince me that you were dead or that you weren’t coming and… I didn’t want to believe him but the longer it went on… the harder it was for me to convince myself that you’d come for me…”

“I’m so sorry Eren,” Levi spoke quickly, his eyes refusing to meet mine.

The frustration in his voice pained me because that wasn’t the point of telling him this. I didn’t want him to feel bad, I’d rather him know that I had tried my best to believe in him. I was right in the end after all, he did come for me.

“Please Levi, I’m begging, please don’t apologize. You’ve saved my life so many times and I’m so so grateful for that,” I tried to persuade him but he still didn’t look too certain with himself.

When he didn’t answer for a while, I started again, staring at the dresser in front of me as I spoke, “Those people, all of them were monsters. They hurt me, a lot, physically but it was bearable. They tried to humiliate me in whatever way they could and… it bothered me a lot but it still wasn’t terrible. I think… the absolute worst thing was… really, what they did to Armin.

What I went through, it seems bad and it looks bad. I’m gonna have some damn gross scars but those can be hidden. I was only there for however many days and it felt like years… just… sitting there but Armin. He really had been there for years… they…”

I didn’t want to say it because I knew that Levi understood what I was getting at. His expression was somewhere between repulsion and resentment. I could almost feel the emotion radiating off of him. I had already felt the same things first hand many times, I still felt it. I already knew that I didn’t need to explain anything.

“What they did to him,” I continued, “Is unforgivable. If there is really an afterlife, I’d hope they rot there. But just in case, I’d like them to rot while they’re alive as well. I just can’t stop thinking… about his cries and feeling so helpless… it was terrifying. He didn’t deserve that, he’s so small he never did anything to justify that…”

My throat was constricting as I struggled to hold back the burning tears that were ready to spill over. I had already done enough crying today but apparently my body thought that wasn’t enough. Levi must have heard the quiver in my voice because in a matter of seconds he was pulling me against his chest and without the ability to stop myself, I fell apart.

I grabbed onto his back and wept loudly, pushing my head against his chest at an awkward angle so he couldn’t see my face. I let the emotions course through my body and finally escape through my tear ducts and lungs. I cried until it burned to sob so loudly and my body had become a trembling mess.

I cried for Armin and all of the despicable things done to him. I cried for myself and the memories of what I went through as they still pained my body. I cried for everyone who was still stuck in that hellhole, who didn’t get to escape alive like we had.

I wept because I missed my family and the peaceful life I had when I lived inside the walls; a wonderful life that I had taken for granted. I whined and shouted because of my lack of faith in Levi who had given his all to save me time and time again. I hollered because I knew King was still out there and it would be all too easy for him to take Armin or I back there.

But mostly I cried because of how ignorant I had been to what real life was. My mind was a haze but what had been clear to me for a very long time now was just how cruel people were willing to be for no apparent reason at all. The world was a dark place but I was only just starting to see the beginning of it.

I bawled and wailed until my tears dried and I was nothing but a whimpering, quivering mess. When I was diminished to nothing but soft whines, Levi laid us down on the bed. He held my head against his chest with one hand and soothingly rubbed my back in slow circles with the other. This went on until the small noises disappeared and my breathing had finally steadied.

No matter how loud my shouting had gotten or how much my body shivered and convulsed, Levi didn’t let go. He stayed by my side and held onto me, keeping me anchored and surrounded in his warmth. Even as my mind wandered, I felt him there with me and knew that it was okay to let it all out. As much as I wanted to be strong in front of Levi, I needed this.

He stayed there until I had gotten ahold of my emotions and even then, he kept me close to his body.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, his warm breath flowing over my hair.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” I told him though I really wasn’t sure if that was true.

I wanted more than anything to be okay but we can’t always get what we want. I was gradually recognizing that more and more now that I’d been out in the Underground for this long.

“Are you lying to me?” Levi wasn’t stupid and he was good at reading people.

“I hope not,” I gave a dry laugh since there really was no humor in this situation.

He didn’t respond to that and I suddenly wished I was able to see his face and maybe guess at what was going through his head. But all I had was the comforting, low thump of his steady heartbeat against his chest. I could’ve fallen asleep just like that but apparently Levi wasn’t done talking.

“I really did try to get to you as soon as I could,” he was still stuck on that apparently.

I didn’t want him to feel bad, there was no reason to, which I tried to assure as I mumbled against him, “I know you did everything you could, please stop worrying about it.”

“I could’ve done more,” he argued and I pressed my face against his chest in annoyance, “If it were anyone else, I probably wouldn’t have been so concerned since…I don’t…”

Levi went quiet, apparently at a loss for words. But he had me intrigued, I wanted to know why.

I leaned back a little and looked up at him, “Because?”

“I just don’t… care about anyone else this much,” he muttered, looking up at the ceiling of the tent.

“That’s really fucking sappy,” I jokingly copied him but it got him to snicker so I was pleased with myself.

He looked back down at me with playful eyes and an amused grin, a look that made him look years younger. After a few moments, he planted a soft kiss on my forehead which drew a smile out of me as well.

I still really wasn’t sure where Levi and I stood in terms of our relationship and it was bothering me more than it should have. This wasn’t the way friends acted towards one another and it definitely wasn’t a work-type relationship. So if not that than what?

It’s not like I minded the way things were but an explanation would’ve been nice to at least calm my poor confused brain. I didn’t know what Levi wanted out of all of this. Actually, I didn’t even know what I wanted out of whatever this was.

I had already gotten a run down on the whole homosexuality thing, which still confused me but I got the just of it. Something about people of the same gender liking each other, a concept that was strictly prohibited inside the walls. It also might have been something like my dick acting up when I was naked and in a tub with Levi who was also very much naked.

But would that mean that I liked Levi? And that he liked me? Just the thought of something like that made my cheeks heat up and I hid my face against Levi once more. He went along with it, brushing his fingers through my hair in slow, absentminded motions.

Maybe that’s what this feeling was but that didn’t mean Levi felt the same way. I was still convinced he had someone else and I was just getting in the way. Was it even possible for him to like someone like me who had caused him so much trouble? Maybe he was into that sort of thing.

I looked up at his face again, examining his sharp jawline that lead down to the smooth skin over his neck and collar bones. His hair had been pushed back out of his face which only made him look even more attractive if that was even possible. His long eyelashes touched his cheeks every time he blinked and his pale cheeks were tinted with the lightest pink imaginable, which I had then decided was my new second favorite color right after granite.

He was obviously an attractive person, there was no way I could deny that. But I needed to know how far my attraction towards him went. I admired Levi more than anyone so maybe I was confusing those feelings as something else.

Levi had noticed me staring and finally questioned me when I didn’t look away, “Is there something on my face?”

I wanted to tell him there was a whole lot of beauty but I lamely settled on, “No, I was just looking.”

“At anything in particular?” he asked sounding slightly perplexed.

“Nope, just you,” I let out a light laugh when he shook his head, “Hey, Levi?”

“What?” he asked in return and it sounded callous but I knew he didn’t mean it like that.

“Kiss me,” was all I said, waiting to see what he would do.

I expected at least a little bit of hesitation but at my words he had pushed himself up onto his elbow and leaned down to capture my lips. His motions were needy and energized, not what I was used to coming from him. He was usually more thought out and precise than this and it was a little overwhelming but at the same time he was drawing me in more and more.

The kiss quickly turned sloppy and uncoordinated, mostly on my end though I was trying my best to keep up with Levi. He was obviously far more experienced than I was which I could only hope he wouldn’t mind. He didn’t seem to as he titled his head and deepened the kiss, pushing himself up even more to get a better angle.

My hands had found his hips and were gripping tightly, urging him to slow down but he didn’t listen. He kept the same fervent, breathtaking pace that was taking everything I had to keep up with. Everywhere he touched on my body tingled wonderfully, a strange sensation that was going straight to my crotch.

Levi took my bottom lip between his teeth and bit it lightly, which for whatever reason he seemed to enjoy doing, before finally separating our mouths. I was left as an amazed, panting mess though I couldn’t complain because I was the one who has asked for this. Levi had more than delivered.

Though there was actually a point to this whole thing. I was still unsure of myself and the concepts that I was toying around with in my head but this was meant to confirm a few of them. The feeling of his lips sliding against my own had definitely confirmed a few things.

The first being that I was irrefutably enthralled by this man who I probably had absolutely no chance with. Another being that this meant I was probably homosexual and therefore more confused than ever. But I could worry about those things another time when they became a bit more relevant.

When I caught my breath, I asked the man hovering above me “Is this gay?”

Levi let out a low chuckled and stared down at me with bright, amused eyes, “This is really fucking gay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically everyone wants answers but no one is getting them Aka how to complicate things for everyone in under 9,000 words.
> 
> I'm excited because I got to include Marco. Plus Levi and Eren are just going at it and somehow Eren is still confused wtf. And Armin is happy I'm sobbing.
> 
> Side note: I keep talking about another fic I'm writing bc I love it so damn much and I only have 3/14(?) chapters written but I have the urge to post what I have so far??? Except the only problem is I want to focus on MOS so the other fic would be updated wayyyyy less, idek does it even matter
> 
> !!!! ACTUALLY I have a few questions you don't need to bother answering I'm just curious!!!! 1) I haven't tried to be super specific so do you have an idea of about how long Eren has been in the Underground for? 2) Can you guess my favorite scene in this fic so far? 3) Whats your favorite scene so far?
> 
> Again, I'm just curious so feel free to answer however many of those you feel like!!
> 
> Anyways!! Thank you all so much for reading and being so patient, I've said it a millions times because I'm incapable of expressing my actually feelings but it really means the world to me. I hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy as this fic progresses.


	16. Messy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back yippee. In the time it took me to post this I broke two flash drives and had to rewrite the chapter twice yay
> 
> Sorry for the wait, I have time so I'll be doing my absolute most to update asap
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me even through a crappy update schedule, I love and appreciate you all <3 Please enjoy chapter sixteen

It had already been a week since I had woken up and the way everyone continued to tip toe around me was becoming more and more apparent. I understood that they were doing it because they cared but I wasn’t broken to the point that they needed to be so hyperaware of my presence.

I didn’t comment on it even though it was frustrating. It’s not like I was around people all that often to begin with. For whatever reason I had been exhausted ever since I woke up so I had spent most of my time in the tent sleeping. My guess was that both my mind and body needed the time to heal and I didn’t want to try to fight against that.

I was pretty sure Levi was concerned because even if he didn’t say anything it showed in the way his weary gaze lingered on me, as if watching a small child. I was grateful that he still let me do my own thing without much protest, I didn’t have the energy to explain myself. I knew he was talking to Hanji about me so that probably helped to calm his nerves.

The only time Levi said something was if he noticed I hadn’t eaten in a while. Usually he would force me out of the tent for a little while to grab something to eat and to go take a bath. It was nice to have him by my side, like an anchor to hold me down. My mind was frequently a mess but Levi never had much of a problem pulling me back into reality.

Though when he wasn’t there I was left alone with my thoughts. They always drifted back to my life inside the wall and my family. I missed that easy-going life more than anything lately. It almost felt as if I were grieving the loss of something but I couldn’t have been sure of what. My freedom? My innocence?

Originally, when I had been banished, the Underground gave off a free sort of air that I found comforting. I quickly learned that such a feeling was just a ploy to pull you in only to rip that freedom right out of your hands. Sure, it was open and you could do whatever you wanted for the most part but in no way was this world I had been thrusted into free. When you lived out here, you became a captive of the Underground.

The way that things functioned out here, the interactions between people within and outside of different camps, you didn’t have control of any of it. In a question of predestination or free will, it was obvious that the Underground was the one determining your fate. You could struggle to take control all you wanted but there wasn’t much you could do when your arms were strapped to a chair.

The best thing you could do out here, if you wanted to survive, was to endure. Take what was thrown at you and learn to adapt and overcome. Otherwise it may consume and take over your very being, leaving you as nothing but a mindless corpse.

Sometimes I could feel such a mindlessness start to creep up on me, it sat on my shoulders waiting for a moment of vulnerability. I always did my best to ignore it, usually brushing it off with another long nap while I waited for Levi to come back to the tent to check on me. But I already knew that a person could only ignore a feeling for so long before it started to drive them to insanity.

I wouldn’t let myself get to that point. I planned on taking my mind back while I still had one, even if that was proving difficult. The first step to doing that seemed to be to forget but that was impossible with the state I was in.

Everything reminded me of that place, of that vile man whose voice I had memorized, that I still heard over and over in my mind. Even when King wasn’t present, he was still trying to get me to ruin my life. I wasn’t sure what I was more afraid of; the mindlessness or the comfort that I found in Kings familiar voice.

His voice would insist for hours on end that I needed to get out of this camp before it was too late, that something was coming and I didn’t have much time left before I would be trapped in the middle of it. I didn’t know what he meant by that but it frightened me, haunted every waking and sleeping moment.

But I couldn’t find myself to speak about it with anyone, not even Levi. I was afraid they would think my sanity was further gone than they had originally thought. I didn’t want them to baby me any more than they already were. So, I swallowed the fear until it inevitably came rushing up once more.

The dreams−nightmares−I was having were a completely different story.

I always somehow ended up back in that room, strapped to that chair with the putrid smell of rotting flesh filling the air. I was forced to wait there until the torment began once more.

It wasn’t usually physical torture anymore. King would tell me that I didn’t actually deserve to be saved and I really couldn’t find it in me to argue against that. Even I had this inkling of a feeling that everyone would’ve been better off if they had just left me there and forgotten about me.

Levi wouldn’t have to worry about sharing his space or trying to watch over someone so pathetic. He had been affected the most by my arrival here and it had occurred to me that maybe he was fed up with being my nanny, and I couldn’t really blame him. He lived a quiet, peaceful life before I showed up and he might have been happier if he was able to get that back.

I thought that maybe Levi had only saved me out of a feeling of obligation since he was put in charge of me. But I had remembered how regretful he had seemed at the amount of time it took him to reach me and I felt awful for even thinking that. Levi shouldn’t have to feel guilty for saving my life, he shouldn’t have to feel like he had failed me and it hurt to watch him put himself down over it.

I remembered how he told me that he cared, those words always sat in the back of my mind, making my heart throb painfully. I shouldn’t have doubted Levi because it was clear that he really did care but it was hard when my thoughts were constantly so conflicted.

He’s kissed me, he cried over me, I shouldn’t doubt him. I knew better than anyone that he cared about me, I could tell even by the way he looked at me. I may have been an airhead when it came to relationships but it didn’t take much to recognize such a tender gaze accompanied by his soft touch.

Another thing was whenever I finally did leave the tent, I was always on edge. Every little thing made me flinch and jump. I couldn’t talk to strangers without my voice quivering and my legs turning into jelly. For whatever reason I couldn’t handle being touched without my body basically shutting down.

Earlier when I had gone to grab lunch with Levi, someone accidentally bumped into me and suddenly I couldn’t focus on the world around me. My vision had gone black and I could hear people trying to talk to me but it sounded as if we were under water. It got hard to breath and I had to sit down because of how weak my legs felt.

It was scary to think about how negatively my body reacted to something as simple as being bumped into. I could only wonder how I was supposed to prove that I was strong enough to survive out here when the touch of a stranger caused me to fall apart.

I wanted to do something about it, to build myself back up and carry on with my life because it was beginning to get tiring living in such a pitiful state. This really wasn’t the type of person that I was, I had more drive in me. I knew that if I was allowed to train with the general soldiers it would help but I didn’t even have to ask to know that Levi wouldn’t agree.

He had already told me that right now it was best for me to get as much rest and nutrients as I could in order for my body to heal. I’m sure that’s what Hanji had been telling him as well though they never included me in their conversations so I knew there was something they were keeping from me.

It’s not like I disagreed completely since my body still looked and felt terrible but I felt like I should have been allowed to do more than eat and sleep. My limbs still ached and most of the bruises covering me had turned gross shades of yellow and green but that meant I was healing and getting better.

The majority of my wounds had closed up; other than where the stitches had been torn out of my arm, a few of the whip marks, and the cross that had been carved into my chest. Those still required constant attention to avoid getting an infection.

It was painful changing the bandages that stuck to the open wounds after only a few hours of wearing them. Even so I tried my best to care for my healing body in hopes that the scars leftover wouldn’t be as horrific as I was expecting.

That cross was the scar that I would resent the most. Not because of what it looked like, since there was no saving my physical appearance, but because of what it stood for.

It marked me as something that was evil, a symbol that I was already tainted. How was it possible to love someone with such a hideous mark carved into their skin? How was I supposed to bear myself to someone without feeling the vulnerability that came with having this scar? How would I be accepted even after being marked as immoral?

I had seen plenty of people in the Underground with scars marking their body but to have an upside-down cross carved into your flesh was something different. It didn’t have the honor attached to it because it wasn’t earned by battle but by my own way of being. Maybe King was right, maybe this was the fate that I deserved.

I didn’t want to be seen like this, the looks that I got from people ranged from disgusted to terrified. It felt shameful even to take my clothes off to bathe. Above all else, I didn’t want Levi to see me. I knew he wouldn’t judge me for the scars but I didn’t want that cross to scare him away as well.

He had seen it a few times, anymore might be enough to convince him that I wasn’t worth the trouble. For now the bandages wrapped around my torso would be enough to keep it hidden.

Since I’d been alone so often recently, I’d had a lot of time to think. Somehow, I had come to the conclusion that it would be okay to trust my attraction to Levi and act on those emotions even if it was just a little for now. Something about Levi made me want to be selfish.

I didn’t mind indulging a bit because I almost couldn’t help myself. I wanted to be with him for as long as I could, to force him to just stay in the tent with me all day and ignore his responsibilities no matter the repercussions. I wanted to touch him and be touched by him but I was afraid to be seen like this.

I could handle the memories of what I had gone through and the torment that they continued to put me through every time I closed my eyes. I could sort the conflicts happening in my mind and put on a calm front. But the remnants left on my skin were something I despised and wanted to hide.

That was another reason why I stayed in the tent, to hide. It was better to just not be seen at all than to have to deal with the prying eyes of strangers.

As usual, I had been in the tent the majority of the day and couldn’t force myself to fall back asleep. I’d had more than enough sleep to last me quite a while. Sitting here all day was getting old and I could feel myself getting more and more restless the better I felt. I wanted to get up and do something, just to keep my mind and body busy, even if that meant exposing myself to others.

I hadn’t left the tent without Levi by my side in a while but it’s not I’d run into trouble if I stayed inside the camp. It was frightening to think about going out there alone but it was something I had to get over in order to move past all of this.

I settled on taking a small walk to stretch my limbs and maybe find something to do to keep myself occupied. Once dressed enough to protect myself from the sun, I left the tent and headed towards the center of camp. Even though it was approaching night, the sun barely visible over the horizon, it was still stifling outside.

The heat from the sun usually remained for a few hours after it had gone down, until the cool of night finally washed over the sandy hills. I had never felt the Underground reach a point where it felt cold but at night the chilled air was a relieving break from the unrelenting sun.

It was at that time of night that I could comfortably curl up into Levi’s side and enjoy the heat radiating between our bodies. Even when I wasn’t tired, with that warmth surrounding me, I usually fell asleep right away.

But at this time, I could barely take in a breath of air without feeling the heat fill my lungs. The warmth seeped through the fabric of my clothes and it almost felt useless to wear them if it wasn’t for the risk of getting a sunburn. Lately, it had felt as if the days were getting hotter and hotter which concerned me since I could barely handle the current temperatures.

It was amazing how different the climate inside the wall was, it didn’t make sense. But who was I to question it?

The camp was, thankfully, quiet and I hadn’t run into anyone I knew even by the time I reached the center. It was frustrating that I couldn’t help out in the camp independently. Everything I did had to be under the supervision of others, even more so after I returned.

With that weighing on my shoulders, I decided to just head to the medical tent in hope that Hanji needed a hand. Even if she didn’t, I could at least use the time to rebandage my wounds.

A light wind had picked up and was blowing the fine top layer of rotten rock into my ankles. The warm breeze felt good through the sheer fabric shielding me, I could tell the chill of night was approaching. I allowed my hood to drop, enjoying the way the wind gently rustled my hair.

My steps were quiet and the crunch of the ground was the only thing I could hear other than the familiar flapping of torn fabric tents. It was a homely sound, something that reminded me that this was where I belonged.

As I grew closer to the medical tent I could faintly hear soldiers training in the distance. I envied them, I should’ve been training as well. There was no reason to dwell on it, I’d get there eventually.

When I rounded the corner that would lead me to Hanji, I spotted dark splotches of red in the dirt which wasn’t uncommon for the medical tent. What raised my suspicion were the piles of fine blond hair blowing across it.

My heart instantly began to pound heavy in my chest and my legs refused to move forward. I could feel my stomach twisting in knots as I tried to convince myself that the hair didn’t belong to who I was thinking of. But as a few strands of hair blew over the puddle of red and came out a similar color, it became hard to breath.

I had to lean against the tent next to me, trying to find some sort of stability, anything to hold onto before I lost myself completely. My hands were shaking violently and I could feel something burning at the back of my eyes. Even when I shook my head that disgusting sight didn’t disappear.

This couldn’t be real, there’s no way that hair− _that blood_ − could have been his. He was inside the camp, he had people watching him. How would he get injured? How could he be bleeding so badly? Something wasn’t right; it’s what I was trying to tell myself but my mind screamed danger.

Even though my legs shook so bad it felt as if I’d fall, I forced myself stumbling forward. It was as if there were some sort of instinct within me telling me that I needed to get to him before anything else could harm him.

My small voice quivered as I called out his name, “Armin?”

I don’t think anyone would have heard me even if they were inches away and that’s what brought me to call louder. Anything to get a response, to know that he was okay.

“Armin?!” I rushed towards the hair blowing in the wind, falling to my knees and clutching a wet pile in my hand.

Light red painted my skin and caused the thin strands to stick to me, it made me nauseous. The blood was still warm and clearly fresh. 

My voice grew louder, more frantic as I tried to shake the hair off my hand, “No… Armin?! Armin!”

All I could manage to do was call his name over and over hoping someone would hear even as I curled forward into my knees. I stared at the red ground in front of me through blurry eyes, the name on my lips turning into a desperate mumble−a prayer.

I wasn’t holy, my chest was enough proof of that, but I found it in myself to pray to whoever may listen for help. He was innocent, it was a prayer for someone who deserved it more than anyone so I begged.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and into the red puddle, diluting it the tiniest bit. If only my tears could’ve made it disappear.

“Please, let him be okay. He’s been through enough, Armin you’re too innocent this can’t be yours. No, of course it isn’t, right? Right?! RIGHT?! ANSWER ME, SOMEONE JUST ANSWER ME ALREADY DAMMIT!”

I’m not sure what came over me but all I could recognize was my own voice and the warmth of the ground below me that I had dug my fingers into. I brought a handful of the dirt to my face, getting a whiff of that revolting metallic scent.

“ANSWER ME! SOMEONE ANSWER ME! He’s fine, he’s okay, it’s okay,” I kept repeating the same phrases hoping that I’d believe myself if I said it enough times.

Time moved strangely, I couldn’t recognize the world around me anymore. Nothing made sense besides the short locks of blond hair and the danger the boy they belonged to was in. Once I got passed the fear that was holding me back, I could feel the anger start to rise.

Who dare touch him? Who dare after everything he has had to put up with in his short life? I wanted to find them and harm them− that thought was unsettling.

I genuinely didn’t care who it was, all I knew was that I had this urge to make them suffer. But that wasn’t me, I wasn’t like that so why did I feel something so malicious stirring within me?

“Armin, you’re okay right? It’s okay if you’re not, it’s fine you’ll be okay! You’re so strong, it’s fine!” the anger quickly turned to sadness and once again my eyes burned. “You can’t leave me though! You’re not allowed, you can’t do that to me! I don’t want to be alone, please Armin you’ll be okay!”

I barely understood myself at this point. I wasn’t sure where this mix of emotions was coming from and I had no clue how to deal with any of them. The only thing I could do was cry, sob until he came back to me.

In the midst of my confused haze of emotions, I felt something cold rest against the back of my neck. It was oddly soothing, enough to suddenly pull me back into reality. Before I knew it, I wasn’t looking down at strands of hair but instead my own clenched fist.

I released the tension, feeling my palms throb from the way my nails had been digging into the wounds on them. There was still red smeared across my palms but this time it was my own.

I could still feel tears falling down my cheeks but didn’t really feel like crying any longer. Apparently I had broken into a cold sweat which almost felt good against the suffocating air around me.

I suddenly realized that I wasn’t kneeling on the ground anymore and my head shot up in confusion. The sudden change in setting was disorienting. In front of me were two pairs of worried eyes and I felt the biggest wave of relief wash over my body when I saw that one of them belonged to a small, blond boy.

“Armin,” I said gently, feeling the shaking return to my limbs but this time in a rush of adrenalin from the relief.

But the boy didn’t move and I couldn’t help but frown. Hanji, who sat on a stool next to Armin, was quiet as well which is what really caused me to start feeling a bit uneasy. I glanced between them, waiting for someone to just say _something_.

Instead of them, the cold hand fell away from my neck and when I turned to my left I was met with steely blues that looked just as concerned. Levi sat next to me, the hand that had been on my neck fell to rest on my thigh.

“Levi? What’s going on?” I figured if anyone would give me answers it would be him.

“Eren,” he called back with a tone that I couldn’t really place, “Do you remember how you got here?”

“The medical tent?” I thought back for a moment, remembering the boredom I had been fighting, “I couldn’t sleep so I left the tent to come see Hanji.”

“And then?” Levi pushed, furrowing his thin eyebrows.

“And then…I saw… blond hair and… Blood! Armin’s blood! I called but no one came and… Armin!” I turned towards Armin who flinched when I shouted his name, “But he’s... not bleeding?”

The blond hair I saw was in fact Armin’s. Someone had cut his hair so that it was only about two inches long. But that still didn’t explain all the blood.

“Whad’ya mean ya saw blood?” Hanji finally spoke up.

“There’s blood outside the tent! And I thought it was Armin’s but he looks fine…” I trailed off, struggling to piece everything together.

“There ain’any blood out there,” Hanji explained in a careful voice.

“But… I scooped it up!” I held out my hands to her but the only blood was the thin streams still dripping from the wounds on my palms. I stared down at them dumbfounded, I swore I had picked the dirt up but my hands showed no sign of it.

Levi gently grabbed my left hand and pulled it back down, holding it between us on the cot. His ice-cold hand was a nice contrast against the warmth of my bloody grip.

“Do you remember Hanji finding you?” the man next to me asked.

“No, I was calling but no one came,” I explained, feeling frustrated from the memory alone.

Hanji shook her head, “ ‘ found ya on tha groun’ callin’ fer Armin but ya woul’nt answer when I tried’a talk ta ya. Coul’nt even move ya ‘til Levi came ta help.”

That wasn’t right, something was off. No matter how much I called for help I had been alone, that couldn’t have been true. But then how did I wind up in the medical tent?

“Ya’ve been like this fer ‘while,” Hanji added.

Nothing felt real anymore.

Just moments ago, I had been outside the tent with blood soaked sand in my hands and now I was being told that none of that was real. How long was a while, was it already night?

“We should go back to the tent for the night,” Levi suggested and gave my hand a light squeeze.

Hanji nodded in agreement, “Get some rest.”

I stood up, too exhausted and perplexed to even argue with them, “Night Hanji, sorry for the trouble. Night Armin, I’m glad you’re okay, try not to worry me like that again.”

Even though I forced a lighthearted laugh, the words were too heavy for it to sound real. Everyone else must have felt the same because all I received was two solemn goodnights in return.

When Levi and I exited the tent, the same solemn air followed us out. It was, in fact, already nighttime and it was difficult to see. We walked in silence for a while, Levi had let go of my hand and I felt unnervingly bare. I could tell he wanted to say something but didn’t have the energy to push him for it.

Unsurprisingly, he spoke up on his own, “Those things you said, do you remember it?”

There was silence between us, no wind, no rustling of tents. Just an all-consuming silence that made it hard to breath. I remembered what I said; it wasn’t exactly stuff that someone who’s ready to start training would say.

“I… don’t remember,” I lied.

He hummed in response. After that neither of us spoke. Instead we walked side by side, just far enough away so that we wouldn’t brush against each other, up until we finally reached the tent. I wasn’t sure if I was even up to sitting in this awkward atmosphere.

When we entered the tent, Levi sat on the bed but I stopped at the door, leaning on the wooden frame of the tent. He took out a cloth to clean my blood off of his hands which he proceeded to throw at me so I could do the same.

Levi stared at the ground in front of him, arms crossed over his chest uninvitingly. But he was stunning; the way his hair gracefully fell over his face, the way his thin fingers curled around the fabric of his shirt, it was breathtaking.

“You know you can tell me anything right?” Levi spoke quietly, still not making eye contact.

“I really don’t remember what I said,” I responded, assuming that’s what he was talking about.

“Not that,” he shook his head, looking up to meet my eyes, “You’ve been through a lot so I’m sure you have plenty on your mind. Whatever it is you’re thinking, you can always tell me.”

I shrugged and turned my eyes away, “There’s really nothing on my mind, I’ve been feeling much better actually.”

I could feel his stare burning into me but kept staring at the dresser as if it was the most interesting thing I’d ever come across. It did have quite an intricate pattern, with the way the wood swirled, even though the dark wood was obviously worn down from years of use.

Levi sighed, “I don’t want to keep pushing but… I’m not an idiot. There hasn’t been a night yet that you’re not woken up by nightmares and that thing with Armin just now. It might feel better to just talk about it.”

I glanced back over to Levi and his eyes looked as if they were pleading with me to be honest with him. But I couldn’t, my mind was an ugly place in its current state and I didn’t want him to see what I was really like. I’d rather keep him ignorant to the torment that dwelled within me if that meant keeping him by my side.

I had to show him that I was strong enough to be by his side. Levi was an extremely tough person and I didn’t want him to start thinking that growing close to me would drag him down. I was finally ready to accept whatever it was that I was feeling towards him, I couldn’t ruin my chances now.

“I’d like to start training with the general soldiers,” I told him honestly, even if it wasn’t the answer that he was looking for.

His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth fell into a frown, “Why?”

“To prevent something like this from happening again when we go on supply runs.”

“Eren I…” he paused, fumbling around with his words. This wasn’t like him.

“I know, in my current state it’s dangerous but I can just take it easy until I heal a bit more,” I pushed, trying to reason against whatever protest he was about to give.

“No, that’s not it. I don’t think you should be going on supply runs at all,” Levi finally said and I couldn’t help but huff out a laugh.

“You’re joking, right?”

“I’m not,” his voice was low and steady, the exact opposite of what I was feeling.

My stomach churned with anger at the fact that he wasn’t even planning on giving me a choice. It was my life so why did he think he had so much control over it.

“I know both times we’ve gone out have ended badly but that’s why I think should train with the soldiers! After a little bit of training I’m sure it’ll be fine so what’s the issue?”

“The issue,” he started, pinching the bridge of his nose, “is that after what you went through I think it’s best for you to just stay in the camp.”

I scoffed, feeling the annoyance rise, “Why do I not get a say in what’s best for me? How does that make any sense?”

“Hanji agrees with me,” Levi added, ignoring my questions.

“Hanji isn’t me!” I accidentally shouted, unable to stop myself, “I’m me! So why do I have no say in what happens to me?! How come nobody asked _me_ before making this type of decision?!”

“Eren, please lower your voice,” it sounded nice but I could hear the warning edge in his voice.

“No, Levi, I’m pissed! I’m so tired of everyone thinking they know what’s best for me, people who I haven’t even known for that long!”

“You don’t trust us?” he asked, still keeping his steady tone even if I could see that he was getting frustrated as well.

“Don’t twist my words,” I practically hissed, “I refuse to be stuck in this camp. If you won’t take me with you on supply runs then I’ll find someone else. Or I’ll just go alone.”

“You can’t, we had a deal,” Levi argued.

“That stupid deal doesn’t mean anything if you refuse to take me with you!” I yelled back in exasperation before forcing myself to lower my voice, speaking calmly, “All I’m asking is that you allow me to make my own choices.”

Levi was quiet for a while, staring at me as if contemplating something. He didn’t have to listen to me but I didn’t have to stay in this camp. I didn’t want to leave but there wasn’t anything keeping me here if they tried to tell me that I couldn’t be a supplier.

It would hurt to leave Levi but it would kill me to feel locked up yet again. I was struggling to set my priorities straight.

“I just want to keep you safe,” he finally confessed.

I ignored the way my heart fluttered in my chest at those words−I was angry.

“I know, and I get that, but could you stop treating me like I’m something fragile?” it came out louder than I had meant it to.

“Then what do you want?” Levi bit back.

“I just want you to be there for me!” my voice cracked on the last word.

“I’m trying!” Levi finally allowed himself to shout and it shocked me into silence for a moment.

When I spoke again, I was quiet and my voice trembled, “I _know_.”

“Fine,” he sighed after a long pause, “We’ll talk to Hanji about when you can start training. Once I feel that you’re ready, we’ll start going on runs together again, deal?”

I couldn’t help but grin, “Deal.”

Levi shifted so that he was laying on his side of the bed and motioned to the empty space in front of him, “Come here.”

I didn’t listen, a petty move just because I was still annoyed from our conversation, “Why?”

Levi rolled his eyes, “Would you just lay down? I’m trying to cuddle your stubborn ass.”

I laughed and moved to lay down with him, leaving the bloody cloth by the door.

I teasingly pushed my body up against his, “My ass? How forward of you.”

Levi was having none of my teasing. His hand quickly snaked down and roughly grabbed my ass, causing me to let out an embarrassing yelp.

His voice vibrated next to my ear as he leaned forward and spoke, “Don’t tempt me.”

I gasped at the way his hot breath rolled over my skin, deciding it was better not to mess around any further, he was serious. Eventually, the warmth coming from the body behind me was enough to sooth me into a peaceful sleep.

 

**Levi’s POV**  
Once Eren had fallen asleep, I quietly slipped away. It was still too early to go to bed but he needed it. The officials were supposed to be meeting in the dining hall for drinks anyways which wasn’t something that I was going to pass up with the way things were currently going.

It was frustrating because I wanted more than anything to protect Eren, to do anything necessary to keep him safe. But Eren was unwilling to listen when it came to his wellbeing, he just wanted to follow his desires.

Unfortunately, his biggest desire seemed to be freedom. I didn’t want to tell him that it was something he would never truly acquire, not out here at least.

I took the short walk to the dining hall to find that Hanji and Petra were already at the official’s table with drinks in their hands. I sat down next to Petra who already looked out of it, not from the drink but the dark circles under her eyes. She must have just gotten back from a supply run.

“Levi!” Hanji shouted annoyingly loud even though I was sitting right in front of her, “What took ya so long? Had ta put ya boyfriend ta sleep?”

I rolled my eyes, accepting a drink from Hanji, “Not my boyfriend, and we got into an argument.”

I quickly downed half the drink, hoping to clear my mind a bit with the alcohol. I was ready to let loose even for a little while, I needed it.

“About what,” Petra chimed in from where she was sitting hunched over with her head on the table.

“He wants to continue being a supplier,” I admitted, taking another large swig.

“Thas insane!” Hanji, still shouting, spoke my exact thoughts.

“I know but there isn’t much I can do about it,” I shrugged, finishing off the drink, “I can’t just force him to stay inside the camp.”

“Ya could! He lis’ens ta ya!” Hanji waved her hands around as she spoke, her drink sloshing onto the table.

Petra sat up, shaking her head, “Knowing Eren, he’d leave the camp. He’s young but he’s got a lot of motivation. He’s not going to take what’s best for himself into consideration if it stops him from reaching his goals.”

“I know that,” I nodded with a sigh, accepting another drink, “That’s why I gave in.”

“Yer such a sucker fer tha kid, anyone else ya woulda told em ta fuck emself,” Hanji laughed, tipping back her drink to take a few large gulps. She stood up, wobbling a little bit before she left to go grab more drinks.

“You don’t have to remind me,” I scoffed, “I don’t know what to do about him anymore.”

“What do you mean Hun, what’s wrong?” Petra asked, concern flooding her voice.

“It’s just… I don’t know if I can be what Eren needs. He doesn’t even trust me enough to tell me what’s going on in his head.”

Petra took my hand into her own, gently rubbing her thumb over my scarred knuckles, “Give him time, let him figure things out on his own first. He has a lot to work through before he’ll be ready to tell you as well, you just have to be there for him through it all.”

“But that’s the problem,” I squeezed her hand, letting go to take another swig, “He doesn’t seem to think that he needs to rely on anyone else. You should’ve heard the things he said outside of Hanji’s clinic.”

Hanji had returned and joined in again, “He was outta it Levi, ’m sure he does’n actually think like that. It’s trauma, it takes time ta get over tha stuff he wen’ through.”

“I realize that but he really sounded like he believed he was alone,” I tipped back the rest of my drink and took another from Hanji.

The alcohol was causing a comforting warmth to spread over me, enough to clear my mind.

“Maybe in that headspace he did but that doesn’t mean that’s what he’s really thinking. You guys can work through this but you have to be patient with him,” Petra tried consoling me but it didn’t really work, the alcohol was doing a better job at that.

“He’s too much of a free soul for me,” I said in a final attempt to get my point across.

Petra was having none of it through, “Give him time.”

I grunted, glaring down at my untidy reflection in the drink. I looked tired, and old. All these years of living in the Underground were finally starting to take their toll on me.

“And Levi?” Petra called once more.

I looked back up, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Don’t forget to take proper care of yourself as well,” she smiled tenderly.

Somehow Petra always seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear. Or maybe I really was starting to look as bad as I thought, who knew.

The rest of the officials arrived not long after that. Unfortunately, Erwin sat close by which meant I had to be an adult and keep my cool long enough to converse with him. The alcohol was helping with that, I wasn’t really sure how much I had drank but my mind was beginning to feel a bit fuzzy and my body was light.

I think after a few more rounds, everyone was starting to get the same feeling. Hanji, who was undeniably a light weight, had somehow gotten even more energetic than usual. As if something like that were even possible. Though I was witnessing it with my own, admittedly blurry, eyes.

She had hopped up onto the table in the middle of a thrilling tale that I wasn’t really listening to, something about life before camp. Nothing that I wanted to hear, it’s best not to think about those times.

Petra, who hadn’t drunk much, was by her side in an instantly. She did her best to persuade Hanji to come down but she was obviously far too intoxicated to listen to reason. Not that I could say anything, but at least I was still sitting. Some of the officials cheered Hanji on while others acted as if she wasn’t kicking over all the drinks.

Erwin sat quietly, as if he hadn’t also downed a ton of drinks. If he were to speak I was certain I’d hear the slur of his words but he was a very calm drunk. Almost no different than his usual self though he was willing to speak more openly.

Which meant that now would be the best time to speak about some suspicions I’ve had for a while. Maybe without the alcohol in my system I would continue to let these things slide, to ignore them for the sake of my trust in Erwin. But the more I continued to dwell on it, some things just didn’t add up.

Hanji and Petra both believed that he knew more than he was letting on which is why he had been making such shitty decisions. They had told me to just put my trust in him but how long was I supposed to blindly follow him for? Could he not even tell his second in command?

“Hey, Erwin,” his named rolled out of my mouth just as I let go of the death grip I had on an empty tankard which clattered onto the table.

“Levi,” the man addressed me, typical.

“Why’re you such a secretive man?” I let a laugh bubble out even though it really wasn’t all that funny, “Do you enjoy playing with people’s lives? Is that it?”

He looked taken aback for a moment before fumbling around to compose himself, he was more drunk than I had originally thought. Good, that might make things easier.

“So how long will this go on for?” I pushed, kicking him under the table, “How long until we all get to hear the big bad secret Erwin Smith has been keeping from us? All this buildup is just killing me!”

Erwin glanced around at the other officials who were starting to listen in on the intriguing conversation, “Now is not the time for this.”

“Whys that? Afraid you might tell the truth for once?” I stood up, leaning my hands on the table to get closer.

My hand eye coordination was apparently off and I almost toppled forward, catching my balance just in time to not make a fool of myself.

Erwin looked up at me, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, “If you want to talk, then do it in private. And do it when you’re not shitfaced.”

I let out an amused gasp before breaking into laughter, “Wait! What was that? ‘Shitfaced’ you say? Was that the alcohol talking or did I really hear Erwin fucking Smith curse?”

“Stop causing a scene,” the blond seethed through clenched teeth; I could smell the liquor on his breath.

“Me? I’m just trying to talk to my _dear commander_ ,” I smiled sweetly.

“Fine!” he slammed his fist on the table, who knew Erwin had such a temper, “If you want to talk then let’s go over there.”

He led me to the front of the tent, which took longer than it should’ve with all of the stumbling involved. He motioned for me to take a seat in front of him which I gladly accepted, ready to give my wobbly legs a break.

“Messy doesn’t look good on you, Levi.” 

I scoffed, “As if I give a fuck.”

I did, of course, but the meathead in front of me didn’t need to know that.

Erwin just sighed, pushing sweaty hair out of his face, “What are you so suspicious of that you had to make a commotion in front of everyone.”

“Oh, where to start?!” I shouted, tapping at my chin, “I’d love to know what type of secret would make you willing to kick a child out with nothing.”

“Our shortage of supplies is no secret; our growing community is no secret. I thought we were already over this,” Erwin answered smoothly, almost as if it were rehearsed−and he had the audacity to call me messy.

“I know there’s more to it than that but sure, we’re over it,” I was annoyed and it was probably showing, “Then explain this. How did you know who took Eren? Even if they were the closest to where he was kidnapped, there’s plenty of other groups who could’ve done the same thing.”

“It was an educated guess,” Erwin tried reasoning, as if I were the absurd one.

“Based off what?! Proximity?! And having specific directions to get there from our camp must have also been an educated guess, am I wrong? Even if you had a shitty treaty with them, mind you a treaty that nobody fucking told me about, negotiation doesn’t usually happen _within the fucking camp_ ,” my blood was boiling and it was making my tone more aggressive than I wanted it to be.

“Levi, don’t you think you’re being a bit ridiculous?” Erwin asked, not even bothering to answer my questions.

“No, I don’t!” I slammed both my hands on the table and stood up, surely drawing the attention of the others, “What I find ridiculous is that those assholes _knew_ we were in there and were probably prepared to attack before we even got there! What I find really fucking ridiculous is that they traveled with so many people just to attack two! I find it absolutely fucking bonkers that they corned us like that and yet you were still unfazed!”

Erwin stood up as well, leaning down so our faces were only inches apart as he practically spat out, “You’re. Over. Thinking. It.”

“Then why the fuck did I need to murder twenty-seven people to escape?! Give me one good reason they had so many assholes on me alone!” I yelled back, panting to catch my breath.

“Why would I know?!” his voice was also raising, it was thrilling.

“Because you’re hiding something and everyone keeps trying to shut me up by saying ‘Just trust the douchebag’ but I’m fed up with being lied to!” I pressed my finger into his chest just to make sure I got my point across.

Erwin grabbed my wrist tightly, “I’m not required to tell you anything, have you forgotten your place? If you want answers, then come back when you’re ready to talk like a civil human being.”

I ripped my wrist out of his grasp, “Fuck you.”

I should’ve just turned away and cooled down but people tend to do funny things when they’re under the influence. Instead of showing that I was capable of being civil, I brought my arm back as far as it’d go, my fingers clenched tightly. Even though he saw it coming, Erwin didn’t try to move or protect himself.

Instead, he allowed me to swing my arm forward with all of the might that I could muster and punch him directly on the jaw. While Erwin’s head swung to the side from the impact, I had lost my balance from the motion and toppled onto the ground. When I looked up at the blond standing over me, rubbing his chin, he looked none too pleased.

Erwin spat blood onto the ground next to me, “Get yourself together, Levi.”

It was all he said before turning around and leaving the tent. I wanted so badly to chase after him, to hit him again and again until I couldn’t tell the difference between his blood and my own. But I held myself back and settled for swinging at the closest object instead.

It just so happened to be a wooden table that my knuckles slammed into, causing them all to split but I was almost numb to the pain. I felt a slight sting but it wasn’t enough to stop me from swinging again. I used my punching bag to push myself back to my feet, staring down at my bloody hand.

When I turned to return to the table with the rest of the officials, the few who were still watching quickly averted their eyes as if they were afraid I’d go after them next. I wouldn’t put it past myself, I was in the mood to hit someone.

The most shocking thing I happened to notice right before they pulled away was Hanji and Petra who were−not so discreetly−making out at the end of the table. Hanji sat on the surface with Petra positioned between her legs.

I didn’t say anything to them when I sat down, they were too consumed with each other to even notice that I was back. No wonder Petra hadn’t come running when I hit Erwin.

I grabbed the half full tankard sitting in front of me, chugging the remaining liquid before mumbling to myself, “I could really go for a good fuck right about now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So theres that... Things are getting More Complicated but is that even a surprise??
> 
> I'm thinking Levi's theme song around now is something like weak when ur around, it fits. Also Tipsy Levi™ said bonkers and I'm still laughing idk why
> 
> ALSO I posted that work I kept saying I was excited for and HIGHLY suggest reading it ;))))
> 
> Anyways! Thank you all so much for sticking with me! I hope you all enjoyed the super late chapter and I always appreciate feedback (including telling me to get my shit together and update more often) <3


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